Chapter 5- Gunning Down Romance
Hi, I just realized when I was in the middle of putting lyrics in this chapter that I haven't been crediting bands with their songs that I have used to emphasis any emotions in that chapter. From now on I will do so, but I just want to give justice to the ones I've used so far: Chapter 1, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, Chapter 2, Old Love by Eric Clapton, Chapter 3, Unwell by Matchbox Twenty, Chapter 4, Drunk Girl by Something Corporate, and this one is Gunning Down Romance, by Savage Garden. Thanks, and enjoy!
(April's POV)
I woke up in mine and Roger's bed disoriented and hung over.again. If it were fucking New Year's I would have made a resolution to stay away from the Absolut bottle. Yeah, sure.I turned my eyes to the clock and saw that it was only eleven o'clock. I must have fallen asleep early the night before.the night before.and then I rolled over and found Mark lying there next to me.
Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain
And feelings of aggressions are the absence of the love drug in
In your veins.
"Oh. My God. Oh my God!" I yelled.
Mark started, and then stirred. As he yawned lazily, he opened his eyes and saw me there.
"Holy hell! April?" he yelled louder than I had.
There was a moment of pure, utter silence as we both lay there, staring at each other, jaws slack and eyes wide.
"Did we.?" I asked timidly.
"I was gonna ask you the same damned thing." Mark said grimly.
Shit. This couldn't have been good. I glanced under the covers and saw that I was fully clothed except for my bra, which lay tangled in the sheets at the foot of the bed.
Love come quickly
Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in.
"I'm not wearing my bra." I stated.
Mark looked underneath.
"I have my pants on.but no boxers." he reported.
Well, at least we weren't buck naked and lying in each other's arms. That would have been a sight for Roger to see when he came home.Roger!
"Oh my God did Roger come home last night?" I asked in a panic.
Mark shook his head.
"I doubt it. This room belongs to you guys, and if he had I think we would have faced a ruder awakening than this."
"But what if he did and found us sleeping like that and thought the worst and ran out and." I said, and started crying.
Mark awkwardly patted my arm.
"April, I'd rather like to think that he would have at least beat the shit out of me before running out like that. Trust me, he's probably at Jack's right now."
I sniffled and replied, "Yeah, probably not even thinking about me."
"Not true, I bet he's wondering what you're doing at.this.instant." Mark trailed off as I gave him a stony glare.
"Yeah, I'm in bed with his best friend with my bra off and your boxers missing. I'm sure he'd love that." I mumbled.
It's on the brink
Love come quickly.
"I think we need to calm down. What was the last thing you remember?" Mark asked reasonably.
I shook my head slowly as I tried to fall through the depths of my mind and pull out any sort of familiarity.
"I have no fucking clue. I don't remember a damn thing-do you?" I replied after a couple minutes.
Mark thought a minute.
"I don't know either," he said finally, "But the last thing I remember.is probably when I woke up from being hung over and finding you with the bottle of Absolut in the living room. It's all a blank from there."
"I can't even fucking remember that! The last thing I remember is.God, probably my fight with Roger! Jesus Christ!" I cried out.
I jumped up from the bed and grabbed my bra. As I searched the room for Mark's boxers, I felt a frantic sort of panic built up in my chest. Ok, so his boxers were gone-maybe they fell off? Bullshit, April-horrible bullshit. Ok, but my bra-I never sleep in them! This could all have a perfectly reasonable explanation. I hoped.
"Now what?" I asked, after giving up on finding Mark's boxers.
Mark sighed resignedly. "No fucking clue. But, the mantra I'd go by right now would have to be 'innocent until proven guilty'. There's no proof that we did anything wrong."
"But the little we do have seems to point in the other direction." I said miserably.
Mark was silent, and then he got up out of bed and came over to me.
"Listen, we just have to stay calm and not tell Roger anything. Seeing as neither of us can remember anything earth shattering, we can go on the assumption that nothing happened," he said.
"In other words-lie." I replied.
"Well.in other words, yes." Mark said uneasily.
Mark dropped the note and watched it flutter to the floor. I turned away and walked slowly to the living room. As I went on my way to my bedroom, I saw the picture of Roger and I sitting on top of the TV. I went over to it, and picked up the heavy silver frame.
Because I don't think I can keep this monster in
It's in my skin.
