Sorry that the other chapter was really short. I'll try to make up for it now with a longer one. I really hope that you guys like this and please R&R! Tell me what you think! )
"You look a little down, what's up?" one of the waitresses from a local coffee place asked me.
I had made it somewhat of a routine to head here for a cup of coffee after work. I knew I needed something that would take my mind off of all the changes I had to face everyday. I had made friends with one of the waitresses--Mélanie Argenaunt. Since I'd become somewhat of a regular there she could tell if I was upset.
"Nothing really. Tough day on the job, that's all," I replied. It wasn't a real lie, it really had been a tough day on the job, but I wasn't going to explain everything so I left it as that.
She raised her eyebrow. I could tell that she knew there was more to the story, but she didn't seem to force an answer out of me so we let the subject drop.
"Since you've had a rough day, why don't I tell you what happened to me. Maybe I can cheer you up a little," Mélanie began, setting down a cup of coffee in front of me, "So, I was having some company over to lunch, and I thought that I'd make my house look fancy, or at least half decent. You see, I'm kind of a slob. Anyway, I had spent all morning cleaning and whatnot and when my guests arrived I figured that it would turn out nicely. Well, let's just say I was very wrong about that one. My guests were quite formal people... and when I came to the table to serve the food with toilet paper sticking out of the back of pants, well... that story speaks for itself. And if that wasn't bad enough, I go to pass one of my guests the bowl of salad and serve them some... and what do you know... I trip over something that was on the floor and loose my grip on the bowl. Now, where do you think the salad landed? You guessed it, right on top of my guest's head."
I didn't really want to laugh, the story sounded quite embarrassing. So instead, I just took a sip of my coffee, doing whatever I could to hold in the chuckle that was begging to be let out.
"You're allowed to laugh you know," Mélanie told me, so I did what she said.
Mélanie saw that she had another customer so she left briefly, but it didn't really matter. I had a lot on my mind at the time and wasn't in much of a talking mood. I wanted desperately to figure out a way to convince the rest of the CSIs that what had happened wasn't any of their faults, and that it wasn't going to happen again. I wanted to let them know that everything was fine and that I just wanted them to go back to the way they used to be, but that's easier said than done. I understood why they felt the way they did, but it bugged me that it was affecting their old personalities. It never really occurred to me until now, but I really don't like change. I especially don't like it when it turns my closest friends into a bunch of people who I don't even know anymore. None of them act like the CSIs that I once knew. Everything and everyone is completely different now, and I didn't know if I'd ever get used to it.
When Mélanie returned, I claimed that I had a few things to do and I left. I wasn't lying, I really did have things to do. I would go talk with Grissom, surely if I explained everything that I had been thinking about lately, he would see that he had nothing to worry about. I knew if I could convince Grissom, then convincing the others would be a piece of cake.
I knew that Grissom would still be at the lab, so I hopped in my car and drove over, hoping to get to talk with him. When I walked into his office, he was a little surprised to see me, telling me that my shift had ended and that I could go home.
"Yeah, I know that... but there's something I wanted to talk with you about," I told him.
Grissom bit his lip, it was almost as if he acted like he was expecting bad news. None the less, he still nodded, signaling that he wanted to know what I was about to tell him. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to tell him, so I just decided to let the words flow and hope that I was making my point.
"Have you noticed that everyone is acting differently? Maybe I'm just imagining it, but it really feels like no one is who they used to be anymore. Maybe it's because of what happened to me, and maybe everyone is scared that something might happen again... I'm really not sure and maybe I'm the only one that notices this but..." I explained practically in one breath before I let myself trail off.
Grissom looked as if he was about to say something, but then for some reason he appeared to hold it back. I felt like an idiot coming to talk to him about it and turned to leave.
"No, Nick wait," he said before I got out of the office.
I turned around to give him a chance to speak.
"Nick..." Grissom paused for a moment, unsure of what he was going to say, "I know it was terrifying for you while you were in that box. Of course I'll never understand fully because it was you experiencing it and not me, but I'm sure it was equally terrifying for the rest of us. I've seen a lot of things in my lifetime, but having to watch helplessly as you struggled in that box is the worst thing yet. Knowing that we couldn't do anything really tore us apart, and people heal from that at different rates. Now that you're out, it's over for you. The fear is gone because you know that you are okay. As for the rest of us, the thoughts of 'What if' still linger in our minds. I'm sure that each of us blames ourselves for what happened."
I hadn't seen it that way, and Grissom made a lot of sense. Still, I wanted more than anything for them to be healed now. I wanted more than anything for things to be normal again.
"But I'm okay... if something had happened then I could see why everything would be so different. But I survived. You all saved me. I'm alive right now because of you guys. You saved my life. Doesn't that get rid of the guilt you all felt?" I asked.
Grissom knew that he wouldn't be able to explain it to me, and I sensed that there was nothing he could tell me to make me understand. Maybe if I had been in his shoes, maybe if Grissom had been the one in trouble and I had to be the one to watch helplessly, maybe then I would have understood. He told me that sooner or later, everyone would slowly return to normal, once they realized that it wasn't their fault. I wish that time was now.
After the discussion, I got back in my car and decided to head home. There was nothing else I wanted to do but sleep. Maybe I'd wake up and realize that everything was a dream. That I'd never been kidnapped, that I'd never been buried alive and things would just be the way they used to be.
I returned home, slept and woke up to the cruel reality that none of this was a dream.