The Sweet Hereafter: Midnight Vigil
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Part XXVIII: The Simple Things
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"Woman was taken out
of man -- not out of his head, to rule over him; nor out of his feet, to be
trampled under by him; but out of his side, to be equal to him -- under his
arm, that he might protect her, and near his heart that he might love her."
-- Henry
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"Now we're getting somewhere. You're finally getting it, aren't you, bucko? That's what I'm searching for. That's what I'm striving for. That's what I'm trying to make happen. Finally! Someone understands!"
"This is what love is all about. That's the great mystery. That's all I want. Am I getting there now? I still feel like my heart's beating out of my chest. My body is still wracked with chill, but inside, my heart burns brighter than the sun, radiating warmth through all my being."
"My entire life, I've been walking on eggs, always afraid that one day I'd finally fall down and splatter everything for good. And as I lie here now and contemplate the majesty and wonder of that one, unforgettable moment. . .I know that I'm alive, and I'm a better person for it."
"Maybe it isn't something that can be explained. You have to understand it with your heart, not with your head. Everyone should be entitled to that one perfect moment in life where you know that somehow, everything is going to be okay. Absolute truth. How I wish I had the ability to slow down time, live in that moment forever."
"A part of me screams that this can't possibly last. Maybe it can't, I don't know. All I know right now is that after all the years of heartache and sexual frustration, I was validated. All I know is that despite all the improbabilities, something good happened. And you know what? It felt great! I don't care about all that talk of sex you hear high school kids whisper about in allies. Nothing can be better than this. The only thing I may never forgive myself for is waiting so long. To think, all this time, all I had to do was say it. The world didn't end. I've spent so much of my life fearing what would happen if everyone else found out my secret. And now that he knows, the only one of them that matters. . .well, who cares what anyone else thinks? Why should I? 'I've got the world on a string, sitting on a rainbow, got the string around my finger. What a world, what a life, I'm in love!' My dream wasn't hopeless. I wasn't so foolish. And even if I'm made to wait another six years, I still know now that he's there. Whatever it is, it's there between us. No one can take that away now but us!"
"That's all I really want, when you get right down to it. I've had many dreams for Arnold and I, most of them grandiose and involving all the finer things in life. And then I live in the moment of that kiss and realize that it's the simple things that are the best. What I want now is to live, with him. I want to slip up behind him and wrap my arms around his neck. It's not so much about palaces and cruises anymore as it is studying for the SAT or conspiring to stay out past curfew. Eating pizza and watching bad TV while I wrap myself around him on the couch. Geez, when did I turn into such a girl? Maybe the occasional dinner out. But not French. I just want to live with him now, as a partner instead of an adversary. Everything else is gravy. I don't care about anything else. With him, I finally feel like I'm home. That I'll be okay. That I'm worth something. That my life is worth living. That I can make myself more than I am as long as he believes in me. 'I've got the simple things; I've got the rain in spring; got spicy chicken wings, and French fried onion rings. . ."
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Part XXIX: Sorry For Nothing
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"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."
--Steven Wright
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Dr. Bliss paced up and down the length of her patient's room, clearly upset, yet also relieved. Her patient lay peacefully asleep in the bed, Helga's body absorbing the booster for her immune system as her mind rested fully for perhaps the first time since the girl's infancy. Arnold sat in a chair too large for him, feeling guilty and trying unsuccessfully not to show it.
"I'm sorry." Arnold said at length, longing for the company of his best friend Gerald, who was now sitting outside the room with Phoebe. The psychiatrist had chased everyone else out when Arnold had wheeled Helga's unconscious form in. Mr. Simmons had been particularly apprehensive about leaving, and Arnold was certain that Helga would've taken great please in seeing their teacher ousted.
"You children just grow up so fast these days." Dr. Bliss sighed.
"I don't know about that." Arnold shrugged.
"Trust me, one day you'll be saying the same thing. It comes with the territory, Arnold. Unfortunately."
"What, psychiatry?"
"No. Age." She sighed again. "I see you've learned a lot over the past few days."
"Not nearly enough. In spite of everything that's happened, it's like she's still a complete mystery to me. Every time I turn around, there's something new I never saw before. It's pretty amazing, but at the same time confusing. Like I'm trying to put her together like a puzzle."
"That's just the kind of person she is, Arnold. I wish I could help you, but I'm afraid I'm not allowed to disclose the personal details of my patient. Whatever she decides to tell you about herself is her business."
"I understand. And I am glad to see her change her attitude. Even if it doesn't last, at least now I know for certain that she isn't really that way."
"Like all of us, Helga is still in the process of becoming herself." The psychiatrist nodded. "But you may have given her a push in the right direction, helped her find the path that's right for her."
"She told me quite a bit about herself. She's really. . .different than I expected."
"How so?" Dr. Bliss asked, intrigued.
Arnold drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair for a moment, looking for the right way to express himself. "For someone who so frequently chooses spite, hatred, and intimidation over a better way, she's surprisingly soft. I always knew she was insecure, suspected that there was something else about her, deep down. But I never imagined how vulnerable she really is. It caught me off guard. To be honest, I'm still not completely sure how to handle that. But given her own feelings, and all that she's been through—some of it self-inflicted. . .I feel somewhat responsible for her."
