Chapter 10- The World Turned In Circles
Hey all, hope you enjoyed the last chapter! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO ALL MY LOYAL FANS WHO HAVE COME BACK AND NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME!!! (props especially to Mari and Amy-you guys ROCK!) It's not my best but I'm better with drama than comedy. I PROMISE I have plenty of surprises for you in the upcoming chapters. Trust me, Chapter 9 was more of a filler chapter. Now that the plot has been established, it's time to mess with your heads!!!! Chapter 10 takes place about two weeks after the end of Chapter 9. Also, be looking for my new upcoming fic- an Avenue Q/Rent crossover! Song for this chapter is King of Pain, by The Police.
(Mark's POV)
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop...
I berated myself thousands of times for the way I acted in the Life Café. I couldn't believe that I was really that much of an idiot. No wonder I hadn't gotten laid in two years. . .that I knew of. I still had no idea whether or not April and I slept together. I doubted that I ever would know. It didn't seem to matter though- a couple weeks had passed, and April and Roger hadn't fought once. They were more in love than I had ever seen them, and full of wedding plans. Then, there was me- good old solid Mark Cohen. I was their support system, their idea generator, and their mediator. I gave it all away and took little to nothing in return. Now, it was almost April's birthday, and Roger wanted to plan a surprise party for her. I wanted to do something special for her, but I had no idea where to start.
One morning, a few days before the big day, I noticed April getting up incredibly early.
"You're up early," I noted as I lounged on the couch with a cup of coffee.
"Yeah, yearly physical with the doc this morning. Wanted to get it over with so I could just come home and sleep." April replied, yawning heavily.
"What, afraid you might get a shot?" I teased.
"Shut up. I hate shots, but I know I might get one."
"Alright, well have fun!" I said cheerily.
April made a face and made a swipe at my arm, but stumbled and fell over. She grabbed the arm of the couch just in time, but her face was inches from mine as she tried to regain her balance. She grabbed my arm in order to steady herself. Instead, she missed, and fell right onto my lips.
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain...
"Mmmph!" April mumbled through out connected lips.
"This is rather embarrassing?" I asked.
Her lips were so soft and this was so right. But. . .she had fallen onto them. But then again, why hadn't she leaped up and apologized. . .
"Mark?"
"Yeah?"
"You're holding my arm down. You can let me go now." April mumbled.
I blushed and let go of her arm.
"Sorry." I said, as she got up and started walking toward the door.
She left, and as the door slammed behind her, Roger ambled into the living room.
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...
"What was that all about?"
"April obviously doesn't like doctor's appointments." I grumbled.
"What's up with you?"
"Nothing. So, the party's all set for tonight, right?" I asked as I changed the subject.
"Yeah. We'll start it at around one. Think you can keep her out of the house while I decorate and get the food ready?"
"You mean," I said in injured tones, "You don't want Chef Cohen to cook?"
Roger threw a couch pillow at me.
"Hey! Watch the coffee!" I said as I tried to keep the coffee from slopping into my lap.
"You mean you can make coffee without blowing up the kitchen?"
"Hey, if I remember correctly, you and April were the ones who were stupid enough to put a towel on a hot plate when it was turned on!" I tossed back the pillow.
"Whatever. Anyway, where are you going to take her?"
"I don't know. Maybe to another movie, maybe just walking around. . ." I started.
"Or maybe you should take her to the Life, and you can apologize to Maureen, and then invite her to the party." Roger suggested.
"Yeah, brilliant, Einstein! Let's invite her to a surprise party for April in front of April!" I said. "You amaze me sometimes!"
"Shut up. You could use a little cheering up. You haven't stopped moping for two weeks now!" Roger observed. "Just go there, talk to her, and invite her. It's not hard."
"Maybe not for you! You've always had it easy with the ladies!" I complained.
"Well, when you're as sexy as I am. . ."
"Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go shower- thanks for listening, pal." I retorted as I left the room.
When I got out of the shower half an hour later, I could hear the loft door slam, and then the door to Roger and April's bedroom slam a few seconds after that. April was back. That meant I had three hours to kill. I dried off, got dressed, and then went to knock on April's door. It was open a crack, and I could see April sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. A picture of her and Roger lay facedown on the bed. I tiptoed cautiously into the room and sat next to her.
There's a little black spot on the sun today
That's my soul out there
It's the same old thing as yesterday
That's my soul out there...
"April?" I asked softly.
April jumped slightly and looked up at me. Her eyes were red and puffy.
"Mark. Hi," she said.
"Are you ok?"
April looked away for a moment. When she turned back around, she was smiling again, like she had never broken.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Is something wrong?" I pressed gently.
"No, no. . . nothing. Just PMSing, that's all."
April wiped her eyes. I turned and looked at the clock. It was ten thirty. I still had two and a half hours to kill before I could bring April back to the loft-and I still needed to get her out of the house!
"Hey, April?" I asked.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you for a favor?" I said, formulating my plan carefully.
"Sure."
"Can you come to the Life Café with me? I want to talk to Maureen, and I just, uh. . ." I searched frantically for an excuse. "Want some moral support."
"I'm sure you don't need me to go down there with you, Mark." April said.
"Yes, I do! On the way down there, I'm gonna need your womanly advice on how to, uh, ask her out or something." I rushed on before April could protest further.
"I don't know, Mark. I'm not really up for it right now. . ."
"Please?" I asked, giving her puppy dog eyes.
April sighed. "Fine. Let's go."
April and I exited the loft. Roger gave me a thumbs-up when April wasn't looking. As she and I walked out to the street I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She looked so down. Her eyes were glazed over, and she didn't even really seem to know where she was.
"April?" I started.
"Hm?" she mumbled.
The look on her face stopped all questions that were at the tip of my tongue.
"Nothing. Do you think I have a chance with Maureen?" I said.
