Chapter 3- A Little Unwell
(Mark's POV)
All day, staring at the ceiling
Making friends with the shadows on my wall
All night, hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something
Hangovers suck. This one in particular woke me up the next morning with a splitting headache and a dryer mouth than the Sahara desert. I rolled over, but stopped mid-roll when I felt my brain mash against the sides of my skull. Each time this happened, I always swore I wouldn't drink again. However, this had been a special need. God, since when had Mark Cohen ever NEEDED a drink? Wanted, sure. Wished for, definitely. But needed? As in could not go another fucking second watching two people so obviously in love so I needed to down the bottle of Absolut?
Hold on, feeling like I'm heading for a breakdown
And I don't know why.
"Mark?" Roger yelled, banging on my bedroom door.
"Oh for Christ's sake!" I yelled as I clutched my head with both hands.
"Get up, it's almost two in the afternoon!"
"Stop yelling, please!" I begged through gritted teeth.
"Hey, you're the one that felt the need to down half a bottle of vodka last night, you dumbfuck!" he yelled for a third time.
"I'll get up when my brain stops going numb."
I could have sworn Roger snickered something about my brain was always numb, but I let it go and rolled back over.
"Oh, my brain is dripping out through my ears." I groaned.
I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now, you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me.
A few minutes later, April came into the room. She looked a little hung over as well, but there was also something in her eyes that I couldn't quite pinpoint.anger? Fury, maybe? I had no idea. She sat down on the edge of the bed and handed me a cup of water and two Advil.
"Thanks," I muttered.
"Drink up!" she said sarcastically.
"Cheers," I returned.
A few moments later, I realized that the side of my face was aching a little.
"Did I fall down stairs or anything last night?" I asked April.
"No," she said, looking at me strangely, "Why?"
"My face really hurts." I said, but trailed off at the look of surprise on her face.
April's jaw dropped, and then her mouth slowly formed an o. She ran her fingers through her messy hair and then,
"You honestly don't remember then, do you?" she said wonderingly.
My stomach dropped. What crazy, unnatural thing had I done this time?
"Um?" I asked intelligently.
"Last night.we were all really drunk.and you were coming on to me like there was no tomorrow. I mean damn, I knew you were sexually repressed, but you were about to throw yourself on top of me...so finally I slapped you." April said slowly.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now, you don't care
But soon enough, you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...
Me.
"Um... fuck?" I asked, as if she knew what the hell I was talking about.
There was another silence. My face stung guiltily...she had done a good job leaving her mark.
"Jesus, April, I'm so sorry! I don't know what the hell I did," I said, but quickly added as she started to open her mouth to speak, "I don't want to know. Whatever it was, consider it absolutely nothing."
April shrugged. "I wasn't the one who was incredibly worried. It was old buddy-boy over there that didn't let me have a decent night's sleep, the bastard."
I grinned and said, "Yeah, and I bet the headboard-banging sex you'll have later will be no consolation."
April smiled and then suddenly slapped her forehead and cried out, "Oh shit, that's right! Roger and I were gonna spend the day together! I gotta get ready...owwwww!" she then added as an afterthought of slapping her forehead.
"It won't take you that long to get ready for headboard-banging sex." I teased.
"You're fucking hilarious-eat shit and die." April shot back.
I settled comfortably back on the pillows and then waved her away.
"I need more sleep. Leave." I laughed.
April tousled my hair, and then said, "Consider me gone."
She turned to leave, but then I called out, "Oh, April?"
"Hm?" she said in an almost dream-like manner.
"Congratulations on becoming the future Mrs. Davis. I don't think I said it last night..." I trailed off at the look on her face, "Ok, I definitely didn't say it last night, but I'm happy for you. You guys deserve the best."
"Aw, I think I feel a tear coming down," she said teasingly, "See the tear?"
I threw the plastic water cup at her. She ducked, and strolled out.
Talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think there's something wrong with me.
