Lilo and Stitch: A New Hope, Kind of
Chapter 1: Secret Rebel Plans
Disclaimer: I don't own L&S or Star Wars: A New Hope. And I don't own King of the Hill or "Eye of the Tiger". I do own this story. I own the experiments: 6-3-1, 6-0-5, 5-3-6, Psycho, and 6-0-7. K9 the First owns experiments: 6-2-9 (Xeiton), 6-3-0 (Mana), and 0-0-0 (Omni). His 0-0-0 was the first one to come out, according to him. And I don't own MST3K.
The scene opens up with words scrolling across the infinity of space and disappearing into the stars. All of a sudden the words quickly get scrolled back to the beginning and the theme song to King of the Hill starts to play.
"Sorry!" yelled the teleprompter/guy that controls the music. "I'll fix that in just a second!"
Darkness tamer and K9 the First sigh with annoyance and scowl at the mess-up they had hired for the job.
"How hard is it to scroll some words across the screen and play the right CD!" yelled Darkness tamer. K9 (to his right) rolls his eyes at the man and sighs again.
"I can't believe you hired this guy!" whispered K9 to Darkness tamer. "He sucks!"
"He was the best that showed up!" retorted Darkness Tamer. (I HATE NOT DOING THIS IN SCRIPT!).
"He was the only guy that showed up for the job." complained K9. "We could have waited for some more people to show up. And besides, he doesn't know what he's doing!"
"We waited for a month!" Darkness tamer yelled impatiently. "We couldn't have afforded to wait any longer!"
K9 sighed and rolled his eyes in disbelief at his best friend. Darkness tamer was turning a dark shade of purple and was about to seriously chew out the teleprompter when he finally fixed it.
"I think I got it!" he yelled to the two overlords of the story. "Why is K9 even in this story? You're the one writing it!"
"First of all: he's my best friend." said Darkness tamer angrily. "Second: half of this story wouldn't be possible without him allowing me to use his fan experiments. And thirdly: in return for him letting me use his experiments, he wanted to be in the story."
"Why didn't you just use someone else's experiments instead?" he asked.
"I see now why you didn't want me to hire him now." Darkness tamer mumbled to K9. "YOU'RE FIRED YOU STUPID IDIOT WITH YOUR STUPIDLY STUPID QUESTIONS! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, OR I'LL TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME!"
The teleprompter left the studio crying his eyes out and Darkness tamer started to laugh evilly.
"You know you sounded a lot like Hamsterwheel right then, don't you?" asked K9.
"Viel! Viel! My name is Hamsterviel!" Shouted Hamsterviel from light-years away.
"I did? Oh well. You know that I have uncontrollable spurts of evil." said Darkness tamer. "I can't control when it shows itself."
"I know." said K9, exasperated. He secretly rolled his eyes for his helpless friend. "Now what are we going to do for a teleprompter/DJ?"
"I'm going to be the teleprompter/DJ." replied Darkness Tamer happily.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess." mumbled K9 under his breath.
"I think I know what I'm doing." said Darkness Tamer in a hurt tone, sitting down behind the control station. "Besides, I can't be any worse than the guy I just fired."
"Whatever you say," said K9 exasperatedly, sitting down in a chair.
Darkness tamer looked threateningly at K9 and turned around and looked at all of the buttons and levers for five minutes, confused the whole time.
"Are you sure you don't want me to help?'" K9 asked Darkness tamer, getting up to help him. "I know how-"
Darkness tamer held up a hand to cut him off and returned to staring at the buttons.
"I'm going to figure this out any time now!" came Darkness tamer's reply.
K9 sighed and sat back down in his chair and shook his head slightly. Luckily for him Darkness tamer didn't see that because he was too busy being frustrated by not knowing what to do.
"Maybe you shouldn't have fired the teleprompter." said K9.
"Ah, screw it!" yelled Darkness tamer, pressing buttons like a madman.
The words kept scrolling back and forth extremely fast and the font was changing colors. Blue.. green.. red.. purple.. orange.. gray.. and a sage looking color. The background was also changing. It went from the stars to a cowboy riding a bull.. a note to Stitch from Angel.. then it went to five men dancing to YMCA song.