"Maybe," she shrugged, "It depends how good you are at groveling."
"I was that bad, huh?"
"Yeah, but she didn't seem pissed. She looked kinda amused, actually." April replied, the glimmer of a smile briefly lighting up her features.
We reached the Life sooner than I was ready for us to. I could see Maureen through the glass window serving a tray of drinks to a man sitting in a corner booth. She was flashing that gorgeous smile at him and her curly black hair bounced as she tossed her head in laughter. It made me jealous in a way that I had only felt with one other person. . .hell, maybe there was hope for my pathetic love life. I glanced over at April. Maybe not.
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
That's my soul out there
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop
That's my soul out there...
"Um. . .is Maureen Johnson on today?" I asked the waitress closest to me when we walked in.
"Yeah, she's right over there. What, you her boyfriend or somethin?" the waitress replied through a bubble of pink bubble gum.
"Yeah, right. Can I speak with her for a moment?"
"Yeah, sure. Mo!" she called out.
Maureen turned around. At the sight of me standing there, a slow smile worked its way across her face.
"What's up Cheryl?" she called back.
"This here guy wants to talk to you. I'll cover your table for a minute." Cheryl said as Maureen strode over to us.
"Thanks. Aren't you on break?"
"Not anymore now, huh?" Cheryl retorted.
"Aw, come on. I'll share my last two cigarettes with you when our shift's over, ok?" Maureen offered.
"Fine. Did you get Marlboro Menthol or did you buy those crappy Pall Malls again?"
"Pall Malls were cheaper and all I had enough for- sorry. Take it or leave it."
Cheryl sighed. "Whatever."
She walked away leaving Maureen, me, and April standing near the entrance to the restaurant.
"Nice to see you both again." Maureen said. "What can I do for you?"
"We were just out on a walk. Mark wanted to stop in." April said. "I'll let you two talk."
She seated herself and ordered a drink from Cheryl.
"So." Maureen said to me.
"So. Um. I'msorryabouttheotherdayandIknowyoumustthinkI'majerkoffbutwillyougoonadatewi thme?" I rushed out before I lost my nerve.
Maureen laughed. "Wanna run that by me one more time, stud?"
I took a deep breath, and said calmly, "I'm sorry about the other day. I know you must think I'm a major jerkoff, but. . .will you go on a date with me?"
I waited to hear laughter, a snort, or some sort of sly remark that was the usual assortment of reactions I got when I asked women out. Instead, Maureen smiled- a real smile; a nice one.
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain...
"Really? You came here to ask me that?"
"Um. Yeah. You seem really nice and stuff and I was just thinking it'd be fun."
Ugh, shut up Cohen! You sound like an idiot.
"Sure. When?" Maureen said.
I gaped at her for a moment, and then shook my head.
"What?" she asked. "Not used to scoring dates?"
"Honestly," I confessed, "Not at all. Roger's the ladies' man. I'm the camera dork."
"Well, I think you're sweet, and kinda cute. So when do you want to take me out? I get out of here in about an hour or so." Maureen said.
"Actually," I said, glancing around to make sure April was still sitting in the restaurant, "April's birthday is in a few days, and Roger and I are throwing her a surprise part this afternoon at one. If I write down my address, you're welcome to join us."
"Sounds good. I remember your address though. Roger told me on the way out when you guys left the other day."
"Oh. Great! Well, see you at one then?" I said.
"Yeah, sure thing. Well, I gotta get back to work. See you around." Maureen said, and flashed her smile at me once more before leaving.
April came back, took one look at the shit-eating grin on my face, and sighed.
"That bad, huh?"
"Huh? Oh, yes. It was horrible. So horrible, in fact, that I got her to come to the party. . .tonight. . ." I trailed off. "Shit."
April laughed. "You think I didn't know? Surprise parties are the worst- kept secrets."
"Shit. Roger thinks you have no idea."
"I'm a great actress. I'll be the most surprised girl in New York. Ready to walk around some more?"
"Yeah, sure."
April and I walked on. Then, she paused a moment and turned to me.
"Mark?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you mind if I walked around by myself for a bit? I just want to be alone."
I thought for a moment.
"Yeah," I said after a second, "Sure. But make sure you. . ."
"I'll amble in a little after one." April promised.
She turned to me and then suddenly kissed my cheek softly.
"Thanks. It means a lot."
Then she walked off in the opposite direction. I strolled back to the loft and it was quarter to twelve when I got there.
"Mark! Why are you back this early?" Roger exclaimed at my entrance.
"April wanted to walk around by herself for a bit. She said she'll be back soon." I said calmly.
"Alright," Roger relaxed. "Is she okay?"
I thought a moment. I didn't really want to worry him. I didn't believe her when she said she was okay, but I figured that if and when she wanted to open up, she would in her own time.
"She's fine, Roger. Just felt like being by herself, I guess." I replied.
Roger signed. "I sure hope you're right.
(April's POV)
The world was going crazy. This had to be a dream. It must be! If this wasn't a dream, then it would be real- but it wouldn't be real, because in reality, I wouldn't have AIDS. The diagnosis had come that morning. The doctor was running some routine blood tests- and it came up. I remember when the doctor told me, and handed me a prescription for AZT, as well as a pamphlet filled with information and support hotline numbers. It was too real, too. . .
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...
"This isn't fucking supposed to happen to me!" I screamed in frustration, ignoring the stares I got.
I had the urge to run, to break free and just run. So I did. I ran away from the crowds, away from disease, away from the sickly green walls in a doctor's office. I ran until dizzying fear made me stop. Feeling sick, I leaned over and vomited in the nearest alleyway. . .
Alleyway.
The back alleys where the prostitutes and druggies roamed. . .
Druggies. . .
Like The Man. . .or me.
The needle.
Shit.