"April." Mark whispered from the kitchen.
"Don't Mark. Save your fucking breath." I said and walked into the bedroom, bringing the picture with me.
(Roger's POV)
I opened my eyes and blinked in the bright sunlight. The night before, I had gone back to the loft and slipped a note through the door saying that I was at Ernie's and that I'd come home at noontime.but then turned around and went back to my park bench. I spent the night there; watching the stars twinkle and feeling time pass me by. I thought mostly about April. God, I adored her. Part pf me wanted to run back home, but I knew she'd still be pissed at me. I needed to wait. Slowly, I stretched and sat up against the bench. It was eleven thirty-half and hour before I'd promised to be home. As I got up, I decided to stop somewhere and pick up donuts.maybe I'd take her to dinner tonight.
Love an other socially acceptable emotions are morphine
They're morphine.
"Hey! Davis!" someone yelled from across the street.
I looked up. Josh was standing on the curb and waving. I waved back as he jogged over.
"What's the front man of the Well Hungarians doing sleeping on a park bench?" he asked when he came closer.
"I didn't go home last night." I said gruffly.
"Why not?" he asked as he sat down.
"April.she's probably still pissed.not that I don't deserve it."
"You gotta go home, dude."
"When I know she's calmed down.in about twenty minutes." I amended.
"Jack's jaw is broken." Josh announced after a heavy silence. "I was on my way over to your place to tell you.
I sat in silence.
"He's got it in for you pretty bad now."
More silence.
"You have to make sure you steer clear of him."
"What about the band?" I asked finally.
"Well." Josh started uneasily.
I looked at him questioningly.
"We either need a new bass player, or a new front man. We can't have these constant fights breaking out. You guys will never be able to be in the same room together anymore without starting shit."
My eyes burned with unseen fire as I asked, "And let me guess-Jack wins out."
"Roger, it's just that he's most of the money behind the band.he gets us most of our gigs."
"Yeah, that and the fact that yours and Ernie's lips are permanently attached to Jack's ass. Well, not mine." I growled as I got up and started to walk away.
"Roger, don't take this the wrong way." Josh started.
"Let me know how the search for a new front man goes, though God knows you'll have a hell of a time trying to find a better one than me." I spat as I walked away.
I streets of the East Village became a blur as I rushed home. I burst in the door five minutes later, eyes blazing.
"Roger?" Mark called from his room.
April scampered out from our room, hair a tangled mass and bathrobe wrapped around her.
"Babe? What's wrong?" was the first thing she asked.
"Leave me alone," I said, and stormed into our room.
She stuck her foot in the doorway before I could slam the door.
"What the fuck, Roger!" she said, and tried to give me a hug.
I shoved her away roughly. She fell into the bed.
Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen
Love, I beg you.
"I said leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled.
April's eyes watered, but she stayed strong. Why couldn't she see that I didn't need this shit right now?
"Roger, stop it! What the hell is wrong with you?" she cried.
I turned to her and said, "There's no more band, alright?"
She opened and closed her mouth a few times.
"W-what?" she stammered.
"That's right-no more Well Hungarians."
"Why?" she asked almost desperately.
"Yesterday at Jack's house, Jack and I got into a fist fight. He bruised my ribs and tore up my forehead. I broke his jaw and knocked out a tooth. Seeing as we can't be in the same room together anymore, Josh and Ernie decided that we needed to replace one of us-because Jack supplies most of the money and the gig opportunities, I lost." I said, both angry and sad at the same time.
April said nothing for a moment, but then asked, "Are you alright?"
"Do I fucking look alright to you?" I yelled again, forgetting that I had been defending her to Jack just a mere twelve hours ago.
She bit her lip and tried to keep from crying. For a moment, just looking at the whimpering mass of woman in front of me made me sick.
"Don't fucking pretend you're not happy. Now you've got one less thing to nag at me about." I said harshly.
April's head shot up and her eyes grew large.
"How could you say that? I know you love the band, and how important it was to you.you know I supported you," she whispered.
"Yeah, ok, that's why you always gave me shit about it."
"Only when you started constantly ignoring me! Don't try to act like this was my fault! You know damn well I put up with more than I should from you!" she cried out.