"Hey!" yelled K9. "I wasn't done reading that note! It had some 'interesting' things on there."
"Well, too bad!" came Darkness tamer's reply. "I'm trying to figure this out right now!"
K9 let out a huge 'humph' and put on a mad face. After about two more minutes of trying to figure out how to work the machine, Darkness tamer gave up and let out a long string of curse words.
"So you're going to let me-"
"Ah! Screw it!" Darkness tamer yelled, not paying any attention to his friend. "I'll just read this thing! That was too hard to work!"
K9 sat back down with another huge sigh and rolled his eyes at his pathetically pathetic friend.
"Not so long ago, in a galaxy not so far away…" Darkness tamer began. "The people of the rebellion thingy have been suppressed by the not so powerful Empire led by Emperor Hamsterviel and his left hand man Darth Zero."
K9 is seen in a corner trying to suppress mad fits of laughter. Darkness tamer rolls his eyes and continues with his "story".
"Now the Rebellion thingamajigger has intercepted plans for the ultimate Imperial weapon… the Death Star." Darkness tamer droned on. "Princess Mana Organa receives false information that the Empire is following her, and she panics her little butt off like a sissy girl (no offense intended). So she sends a droid with a message for help for Jumba-wan Kenobi. But instead of going to him it goes to a guy named Stitch Skywalker. Then a bunch of stuff happens and he kills Hamsterwheel."
"Viel! Viel! My name is Hamsterviel!" he screamed from light-years away.
"How does he project his voice from that far away?" asked Darkness tamer.
K9 had just recovered from his fits of violent laughter and got up off the floor.
"He used the 'sandwich'. Remember?" K9 replied.
"Oh, right! I forgot the little weakling had it."
"I am not being of the weakly weaklynezz, you oh so idiodic idiot! Now stop making fun of me or I shall taunt you a zecond time!"
"Oh, and good job letting away the ending the wrong way!" K9 yelled at his friend.
"What do you mean?"
"Darth Zero kills Hamsterviel! Not Stitch!"
"Sorry." Replied Darkness tamer with a downtrodden voice.
"Someday you'll learn, my idiodic friend."
Darkness tamer gets mad and leaps at the humanoid hyena, but K9 just sticks his hand up and stops him.
"When will you ever learn that you can't beat a humanoid hyena?" K9 taunted.
Darkness tamer rolled over and stuck one of his poisonous quills in K9's right foot. K9 leapt up and down yelling and holding his foot in pain. Darkness tamer falls on the floor and starts to roll over on the floor, laughing insanely.
"Just start the story!" K9 managed to breathe.
We come into the first scene of the movie looking at the huge desert planet of Tatooine and her two moons. The camera looks right of the 'beautiful' planet. And it we see a small Rebel Blockade Runner. The camera pans up after the blockade runner passes and we get a close-up shot at a huge Imperial Star Destroyer.
Inside the Rebel Blockade runner
"Should we open fire?" asked a Rebel commander to Princess Mana Organa. "I mean it has to be the tiniest Imperial Star Destroyer I've ever seen."
The commander turns around in his chair and sees the beautiful Princess Mana Organa. She was the one in charge of all the activities that went on in the ship. She had red fur with black eyes and orange eye patches. She had a white dress on just like the real Princess Organa.
"I still can't get over how HOT you are!" said the commander in amazement.
Mana punched him hard in the side and knocked the breath out of him. The commander fell out of his chair and rolled around on the ground, crying in pain.
"What did you do that for?" asked the commander.
"For hitting on somebody that's totally out of your league." Replied the princess. "Now get in your chair and open fire on that ship!"
The commander quickly got off of the floor and got in his chair. As soon as he sat down he started to push buttons and pull levers.
Outside the Rebel Blockade Runner
The camera zooms in from the Imperial Star Destroyer and it was only five feet long. The Rebel Blockade Runner opened fire on the tiny ship and it quickly blew up with a huge explosion.
If you would have been in the Blockade Runner at the time you could have heard a sea of laughter coming from the Rebels. The camera turned around and about one hundred yards away you could see a real Imperial Star Destroyer. Once the Rebels caught wind of this they all joined in for a unanimous "Oh, crap!"
