Chapter 2- The Vulnerable Side
(April's POV)
I can feel your body, when I'm laying in my bed
Too much confusion going round through my head
Makes me so angry to know that the flame still burns
I tossed and turned on the couch for about twenty minutes after Mark went to bed. My head hurt, and all I wanted to do was get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow.maybe I could deal with it all then. After a little bit, I fell asleep. What seemed like seconds later, I felt someone stroking my hand. I opened one eye cautiously, and saw Roger sitting on the edge of the couch.
"Babe?" I muttered sleepily.
"April.hey." Roger said softly.
I sat there mutely for a moment before saying, "Shouldn't you be getting some sleep? I'm sure you have all-important band things to do tomorrow."
It was harsh I knew.but well deserved.
"I do.but I can't sleep without you, baby." Roger whispered.
"I see, that's all I'm good for, isn't it?" I said, not bothering to keep the edge out of my voice.
Roger was silent a moment, then, "I guess I deserved that."
"Trust me, you did."
Why can't I get over.when will I ever learn?
Old love
Leave me alone
Old love
Just go on home.
Roger clasped his hands in mine. They were warm and soft and just feeling his touch made me want to cry.but I would be stronger this time. I couldn't let him push me around anymore, and I didn't want him to see me cry.
"Babe.just let me explain. Please?"
My silence was his consent.
"I know I haven't had time for you lately. It sucks, and I feel like shit about it. I've been such a.a." Roger said, floundering for words.
"A dickweed?" I suggested.
Roger laughed softly and brushed a strand of hair off my forehead.
"Yes, a dickweed. Anyway, I want to make it up to you. Tomorrow, baby, it's you and me. It's hard to balance things is all.with you, and the band, and just life in general. But I love you more than my goddamned life itself, and I'd do anything for you. Remember that, babe."
I felt more tears sliding down my cheeks, and as I raised my head up off the couch to stroke Roger's cheek, he leaned across and kissed the tears off. I had shown my vulnerable side, but I had a feeling that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.
"April? Do you forgive me?" Roger asked, placing a hand on the back of my neck.
"Yes," I said, sniffling, "I do."
Roger leaned over and kissed me then- a sweet, timeless kiss that left me hoping to whatever God there was up there that I would never lose my Roger. I loved him to distraction, and it probably wasn't healthy.but I couldn't lose him. Roger suddenly stopped kissing me and said,
"Smile for me, babe?"
I looked into his soulful gaze, and then smiled. It was a smile designed to break his heart, but all it did was break mine. I wiped at my eyes again, and Roger took my hands in his.
"I love you," he said to me.
"I love you too.God, so goddamned much. If only you knew." I started.
Roger put a finger to my lips and shushed me.
"April." he said, and then looked up at me as if asking for permission to keep going.
"Yes?" I asked.
"April.babe."
"Yes?"
Finally Roger sighed and went down onto one knee in front of me and clasped my hands in one of his. I gasped in shock as I suddenly saw our entire relationship of three years pass in front of my eyes.
"April Elisabeth Watson.will you marry me?"
Roger took his other hand, ran it through his hair, and then shoved his hand under the couch cushions. He produced a small black box and then handed it to me. Inside was a small, princess-cut diamond ring.
"Oh my God.Roger.it's gorgeous!" I said in a choked voice.
Roger grinned like a little boy at Christmas.
"You still haven't said 'yes' yet."
"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!" I cried as I jumped up off the couch and threw myself at Roger on the floor.
He laughed and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me all the while. Then, he sat us up together, and slipped the ring on my left ring finger. I cried as he did, but when he took his hand away, I leaned over and kissed him. It was just like coming home.
(Mark's POV)
I can see your face, but I know it's not here
Just an illusion caused by how I used to feel
I heard the happy couple's laughter from inside my room. Most of me was happy for Roger and April.but there was a part of me that was jealous and angry. Part of me wanted to shake April and ask her what the fuck did she think was gonna change. I rolled over in my bed, trying to block out the sounds of love coming from the living room. When they didn't quiet down after ten minutes, I stomped out into the living room.
Makes me so angry
To know that the flame will always burn
Why can't I get over.when will I ever learn?
"You guys think that you.could." I started, but trailed off as a bright gleam of light coming from April's left hand hit me square in the eyes.
"We're getting married!" Roger and April announced in unison.
My jaw dropped and I started to sweat. Roger hadn't told me that he was seriously serious about April. I knew they loved each other.but marriage? However, I pasted a smile on my face and thumped Roger on the back.