I fell back hard against the nearest wall, breathing heavily and hearing nothing but the sound of my heart. The slow dawning realization hit me like a tidal wave. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to roll over and die.
There's a fossil that's trapped inside a high cliff wall
That's my soul out there
There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
That's my soul out there...
"Goddammit!" I cried out, pounding my fists on the wall. "Why? Why me? Why damn a young woman like me?"
"Why damn anyone? What makes God damn any human?" came a familiar voice.
I turned my head to see The Man coming toward me in all his drug-induced glory.
"Why would He?" The Man continued. "What evil could anyone commit that's enough to get them damned? Maybe you're the scum of the earth, like me- selling drugs to anyone as a way to live. Or, maybe, you're a cheating little whore. It all depends on how you look at it."
"I am not a cheating little whore! You. . ." I screamed.
"You," he cut in smoothly, "Wanted the high, wanted the rush. I told you once before, and I'll tell you again- you'll do anything for a high. I was right. You came back and fucked a man old enough to be your daddy just to get high."
I fell silent. It was true, no denying it.
"And then," The Man said, "You were stupid enough to steal an open needle out of my coat pocket- without knowing whether it's used. You were a bad girl, sweet thing."
He leaned in toward me and stroked my hair.
"A very bad girl," he purred.
I leaped up.
"Stop it! Get away from me! You've taken my life from me! Leave me the little dignity I have left!" I cried.
"What dignity? You already cheated on your love once- another time doesn't mean anything once the damage is done!"
"But I love him!" I cried, "I love him, I love him. . ."
The Man came forward and shook me by my shoulders; thrust me up against the wall hard, cracking my skull against the rocky concrete.
"You can't afford to love him anymore!" he hissed.
There's a blue whale beached by a springtide's ebb
That's my soul out there
There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web
That's my soul out there...
My head dropped forward, my body started to go limp. But a figure appearing at the entrance to the alleyway made me try to hold on to consciousness. It was Maureen.
"Maureen. . ."I gasped, "Please. . ."
But her face reflected disbelief and outrage.
"Maureen?" I tried again.
"I don't believe this!" she said. "I knew there was something about you. . ."
"What?" I cried, struggling to get out of The Man's grasp, "You think. . ."
"I believe what my eyes tell me. Poor Roger," She said smugly.
"What?" I protested weakly, "I didn't do anything!"
The Man glanced at Maureen. "You want a try at this one, lady? She's always ready and willing to fuck, you know."
"Get away from me!" I cried. "Maureen, help!"
"I don't think so," Maureen said coldly, and walked away quickly.
"Let go of me!" I yelled one more time, and finally maneuvered my knee to in between his legs.
"Ouch! You little cunt!" The Man yelled clutching his groin as a I kneed him as hard as I could.
"Stay the fuck away from me you cock sucking bastard!" I cried, and then ran away as fast as I could.
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain...
I had to catch Maureen; I just had to! I couldn't let her get to Roger before I did; I couldn't let her spread vicious lies about an event that she didn't even know the half of! By the time I got back to the loft I could already hear Maureen's high heels clicking around the floor from outside the front door.
"I don't know what she was doing with him, Roger, but it didn't look good." Maureen was saying. "I feel bad saying this to you and hardly knowing you, but I think you ought to know what kind of girl you're marrying."
"Bull fucking shit," I muttered under my breath.
With that, I marched up to the door and let myself in, waiting for the clouds to start raining on my parade.
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...
(Roger's POV)
I didn't want to believe any of it. There was no way in hell April would be getting freaky with some geezer in a back alley. I didn't even know Maureen that well- maybe she was trying to cause trouble. I couldn't believe her, but what if. . .April chose that moment to barge into the loft. I looked her up and down. This was unbelievable. Her hair was tangled and loose, her clothes were skewed, and she looked dazed. She certainly did look like she had just jumped in the hay with someone.
There's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt...
"April. Wanna explain this?" I asked harsher than I'd intended.
"Explain what? How about asking Maureen to explain any lies she might have told you. I can't believe you'd believe her over your own fiancée!" April said, angrily shooting daggers at Maureen.
"I didn't say what I did or did not believe." I stated slowly.
"Thou doth protest too much, methinks." Maureen quoted.
"Shut up you little bitch before I knock you off those heels and onto your ass." April threatened.
"Try it." Maureen returned silkily.
"My pleasure."
"Girls," I interrupted, "I'm only interested in one thing- what the fuck happened."
"I was in the back alleyway," I began.
"What the hell were you doing in there?" I asked in bewilderment.
"I was walking, by myself," April said shakily, "And then I felt kinda sick, so I stepped into the alley and threw up. But, this man was there,"
"Who conveniently was able to put his hands all over you," Maureen added.
"Shut up! You don't know what happened!" April cried.
"I know that you look like hell at the moment and I know what I saw!"
"You know nothing of hell."
There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread...
"Maureen, if you don't let April finish her story, then I swear I will trot your ass outta here so fast your head will spin." I ordered. "Enough of the bullshit."
April took a deep breath and continued. "So when he started coming on to me, I tried to get away, but he grabbed me and tossed me against the wall. He cracked my head really hard and I almost passed out- that's where Maureen saw me. I thought she would help me out. Obviously that's beneath her character."
"Oh, but Roger, she forgot to mention the part where the guy commented on April being a good fuck. Now," Maureen said, thoughtfully tapping her purple nails against her cheek, "How would he know this unless he actually had the favor?"
My face froze. I had believed April's story up until then. It all seemed crystal clear and normal- a young, pretty woman getting attacked in a back alley was everyday news. But there was something about the way Maureen had mentioned what that guy said. She was right, it was too familiar, too personal. But April would never. . .
King of pain...
"Did he say that, April?" I asked softly.
"Roger, I swear. . ." she started.
"I asked if he said that, dammit!" I thundered.
April's eyes filled helplessly with tears. She didn't speak.