Inside the real Imperial Star DestroyerThere was a man, standing at six feet tall, storming around his room with a remote control in his hand. He had on all black armor, a black cape, and a metallic thing at his side. When he spoke he was harsh, but his accent was of and English gentleman. When he breathed it was a constant sound of "puuur…. Paahh". His name was Darth Zero. He was the rumored as the only Jedi to still be alive, and he was feared as the strongest Jedi ever.
"Now why did they have to go and do that for?" Darth Zero yelled. "I wasn't going to do anything to them! It's not like I thought they were part of the Rebellion! Someone could have stolen the ship and picked up a crew."
Darth Zero stormed out of his room and went into the main control room of the Imperial Star Destroyer. He threw his controller down and it shattered all over the floor. An Imperial officer walked up to him.
"I terribly sorry what they did to your model ship, Lord Zero." Said the Imperial officer.
"I had to kill three men to get that thing!" said Darth Zero angrily. "That had been its first test run! How dare they destroy it!"
If the eyepieces in his helmet had not been black you could have sworn you had seen fire in his eyes.
"I'm incredibly sorry, sir! I-"
Darth Zero threw him out of the way in his frustration and the officer flew into a wall and was knocked out.
"Annoying little twit!" Darth Zero mumbled.
"Would you like me to open fire on them, sir." Asked another Imperial officer with his hand over the button.
"No," replied Darth Zero. "I want you to capture their ship, and then we'll deal with those insolent fools. I'll have my revenge!"
"Of course, sir." Replied the officer. He reluctantly took his hand away from the button and put an announcement over an intercom. "Attention all Stormtroopers! Get ready for combat! I repeat. Get ready to strait up wank on some weaklings!"
Outside the Rebel Blockade Runner The Star Destroyer pulled over the top of the Rebel Blockade Runner. Then a hallway type thing shaped like a staircase attached to the side of the Blockade Runner. Inside the stairwellA bunch of Stormtroopers were pouring down the stairs, with Darth Zero taking his time, walking behind them. They were all those Galactic Federation Guards from Lilo and Stitch.
"Gonna wank on some weaklings. Going to wi-in the fight!" sang one of the Stormtroopers to the "Eye of the Tiger" beat. "Gonna wank on some weaklings! It's time… to ooh win this! Cause it's-"
A Stormtrooper behind him hit him on top of the head with his blaster.
"Ow! What was that for!" complained the first Stormtrooper.
"Firstly, it was getting annoying," replied the second one. "And secondly, we don't want to make our presence known."
"How did we do that in the first place?" asked the first one. "A huge stairwell just connected to the side of their ship, and they can hear all of our footsteps."
"Why don't both of you just shut up and keep going." Said a third Stormtrooper. "We have roughly three thousand more stairs to go."
"Next time, just keep that crap to yourself." Said the first Stormtrooper, exasperated.
Inside the hallway that's attached to the stairwell Inside this hallway is about twenty Rebels (random experiments and a few humans), nervously awaiting the Imperial attack. Their fear and anxiety increases as the huge roar of footsteps grow closer. One of the Rebels is caught in fetal position, sucking his thumb. "Get up, you pansy!" said a Rebel with an English accent. "We can't show any fear, and you're in here sucking your thumb!" The pansy Rebel got back to his feet shakily, but in a few seconds was back on the ground, in fetal position, sucking his thumb.
"It's so hard to find good Rebels these days." Complained the English Rebel. "Back in the day they used to be brave. Incredibly stupid, but brave. Now all that's left are the smart pansies."
Inside another hallway
A short, round, purple droid with a single blinking eye where his eyes should be rolled up, on wheels attached to three legs, to Princess Mana Organa. (I realize this should be R2, but I put one of my experiments in his place…psycho… read ch. 6 of my other story.) Mana bent over and put a 3 ½ inch floppy in the right side of the droid's head type area. "You're going to die in a huge explosion." Said the droid, with its little red light blinking. Princess Mana looked at the droid weirdly and slapped it over the top. A bunch of computer type whirring came from inside the droid, and it short-circuited and fell over with a loud bang.
"Why couldn't you just get a better droid for this story?" Mana asked Darkness Tamer.
