Walk Me Home

:Ginny's POV:

I scratch my head at the last problem on my notebook, math was never my favorite subject and the professor, Snape didn't even help. I closed my notebook in resignation and sigh.

You and Cho got back together now everything and everyone was happy and you'd never have to worry about Draco anymore. I was glad. Right?

Ron sure wasn't.

I gave it a try with Michael though, last April and it didn't last a month. It didn't seem to work, so we resigned to being friends. What was strange though was that you never asked. We never talked about Michael. Maybe I never brought him up.

Your love for Cho grew every minute of everyday, you found several new things to love her for. I wonder often if you ever did that to me? You know suddenly realize that there was one thing you didn't know about me.

The time was coming that I had to tell you. Because I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I couldn't pretend anymore.

Pretend that it didn't hurt me, when I was dying inside.

Pretend to be happy for you, when I really want to strangle you.

Pretend that Cho's the best for you when I want it to be me.

And most of all pretend I don't love you, when I, if I had that chance… if you gave me the chance would love you with anything and everything I had.

But I hadn't the chance and hadn't the right to complain.

I hurt everyday yet I stand by you. Would it still be my place after I tell you?

What am I?

A liar?

I have lied so many times, that now I think… no! I believe that they are the truth. I lie that I don't hurt, that im fine, that math doesn't suck, and that ballet is my only life, when you are.

A thief?

You walking me home when you should be with Cho.

Suicidal?

Killing myself slowly just to be near you despite the pain.

I have to tell you, people know were best friends but Cho doesn't deserve this. Perhaps I don't deserve this.

I didn't tell you did I?

Krum wrote me a letter of a full scholarship to Beauxbatons, turns out I'll be going to college early. Dumbledore had sent them my transcripts, I would have been upset but inside of me I was ecstatic. All my life I wanted to study there, now I have the chance to.

I'm going to take it.

That means I have to leave you behind. Not that you'd make me stay. But I want to because it was my dream and you have always told me to chase my dreams. I silently chased you for several years and that got me nowhere but now I have the chance to chase this single dream, I'm going to.

But what scares me is that you might not care.

What am I?

Selfish?

For not telling you this. This important mark of my life. A stepping stone that has been handed to me. I know I deserve this because I worked hard for it.

I am jaded.

I love you.

I want to tell you that. I love every little bit of you. From the tips of you scraggly hair to the tips of your toes. I love every basketball playing-jersey wearing-four-eyed-freak of you. I want you to know that. But how do I tell you?

I knew it would be the last time together, the last hug, the last talk and many other lasts. I found you standing there under the weeping willow, which you claimed as yours your solitude, the light casting a soft reddish glow on you. I savored it a bit, knowing I could never look at you after this.

This was it. It all came down to this moment, after years of being best friends, after years of loving you, after years of a hidden love that didn't want to go away.

You turned to face me. Did you feel my presence? I don't want to think anymore, I just want to feel. I want to hold you and never let go but it's not my right to.

I slowly stepped up to you uncertain if it's still my space to fill. You look at me questioningly.

"Hairy," I said slowly. The nickname never seemed to disappear, just to show how much I love you I always use it, but you don't seem to notice. You blink and I've got this tiny feeling that you know. And it's that tiny feeling that is always right.

You stare at me for a moment, reading my eyes. I try to look away but I can't seem to tear my gaze away from yours.

"You forgot to change." You say simply, nervousness clearly present. Why were you nervous?

"I got caught up with math homework." I shake my head slightly irritated that I let you change the subject, again.

"Ginny.." you say somewhat strangled. I knew it, you know.

"How do you know?" I wondered slightly hurt, because you never told me.

"Seamus told me" you say before you can stop yourself and you realize that you just slipped, "What? What are you talking about?"

I try to laugh but nothing comes except and exasperated HA!

"Since when Harry?" I ask quietly, embarrassed?

"The week Draco left." Now I felt it, I'm supposed to be strong but the load that you left me was still there unconsciously suspended in thin air with the rope of the truth. The truth had let loose and I felt myself being dragged down.

"All this time you knew?" I asked, you nod, "How can you be so insensitive?"

"I didn't mean to." You say hopelessly.

"That's not fair." I want to cry so badly, but it would hurt you. You make a move to hug me, but I stumble back. I was shaking my head, terrified.