"Put up with? You put up with me? Is that all it is to you, just a fucking game? Just something you can toy with or fuck with when the mood strikes you?" I asked, staring her down coldly.
"I never said that!" April almost begged.
Lift me up into that privileged point of view
The world of two.
"Whatever. I'm going to the Pyramid Club. I'll be back late-don't bother waiting up."
With that, I grabbed the leather jacket that I had just so recently tossed on the floor when I walked in, and strutted out. Before I reached the door, I caught April slump to the floor sobbing out of the corner of my eye. A stab of pity knifed my heart, but my rage kept me from showing I cared. Suddenly, Mark was in front of me, arms folded and tapping his foot.
"Well, I sure hope you're proud of yourself, you asshole," he said.
"I didn't do anything.she pissed me off." I replied.
"Sure, and I'm the Queen fucking Mother. What the hell makes you think you can treat her like this?" he demanded.
I opened my mouth to reply when suddenly, April appeared from behind me.
"Let it go Mark," she said softly.
"But, April, he."
"Let it go. He's not worth the effort." April repeated.
Then, with a sad smile, she slipped her engagement ring off of her finger, and dropped with a soft plink at my feet. Then she turned away and closed the door to our room softly. The world froze, and my mind went numb. Say goodbye to that Roger Davis reality, cause with each beat of silence afterward, the neon lights surrounding my name blew out.
Love, don't leave me
Because I console myself that Hallmark cards are true
I really do.
"Happy now?" Mark smirked.
I didn't answer, just slowly bent over and picked up the ring. Then, I stalked out the front door feeling like I had lost the most precious thing on Earth.
(Mark's POV)
I watched Roger leave and felt sick. This wasn't the way things should be, it wasn't right. Suddenly, I heard a loud crash from April and Roger's room, heard the sound of April swearing through her tears. I gave up my ideas of stoic grandeur and ran in there to help her. There were shards of broken glass at April's feet and the silver picture frame lay a few feet away from the glass. The picture sat crumpled in its frame.
I'm gunning down romance
It never did a thing for me.
"Oh, Christ, April." I started, and bent over to help her pick up the glass.
"Don't Mark, you'll."
"Shit!" I swore as my finger started to bleed and I dropped the shard I had been holding.
".Cut yourself." April finished.
She reached for the picture frame, tossed it on the bed, and then tenderly reached for my hand. Taking a corner of the shirt that she was wearing, she wrapped it around my finger. As she did so, my finger brushed the soft skin underneath. I shuddered and felt something stir inside me.and suddenly, I was kissing her. It didn't matter what might have happened last night or with Roger.all I knew was that I was holding the most beautiful girl in the world in my arms and her lips were on mine.and it was right.
But heartache and misery
Ain't nothing but a tragedy
Love don't leave me.
"Mark?" she murmured against my lips.
"Mmm?"
"Take me to bed."
It was hypnotic, it was dream-like and sacred; the way I gathered her in my arms and lifted her, careful not to step on broken glass. I put her to bed, and drew the covers up to her waist. Then, I leaned over and gently kissed her again. She locked her arms around my neck and drew me nearer, and I savored the feeling of her body against mine. She felt warm and soft, and my lips trailed down her neck, worshipping every inch of her flesh. It'd been so long since I'd felt a woman against me, and she was more than amazing. Suddenly, my knee crunched on something-the picture. Roger's creased face stared up at me, completely oblivious of the reality outside the photograph.
Take these broken wings
I'm going to take these broken wings
And learn to fly.
"Oh my God," I said, and sat up quickly.
"What?" April asked from beneath me.
"His.face! It was." I stammered, and then lifted up the picture.
And learn to fly away. April sighed, grabbed the picture, and shoved it in the nightstand. Then, she reached upward and drew me down to her again. It took all of my strength to break away.
"Don't.don't." I said quietly; regretfully.
"What?" she asked me.
"We can't do this. Roger's my best friend, he's your fiancé."
"Not anymore!"
"Oh for fuck's sake, April, you love him, whatever wrong you consider it to be!"
She fell silent.
"And I.I'll go back into my shell and pretend that I never came alive when I kissed you." I said softly, and got up to leave.
And learn to fly away.
There was something about the look on her face that made me hesitate.but not long enough.
"We can't." I said, trying to convince myself more than anything else.