"Do you blame yourself? Are you here just to clear your own conscience? I'm sorry, Arnold, but you're a very tender spot for this girl. You need to understand how easily you can hurt her, perhaps without ever meaning to. I'm certain she'll grow with time, but for now. . ."
"I need to be careful."
"Yes."
"I don't like to see anyone in pain." Arnold ran his fingers down his face. "But somehow, it feels really comforting to know that there's a reason behind Helga and the things she does."
"Oh, there's definitely a method to her madness." Dr Bliss smirked. "She is remarkable, isn't she? When I first began seeing her. . ." the psychiatrist paused, looking for the right way to explain things to the boy without violating patient confidence. ". . .well, she wasn't what I expected. In some ways, yes. It's not that hard to see that she frequently puts up a front. But there were a lot. . .there are a lot of things that I still don't know about her. Things I would've missed out on if I hadn't gotten to know her as a person as well as a patient. She has a lot of layers, and she's fond of protecting herself."
"I guess my problem is, I don't really know what I should say to her next, Dr. Bliss."
"Push her, Arnold. Because she will push you. You know now that there's so much more to her than she lets on. Don't let her hide it. She may hurt you, but try to remember that if she does, she's. . .only trying to hurt herself." The doctor finished her sentence quietly, knowing she was probably saying too much.
"I'll do my best." Arnold slid out of the chair and crossed over to Helga's bed, where the girl now dozed peacefully; a cocktail of immuno-boosters and a mild sedative coursing through her veins, allowing her weakened body to regain its strength. Arnold couldn't help but notice how she looked so much more peaceful than she had when he had first arrived that afternoon. He picked Helga's pink bow up from the table beside her bed, twirling it in his hands and staring, much as Helga herself had done a day earlier. She really did seem to undergo a transformation when her hair was down, almost as though she had become someone else. Her hair spilled about her head freely, much of it cushioning the back while the rest sort of spread out to gather beside her cheeks, a few errant strands ruffled by her slow breathing. Her sleep now seemed much more pristine. Absent was any sign of spittle or even a snore. Just a young girl resting peacefully, her chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm with every breath her lungs drew in and out. Arnold still couldn't get over how soft her facial features now looked, such a drastic change from what he had come to expect. Her distinctive eyebrow wasn't furrowed in anger or frustration as Arnold was accustomed to, but instead rested in a slight upward curve, complimenting the nearly imperceptible yet all-too-noticeable smile on her now familiar and somehow unavoidable lips. His hand reached out to brush a bit of blonde hair from her eyes, but he withdrew it just prior to making contact. Arnold forcibly broke the spell by turning back towards Dr. Bliss.
The psychiatrist nodded back at him. "She is unique, isn't she?"
"If you ever get the chance, look her in the eye sometime." Arnold blinked. They're like the cold fire of a thousand suns."
"Her emotions are very intense, Arnold. Some would say that it is a mistake to throw yourself into your own feelings with such passion. But she always does so anyway, even if it hurts. Because she believes in something better."
"We're not so different." Arnold agreed. "But it may be awhile before we know if we can get along."
"You can come back tomorrow."
"Will she still get out?" Arnold did feel a bit worried that he'd made her sick by allowing her to stay out in the cold too long.
"I think so, assuming she shows healthy signs in the morning."
"I hope so." Arnold said, gathering up his jacket and the arrangement of carnations that Helga had presented him with earlier. As he and the good doctor were about to leave, the door opened and the large head nurse entered, wheeling another stand inside the room and a fresh drip. Arnold and Dr. Bliss exchanged a look, and she nodded back at him.
"Is that really necessary?" The doctor asked.
The nurse shrugged. "Rules are rules." She efficiently took hold of Helga's left arm, swabbed the girl's recently cleaned and bandaged wrist, and carefully inserted the IV.
Defeated, the doctor and the boy quietly walked out of the room. But as Arnold turned to take one last look at Helga's sleeping body, he could've sworn he saw a pleading expression on the girl's face.
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Outside the room, Arnold found Phoebe sitting in a chair across the hall, his friend Gerald leaning against the wall just next to her. Dr. Bliss smiled at the reunion of friends. "Well, I'm sure you children have a lot to talk about. Just remember, the last bus comes by here at 9:30. Don't be late."
"We'll catch it. Thanks, Dr. Bliss." Arnold nodded.
"You're welcome. Be seeing you." She turned and walked down the corridor, in search of a cup of coffee.
"Goodbye!" Phoebe waved.
Gerald himself barely acknowledged the woman's leavetaking. "Now there goes one saucy vixen." He shook his head slowly.
"What?" asked Arnold, confused. "You barely even acknowledged she was here!"
"Yeah, well, I'm playing hard to get." Gerald explained. Phoebe rolled her eyes at him.
Arnold chuckled. "Man, you are something else."
