Hey everyone! I've been trying really hard to update frequently and now with me not having so many papers to do and now that my inspiration has returned, I think I can do that. Also, news, news, news! Mari and I are going to do a fic together *and the crowds go wild!* Anyway, the first chapter is forthcoming soon, so look for it! Still looking for someone to write Letters to You with, so if no one wants to, it's getting scrapped, and you'll never know who YOU was- and I'll never tell. Review please, and thanks to all the loyal ones who review anyway! I honestly listened to so much of the soundtrack while writing this that I think I'm living and breathing Rent at the moment. The song for this chapter is White Flag, by Dido.

Chapter 8- My Forever

(Mark's POV)

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you

Or tell you that

But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it

Where's the sense in that.

I stared sadly at the happy scene in front of me. I had known all along that she'd go running back to Roger, I wondered if everything she had ever said to me this day been a lie. Slowly, I left the embracing pair and went out onto the fire escape. I saw April look up and watch me leave. The moon was rising and the stars were starting to appear as I strode outside. I leaned against the cold railing and rested my head in my arms.

"Mark?" Roger's voice drifted out on to the fire escape.

I lifted my head for a brief moment, and then put it back down again.

"What's up, buddy?" he tried again.

"I can't believe this. . ." I muttered.

"Believe what?"

"This!" I gestured vaguely with one hand as I looked up at him. "Her! You! Everything!"

Roger looked confused.

"Wanna be a bit more specific, or am I supposed to guess?"

"I just can't believe you treated her like shit, then had the balls to beg her to come back. What's even more fucked up is the fact that she actually took your sorry ass back!"

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were.

Roger looked ashamed. "Listen, Mark, I told her how much of an assfuck I am- it was her choice to come back."

"But why do you always have to be the hook that tangles her up until the only thing she can say is 'yes'?"

"What the fuck, Mark! It's like suddenly you don't think I deserve to be happy!" Roger burst out angrily. "I try to talk to you, to try to get through and understand, but you just keep yourself closed off! What the hell is this really about Mark? It sure as hell can't be just the fighting lately!"

I shifted uncomfortably and turned to face Roger. His eyes were blazing, and he was angrier than I'd seen him at me in a while. It just didn't seem fair though, but how could I tell him that? It was weird; I didn't feel like me anymore. I had always been able to settle, always been able to let things slide.

"Come on, Mark!" Roger challenged me again, "I know it can't be just the fighting!"

"You don't know shit, alright?" I yelled back at him and stormed off the fire escape. As I shut the window behind me, I bumped into April. She had been standing there watching us the whole time.

Well, I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender.

"Sorry," I mumbled, and started to go around her.

"No, wait," April started, and rushed after me. "Mark, don't be like this."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Mark, I know I must seem like a tease or something, but honestly, it's not like that."

I whirled on her, only seeing red and angry blurs. I felt like a blind man who had experienced sight for the first time- I needed something to grab on to.

"Then what's it like? How's it gonna be? Was everything you said before bullshit? Your fluttering eyelashes, your flushed cheeks, your flirtatious words. . .your lips attached to mine? Was it just a big, steaming, pile of bullshit? Was it jumbo-sized?" I said in hard, angry tones.

There will be no white flag above my door- I'm in love

And always will be.

I wanted to shake her, yell at her, and at the same time I wanted to kiss her and hold her. I felt like my brain was going to implode and that I would spontaneously combust. April shook her head, and her eyes glistened with tears.

"Stop that. I can't let myself fall for you, feel for you, or be moved by you anymore. I don't want to play the fool anymore." I said slowly.

Then I walked into my room and shut the door.

(April's POV)

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again

And I caused nothing but trouble

I understand if you can't talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of "it's over", then I'm sure that that makes sense.

I watched Mark retreat into his room, retreat inside of himself like he always did. Suddenly, I heard the window open and saw Roger sliding back into the loft.

"Are you ok?" I asked softly.

"I guess. I don't know what the hell his problem is lately." Roger answered.

"I don't know either," I lied, "But I think I get what he means."

"How so?"

"After all the shit you put me through in the past month, he can't understand why I bother, why I keep coming back."

A shadow passed over Roger's face.

"Why do you. . .keep coming back?"

I sighed. This was the last thing I wanted to discuss right now.

"April," he gently pressed, "Please, talk to me. We used to be able to talk without fighting.'

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender.

"Babe, I love you. I always have, no matter what happened between us. . . and that's the problem. You've said and done some awful things to me in the past couple of days. . .and I forgave you, took you back, and all because I knew I loved you. I think what Mark meant was how much shit am I willing to forgive before you fuck up bad enough for me to get the strength to leave you- or will I just keep on loving you and therefore always back down."

Roger's face looked cold and stony.

"So this is what it's all about- you trying to find the strength to leave me? Trying to get me to fuck up so it won't be anyone's fault but mine?"

I rushed to him and sat him down with me on the couch.

"Oh, no babe, not at all. I don't want to leave you, but I just want to know when this is gonna stop." I said in a choked voice. "I don't want any more fights or nights sleeping alone. I don't want to have it come to the point where I walk out of this house- for good. All I'm saying is if things don't change soon, I might be forced to make that decision."

Tears were running down my face now, and Roger's eyes were wet.

"Please, don't let it come to that," I cried and buried my face in Roger's shoulder.