Slowly, I turned over and faced the opposite wall. I couldn't believe this. I had acted like a complete ass, and now Roger was probably going to be pissed at me for a while now. However...my true feelings for April were coming out. They shouldn't have been, they weren't supposed to...but they had. She wasn't just a sex desire to me though, so it's a good thing I hadn't started spouting sonnets at her proclaiming my love for her, otherwise I'd be screwed. Suddenly, I heard Roger's footsteps outside my door.
"Well fuck-a-doodle-doo!" I muttered to myself.
"Mark?" Roger called again.
"I'm nursing my brain back to health, go away." I said.
Roger, because he was such a good listener, walked into my room.
"How are you holding up?" he asked.
"I think I'm going to curl up and die quietly somewhere. How would you be?" I asked bitterly.
"I'd have my best friend hold the trigger," he laughed.
"Something you'd probably do with pleasure."
"Why do you say that?" he said, and stopped laughing.
"Because of last night..."
"Oh hell, Mark, I've been drunker than that and said worse things to scarier people. Don't sweat it, man."
"April said that you kept worrying about it last night though," I said suspiciously.
"But then I realized what a fucktard I was being, and stopped. Don't worry, dude."
I sighed in relief, and with that sigh all the tension that had built up with the expectation of getting asked whether I had feelings for April.
"Hey, Mark?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you have feelings for April?" Roger asked slowly.
Shit.
"What makes you think that?" I asked jokingly.
"I don't know...it's just that sometimes the things a person hides inside of them come out when they're most vulnerable and least likely to realize what they're saying. I mean, you were saying some pretty hardcore stuff out there."
What was I supposed to tell him? That I was in love with his fiancée? That I wished I had been the one to meet her instead of him? Great idea, Mark, he'll really go for that.
"Umm.what makes you ask this?" I asked nervously.
"Dude, it's a simple fucking question- do you have feelings for my girl?" Roger asked impatiently.
This was it- right here, right now. Make a goddamned decision, Mark!
"Nope." I stated firmly.
"You sure?"
"Yes!" I said irritably.
Roger nodded. "Well," he said, "I gotta go get ready to take April out."
"Yeah. I'm staying in bed a bit longer. Have fun." I said.
"Suck-ass hangover?" he smirked.
I held my hand in my hands and nodded slightly, trying not to cause too much pain.
"Well, I know just what will cheer you up!" Roger said, grinning ear to ear.
"And what might that be?"
"A poem!"
I stared at him for a moment, wondering if it were possible that he was more hung over than I was.
"Since when did you become fucking Shakespeare?"
"Never. Just listen."
Roger cleared his throat, and smiled impishly. Then, he recited:
"Starkle, starkle, little twink
Who the hell am I are you think?
I've only had ti martoonies
I'm not under the alfluence of inkahol
Despite what many thekle pink.
Oh my God, I fool so feelish!"
By the time he was finished, I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. Sometimes, it paid to have a best friend like Roger.
"You are such a moron," I said laughingly to him.
"Shut up," he said, and then smacked me upside the head.
"Jesus Christ, Roger!" I yelled as pain shot through my head.
"Sorry," he said, and then got up and left the room.
I avoid the hours thinking somehow, I've lost my mind.
(April's POV)
I was in Roger's and my room brushing my hair when Roger came in and put his arms around me from behind.
"Mmm, you smell good, baby," he murmured softly.
"Thanks. Are you ready to go?"
"Almost. I just need to brush my teeth," he said, letting go of me reluctantly.
"Well go do that," I said, smacking his ass with my brush.
"Oooh, I love it when you dominate me," Roger said as he leaned in to kiss me.
"Ew, no. You haven't brushed your teeth yet. You come nowhere near my lips until then."
Roger pouted, but trooped off to the bathroom.
"So, where are we going?" I asked over the noise of running water.
"Mmfee ma momees." Roger muttered through his toothbrush, "Ormm mmfee oumfm moo eamf."