"Congratulations! You didn't tell me you bought a ring, you sly devil you!" I said to Roger.
Roger smirked, "Maybe if you tried looking under the couch, you would have found the ring."
"I'm not the snooping type."
Roger sighed. "You're no fun. After all this time, I haven't raised you right?"
Alcohol. I needed it, I needed the drunken stupor with which to fall into a clumsy sleep and forget all about this nonsense. However, Roger had taught me enough to know that there's always time to get shit-faced.
Old love.
Leave me alone.old love
Go on home.
"Well, this calls for a drink!" I said jovially. "I'll get the Absolut!"
April and Roger were too busy making out again to notice. Roger took his hand off April's boob long enough to flash me a thumb-up sign, and April managed to moan her consent.
"I live with nymphomaniacs." I muttered as I went to the cupboard and grabbed the half-empty bottle of vodka.
I couldn't believe this.Roger.married? Mrs. April Davis? This made no sense. It wasn't for me to say anything though. I was only Mark. I wasn't expected to say anything, to just roll with the punches and be happy about it. I took a few swigs from the bottle before I went back to the happy couple. I needed this shit like I needed a piercing in my urethra.
"Here I come to wreck the day!" I announced.
April and Roger ignored me-they were on top of each other now.
"I'VE GOT THE VODKA!" I yelled.
That got their attention quick enough. Roger leaped off April, and April grabbed the bottle from her position on the floor. She downed a few burning gulps, and then passed the bottle to Roger. He downed about the same amount as she. The bottle got passed between us a few more times, and we were all drunk within twenty minutes.
"This feels goooooooood." April moaned as Roger kissed her neck.
"Why, thank you." Roger said into her neck.
"I meant the drunk.the drank.drink." April slurred.
"I want to fuck someone!" I found myself saying.
Roger sat straight up and April stared at me. Then they started to laugh in drunken tones.
"Go find someone on the street then," Roger slurred.
"No.I want.sex.I want April."I slurred, and pointed at April.
"Well, too bad dude, she's all mine." Roger joked, but looked slightly suspicious.
"Well share her," I said, crawling across the floor toward April.
April backed up a little and said, "Go to bed, Mark. You're smashed."
Like they weren't?
"No, I wanna fuck you." I muttered with all the sanity of Hannibal Lector.
"Dude, ok, you're seriously not funny now." Roger growled.
"What's the matter, Roger? Can't share your girl every now and then? You selfish fuck."
I reached for the vodka bottle, but April was quicker.
"That's enough for you tonight. Go get some rest." April said calmly.
The world was blurred, my lips felt like I had just gotten a shot of Novocain.
"I wanna fuck your brains out.I wanna hear you scream like you scream when Roger fucks you." I slurred some more.
Suddenly, a hard slap across the face brought me back to reality.sort of.
"What the fuck, Mark!" April said, and then grabbed my arm.
Before I could stop them, both her and Roger dragged unsteadily me into my bedroom.
"Wanna lie down?" I remember asking April before another hard slap sent me into a drunken oblivion, and I passed out.
(Roger's POV)
As I lay in my bed with my arms around April once more, my mind drifted to what Mark had said. It was a few hours later, and after April and I had made the best drunken love ever, we lay there, passing in and out of consciousness.
"Do you think he meant it?" I asked her finally.
"Meant what, baby?" April asked drowsily.
"About wanting to screw you.about." I started.
"Don't worry about it. Mark was drunk, and is one of the most sexually repressed men I've ever met. He'll wake up tomorrow and forget all about it. Now go to sleep, babe."
"Ok. Goodnight, the future Mrs. Davis."
April giggled, and then replied, "Goodnight."
A few moments passed and then I asked, "April?"
"Yes?" she groaned.
"Do you want kids?"
"Oh Jesus."
"No, seriously.I mean, do you want them? How many-two, three, ten? What about a house.do we still want to live here?" I asked, pouring out the confusion in my soul.
April sighed, and turned around to face me.
"I don't know, babe. I haven't really thought about it. Why do you ask?"
"Because we're going to the spend the rest of our lives together and."
"And," she said, kissing me, "We have the rest of our lives to figure these things out. Now go to sleep before I cause you great pain."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
There was another silence, and then,
"I love you," she said.
"Now look who won't shut up!" I teased.
"Ok, remind me not to tell you that anymore," she said in an injured tone.
"Oh stop it, you're not fooling anyone." I said, laughing.
There was another silence before I finally broke down and said, "I love you too."