"So it's true. Goddammit, April, what the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted.
"I knew I would find my answer in there somewhere." Maureen said.
Suddenly, April sprang up wildly.
"An answer? You wanted an answer when the one I gave the first time wasn't good enough?"
April strode out of the room and into our bedroom. My stomach sank as I knew exactly what she was about to do, and all to try to prove her innocence.
"April, don't!" I called to her.
But she returned, wild-eyed, clutching a plastic bag behind her back. With ferocity I didn't know she possessed, she emptied the contents of the bag at Maureen's feet. Needles, elastic strips, and small baggies of powder tumbled onto the floor.
"There's your goddamned fucking answer!" April spat.
There's a red fox thorn by a huntsman's path
That's my soul out there
There's a black winged gull with a broken back
That's my soul out there...
Then, with one last angry look, she stormed out of the loft. Maureen and I stood there silently- me in bewilderment, her in shock.
"Roger? What is this?" Maureen asked, lips quivering.
"Don't act like you don't have a clue." I said shortly.
"Roger. . .no, you. . .heroin? And what about Mark?" she cried, glancing nervously toward his bedroom where he was sleeping.
"He doesn't know." I said simply. "And you won't tell him."
"He deserves to know!" Maureen protested.
"No, he doesn't. This isn't even any of your business. We hardly know you, and because you stormed in here jabbering about April screwing some back alley scum, you've caused all this chaos. I can't believe I listened to you!"
"It's true, though! He. . ." she insisted.
"He sold her heroin, or was going to before you showed up."
"You two shouldn't even be playing with that shit! It can kill you!"
"I'm not an idiot, I know what it can do! And I want you to leave, now."
Maureen gave me a disbelieving look.
"What?"
"Leave. You are not welcome here."
"But what about Mark?"
"I'll tell him you never showed. Think of it as a parting gift. Don't worry I'll let him down easy. I doubt you'd be good for him anyway." I said.
With that, I ushered Maureen to the door and closed it in her face. Then I collapsed on the floor against the door and ran my fingers through my hair. Shit. This wasn't good. Some birthday.
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday...
"Happy fucking birthday. . ." I heard April mutter to herself from the stairwell outside the door.
I leaped up and opened the door to find April standing there fuming and crying at the same time.
"April," I started, staring at the ground.
"Don't you even fucking start with me! How could you? I mean, for Christ's fucking sake, Roger, you believed someone you barely know over your fiancée? What reason have I given you to make you believe that I would do that to you?"
"I'm sorry, April," I cried in frustration, "I don't know what came over me! I'm so sorry!"
"No! I'm sick of hearing how sorry you are! Why can't you ever truly mean it when you say you're sorry?"
"I do mean it!" I yelled. "How many times do I have to apologize before you think I'm really sorry?"
"When you stop fucking up all the time, then you wouldn't have to apologize all the time, and when you had to, I'd know you meant it!" April shot back.
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain...
"Whatever. I'll be back later." I said irritably.
"Yeah, cause you're so fucking good at leaving! I should know that better than anyone!" April yelled after me.
I ignored this and stormed down the street. A few minutes later, I was going through the doors of the Pyramid Club.
"Back again, Roger?" Dean yelled over the music.
"Yeah."
"What happened this time?" Dean asked as I approached the bar.
"Got into another fight with April." I said angrily. "Jack Daniels, on the rocks."
"Coming right up. Do you wanna. . ."
"Talk about it? No."
"Alright. Lemme know if you need anything." Dean said, setting the drink in front of me.
I took the drink, downed it, and set down again on the counter. This was unbelievable. I had just completely fucked up my life. Maybe she was right, maybe I needed to stop fucking up. . .no, that was bullshit. She needed to stop being so. . .
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...
"Oh, bollocks! Sorry, did I spill it on you?" came a heavily accented female voice.
I was suddenly aware of a sticky wetness all down my shoulder.
"What? Oh, shit, what is this?" I moaned.
"It was a cosmopolitan," the voice said.
I turned around and was faced with a woman who looked about my age with short blond hair.
"I'm Maia," she said, extending her hand.
"Roger," I replied as I shook her hand.
"Let me help you with that," she said, and grabbed a few napkins from the bar.
"Thanks."
After I got cleaned up, she sat down next to me.
"So, stranger, what are you doing drinking alone?" Maia asked me in her throaty voice.
"I'm avoiding going back home at the moment."
"Fight with the girlfriend?"
King of pain...
I nodded.
"Bloody women. They're a pain in the arse, aren't they- pain in the bloody arse." Maia commented. "Cheers."
I clinked my empty glass against her half-full one.
"What are you here for?" I asked.
"Waiting for my shift to begin."
"Where do you work?"
"I'm a stripper at the Pussy Palace." Maia replied.
I nearly choked on the ice cube I was sucking on.
King of pain...
"Excuse me, but I thought you said the Pussy Palace, the biggest lesbian strip joint in the city."
"I did. What, never met a lesbian before, you wanker?" she scoffed.
"Um," I stumbled for words, "Not so blatantly so, no. Nice accent."
"Thanks. All women adore British accents." Maia said, lighting up a cigarette.
I nodded. This was getting weird. Besides, it probably wasn't the best of ideas to have walked out on April. I decided to go back home.
"Well, it was nice meeting you, Maia." I said, "But I'm gonna get going."
"Well, bloody hell! You just got here! You're not even properly drunk! Sit your arse down and have another drink- on me." Maia ordered.
King of pain...
"Honestly, I really shouldn't. . ." I started.
Then I thought about it. When was the next time I'd ever have drinks with a British lesbian stripper? Probably not in this lifetime.
"Sure," I said, "What the hell? Know any good drinking games?"
Maia blew a smoke ring in my face. "Honey, I invented most of the them."
I'll always be king of pain
I'll always be king of pain
I'll always be king of pain...