"Hey, we're workin' on a low budget here. You'll just have to deal with what we get you. Now get back to playing out the story!" K9 stuck his tongue out at his own fan-experiment and laughed at her. Mana found a useless piece of junk next to her and threw it at K9, and it his him square in the forehead. "At least I'm getting paid for this!" said Mana exasperated. "Did I say you were getting paid for this?" asked Darkness tamer nervously. "I don't remember saying that." Darkness tamer actually remembered lying about it. He just said it so Mana would agree to doing the story. Mana got extremely mad, and Darkness tamer and K9 hauled butt to escape her wrath. "Get up you useless piece of junk!" Mana screamed as she kicked Psy-2 into the closest wall. The droid landed upright and let out a string of curse words. Mana kicked the droid again and it quickly started down the hallway. On Tatooine There is nothing there except for a white, desolate wasteland rolling off into the horizon and a blue experiment with his droid. The experiment's name was Stitch Skywalker. He was about four feet tall and had blue fur. He had four arms and two black eyes with six poisonous quills running down his back. He was wearing just a plain tan shirt and some tan pants with a belt that has a pair of binoculars on it.
The droid that was with him was crimson and white with six long arms with claws for hands, and you could barely tell his colors with all the layers of dust on it. You could tell that it was either very old or very crappy with all of the jerky movements it made.
"Today's going to be a good day." Stitch told the droid with a hopeful voice. "There's absolutely nothing to do on this stupid farm today."
Stitch stood up tall and had an excited look in his eyes. And when he got that look, it could only mean one thing…. He was going on another one of his rarely gotten adventures and his Uncle wouldn't be able to stop him. Something caught Stitch's eye and he instinctively grabbed his binoculars from his belt and put them up to his eyes. There was a good little bit of activity from some sand people. They were fighting each other.
"Come on!" Stitch yelled at the droid like it was crazy. "What are you standing here for! Get in the speeder!"
Stitch turned around and looked at his poorly repaired land-speeder. He ran towards it and jumped in, but he missed the seat and hit his crotchal area on the panel in-between the seats. He fell over, crying. A bunch of whirring noises came from the droid that would have been laughter if he could talk, and he fell over. After sitting on the ground for a minute the droid threw sparks everywhere and set on fire, making the whirring noises the whole time, until it blew into a thousand pieces. Darkness tamer and K9 stop laughing at Stitch and looked at the thousands of pieces of the droid scattered across the ground.
"Well there goes another part of the next-to-nothing budget we have." K9 complained loudly. "Please tell me that you added that in the script without telling me."
K9 put on a hopeful face and turned towards his friend. Darkness tamer was rushing frantically through the script.
"A little help here, guys!" Stitch said hopefully. "Please?"
"Shut up, Stitch!" K9 and Darkness tamer said unanimously.
Stitch flipped them off and started to roll around in pain some more, but Darkness tamer and K9 didn't take notice of this. Darkness tamer looked up at K9 with a grave face and they both went pale.
"It was supposed to short-circuit." Said Darkness tamer. "We could still fix it after that. If Stitch wouldn't have missed this wouldn't have happened! Now we lost a huge chunk of our budget!"
"We did, yes." Replied K9. "But I think this worked out better than we originally planned it. It was pretty funny."
"True." Darkness tamer replied.
"I NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE!" Stitch yelled at the two authors.
"Okay, okay!" yelled K9, more annoyed than a swarm of angry bees.
K9 started to walk towards Stitch to help him, but Darkness tamer held an arm in front of him with a huge, wicked grin on his face.
"What do you have planned?" asked K9 to his wicked friend.
"I got this." Darkness tamer replied. "Hey Stitch! It'll help a lot if you stand up and jump up and down! When you get hit there it cuts off blood circulation and it hurts! If you jump it gets blood flow back!"
"Okay," Stitch replied cautiously. "I guess that makes sense."
Stitch got up and started to jump up and down really high, and after about two seconds of this he fell back on the ground, rolling and screaming in pain. Stitch was letting out a huge line of curse words that even the kids off of South Park couldn't touch.
"That was great!" yelled K9 at his mischievous friend.
Both of them fell on the ground and were turning blue from the lack of air.