"Roger!"
(April's POV)
I can feel your body, when I'm laying in my bed
Too much confusion going round through my head
Makes me so angry to know that the flame still burns
I tossed and turned on the couch for about twenty minutes after Mark went to bed. My head hurt, and all I wanted to do was get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow.maybe I could deal with it all then. After a little bit, I fell asleep. What seemed like seconds later, I felt someone stroking my hand. I opened one eye cautiously, and saw Roger sitting on the edge of the couch.
"Babe?" I muttered sleepily.
"April.hey." Roger said softly.
I sat there mutely for a moment before saying, "Shouldn't you be getting some sleep? I'm sure you have all-important band things to do tomorrow."
It was harsh I knew.but well deserved.
"I do.but I can't sleep without you, baby." Roger whispered.
"I see, that's all I'm good for, isn't it?" I said, not bothering to keep the edge out of my voice.
Roger was silent a moment, then, "I guess I deserved that."
"Trust me, you did."
Why can't I get over.when will I ever learn?
Old love
Leave me alone
Old love
Just go on home.
Roger clasped his hands in mine. They were warm and soft and just feeling his touch made me want to cry.but I would be stronger this time. I couldn't let him push me around anymore, and I didn't want him to see me cry.
"Babe.just let me explain. Please?"
My silence was his consent.
"I know I haven't had time for you lately. It sucks, and I feel like shit about it. I've been such a.a." Roger said, floundering for words.
"A dickweed?" I suggested.
Roger laughed softly and brushed a strand of hair off my forehead.
"Yes, a dickweed. Anyway, I want to make it up to you. Tomorrow, baby, it's you and me. It's hard to balance things is all.with you, and the band, and just life in general. But I love you more than my goddamned life itself, and I'd do anything for you. Remember that, babe."
I felt more tears sliding down my cheeks, and as I raised my head up off the couch to stroke Roger's cheek, he leaned across and kissed the tears off. I had shown my vulnerable side, but I had a feeling that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.
"April? Do you forgive me?" Roger asked, placing a hand on the back of my neck.
"Yes," I said, sniffling, "I do."
Roger leaned over and kissed me then- a sweet, timeless kiss that left me hoping to whatever God there was up there that I would never lose my Roger. I loved him to distraction, and it probably wasn't healthy.but I couldn't lose him. Roger suddenly stopped kissing me and said,
"Smile for me, babe?"
I looked into his soulful gaze, and then smiled. It was a smile designed to break his heart, but all it did was break mine. I wiped at my eyes again, and Roger took my hands in his.
"I love you," he said to me.
"I love you too.God, so goddamned much. If only you knew." I started.
Roger put a finger to my lips and shushed me.
"April." he said, and then looked up at me as if asking for permission to keep going.
"Yes?" I asked.
"April.babe."
"Yes?"
Finally Roger sighed and went down onto one knee in front of me and clasped my hands in one of his. I gasped in shock as I suddenly saw our entire relationship of three years pass in front of my eyes.
"April Elisabeth Watson.will you marry me?"
Roger took his other hand, ran it through his hair, and then shoved his hand under the couch cushions. He produced a small black box and then handed it to me. Inside was a small, princess-cut diamond ring.
"Oh my God.Roger.it's gorgeous!" I said in a choked voice.
Roger grinned like a little boy at Christmas.
"You still haven't said 'yes' yet."
"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!" I cried as I jumped up off the couch and threw myself at Roger on the floor.
He laughed and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me all the while. Then, he sat us up together, and slipped the ring on my left ring finger. I cried as he did, but when he took his hand away, I leaned over and kissed him. It was just like coming home.
(Mark's POV)
I can see your face, but I know it's not here
Just an illusion caused by how I used to feel
I heard the happy couple's laughter from inside my room. Most of me was happy for Roger and April.but there was a part of me that was jealous and angry. Part of me wanted to shake April and ask her what the fuck did she think was gonna change. I rolled over in my bed, trying to block out the sounds of love coming from the living room. When they didn't quiet down after ten minutes, I stomped out into the living room.
Makes me so angry
To know that the flame will always burn
Why can't I get over.when will I ever learn?
"You guys think that you.could." I started, but trailed off as a bright gleam of light coming from April's left hand hit me square in the eyes.
"We're getting married!" Roger and April announced in unison.
My jaw dropped and I started to sweat. Roger hadn't told me that he was seriously serious about April. I knew they loved each other.but marriage? However, I pasted a smile on my face and thumped Roger on the back.