Hey all, hope you enjoyed the last chapter! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO ALL MY LOYAL FANS WHO HAVE COME BACK AND NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME!!! (props especially to Mari and Amy-you guys ROCK!) It's not my best but I'm better with drama than comedy. I PROMISE I have plenty of surprises for you in the upcoming chapters. Trust me, Chapter 9 was more of a filler chapter. Now that the plot has been established, it's time to mess with your heads!!!! Chapter 10 takes place about two weeks after the end of Chapter 9. Also, be looking for my new upcoming fic- an Avenue Q/Rent crossover! Song for this chapter is King of Pain, by The Police.
(Mark's POV)
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop...
I berated myself thousands of times for the way I acted in the Life Café. I couldn't believe that I was really that much of an idiot. No wonder I hadn't gotten laid in two years. . .that I knew of. I still had no idea whether or not April and I slept together. I doubted that I ever would know. It didn't seem to matter though- a couple weeks had passed, and April and Roger hadn't fought once. They were more in love than I had ever seen them, and full of wedding plans. Then, there was me- good old solid Mark Cohen. I was their support system, their idea generator, and their mediator. I gave it all away and took little to nothing in return. Now, it was almost April's birthday, and Roger wanted to plan a surprise party for her. I wanted to do something special for her, but I had no idea where to start.
One morning, a few days before the big day, I noticed April getting up incredibly early.
"You're up early," I noted as I lounged on the couch with a cup of coffee.
"Yeah, yearly physical with the doc this morning. Wanted to get it over with so I could just come home and sleep." April replied, yawning heavily.
"What, afraid you might get a shot?" I teased.
"Shut up. I hate shots, but I know I might get one."
"Alright, well have fun!" I said cheerily.
April made a face and made a swipe at my arm, but stumbled and fell over. She grabbed the arm of the couch just in time, but her face was inches from mine as she tried to regain her balance. She grabbed my arm in order to steady herself. Instead, she missed, and fell right onto my lips.
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain...
"Mmmph!" April mumbled through out connected lips.
"This is rather embarrassing?" I asked.
Her lips were so soft and this was so right. But. . .she had fallen onto them. But then again, why hadn't she leaped up and apologized. . .
"Mark?"
"Yeah?"
"You're holding my arm down. You can let me go now." April mumbled.
I blushed and let go of her arm.
"Sorry." I said, as she got up and started walking toward the door.
She left, and as the door slammed behind her, Roger ambled into the living room.
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...
"What was that all about?"
"April obviously doesn't like doctor's appointments." I grumbled.
"What's up with you?"
"Nothing. So, the party's all set for tonight, right?" I asked as I changed the subject.
"Yeah. We'll start it at around one. Think you can keep her out of the house while I decorate and get the food ready?"
"You mean," I said in injured tones, "You don't want Chef Cohen to cook?"
Roger threw a couch pillow at me.
"Hey! Watch the coffee!" I said as I tried to keep the coffee from slopping into my lap.
"You mean you can make coffee without blowing up the kitchen?"
"Hey, if I remember correctly, you and April were the ones who were stupid enough to put a towel on a hot plate when it was turned on!" I tossed back the pillow.
"Whatever. Anyway, where are you going to take her?"
"I don't know. Maybe to another movie, maybe just walking around. . ." I started.
"Or maybe you should take her to the Life, and you can apologize to Maureen, and then invite her to the party." Roger suggested.
"Yeah, brilliant, Einstein! Let's invite her to a surprise party for April in front of April!" I said. "You amaze me sometimes!"
"Shut up. You could use a little cheering up. You haven't stopped moping for two weeks now!" Roger observed. "Just go there, talk to her, and invite her. It's not hard."
"Maybe not for you! You've always had it easy with the ladies!" I complained.
"Well, when you're as sexy as I am. . ."
"Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go shower- thanks for listening, pal." I retorted as I left the room.
When I got out of the shower half an hour later, I could hear the loft door slam, and then the door to Roger and April's bedroom slam a few seconds after that. April was back. That meant I had three hours to kill. I dried off, got dressed, and then went to knock on April's door. It was open a crack, and I could see April sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. A picture of her and Roger lay facedown on the bed. I tiptoed cautiously into the room and sat next to her.
There's a little black spot on the sun today
That's my soul out there
It's the same old thing as yesterday
That's my soul out there...
"April?" I asked softly.
April jumped slightly and looked up at me. Her eyes were red and puffy.
"Mark. Hi," she said.
"Are you ok?"
April looked away for a moment. When she turned back around, she was smiling again, like she had never broken.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Is something wrong?" I pressed gently.
"No, no. . . nothing. Just PMSing, that's all."
April wiped her eyes. I turned and looked at the clock. It was ten thirty. I still had two and a half hours to kill before I could bring April back to the loft-and I still needed to get her out of the house!
"Hey, April?" I asked.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you for a favor?" I said, formulating my plan carefully.
"Sure."
"Can you come to the Life Café with me? I want to talk to Maureen, and I just, uh. . ." I searched frantically for an excuse. "Want some moral support."
"I'm sure you don't need me to go down there with you, Mark." April said.
"Yes, I do! On the way down there, I'm gonna need your womanly advice on how to, uh, ask her out or something." I rushed on before April could protest further.
"I don't know, Mark. I'm not really up for it right now. . ."
"Please?" I asked, giving her puppy dog eyes.
April sighed. "Fine. Let's go."
April and I exited the loft. Roger gave me a thumbs-up when April wasn't looking. As she and I walked out to the street I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She looked so down. Her eyes were glazed over, and she didn't even really seem to know where she was.
"April?" I started.
"Hm?" she mumbled.
The look on her face stopped all questions that were at the tip of my tongue.
"Nothing. Do you think I have a chance with Maureen?" I said.
"Maybe," she shrugged, "It depends how good you are at groveling."