With the Rebels in the Blockade RunnerThe footsteps of the Stormtroopers were getting extremely close. The closer they got to the Rebels the more anxious the Rebels grew. The Stormtroopers finally got there, but either side just kept staring at each other. Both of them looked like they had laser tag equipment on. A Stormtrooper raised his gun and shot a Rebel, but it was only and extremely long and thin red laser. The Rebel that got hit started to cry and let his head hang down.
"Aaaaawwww!" he said through all of his tears. "This happens every time!"
The Rebel that got hit laid down and pretended to be dead. A huge battle ensued, but the Stormtroopers had victory over the Rebels.
"Now tell me why exactly they have laser tag equipment on." Said K9. "Is this some kind of sick Joke of yours?"
"No, it's not. We didn't have enough money to give all of the groups blasters. So I picked this group to be the group with laser tag equipment. The stupid Bolivian government wouldn't loan us enough money!"
"Why didn't you just ask the American government for money?" K9 asked Darkness tamer.
"Because, I like the sound of Bolivian." Replied Darkness tamer.
K9 rolled his eyes at Darkness tamer and went on to wonder why they became friends in the first place.
"Bolivian… Bolivian… Bolivian… Bolivian."
Just at that moment Darth Zero walked in through the door, and Darkness tamer and K9 scampered off.
"Good job, men." Said Darth Zero. "We got back those S.O.B's for destroying my model ship. What could it be now!"
Darth Zero pulled a little circular blue thing off of his belt, it was vibrating. He looked at a little screen on it and it read "Emperor Hamsterwheel". He pushed a button and set the circular thing on the ground.
"What could he want now! Of all times, why now!"
Right after he said that an image of Hamsterviel came out of the circular thingamajigger. Darth Zero kneeled to the image and stood back up.
"Yes, my Emperor." Darth Zero said in a monotone voice. "What would you like me to do this time."
The image of Hamsterviel got very angry and started to jump up and down, making his hood come off. When his hood came off there were bits of green mold patches on his fur.
"You know zhat I do not like to be called just Emperor, you incompetent fewl!" Hamsterviel yelled. "I must be called Supreme Emperor Dictator Hamsterviel!"
Darth Zero sighed and secretly rolled his eyes from behind his mask.
"Yes Supreme Emperor Dictator Hamsterviel!" Darth Zero said painfully. "What is it that you would like me to do?"
"I vould like to be congratulating you on intercepting the intercepted message by the Rebels." Hamsterviel said simply.
Darth Zero looked to his right into a room with a screen in it. The screen said, "Rebel transmission intercepted." Darth Zero quickly used the 'sandwich' to see what the message was about. It said something about where Imperials were going for pizza, and the plans for the Death Star.
"Your thanks is much appreciated, master." Darth Zero said simply. "I knew that this was the Rebel ship that received the transmission. I guess they were running because they knew it was only a matter of time before I tracked them down."
"I believe zhat you were alzo knowing zhat Rebel Princess Mana Organa waz being ezcourted on zhis ship?"
"She is!" yelled Darth Zero in surprise. "I mean… Of course I knew, my master."
"Good. Zhen I expect you to have a full report by tomorrow."
The transmission died off and Darth Zero put the circular device back on his belt. He looked to his left and saw a Rebel officer just laying against the wall. Darth Zero picked him up by the neck and slammed him against the wall.
"Where did you receive that Rebel transmission from?" yelled Darth Zero.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" yelled the scared officer. "We were just going to get some pizza on Tatooine."
"Tatooine doesn't have a single pizza parlor on it."
"We were on a diplomatic mission?" cried the officer hopefully.
Darth Zero sighed and snapped the officer's neck. He let go of him and the officer slumped down in a pile of useless mass. Darth Zero turned around only to face the two most hated people in his life… Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo.
"How did you two get here?" Darth Zero asked the useless robots. "You're supposed to be cleaning the so called Death Star."
"The author gave us the power to come and go as we like." Said Crow.
"Yeah." Taunted Tom. "Just for the purpose of annoying you."
"What did you do with Mike this time so you could get out of there?" Darth Zero asked the two Robots. The robots didn't answer for a while. "You didn't push him down the garbage chute again did you?"