"Congratulations! You didn't tell me you bought a ring, you sly devil you!" I said to Roger.
Roger smirked, "Maybe if you tried looking under the couch, you would have found the ring."
"I'm not the snooping type."
Roger sighed. "You're no fun. After all this time, I haven't raised you right?"
Alcohol. I needed it, I needed the drunken stupor with which to fall into a clumsy sleep and forget all about this nonsense. However, Roger had taught me enough to know that there's always time to get shit-faced.
Old love.
Leave me alone.old love
Go on home.
"Well, this calls for a drink!" I said jovially. "I'll get the Absolut!"
April and Roger were too busy making out again to notice. Roger took his hand off April's boob long enough to flash me a thumb-up sign, and April managed to moan her consent.
"I live with nymphomaniacs." I muttered as I went to the cupboard and grabbed the half-empty bottle of vodka.
I couldn't believe this.Roger.married? Mrs. April Davis? This made no sense. It wasn't for me to say anything though. I was only Mark. I wasn't expected to say anything, to just roll with the punches and be happy about it. I took a few swigs from the bottle before I went back to the happy couple. I needed this shit like I needed a piercing in my urethra.
"Here I come to wreck the day!" I announced.
April and Roger ignored me-they were on top of each other now.
"I'VE GOT THE VODKA!" I yelled.
That got their attention quick enough. Roger leaped off April, and April grabbed the bottle from her position on the floor. She downed a few burning gulps, and then passed the bottle to Roger. He downed about the same amount as she. The bottle got passed between us a few more times, and we were all drunk within twenty minutes.
"This feels goooooooood." April moaned as Roger kissed her neck.
"Why, thank you." Roger said into her neck.
"I meant the drunk.the drank.drink." April slurred.
"I want to fuck someone!" I found myself saying.
Roger sat straight up and April stared at me. Then they started to laugh in drunken tones.
"Go find someone on the street then," Roger slurred.
"No.I want.sex.I want April."I slurred, and pointed at April.
"Well, too bad dude, she's all mine." Roger joked, but looked slightly suspicious.
"Well share her," I said, crawling across the floor toward April.
April backed up a little and said, "Go to bed, Mark. You're smashed."
Like they weren't?
"No, I wanna fuck you." I muttered with all the sanity of Hannibal Lector.
"Dude, ok, you're seriously not funny now." Roger growled.
"What's the matter, Roger? Can't share your girl every now and then? You selfish fuck."
I reached for the vodka bottle, but April was quicker.
"That's enough for you tonight. Go get some rest." April said calmly.
The world was blurred, my lips felt like I had just gotten a shot of Novocain.
"I wanna fuck your brains out.I wanna hear you scream like you scream when Roger fucks you." I slurred some more.
Suddenly, a hard slap across the face brought me back to reality.sort of.
"What the fuck, Mark!" April said, and then grabbed my arm.
Before I could stop them, both her and Roger dragged unsteadily me into my bedroom.
"Wanna lie down?" I remember asking April before another hard slap sent me into a drunken oblivion, and I passed out.
(Roger's POV)
As I lay in my bed with my arms around April once more, my mind drifted to what Mark had said. It was a few hours later, and after April and I had made the best drunken love ever, we lay there, passing in and out of consciousness.
"Do you think he meant it?" I asked her finally.
"Meant what, baby?" April asked drowsily.
"About wanting to screw you.about." I started.
"Don't worry about it. Mark was drunk, and is one of the most sexually repressed men I've ever met. He'll wake up tomorrow and forget all about it. Now go to sleep, babe."
"Ok. Goodnight, the future Mrs. Davis."
April giggled, and then replied, "Goodnight."
A few moments passed and then I asked, "April?"
"Yes?" she groaned.
"Do you want kids?"
"Oh Jesus."
"No, seriously.I mean, do you want them? How many-two, three, ten? What about a house.do we still want to live here?" I asked, pouring out the confusion in my soul.
April sighed, and turned around to face me.
"I don't know, babe. I haven't really thought about it. Why do you ask?"
"Because we're going to the spend the rest of our lives together and."
"And," she said, kissing me, "We have the rest of our lives to figure these things out. Now go to sleep before I cause you great pain."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
There was another silence, and then,
"I love you," she said.
"Now look who won't shut up!" I teased.
"Ok, remind me not to tell you that anymore," she said in an injured tone.
"Oh stop it, you're not fooling anyone." I said, laughing.
There was another silence before I finally broke down and said, "I love you too."
"Roger!"