"Remarkable, he speaks German." I said to myself.
Suddenly, the phone rang.
"I'll get it," I called to Roger.
"Surmf, mabe," he muttered.
"Hello?" I asked as I picked up on the second ring.
"Hey, April, it's Jack. Roger around?" came the voice of Jack, the bass player for the Well Hungarians.
"Um.yea.hold on a second." I said, my stomach filling with dread.
I ran back to the bathroom and found Roger gargling with water.
"Babe, it's Jack." I said.
"Oh really?" Roger said nonchalantly.
"Oh don't play dumb! I swear, if you."
But he had already gone to take the call.
"Dammit!" I swore under my breath.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now, you can't tell.
I crept to the door and listened to Roger talk to Jack.
"I can't man! I promised April." he was saying.
He was silent a minute, then began again.
"Can't it wait? Why not?" he protested weakly.
Tears filled my eyes. He wasn't going to win this-now he'd have to choose. Someone was gonna end up feeling like shit, and I knew instinctively that person was going to be me. I was second rate. Roger hung up the phone.
I know, right now, you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me.
"Babe." he started upon seeing me there.
"Save it Roger. Let me guess. Jack really needs you. The fucking band really needs you. What if I really need you?" I yelled, tears threatening to overflow my eyes.
Roger stood quietly. His eyes, which had been sparkling and happy before, were now dull and lifeless.
"April, you know I tried. You heard me argue with him. Jack said that." he started.
I folded my arms in front of my chest.
"Jack said this, Jack said that. Don't you have a backbone? Don't you have a say? Don't you know how to say no?"
Roger's eyes grew dark as I struck a nerve.
"My entire life doesn't revolve around you, April."
"No, and it shouldn't, but all we do anymore is fuck and shoot up! When are you going to give me just a little moment of your life that doesn't involve either of those two things?"
"When I get a fucking break!" Roger yelled, "When I can do something without you folding your arms and yelling and making me feel like I'm always the asshole!"
"Don't even try to make this my fault!" I yelled furiously.
"It's not like it's all mine!"
"I'm not the one skipping out on everything we've tried to do together for the past month!"
Roger went for the door and grabbed his jacket.
"Where the hell are you going?" I demanded.
"I can't fucking stand you right now. I've got band practice. I don't know when I'll be home." Roger said angrily, and then he left the loft.
It was then I knew enough was enough. I collapsed on the floor sobbing, not caring if Mark heard. After a couple minutes, I numbly picked myself up off the floor and went to our bedroom. Making sure Mark wasn't trailing behind me, I opened our bedside nightstand and took out a needle. It was already filled with the poison that I craved. Roger and I hadn't used it the night before. This time, it was all me. Taking the elastic strip that lay next to the needle, I wrapped it tight around my arm until a vein pulsed out from my pale skin. Bracing myself for the sting of the needle, yet waiting impatiently for the rush that would come as soon as the needle had emptied of it's contents, I inserted the needle into my arm.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now, you don't care
But soon enough, you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be.
(Roger's POV)
I slammed the door behind me and breathed in the fresh air. I didn't need this shit, not from the one person I thought would understand. I loved April more than anything, but dammit if I was going to let her come between the band and I.dammit if I was going to let her give me shit for my career. I walked in the brisk fall air down to Jack's apartment, where we held our band practices.
"I need a fucking fix." I muttered angrily.
It wasn't fair. How could you love someone as much as I loved April, and yet want to just.leave sometimes? There have been times where I didn't think I could spend another minute in that house because she was making me crazy. Is that normal? Is it right? The wind bit angrily at my cheeks as I rushed down the street to Jack's apartment
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah they'll take me away.
After about ten minutes, I arrived at his old, beat-up building. Without bothering to knock, I stomped up the cement steps, went into the building, and then barged into Jack's apartment. The smell of pot filled my lungs with sweet perfume. Music was blasting from the basement and I went downstairs.