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love, and always will be.

Roger put his arms around me and stroked my hair softly.

"Oh, April. . . God. . .believe me when I say I never meant for you to be driven to this. God dammit, why do I always mess up like this?" Roger cried out in anguish.

"Christ, Roger! Maybe it's me! Maybe I've said or done things that. . ."

"Don't even think that for a second. You were always there for me, always supportive. This is all my fault." Roger said quietly.

We sat there in silence, holding each other. My tears subsided after a few minutes, and I stopped shaking. I sat up, and wiped vigorously at my eyes.

"I love you." I said, almost as a peace offering.

Roger smiled, and his entire heart was in his eyes. "I love you too."

(Roger's POV)

When we meet, which I'm sure we will

All that was there will be there still.

I gently passed a finger over April's soft lips. She had gone to bed, and I had sat on the edge of the bed staring at her for a long while. Mark hadn't come out of his room, and I wanted to go in there and talk to him. . .to tell him that he was right. The moonlight filtered through the blinds, making stripes across April's face. . .contrasts of darkness and light. I only hoped that things wouldn't stay that way too long.

"Roger." Mark's voice came from the doorway.

I looked up. Mark was standing in the doorway, camera in hand.

"Close on April, the most beautiful girl in the world." I said, mimicking the way Mark often shot his films.

"Close on Mark, the idiot who can't seem to get his shit straight." Mark returned.

"Mark, what's bothering you? I mean, dude, I'm your best friend, you can tell me."

Mark was silent for a moment. He appeared to be thinking, to be trying to think of something to say.

"It's nothing, Roger."

"Bullshit, Mark. That is the biggest pile of horseshit I've ever heard of."

Mark was silent.

"Is it a girl? Let me guess, you're lonely and you want a girlfriend. Or, maybe you met this girl and you want her and aren't sure what to do." I suggested.

Mark smiled wanly. "Well, there is this girl. . ."

"Ha! I was right!"

"Yeah. . .and she's the most amazing girl I know. She's beautiful on so many levels. It hurts just to look at her, Roger. You have no idea."

I'll let it pass and hold my tongue

And you will think that I've moved on.

"I guess not. Where did you meet her?"

"I haven't yet. But I know she's out there. She's my soul mate, the one for me. When I find her, I'll know."

Mark came over and sat next to me on the bed.

"Besides April, have you ever been in love?" he asked me seriously.

"Yeah, remember? Cindy Crawford, Sharon Stone, and Pat Benetar?" I joked.

"No, Roger, I mean have you ever loved someone you actually had a chance with." Mark said, rolling his eyes.

I thought for a moment. Then I remembered high school. . .there had been this girl. . .Caia McDougal. She was the sexiest girl in school, but she was a loving person, and was friends with everyone. We dated for almost a year, and I was so convinced we'd last through high school. She cheated on me and dumped me. It hurt so fucking bad. And I thought I was silly for thinking I loved her, stupid for being happy. . .and yet, the simple act of loving her had been enough for me. I never forgot her. . .

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

"Yeah, actually. Remember Caia McDougal?"

"That hoe? I'll still never know what possessed you to date her. She was the one that cheated on you, right?" Mark answered, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Yeah, her. But you know, there was just something about her, ya know?" I said, not very coherently.

"No, actually, I don't know. I've never been in love."

"Sure you have- what about what's her face, back in the day?" I tried.

"Irina Donalson? Yeah, we dated a little in the beginning of senior year."

"That's it? You guys seemed hot and heavy at the prom."

Mark laughed. "That's because neither of us had dates and one of us had a hard-on. It kinda works like that."

"Gross, man! I don't wanna think about little Marky Cohen banging the brains out of Irina Donalson!"

"Whatever. Anyway, yeah, we dated. No, I didn't love her. There's a difference, Roger. Some people fall in love easily, feel things for people quickly, whether it be friendship or romance. Then there are some people who fall in love once or twice, but it's for real. I think that I'm one of those people. I haven't fallen in love yet, but when I do, it'll be forever."

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love, and always will be.

We were silent for a moment as I contemplated what Mark had just told me.

"What if April isn't my forever? What if this is it, if this is the best it's gonna get? I don't want her to pack up and go away like others have."

"What others, Roger? She was your first serious girlfriend besides Caia and that chick you were seeing over the summer before you met April."

"But look what happened with both of them- I wasn't enough, or I was too much. Whatever the reason was, they both left me. I couldn't stand it if April ever left me." I said softly, taking her limp hand and kissing it softly.

"I don't think she will," Mark started, "But I know that you need to change. To be completely honest with you, if I were a girl, I would have left you by now."

I gave Mark a look.

"Well then, I will be forever grateful for your dick."

"Well Roger, I didn't know you felt that way. . ."

"Shut up, Mark."

"Anyway, Roger, you really need to pay more attention to her. If you care about her as much as you say you do, then the last thing you need to do is focus on the band and stay away all the time. She needs to know she's loved."

I didn't bother telling Mark about the band. He didn't need to know right now, and there was plenty of time to explain later. April was my first priority.

"I'm going to bed." I announced after stretching somewhat theatrically.

"Alright, I'll get outta here then. Just remember what I said Roger, ok? Treat her right."

"I will, Mark- I want to be with her so much. She's my forever."

"I sure hope so."

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love, and always will be.