Then, I steeled my nerve and left her room.
Hi, I just realized when I was in the middle of putting lyrics in this chapter that I haven't been crediting bands with their songs that I have used to emphasis any emotions in that chapter. From now on I will do so, but I just want to give justice to the ones I've used so far: Chapter 1, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, Chapter 2, Old Love by Eric Clapton, Chapter 3, Unwell by Matchbox Twenty, Chapter 4, Drunk Girl by Something Corporate, and this one is Gunning Down Romance, by Savage Garden. Thanks, and enjoy!
(April's POV)
I woke up in mine and Roger's bed disoriented and hung over.again. If it were fucking New Year's I would have made a resolution to stay away from the Absolut bottle. Yeah, sure.I turned my eyes to the clock and saw that it was only eleven o'clock. I must have fallen asleep early the night before.the night before.and then I rolled over and found Mark lying there next to me.
Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain
And feelings of aggressions are the absence of the love drug in
In your veins.
"Oh. My God. Oh my God!" I yelled.
Mark started, and then stirred. As he yawned lazily, he opened his eyes and saw me there.
"Holy hell! April?" he yelled louder than I had.
There was a moment of pure, utter silence as we both lay there, staring at each other, jaws slack and eyes wide.
"Did we.?" I asked timidly.
"I was gonna ask you the same damned thing." Mark said grimly.
Shit. This couldn't have been good. I glanced under the covers and saw that I was fully clothed except for my bra, which lay tangled in the sheets at the foot of the bed.
Love come quickly
Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in.
"I'm not wearing my bra." I stated.
Mark looked underneath.
"I have my pants on.but no boxers." he reported.
Well, at least we weren't buck naked and lying in each other's arms. That would have been a sight for Roger to see when he came home.Roger!
"Oh my God did Roger come home last night?" I asked in a panic.
Mark shook his head.
"I doubt it. This room belongs to you guys, and if he had I think we would have faced a ruder awakening than this."
"But what if he did and found us sleeping like that and thought the worst and ran out and." I said, and started crying.
Mark awkwardly patted my arm.
"April, I'd rather like to think that he would have at least beat the shit out of me before running out like that. Trust me, he's probably at Jack's right now."
I sniffled and replied, "Yeah, probably not even thinking about me."
"Not true, I bet he's wondering what you're doing at.this.instant." Mark trailed off as I gave him a stony glare.
"Yeah, I'm in bed with his best friend with my bra off and your boxers missing. I'm sure he'd love that." I mumbled.
It's on the brink
Love come quickly.
"I think we need to calm down. What was the last thing you remember?" Mark asked reasonably.
I shook my head slowly as I tried to fall through the depths of my mind and pull out any sort of familiarity.
"I have no fucking clue. I don't remember a damn thing-do you?" I replied after a couple minutes.
Mark thought a minute.
"I don't know either," he said finally, "But the last thing I remember.is probably when I woke up from being hung over and finding you with the bottle of Absolut in the living room. It's all a blank from there."
"I can't even fucking remember that! The last thing I remember is.God, probably my fight with Roger! Jesus Christ!" I cried out.
I jumped up from the bed and grabbed my bra. As I searched the room for Mark's boxers, I felt a frantic sort of panic built up in my chest. Ok, so his boxers were gone-maybe they fell off? Bullshit, April-horrible bullshit. Ok, but my bra-I never sleep in them! This could all have a perfectly reasonable explanation. I hoped.
"Now what?" I asked, after giving up on finding Mark's boxers.
Mark sighed resignedly. "No fucking clue. But, the mantra I'd go by right now would have to be 'innocent until proven guilty'. There's no proof that we did anything wrong."
"But the little we do have seems to point in the other direction." I said miserably.
Mark was silent, and then he got up out of bed and came over to me.
"Listen, we just have to stay calm and not tell Roger anything. Seeing as neither of us can remember anything earth shattering, we can go on the assumption that nothing happened," he said.
"In other words-lie." I replied.
"Well.in other words, yes." Mark said uneasily.
Mark dropped the note and watched it flutter to the floor. I turned away and walked slowly to the living room. As I went on my way to my bedroom, I saw the picture of Roger and I sitting on top of the TV. I went over to it, and picked up the heavy silver frame.
Because I don't think I can keep this monster in
It's in my skin.