At this question the robots shifted nervously and then laughed at the thought of doing it.
"We might have." Crow lied obviously.
Darth Zero sighed and was about to try to kill them, but he caught himself before he did.
"When will you two stop being so immature?"
Crow and Tom looked at each other and would have smiled if they could.
"I shouldn't have even asked."
"We will once you stop being…" Crow said and looked at Tom.
"A little bitty patawan!" yelled Tom and Crow unanimously. "Little bitty patawan! Little bitty patawan! Little bitty patawan! Little bitty patawan."
Darth Zero pulled out his light-saber and the two robots got worried and disappeared.
Beside an escape podA small gold droid is pacing back and forth in front of a door. The droid was about four feet tall, and very noodle-like. He had one glowing white eye and a big mouth. His arms were very small, and his legs were stocky at the base. His name was
C-Pleakly-0.
"Oh my gosh! We're doomed!" screamed C-Pleakly-0. "With all of these nasty Imperial men going around, I'm gonna be dead soon! Oh! Hi, nice Imperial man! Oh, where could Psy-2 be! Of all times to get lost! I'm going to be scrap metal for sure!"
A lot of Stormtroopers passed by, but in all of his frustration C-Pleakly-0 didn't really notice them. Psy-2 rolled up in front of him and C-Pleakly-0 gave him a small kick out of frustration.
"Where have you been!" yelled a very scared C-Pleakly-0. "We're all going to die a horrible death, and you're gallivanting around at your pleasure like nothing's going on! You're insane!"
"You're going to be disassembled before the day is over." Came Psy-2's reply.
"And why should I believe you?" asked a very doubtful C-Pleakly-0. "You're only right half of the time when you predict something. Remember? You went insane because of what you saw!"
Psy-2 just sat and stared at his friend. C-Pleakly-0 sighed and started to run around in circles.
"If we get in the escape pod we won't die." Taunted Psy-2.
"If we get in there we'll be disassembled for sure," C-Pleakly-0 came back. "Either that, or we'll be sent off to the Paprika Mines of Kessel. And believe me, you don't want to go there. It's a horrible place from what I've heard."
C-Pleakly-0 shuddered from the very thought of it. Psy-2 went into the escape pod and turned around and looked at C-Pleakly-0.
"If you don't come in you'll be eaten in a peanut-butter and Jell-O sandwich by a Bantha." Predicted Psy-2.
C-Pleakly-0 got in the escape pod, yet very reluctantly. He sat down on one of the seats and buckled himself with ten different kinds of seatbelts.
"I have a feeling that I'm going to regret this with a passion." C-Pleakly-0 complained.
Psy-2 went over to the control panel and a little metal twirly thingy came out and made the escape pod and it detached.
Back inside the Imperial Star DestroyerDarth Zero arrived just as the escape pod detached. An Imperial Officer named Jenkins came up to him, shaking in his little space boots. Darth Zero was doing that little round wooden paddle with a ball attached to by a rubber band. He was doing fairly well at it too.
"One thousand one… One thousand two…"
"Sir, we have identified a-" Jenkins got cut off be a long round of screaming by Darth Zero.
"I can't believe that you interrupted me during something this important!" he screamed. "I was one away from beating my record! Now at this rate I'll never be done…. How should I punish you… Hmmm…. Ahh! Take off your helmet."
Jenkins took off his helmet and Darth Zero started to hit the ball off his head. The officer was having to hold back his tears. Darth Zero was having trouble counting because he was having to fight off his laughter.
"One… tw t t two… ha! Ha!… three!"
After a few seconds Darth Zero stopped hitting him with the ball and looked at him expectantly.
"So what was it that you wanted to tell me, Jenkins?"
"We have reports that an escape pod just released from the Rebel ship." Jenkins said through tears. "There weren't any living organisms in there, but they could be sneaking a transmission in there though."
"I seriously doubt that they were smart enough do that." Darth Zero said confidently. "Where is Princess Organa? Bring her to me!"
"Sir," Jenkins said nervously, "She's right behind you."
Darth Zero turned around slowly to come face to face Princess Mana Organa, leader of the Rebel cause. Both of them just stood there for a few seconds, staring at each other, not moving a muscle.