"I was that bad, huh?"
"Yeah, but she didn't seem pissed. She looked kinda amused, actually." April replied, the glimmer of a smile briefly lighting up her features.
We reached the Life sooner than I was ready for us to. I could see Maureen through the glass window serving a tray of drinks to a man sitting in a corner booth. She was flashing that gorgeous smile at him and her curly black hair bounced as she tossed her head in laughter. It made me jealous in a way that I had only felt with one other person. . .hell, maybe there was hope for my pathetic love life. I glanced over at April. Maybe not.
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
That's my soul out there
There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop
That's my soul out there...
"Um. . .is Maureen Johnson on today?" I asked the waitress closest to me when we walked in.
"Yeah, she's right over there. What, you her boyfriend or somethin?" the waitress replied through a bubble of pink bubble gum.
"Yeah, right. Can I speak with her for a moment?"
"Yeah, sure. Mo!" she called out.
Maureen turned around. At the sight of me standing there, a slow smile worked its way across her face.
"What's up Cheryl?" she called back.
"This here guy wants to talk to you. I'll cover your table for a minute." Cheryl said as Maureen strode over to us.
"Thanks. Aren't you on break?"
"Not anymore now, huh?" Cheryl retorted.
"Aw, come on. I'll share my last two cigarettes with you when our shift's over, ok?" Maureen offered.
"Fine. Did you get Marlboro Menthol or did you buy those crappy Pall Malls again?"
"Pall Malls were cheaper and all I had enough for- sorry. Take it or leave it."
Cheryl sighed. "Whatever."
She walked away leaving Maureen, me, and April standing near the entrance to the restaurant.
"Nice to see you both again." Maureen said. "What can I do for you?"
"We were just out on a walk. Mark wanted to stop in." April said. "I'll let you two talk."
She seated herself and ordered a drink from Cheryl.
"So." Maureen said to me.
"So. Um. I'msorryabouttheotherdayandIknowyoumustthinkI'majerkoffbutwillyougoonadatewi thme?" I rushed out before I lost my nerve.
Maureen laughed. "Wanna run that by me one more time, stud?"
I took a deep breath, and said calmly, "I'm sorry about the other day. I know you must think I'm a major jerkoff, but. . .will you go on a date with me?"
I waited to hear laughter, a snort, or some sort of sly remark that was the usual assortment of reactions I got when I asked women out. Instead, Maureen smiled- a real smile; a nice one.
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain...
"Really? You came here to ask me that?"
"Um. Yeah. You seem really nice and stuff and I was just thinking it'd be fun."
Ugh, shut up Cohen! You sound like an idiot.
"Sure. When?" Maureen said.
I gaped at her for a moment, and then shook my head.
"What?" she asked. "Not used to scoring dates?"
"Honestly," I confessed, "Not at all. Roger's the ladies' man. I'm the camera dork."
"Well, I think you're sweet, and kinda cute. So when do you want to take me out? I get out of here in about an hour or so." Maureen said.
"Actually," I said, glancing around to make sure April was still sitting in the restaurant, "April's birthday is in a few days, and Roger and I are throwing her a surprise part this afternoon at one. If I write down my address, you're welcome to join us."
"Sounds good. I remember your address though. Roger told me on the way out when you guys left the other day."
"Oh. Great! Well, see you at one then?" I said.
"Yeah, sure thing. Well, I gotta get back to work. See you around." Maureen said, and flashed her smile at me once more before leaving.
April came back, took one look at the shit-eating grin on my face, and sighed.
"That bad, huh?"
"Huh? Oh, yes. It was horrible. So horrible, in fact, that I got her to come to the party. . .tonight. . ." I trailed off. "Shit."
April laughed. "You think I didn't know? Surprise parties are the worst- kept secrets."
"Shit. Roger thinks you have no idea."
"I'm a great actress. I'll be the most surprised girl in New York. Ready to walk around some more?"
"Yeah, sure."
April and I walked on. Then, she paused a moment and turned to me.
"Mark?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you mind if I walked around by myself for a bit? I just want to be alone."
I thought for a moment.
"Yeah," I said after a second, "Sure. But make sure you. . ."
"I'll amble in a little after one." April promised.
She turned to me and then suddenly kissed my cheek softly.
"Thanks. It means a lot."
Then she walked off in the opposite direction. I strolled back to the loft and it was quarter to twelve when I got there.
"Mark! Why are you back this early?" Roger exclaimed at my entrance.
"April wanted to walk around by herself for a bit. She said she'll be back soon." I said calmly.
"Alright," Roger relaxed. "Is she okay?"
I thought a moment. I didn't really want to worry him. I didn't believe her when she said she was okay, but I figured that if and when she wanted to open up, she would in her own time.
"She's fine, Roger. Just felt like being by herself, I guess." I replied.
Roger signed. "I sure hope you're right.
(April's POV)
The world was going crazy. This had to be a dream. It must be! If this wasn't a dream, then it would be real- but it wouldn't be real, because in reality, I wouldn't have AIDS. The diagnosis had come that morning. The doctor was running some routine blood tests- and it came up. I remember when the doctor told me, and handed me a prescription for AZT, as well as a pamphlet filled with information and support hotline numbers. It was too real, too. . .
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...
"This isn't fucking supposed to happen to me!" I screamed in frustration, ignoring the stares I got.
I had the urge to run, to break free and just run. So I did. I ran away from the crowds, away from disease, away from the sickly green walls in a doctor's office. I ran until dizzying fear made me stop. Feeling sick, I leaned over and vomited in the nearest alleyway. . .
Alleyway.
The back alleys where the prostitutes and druggies roamed. . .
Druggies. . .
Like The Man. . .or me.
The needle.
Shit.
I fell back hard against the nearest wall, breathing heavily and hearing nothing but the sound of my heart. The slow dawning realization hit me like a tidal wave. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to roll over and die.