"April." Mark whispered from the kitchen.
"Don't Mark. Save your fucking breath." I said and walked into the bedroom, bringing the picture with me.
(Roger's POV)
I opened my eyes and blinked in the bright sunlight. The night before, I had gone back to the loft and slipped a note through the door saying that I was at Ernie's and that I'd come home at noontime.but then turned around and went back to my park bench. I spent the night there; watching the stars twinkle and feeling time pass me by. I thought mostly about April. God, I adored her. Part pf me wanted to run back home, but I knew she'd still be pissed at me. I needed to wait. Slowly, I stretched and sat up against the bench. It was eleven thirty-half and hour before I'd promised to be home. As I got up, I decided to stop somewhere and pick up donuts.maybe I'd take her to dinner tonight.
Love an other socially acceptable emotions are morphine
They're morphine.
"Hey! Davis!" someone yelled from across the street.
I looked up. Josh was standing on the curb and waving. I waved back as he jogged over.
"What's the front man of the Well Hungarians doing sleeping on a park bench?" he asked when he came closer.
"I didn't go home last night." I said gruffly.
"Why not?" he asked as he sat down.
"April.she's probably still pissed.not that I don't deserve it."
"You gotta go home, dude."
"When I know she's calmed down.in about twenty minutes." I amended.
"Jack's jaw is broken." Josh announced after a heavy silence. "I was on my way over to your place to tell you.
I sat in silence.
"He's got it in for you pretty bad now."
More silence.
"You have to make sure you steer clear of him."
"What about the band?" I asked finally.
"Well." Josh started uneasily.
I looked at him questioningly.
"We either need a new bass player, or a new front man. We can't have these constant fights breaking out. You guys will never be able to be in the same room together anymore without starting shit."
My eyes burned with unseen fire as I asked, "And let me guess-Jack wins out."
"Roger, it's just that he's most of the money behind the band.he gets us most of our gigs."
"Yeah, that and the fact that yours and Ernie's lips are permanently attached to Jack's ass. Well, not mine." I growled as I got up and started to walk away.
"Roger, don't take this the wrong way." Josh started.
"Let me know how the search for a new front man goes, though God knows you'll have a hell of a time trying to find a better one than me." I spat as I walked away.
I streets of the East Village became a blur as I rushed home. I burst in the door five minutes later, eyes blazing.
"Roger?" Mark called from his room.
April scampered out from our room, hair a tangled mass and bathrobe wrapped around her.
"Babe? What's wrong?" was the first thing she asked.
"Leave me alone," I said, and stormed into our room.
She stuck her foot in the doorway before I could slam the door.
"What the fuck, Roger!" she said, and tried to give me a hug.
I shoved her away roughly. She fell into the bed.
Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen
Love, I beg you.
"I said leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled.
April's eyes watered, but she stayed strong. Why couldn't she see that I didn't need this shit right now?
"Roger, stop it! What the hell is wrong with you?" she cried.
I turned to her and said, "There's no more band, alright?"
She opened and closed her mouth a few times.
"W-what?" she stammered.
"That's right-no more Well Hungarians."
"Why?" she asked almost desperately.
"Yesterday at Jack's house, Jack and I got into a fist fight. He bruised my ribs and tore up my forehead. I broke his jaw and knocked out a tooth. Seeing as we can't be in the same room together anymore, Josh and Ernie decided that we needed to replace one of us-because Jack supplies most of the money and the gig opportunities, I lost." I said, both angry and sad at the same time.
April said nothing for a moment, but then asked, "Are you alright?"
"Do I fucking look alright to you?" I yelled again, forgetting that I had been defending her to Jack just a mere twelve hours ago.
She bit her lip and tried to keep from crying. For a moment, just looking at the whimpering mass of woman in front of me made me sick.
"Don't fucking pretend you're not happy. Now you've got one less thing to nag at me about." I said harshly.
April's head shot up and her eyes grew large.
"How could you say that? I know you love the band, and how important it was to you.you know I supported you," she whispered.
"Yeah, ok, that's why you always gave me shit about it."
"Only when you started constantly ignoring me! Don't try to act like this was my fault! You know damn well I put up with more than I should from you!" she cried out.
"Put up with? You put up with me? Is that all it is to you, just a fucking game? Just something you can toy with or fuck with when the mood strikes you?" I asked, staring her down coldly.