"Roger-man!" yelled Ernie, the keyboard player.
"Ya made it!" Jack said from across the room.
"About damn time we got our front man in here!" added Josh, who played the drums.
"Sorry guys." I mumbled.
"Dude, where the fuck is your guitar?" Jack asked suddenly.
I stared at him for a minute before I realized that I had left my precious Fender at home.
"Shit. Sorry.April and I had a fight and I stormed out and."
"Dude. We need to have a talk. Now." Jack interrupted.
Ernie and Josh shot each other nervous glances, like they knew this had been coming. As Jack led me up the stairs, Ernie punched my arm lightly, and Josh shot me a sympathetic "You're so fucked" look. Once in the living room, I flopped on the couch and Jack made himself comfortable on the floor.
"Ok. Are you serious about the band?" Jack asked me, looking me straight in the eye.
"Of course I am! Think about how much time I've spent with you guys lately! Think about how much I've blown off April in the past month! Look, if this is about forgetting the guitar, I told you, we had a fight and I stormed out. I can go back home and get it." I said impatiently.
"It is a big deal." Jack said firmly, "All I ever get anymore is bullshit about how you're blowing off April. Josh has Cassandra and I have Elle, but you don't hear us complaining!"
"Yeah, but I don't think they're that happy with you guys nowadays, are they?"
That struck a nerve, and Jack's face turned stony.
"Listen, Elle and I are in a serious relationship and we deal with this our own way. You don't know the first thing."
"Oh please!" I exploded, "I don't know? I just fucking proposed to April last night, alright? What do you say to that?"
Jack gaped at me.
"Well.uh, congratulations." he said.
"Try not to sound so fucking fake, if it wouldn't kill you." I growled.
Jack laughed harshly then said, "You know what fucking kills me? You!"
Then he got up and shoved me hard against the back of the couch. I stood up furiously and shoved him back onto the floor.
"You son of a bitch!" Jack yelled as he struggled to get to his feet. "You're fucking pussy-whipped, you know that?"
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.
We circled each other like mad dogs; shoulders squared and fists ready.
"Like you'd know the first fucking thing about love? I love this girl and lately, because of all the bullshit I've gotten from you, I've been in danger of losing her-and I swear if I do, and it has to do with you, I'll fucking kill you!" I yelled.
I know, right now, you can't tell, but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see.
The music stopped downstairs, and I could hear footsteps on the stairs.
"You fucking make me sick, Davis! You used to give a shit about the band! Now, as long as you're getting ass, you're all set! What about the dreams we used to have? What about the gigs we have next week? I need a front man who's not going to flip because his girlfriend is missing out on a little more time with him! What-can't she take it? Is she afraid she's gonna have to find another dick to stuff herself with?"
"You motherfucking bastard!" I shouted as I tackled Jack to the ground and punched him hard in the jaw.
Ernie and Josh ran into the room to see this last part, and both made a move to try to break us up.
"Stay out of it, guys!" Jack barked at them, "Davis just can't take pressure. He can't take knowing his girlfriend's a whore!"
A different side of me.
I snapped. I jumped him again and landed on top of him. I landed a punch to the face, another to the jaw, and two to the stomach. Jack's fist grazed my forehead and his foot jammed horribly into my ribcage. He swung again, and got my cheek. Finally, in a last attempt to get my point across, my fist connected with his mouth, causing a tooth to come out. Blood trickled from his mouth where the tooth was and where the jaw hinged together. There was a bruise on my forehead and cheek, and I could feel one forming near the bottom of my ribcage. My chest hurt.had I broken a rib?
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know right now, you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be.
"Now," I said menacingly, getting up a little off of Jack, "I don't ever- EVER- want to hear you talk shit about April like that ever again. If you do, I'll castrate you with a spoon and feed it to Elle. Got it?"
Jack looked up sullenly, saying nothing.
"Good." I spat out, and then walked out the door.