"I'm sorry…" you step back. And I cover my eyes with both of my hands as if it would push back the tears.

"Don't be."

"I should be!" you cry out, deeply upset, "I want to be able to love you. I just can't. It's so unfair, it's so hard."

"I know it's hard you big baby" I tease softly, "But if it wasn't hard we wouldn't learn anything from it. We wouldn't learn to be strong if it wasn't hard."

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything.. just listen." You nod.

"I've known since we were ten, how young huh? Well… there… and everyday I found some new things about you, both horrible and great. But it never changed what I felt for you. I stood by you through every pain and every suffering you've been through. But you never noticed me in that way, I'm sure your grateful but the strain is tiring me Har. You always told me to chase my dreams but I had one dream that I couldn't chase because you were always someone else's and I hadn't the heart to steal." I sigh broken. He takes my hand in his and laces his fingers through mine; a moment of lasts and this was the first time he ever held my hand that way. I jumped.

"What's wrong?"

"My heart skipped a bit." I admitted.

"This won't change anything." You state, half questioningly. I wanted to smile at the hopeful tone in your voice, but I can't give in, I won't give in.

"This," I pointed out slowly to our situation, "Changes everything." I nod once, and at that moment I start to cry. You reach out and put a hand on my shoulder your other hand still clasped in mine. I shake my head, "I'm sorry. I know how you hate seeing me cry."

"Not anymore," you whisper and I looked up, "I hate making you cry."

"Oh."

"Why? Why do you have to do this? Make me understand?" you beg. I lick my lips and then purse them.

"Oh I know how much we both want this to last. Our friendship, the walks home, the stupid stories, your basketball games which I hate watching, everything. But we'd drift apart. After this you wouldn't want to hurt me, so you'd stop telling me stuff about Cho and then you'd stop telling me anything at all." I lied, I'm leaving, I want to tell you that. But what I said was partially the truth even if we tried it wouldn't work out at all.

"I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be. You never knew."

Your hands are still laced with mine both wet with tears. I looked up and I saw you cry.

"I need you." Was all you could say as you tried hard not to sob.

"I love you." I whispered keeping your hand in mine as I hugged you with my other, "But I can't fight anymore. I can't win you completely and I don't want to."

'Why? Am I not worth fighting for?" you ask sadly.

"I've fought every battle for you but you never gave me the chance to win the war." I whisper sadly as I hugged you burying my face in your neck. I never felt so tired in all my life. Wiping away the tears that I've shed along with the sadness and pain that echoed in the walls of my heart I stepped away from the arms that never belonged to me. I looked up into your sad tired green eyes and looked at you for a long time.

I want to remember your face. I doubt I will forget, but just because. I search your face and part of me wants you to beg me to stay. But I can't… I won't… I'll go to France live the life I've always wanted and you'll be here, maybe go to Oxford with the rest of the gang and then graduate, get married, have kids… it kills me to think of that.

I sigh.

"Thank you." You whisper as tears make their way down your cheek. I reach up to wipe them away.

"I never asked for your gratitude." I said.

"You never asked for anything." Placing my hand over yours I pull you closer to me.

"I didn't have to. You gave me everything I needed."

"But not what you wanted."

"It seems I didn't need what I wanted."

"Will I still pick you up tomorrow?" you ask hopefully. I smile at that tone of your voice. It wasn't much of a smile was it? I may have looked kind of broken at that moment. But I don't want you to worry about me.

I shake my head, all this, more than seven years of being in love with you will not heal by tomorrow. I take your face in my hands and run my thumbs over your cheeks, "I can only give so much Har. I need time, and until then I will take what you can give me. Friendship. Just not the way we were before."

You shudder under my touch and I know how much its hurting you. I'm not really leaving you. Now I wonder what made me stay? What brought me to you despite the pain I felt when I was around you?

I step away, "Take care of yourself Harry." I say as I dust off your shirt dutifully and straightened myself out. I kiss my fingers and place them on your cheek not daring to kiss you, afraid that this kiss would make me stay. You cover my hand with yours and kiss it back. I smile.

I stepped away with one last longing look and then turned around to walk away and begin the routine we shared, alone. The best moments of my life are those shared with you yet I risked it all to tell you what I felt inside.

I love you.

Now you know about my hidden feelings, the one that won't fade away.

Awww... sad... REVIEW:)