"I never said that!" April almost begged.
Lift me up into that privileged point of view
The world of two.
"Whatever. I'm going to the Pyramid Club. I'll be back late-don't bother waiting up."
With that, I grabbed the leather jacket that I had just so recently tossed on the floor when I walked in, and strutted out. Before I reached the door, I caught April slump to the floor sobbing out of the corner of my eye. A stab of pity knifed my heart, but my rage kept me from showing I cared. Suddenly, Mark was in front of me, arms folded and tapping his foot.
"Well, I sure hope you're proud of yourself, you asshole," he said.
"I didn't do anything.she pissed me off." I replied.
"Sure, and I'm the Queen fucking Mother. What the hell makes you think you can treat her like this?" he demanded.
I opened my mouth to reply when suddenly, April appeared from behind me.
"Let it go Mark," she said softly.
"But, April, he."
"Let it go. He's not worth the effort." April repeated.
Then, with a sad smile, she slipped her engagement ring off of her finger, and dropped with a soft plink at my feet. Then she turned away and closed the door to our room softly. The world froze, and my mind went numb. Say goodbye to that Roger Davis reality, cause with each beat of silence afterward, the neon lights surrounding my name blew out.
Love, don't leave me
Because I console myself that Hallmark cards are true
I really do.
"Happy now?" Mark smirked.
I didn't answer, just slowly bent over and picked up the ring. Then, I stalked out the front door feeling like I had lost the most precious thing on Earth.
(Mark's POV)
I watched Roger leave and felt sick. This wasn't the way things should be, it wasn't right. Suddenly, I heard a loud crash from April and Roger's room, heard the sound of April swearing through her tears. I gave up my ideas of stoic grandeur and ran in there to help her. There were shards of broken glass at April's feet and the silver picture frame lay a few feet away from the glass. The picture sat crumpled in its frame.
I'm gunning down romance
It never did a thing for me.
"Oh, Christ, April." I started, and bent over to help her pick up the glass.
"Don't Mark, you'll."
"Shit!" I swore as my finger started to bleed and I dropped the shard I had been holding.
".Cut yourself." April finished.
She reached for the picture frame, tossed it on the bed, and then tenderly reached for my hand. Taking a corner of the shirt that she was wearing, she wrapped it around my finger. As she did so, my finger brushed the soft skin underneath. I shuddered and felt something stir inside me.and suddenly, I was kissing her. It didn't matter what might have happened last night or with Roger.all I knew was that I was holding the most beautiful girl in the world in my arms and her lips were on mine.and it was right.
But heartache and misery
Ain't nothing but a tragedy
Love don't leave me.
"Mark?" she murmured against my lips.
"Mmm?"
"Take me to bed."
It was hypnotic, it was dream-like and sacred; the way I gathered her in my arms and lifted her, careful not to step on broken glass. I put her to bed, and drew the covers up to her waist. Then, I leaned over and gently kissed her again. She locked her arms around my neck and drew me nearer, and I savored the feeling of her body against mine. She felt warm and soft, and my lips trailed down her neck, worshipping every inch of her flesh. It'd been so long since I'd felt a woman against me, and she was more than amazing. Suddenly, my knee crunched on something-the picture. Roger's creased face stared up at me, completely oblivious of the reality outside the photograph.
Take these broken wings
I'm going to take these broken wings
And learn to fly.
"Oh my God," I said, and sat up quickly.
"What?" April asked from beneath me.
"His.face! It was." I stammered, and then lifted up the picture.
And learn to fly away. April sighed, grabbed the picture, and shoved it in the nightstand. Then, she reached upward and drew me down to her again. It took all of my strength to break away.
"Don't.don't." I said quietly; regretfully.
"What?" she asked me.
"We can't do this. Roger's my best friend, he's your fiancé."
"Not anymore!"
"Oh for fuck's sake, April, you love him, whatever wrong you consider it to be!"
She fell silent.
"And I.I'll go back into my shell and pretend that I never came alive when I kissed you." I said softly, and got up to leave.
And learn to fly away.
There was something about the look on her face that made me hesitate.but not long enough.
"We can't." I said, trying to convince myself more than anything else.
Then, I steeled my nerve and left her room.