(Mark's POV)
All day, staring at the ceiling
Making friends with the shadows on my wall
All night, hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something
Hangovers suck. This one in particular woke me up the next morning with a splitting headache and a dryer mouth than the Sahara desert. I rolled over, but stopped mid-roll when I felt my brain mash against the sides of my skull. Each time this happened, I always swore I wouldn't drink again. However, this had been a special need. God, since when had Mark Cohen ever NEEDED a drink? Wanted, sure. Wished for, definitely. But needed? As in could not go another fucking second watching two people so obviously in love so I needed to down the bottle of Absolut?
Hold on, feeling like I'm heading for a breakdown
And I don't know why.
"Mark?" Roger yelled, banging on my bedroom door.
"Oh for Christ's sake!" I yelled as I clutched my head with both hands.
"Get up, it's almost two in the afternoon!"
"Stop yelling, please!" I begged through gritted teeth.
"Hey, you're the one that felt the need to down half a bottle of vodka last night, you dumbfuck!" he yelled for a third time.
"I'll get up when my brain stops going numb."
I could have sworn Roger snickered something about my brain was always numb, but I let it go and rolled back over.
"Oh, my brain is dripping out through my ears." I groaned.
I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now, you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me.
A few minutes later, April came into the room. She looked a little hung over as well, but there was also something in her eyes that I couldn't quite pinpoint.anger? Fury, maybe? I had no idea. She sat down on the edge of the bed and handed me a cup of water and two Advil.
"Thanks," I muttered.
"Drink up!" she said sarcastically.
"Cheers," I returned.
A few moments later, I realized that the side of my face was aching a little.
"Did I fall down stairs or anything last night?" I asked April.
"No," she said, looking at me strangely, "Why?"
"My face really hurts." I said, but trailed off at the look of surprise on her face.
April's jaw dropped, and then her mouth slowly formed an o. She ran her fingers through her messy hair and then,
"You honestly don't remember then, do you?" she said wonderingly.
My stomach dropped. What crazy, unnatural thing had I done this time?
"Um?" I asked intelligently.
"Last night.we were all really drunk.and you were coming on to me like there was no tomorrow. I mean damn, I knew you were sexually repressed, but you were about to throw yourself on top of me...so finally I slapped you." April said slowly.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now, you don't care
But soon enough, you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...
Me.
"Um... fuck?" I asked, as if she knew what the hell I was talking about.
There was another silence. My face stung guiltily...she had done a good job leaving her mark.
"Jesus, April, I'm so sorry! I don't know what the hell I did," I said, but quickly added as she started to open her mouth to speak, "I don't want to know. Whatever it was, consider it absolutely nothing."
April shrugged. "I wasn't the one who was incredibly worried. It was old buddy-boy over there that didn't let me have a decent night's sleep, the bastard."
I grinned and said, "Yeah, and I bet the headboard-banging sex you'll have later will be no consolation."
April smiled and then suddenly slapped her forehead and cried out, "Oh shit, that's right! Roger and I were gonna spend the day together! I gotta get ready...owwwww!" she then added as an afterthought of slapping her forehead.
"It won't take you that long to get ready for headboard-banging sex." I teased.
"You're fucking hilarious-eat shit and die." April shot back.
I settled comfortably back on the pillows and then waved her away.
"I need more sleep. Leave." I laughed.
April tousled my hair, and then said, "Consider me gone."
She turned to leave, but then I called out, "Oh, April?"
"Hm?" she said in an almost dream-like manner.
"Congratulations on becoming the future Mrs. Davis. I don't think I said it last night..." I trailed off at the look on her face, "Ok, I definitely didn't say it last night, but I'm happy for you. You guys deserve the best."
"Aw, I think I feel a tear coming down," she said teasingly, "See the tear?"
I threw the plastic water cup at her. She ducked, and strolled out.
Talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think there's something wrong with me.