"Lord Zero," Mana said, breaking the silence, "You have unjustly captured a clearly non-Rebel ship on a diplomatic mission. You shall pay for your… unjust actions."
"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" Darth Zero asked. "I had my ear pieces turned off so I could think of your punishment for destroying MY SHIP!"
"Lord Zero," Mana said suspiciously, "We are standing on your ship right now…. I have no idea what you're talking about."
"My model Star Destroyer!" Darth Zero yelled in her face.
"Oh! The small ship we destroyed." Mana said nervously, the color draining out of her face. "Our guns were… uh… being cleaned, and they accidentally… uh… discharged!"
Mana was obviously lying, but for some odd reason Darth Zero never picked up on this. K9 looked at Darkness tamer with an unbelieving face.
"There is no way that Omni would ever agree to act like this." He said. "What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything!" Darkness tamer lied.
K9 stared angrily at his idiotic friend for a few seconds. It seemed like K9 was growing bigger and that shadows were starting to creep around him. While this was taking place, Darkness tamer started cowering in a corner, shaking madly.
"I have him under mind control!" he said very quickly.
"Oh, if that's all…." K9 said, and the shadows shrank back quickly.
Jenkins crept up back beside Darth Zero, and tapped him on the shoulder. Darth Zero snapped around quickly, causing Jenkins to jump out of his boots (literally).
"What about the transmission that they intercepted?" Jenkins whispered to Darth Zero. "We believe that she is the leader of the Rebel cause."
"I was about to get to that," Darth Zero lied, "Before you so rudely interrupted."
Mana looked at the two, baffled, and at a loss of words. Jenkins and Darth Zero looked at her to make shure that she wasn't taking advantage of the situation by trying to escape.
"Mana," Darth Zero said solemnly. "I have bad news. You are my daughter."
"What!" she screamed. "That's impossible."
"Err. Sorry." Darth Zero said quickly, recollecting himself. "You're right. That's my bad. That IS impossible! But if this ship is on a diplomatic mission, then why do you have the plans for the Death Star aboard? And why do I keep hearing about you being the leader of the Rebel cause? My daughter would never go and do something like that. Err, never mind that last comment."
"We got the plans for the 'Death Star' from the Emperor as a joke e-mail." Mana said in a hopeful tone. "And I'm not the leader of the Rebellion… -cough cough-."
"Well, you're obviously lying." Darth Zero said, after thinking about it for a minute. "I shall find a way to make you talk."
"I'll never tell you anything!" Mana screamed.
Mana spit in Darth Zero's left eyepiece. Darth Zero let out a little, evil laugh that made everybody in the room shudder softly.
"We shall see. Maybe I should use the 'sandwich' on you to make you tell me." Darth Zero taunted.
"Why did we have to use the 'sandwich' instead of just calling it the force?" K9 asked Darkness tamer.
"6-2-5 was the only person that wanted to play the part of Yoda." Darkness tamer said. "And he only agreed to do it if we called the force the 'sandwich'."
Both of them rolled their eyes at the thought of the stupid, fat, yellow experiment and what he was doing right now.
"You will tell me what I want to know." Darth Zero said, waving his hand slowly in front of Mana's face.
A stormtrooper that was just passing by slowly turned around and looked at Darth Zero.
"I will tell you what you want me to tell you." He said in a monotone voice.
Darth Zero sighed and attempted to do the 'sandwich' choke on Mana. A second later Jenkins was on the ground, holding his crotch.
"You missed again!" Jenkins yelled through tears. "Let go! Let go!"
Darth Zero stopped trying to do the choke thingy, and got extremely angry. He had mastered doing the 'sandwich', but he never mastered hitting whom he was aiming at.
"Take her to one of the prison cells!" yelled Darth Zero.
A bunch of stormtroopers quickly went over to Mana and took her to her cell. Darth Zero kicked Jenkins in the side. He was angered by the image of Tom and Crow chanting the 'little bitty patawan' thing.
"What was that for!" whined Jenkins.
I hope you guys had fun reading the story. Please tell me what you think, but no flames. Just constructive criticism please. And any questions that you have will be answered by K9 and me.