There's a fossil that's trapped inside a high cliff wall
That's my soul out there
There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
That's my soul out there...
"Goddammit!" I cried out, pounding my fists on the wall. "Why? Why me? Why damn a young woman like me?"
"Why damn anyone? What makes God damn any human?" came a familiar voice.
I turned my head to see The Man coming toward me in all his drug-induced glory.
"Why would He?" The Man continued. "What evil could anyone commit that's enough to get them damned? Maybe you're the scum of the earth, like me- selling drugs to anyone as a way to live. Or, maybe, you're a cheating little whore. It all depends on how you look at it."
"I am not a cheating little whore! You. . ." I screamed.
"You," he cut in smoothly, "Wanted the high, wanted the rush. I told you once before, and I'll tell you again- you'll do anything for a high. I was right. You came back and fucked a man old enough to be your daddy just to get high."
I fell silent. It was true, no denying it.
"And then," The Man said, "You were stupid enough to steal an open needle out of my coat pocket- without knowing whether it's used. You were a bad girl, sweet thing."
He leaned in toward me and stroked my hair.
"A very bad girl," he purred.
I leaped up.
"Stop it! Get away from me! You've taken my life from me! Leave me the little dignity I have left!" I cried.
"What dignity? You already cheated on your love once- another time doesn't mean anything once the damage is done!"
"But I love him!" I cried, "I love him, I love him. . ."
The Man came forward and shook me by my shoulders; thrust me up against the wall hard, cracking my skull against the rocky concrete.
"You can't afford to love him anymore!" he hissed.
There's a blue whale beached by a springtide's ebb
That's my soul out there
There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web
That's my soul out there...
My head dropped forward, my body started to go limp. But a figure appearing at the entrance to the alleyway made me try to hold on to consciousness. It was Maureen.
"Maureen. . ."I gasped, "Please. . ."
But her face reflected disbelief and outrage.
"Maureen?" I tried again.
"I don't believe this!" she said. "I knew there was something about you. . ."
"What?" I cried, struggling to get out of The Man's grasp, "You think. . ."
"I believe what my eyes tell me. Poor Roger," She said smugly.
"What?" I protested weakly, "I didn't do anything!"
The Man glanced at Maureen. "You want a try at this one, lady? She's always ready and willing to fuck, you know."
"Get away from me!" I cried. "Maureen, help!"
"I don't think so," Maureen said coldly, and walked away quickly.
"Let go of me!" I yelled one more time, and finally maneuvered my knee to in between his legs.
"Ouch! You little cunt!" The Man yelled clutching his groin as a I kneed him as hard as I could.
"Stay the fuck away from me you cock sucking bastard!" I cried, and then ran away as fast as I could.
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain...
I had to catch Maureen; I just had to! I couldn't let her get to Roger before I did; I couldn't let her spread vicious lies about an event that she didn't even know the half of! By the time I got back to the loft I could already hear Maureen's high heels clicking around the floor from outside the front door.
"I don't know what she was doing with him, Roger, but it didn't look good." Maureen was saying. "I feel bad saying this to you and hardly knowing you, but I think you ought to know what kind of girl you're marrying."
"Bull fucking shit," I muttered under my breath.
With that, I marched up to the door and let myself in, waiting for the clouds to start raining on my parade.
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...
(Roger's POV)
I didn't want to believe any of it. There was no way in hell April would be getting freaky with some geezer in a back alley. I didn't even know Maureen that well- maybe she was trying to cause trouble. I couldn't believe her, but what if. . .April chose that moment to barge into the loft. I looked her up and down. This was unbelievable. Her hair was tangled and loose, her clothes were skewed, and she looked dazed. She certainly did look like she had just jumped in the hay with someone.
There's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt...
"April. Wanna explain this?" I asked harsher than I'd intended.
"Explain what? How about asking Maureen to explain any lies she might have told you. I can't believe you'd believe her over your own fiancée!" April said, angrily shooting daggers at Maureen.
"I didn't say what I did or did not believe." I stated slowly.
"Thou doth protest too much, methinks." Maureen quoted.
"Shut up you little bitch before I knock you off those heels and onto your ass." April threatened.
"Try it." Maureen returned silkily.
"My pleasure."
"Girls," I interrupted, "I'm only interested in one thing- what the fuck happened."
"I was in the back alleyway," I began.
"What the hell were you doing in there?" I asked in bewilderment.
"I was walking, by myself," April said shakily, "And then I felt kinda sick, so I stepped into the alley and threw up. But, this man was there,"
"Who conveniently was able to put his hands all over you," Maureen added.
"Shut up! You don't know what happened!" April cried.
"I know that you look like hell at the moment and I know what I saw!"
"You know nothing of hell."
There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread...
"Maureen, if you don't let April finish her story, then I swear I will trot your ass outta here so fast your head will spin." I ordered. "Enough of the bullshit."
April took a deep breath and continued. "So when he started coming on to me, I tried to get away, but he grabbed me and tossed me against the wall. He cracked my head really hard and I almost passed out- that's where Maureen saw me. I thought she would help me out. Obviously that's beneath her character."
"Oh, but Roger, she forgot to mention the part where the guy commented on April being a good fuck. Now," Maureen said, thoughtfully tapping her purple nails against her cheek, "How would he know this unless he actually had the favor?"
My face froze. I had believed April's story up until then. It all seemed crystal clear and normal- a young, pretty woman getting attacked in a back alley was everyday news. But there was something about the way Maureen had mentioned what that guy said. She was right, it was too familiar, too personal. But April would never. . .
King of pain...
"Did he say that, April?" I asked softly.
"Roger, I swear. . ." she started.
"I asked if he said that, dammit!" I thundered.
April's eyes filled helplessly with tears. She didn't speak.