Slowly, I turned over and faced the opposite wall. I couldn't believe this. I had acted like a complete ass, and now Roger was probably going to be pissed at me for a while now. However...my true feelings for April were coming out. They shouldn't have been, they weren't supposed to...but they had. She wasn't just a sex desire to me though, so it's a good thing I hadn't started spouting sonnets at her proclaiming my love for her, otherwise I'd be screwed. Suddenly, I heard Roger's footsteps outside my door.
"Well fuck-a-doodle-doo!" I muttered to myself.
"Mark?" Roger called again.
"I'm nursing my brain back to health, go away." I said.
Roger, because he was such a good listener, walked into my room.
"How are you holding up?" he asked.
"I think I'm going to curl up and die quietly somewhere. How would you be?" I asked bitterly.
"I'd have my best friend hold the trigger," he laughed.
"Something you'd probably do with pleasure."
"Why do you say that?" he said, and stopped laughing.
"Because of last night..."
"Oh hell, Mark, I've been drunker than that and said worse things to scarier people. Don't sweat it, man."
"April said that you kept worrying about it last night though," I said suspiciously.
"But then I realized what a fucktard I was being, and stopped. Don't worry, dude."
I sighed in relief, and with that sigh all the tension that had built up with the expectation of getting asked whether I had feelings for April.
"Hey, Mark?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you have feelings for April?" Roger asked slowly.
Shit.
"What makes you think that?" I asked jokingly.
"I don't know...it's just that sometimes the things a person hides inside of them come out when they're most vulnerable and least likely to realize what they're saying. I mean, you were saying some pretty hardcore stuff out there."
What was I supposed to tell him? That I was in love with his fiancée? That I wished I had been the one to meet her instead of him? Great idea, Mark, he'll really go for that.
"Umm.what makes you ask this?" I asked nervously.
"Dude, it's a simple fucking question- do you have feelings for my girl?" Roger asked impatiently.
This was it- right here, right now. Make a goddamned decision, Mark!
"Nope." I stated firmly.
"You sure?"
"Yes!" I said irritably.
Roger nodded. "Well," he said, "I gotta go get ready to take April out."
"Yeah. I'm staying in bed a bit longer. Have fun." I said.
"Suck-ass hangover?" he smirked.
I held my hand in my hands and nodded slightly, trying not to cause too much pain.
"Well, I know just what will cheer you up!" Roger said, grinning ear to ear.
"And what might that be?"
"A poem!"
I stared at him for a moment, wondering if it were possible that he was more hung over than I was.
"Since when did you become fucking Shakespeare?"
"Never. Just listen."
Roger cleared his throat, and smiled impishly. Then, he recited:
"Starkle, starkle, little twink
Who the hell am I are you think?
I've only had ti martoonies
I'm not under the alfluence of inkahol
Despite what many thekle pink.
Oh my God, I fool so feelish!"
By the time he was finished, I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. Sometimes, it paid to have a best friend like Roger.
"You are such a moron," I said laughingly to him.
"Shut up," he said, and then smacked me upside the head.
"Jesus Christ, Roger!" I yelled as pain shot through my head.
"Sorry," he said, and then got up and left the room.
I avoid the hours thinking somehow, I've lost my mind.
(April's POV)
I was in Roger's and my room brushing my hair when Roger came in and put his arms around me from behind.
"Mmm, you smell good, baby," he murmured softly.
"Thanks. Are you ready to go?"
"Almost. I just need to brush my teeth," he said, letting go of me reluctantly.
"Well go do that," I said, smacking his ass with my brush.
"Oooh, I love it when you dominate me," Roger said as he leaned in to kiss me.
"Ew, no. You haven't brushed your teeth yet. You come nowhere near my lips until then."
Roger pouted, but trooped off to the bathroom.
"So, where are we going?" I asked over the noise of running water.
"Mmfee ma momees." Roger muttered through his toothbrush, "Ormm mmfee oumfm moo eamf."
"Remarkable, he speaks German." I said to myself.
Suddenly, the phone rang.
"I'll get it," I called to Roger.
"Surmf, mabe," he muttered.
"Hello?" I asked as I picked up on the second ring.
"Hey, April, it's Jack. Roger around?" came the voice of Jack, the bass player for the Well Hungarians.
"Um.yea.hold on a second." I said, my stomach filling with dread.
I ran back to the bathroom and found Roger gargling with water.
"Babe, it's Jack." I said.
"Oh really?" Roger said nonchalantly.
"Oh don't play dumb! I swear, if you."
But he had already gone to take the call.
"Dammit!" I swore under my breath.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now, you can't tell.
I crept to the door and listened to Roger talk to Jack.
"I can't man! I promised April." he was saying.
He was silent a minute, then began again.
"Can't it wait? Why not?" he protested weakly.
Tears filled my eyes. He wasn't going to win this-now he'd have to choose. Someone was gonna end up feeling like shit, and I knew instinctively that person was going to be me. I was second rate. Roger hung up the phone.
I know, right now, you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me.
"Babe." he started upon seeing me there.
"Save it Roger. Let me guess. Jack really needs you. The fucking band really needs you. What if I really need you?" I yelled, tears threatening to overflow my eyes.
Roger stood quietly. His eyes, which had been sparkling and happy before, were now dull and lifeless.
"April, you know I tried. You heard me argue with him. Jack said that." he started.
I folded my arms in front of my chest.
"Jack said this, Jack said that. Don't you have a backbone? Don't you have a say? Don't you know how to say no?"
Roger's eyes grew dark as I struck a nerve.
"My entire life doesn't revolve around you, April."
"No, and it shouldn't, but all we do anymore is fuck and shoot up! When are you going to give me just a little moment of your life that doesn't involve either of those two things?"
"When I get a fucking break!" Roger yelled, "When I can do something without you folding your arms and yelling and making me feel like I'm always the asshole!"
"Don't even try to make this my fault!" I yelled furiously.
"It's not like it's all mine!"
"I'm not the one skipping out on everything we've tried to do together for the past month!"
Roger went for the door and grabbed his jacket.
"Where the hell are you going?" I demanded.
"I can't fucking stand you right now. I've got band practice. I don't know when I'll be home." Roger said angrily, and then he left the loft.
It was then I knew enough was enough. I collapsed on the floor sobbing, not caring if Mark heard. After a couple minutes, I numbly picked myself up off the floor and went to our bedroom. Making sure Mark wasn't trailing behind me, I opened our bedside nightstand and took out a needle. It was already filled with the poison that I craved. Roger and I hadn't used it the night before. This time, it was all me. Taking the elastic strip that lay next to the needle, I wrapped it tight around my arm until a vein pulsed out from my pale skin. Bracing myself for the sting of the needle, yet waiting impatiently for the rush that would come as soon as the needle had emptied of it's contents, I inserted the needle into my arm.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now, you don't care
But soon enough, you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be.
(Roger's POV)
I slammed the door behind me and breathed in the fresh air. I didn't need this shit, not from the one person I thought would understand. I loved April more than anything, but dammit if I was going to let her come between the band and I.dammit if I was going to let her give me shit for my career. I walked in the brisk fall air down to Jack's apartment, where we held our band practices.
"I need a fucking fix." I muttered angrily.
It wasn't fair. How could you love someone as much as I loved April, and yet want to just.leave sometimes? There have been times where I didn't think I could spend another minute in that house because she was making me crazy. Is that normal? Is it right? The wind bit angrily at my cheeks as I rushed down the street to Jack's apartment
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah they'll take me away.
After about ten minutes, I arrived at his old, beat-up building. Without bothering to knock, I stomped up the cement steps, went into the building, and then barged into Jack's apartment. The smell of pot filled my lungs with sweet perfume. Music was blasting from the basement and I went downstairs.