"So it's true. Goddammit, April, what the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted.
"I knew I would find my answer in there somewhere." Maureen said.
Suddenly, April sprang up wildly.
"An answer? You wanted an answer when the one I gave the first time wasn't good enough?"
April strode out of the room and into our bedroom. My stomach sank as I knew exactly what she was about to do, and all to try to prove her innocence.
"April, don't!" I called to her.
But she returned, wild-eyed, clutching a plastic bag behind her back. With ferocity I didn't know she possessed, she emptied the contents of the bag at Maureen's feet. Needles, elastic strips, and small baggies of powder tumbled onto the floor.
"There's your goddamned fucking answer!" April spat.
There's a red fox thorn by a huntsman's path
That's my soul out there
There's a black winged gull with a broken back
That's my soul out there...
Then, with one last angry look, she stormed out of the loft. Maureen and I stood there silently- me in bewilderment, her in shock.
"Roger? What is this?" Maureen asked, lips quivering.
"Don't act like you don't have a clue." I said shortly.
"Roger. . .no, you. . .heroin? And what about Mark?" she cried, glancing nervously toward his bedroom where he was sleeping.
"He doesn't know." I said simply. "And you won't tell him."
"He deserves to know!" Maureen protested.
"No, he doesn't. This isn't even any of your business. We hardly know you, and because you stormed in here jabbering about April screwing some back alley scum, you've caused all this chaos. I can't believe I listened to you!"
"It's true, though! He. . ." she insisted.
"He sold her heroin, or was going to before you showed up."
"You two shouldn't even be playing with that shit! It can kill you!"
"I'm not an idiot, I know what it can do! And I want you to leave, now."
Maureen gave me a disbelieving look.
"What?"
"Leave. You are not welcome here."
"But what about Mark?"
"I'll tell him you never showed. Think of it as a parting gift. Don't worry I'll let him down easy. I doubt you'd be good for him anyway." I said.
With that, I ushered Maureen to the door and closed it in her face. Then I collapsed on the floor against the door and ran my fingers through my hair. Shit. This wasn't good. Some birthday.
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday...
"Happy fucking birthday. . ." I heard April mutter to herself from the stairwell outside the door.
I leaped up and opened the door to find April standing there fuming and crying at the same time.
"April," I started, staring at the ground.
"Don't you even fucking start with me! How could you? I mean, for Christ's fucking sake, Roger, you believed someone you barely know over your fiancée? What reason have I given you to make you believe that I would do that to you?"
"I'm sorry, April," I cried in frustration, "I don't know what came over me! I'm so sorry!"
"No! I'm sick of hearing how sorry you are! Why can't you ever truly mean it when you say you're sorry?"
"I do mean it!" I yelled. "How many times do I have to apologize before you think I'm really sorry?"
"When you stop fucking up all the time, then you wouldn't have to apologize all the time, and when you had to, I'd know you meant it!" April shot back.
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running round my brain...
"Whatever. I'll be back later." I said irritably.
"Yeah, cause you're so fucking good at leaving! I should know that better than anyone!" April yelled after me.
I ignored this and stormed down the street. A few minutes later, I was going through the doors of the Pyramid Club.
"Back again, Roger?" Dean yelled over the music.
"Yeah."
"What happened this time?" Dean asked as I approached the bar.
"Got into another fight with April." I said angrily. "Jack Daniels, on the rocks."
"Coming right up. Do you wanna. . ."
"Talk about it? No."
"Alright. Lemme know if you need anything." Dean said, setting the drink in front of me.
I took the drink, downed it, and set down again on the counter. This was unbelievable. I had just completely fucked up my life. Maybe she was right, maybe I needed to stop fucking up. . .no, that was bullshit. She needed to stop being so. . .
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...
"Oh, bollocks! Sorry, did I spill it on you?" came a heavily accented female voice.
I was suddenly aware of a sticky wetness all down my shoulder.
"What? Oh, shit, what is this?" I moaned.
"It was a cosmopolitan," the voice said.
I turned around and was faced with a woman who looked about my age with short blond hair.
"I'm Maia," she said, extending her hand.
"Roger," I replied as I shook her hand.
"Let me help you with that," she said, and grabbed a few napkins from the bar.
"Thanks."
After I got cleaned up, she sat down next to me.
"So, stranger, what are you doing drinking alone?" Maia asked me in her throaty voice.
"I'm avoiding going back home at the moment."
"Fight with the girlfriend?"
King of pain...
I nodded.
"Bloody women. They're a pain in the arse, aren't they- pain in the bloody arse." Maia commented. "Cheers."
I clinked my empty glass against her half-full one.
"What are you here for?" I asked.
"Waiting for my shift to begin."
"Where do you work?"
"I'm a stripper at the Pussy Palace." Maia replied.
I nearly choked on the ice cube I was sucking on.
King of pain...
"Excuse me, but I thought you said the Pussy Palace, the biggest lesbian strip joint in the city."
"I did. What, never met a lesbian before, you wanker?" she scoffed.
"Um," I stumbled for words, "Not so blatantly so, no. Nice accent."
"Thanks. All women adore British accents." Maia said, lighting up a cigarette.
I nodded. This was getting weird. Besides, it probably wasn't the best of ideas to have walked out on April. I decided to go back home.
"Well, it was nice meeting you, Maia." I said, "But I'm gonna get going."
"Well, bloody hell! You just got here! You're not even properly drunk! Sit your arse down and have another drink- on me." Maia ordered.
King of pain...
"Honestly, I really shouldn't. . ." I started.
Then I thought about it. When was the next time I'd ever have drinks with a British lesbian stripper? Probably not in this lifetime.
"Sure," I said, "What the hell? Know any good drinking games?"
Maia blew a smoke ring in my face. "Honey, I invented most of the them."
I'll always be king of pain
I'll always be king of pain
I'll always be king of pain...