"Roger-man!" yelled Ernie, the keyboard player.
"Ya made it!" Jack said from across the room.
"About damn time we got our front man in here!" added Josh, who played the drums.
"Sorry guys." I mumbled.
"Dude, where the fuck is your guitar?" Jack asked suddenly.
I stared at him for a minute before I realized that I had left my precious Fender at home.
"Shit. Sorry.April and I had a fight and I stormed out and."
"Dude. We need to have a talk. Now." Jack interrupted.
Ernie and Josh shot each other nervous glances, like they knew this had been coming. As Jack led me up the stairs, Ernie punched my arm lightly, and Josh shot me a sympathetic "You're so fucked" look. Once in the living room, I flopped on the couch and Jack made himself comfortable on the floor.
"Ok. Are you serious about the band?" Jack asked me, looking me straight in the eye.
"Of course I am! Think about how much time I've spent with you guys lately! Think about how much I've blown off April in the past month! Look, if this is about forgetting the guitar, I told you, we had a fight and I stormed out. I can go back home and get it." I said impatiently.
"It is a big deal." Jack said firmly, "All I ever get anymore is bullshit about how you're blowing off April. Josh has Cassandra and I have Elle, but you don't hear us complaining!"
"Yeah, but I don't think they're that happy with you guys nowadays, are they?"
That struck a nerve, and Jack's face turned stony.
"Listen, Elle and I are in a serious relationship and we deal with this our own way. You don't know the first thing."
"Oh please!" I exploded, "I don't know? I just fucking proposed to April last night, alright? What do you say to that?"
Jack gaped at me.
"Well.uh, congratulations." he said.
"Try not to sound so fucking fake, if it wouldn't kill you." I growled.
Jack laughed harshly then said, "You know what fucking kills me? You!"
Then he got up and shoved me hard against the back of the couch. I stood up furiously and shoved him back onto the floor.
"You son of a bitch!" Jack yelled as he struggled to get to his feet. "You're fucking pussy-whipped, you know that?"
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.
We circled each other like mad dogs; shoulders squared and fists ready.
"Like you'd know the first fucking thing about love? I love this girl and lately, because of all the bullshit I've gotten from you, I've been in danger of losing her-and I swear if I do, and it has to do with you, I'll fucking kill you!" I yelled.
I know, right now, you can't tell, but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see.
The music stopped downstairs, and I could hear footsteps on the stairs.
"You fucking make me sick, Davis! You used to give a shit about the band! Now, as long as you're getting ass, you're all set! What about the dreams we used to have? What about the gigs we have next week? I need a front man who's not going to flip because his girlfriend is missing out on a little more time with him! What-can't she take it? Is she afraid she's gonna have to find another dick to stuff herself with?"
"You motherfucking bastard!" I shouted as I tackled Jack to the ground and punched him hard in the jaw.
Ernie and Josh ran into the room to see this last part, and both made a move to try to break us up.
"Stay out of it, guys!" Jack barked at them, "Davis just can't take pressure. He can't take knowing his girlfriend's a whore!"
A different side of me.
I snapped. I jumped him again and landed on top of him. I landed a punch to the face, another to the jaw, and two to the stomach. Jack's fist grazed my forehead and his foot jammed horribly into my ribcage. He swung again, and got my cheek. Finally, in a last attempt to get my point across, my fist connected with his mouth, causing a tooth to come out. Blood trickled from his mouth where the tooth was and where the jaw hinged together. There was a bruise on my forehead and cheek, and I could feel one forming near the bottom of my ribcage. My chest hurt.had I broken a rib?
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know right now, you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be.
"Now," I said menacingly, getting up a little off of Jack, "I don't ever- EVER- want to hear you talk shit about April like that ever again. If you do, I'll castrate you with a spoon and feed it to Elle. Got it?"
Jack looked up sullenly, saying nothing.
"Good." I spat out, and then walked out the door.