"Yeah? Well, the word on the street is that you becoming quite the sensation yourself."
"Gerald. . ." Phoebe pleaded, tugging on Gerald's sleeve.
Arnold clearly felt out of the loop. "Okay, what am I missing here?"
Phoebe shook her head, clearly uninterested in pursuing the matter. "How is she?"
"Resting peacefully." Arnold reassured the girl. "She looks a lot better now than she did when I first came here this afternoon. She was asleep then, she looked like a wreck."
"Are you serious?" Gerald asked. "She looked normal to me. Y'know, except for that whole hospital gown motif where your butt sticks out the back. She cleans up pretty good."
"I packed her an extra long shirt so she could walk around when she had visitors." Phoebe laughed, then her face took on a more somber expression. "I'm worried about her, though. She hasn't talked with me much since the incident."
"It's all right, Phoebe." Arnold flashed her one of his smiles. "I promise that I'll help take care of her until everything's back to normal. Dr. Bliss says she's still supposed to be released tomorrow. I'm sure things will be better for her when she gets to go home." It's not my home. I don't suppose it ever will be. It's just a place for me to put my crap. Helga's voice reverberated throughout the walls of his head, nearly causing him to shudder.
"Oh thank goodness!" Phoebe seemed truly relieved at the news. I'm certain she'll be much happier away from here.
The only people who really care whether I'm alive or not are in this building. Again, a chill passed through Arnold. "Yeah, Phoebe. I'm sure you're right."
Gerald couldn't stop smirking. "You do realize that this has gotta be the first time our whole class has been worried about Helga."
"I think it's a good thing. Better we help each other back up. Even Helga doesn't kick us when we're down. There's no sport in that. Besides, admit it, you miss her, don't you?"
"I never thought I'd say it, but yeah. I do miss the girl. She and I don't get along, but. . .I guess it's like, I'm used to having her around. School is really quiet without her, and this whole week you haven't even been around for first period. It's been driving me crazy. And I'm sure you miss the spitballs, right?" Gerald needled his best friend.
Arnold reflexively ran a hand through his hair, then along the back of his head and neck. Inside, he still felt as though Helga were haunting this conversation. He could almost hear her voice now, feigning innocence as he would turn around in class to give her a dirty look. What?!
"Hey, you okay?" Gerald asked, noticing that his best buddy was turning a little pale.
"What?" Arnold asked, being drawn back to reality. "Oh, I'm fine. Sorry, I spaced out for a second."
"Thanks for finding Helga tonight, Arnold." Phoebe beamed. "But you should be more careful yourself. Did the cold get to you as well?"
"Maybe it did." Arnold pondered. "I am beginning to feel a little lightheaded."
"Come on." Phoebe smiled. "We should go home. There's nothing more we can do here, right Arnold."
"That's right. We can come back tomorrow when she's awake. Besides, I want to talk to Dr. Bliss again." Arnold began walking towards the public elevators.
"Mmm mmm mmm." Gerald shook his head thrice. "You'd better be careful, Arnold. Between trying to win over Lila, spending all this time with Helga, and now wanting a private session with Dr. Bliss? You're going to give yourself a rep with the ladies!"
This time, it was Arnold's turn to roll his eyes. "I'll risk it." He said, climbing aboard the elevator with his friends.
"You think I'm kidding, don't you? I mean, she already bought you flowers, or did you think we hadn't noticed. . ." Gerald's voice faded as the elevator doors closed and the lift began its descent, Arnold wondering not for the first time if he was in over his head.
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Okay everyone, that's going to do it for this time. I know it took me a long time to get this one out. I wrote it slowly, and I held it back a day or two to whet your appetites better, I guess. I was also hoping to garner one more view to make an even 50 before this one. Close is good enough, though.
This was a very different kind of chapter for me to write. After all is said and done, this story essentially IS Helga, she's the driving force. Taking her out of the action for awhile seemed a bit of a risky scheme on my part. However, I came to realize that these are the types of thing that help you grow as a writer, and I got a significant amount of support from my close friends online regarding this matter. Nothing left to do now but run this up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes.
I hope none of you thought that the story had reached the end after the last update. Remember several chapters ago when I said there would only be two more? That went out the window real fast, didn't it? The truth of the matter is, as I get more involved with the story, the characters, their concerns and feelings. . .I keep discovering things that I feel need to be addressed. Consequently, I don't always know where I'm going. As I stated last time, most of what I feel are the best scenes in this story sprang from just a few simple lines I had in my head. It's amazing how things can just come together sometimes.
I guess this is the fabled end of the file, where the waiting begins for you the reader all over again. I will try not to make you wait so long next time. I have had a lot of distractions lately. At the time of this uploading, I still need to watch three more episodes of Farscape before the miniseries on October 17th. I also have a mini-golf tournament on the 16th, and I have a lot of practicing to do tomorrow, since it will be the last day off I have before the tourney. Everyone wish me luck, and I'll keep working to bring you quality work.
A special thank you to those of you who take the time to read and review, you deserve a round of applause. I promise to do something for you guys and girls after it's finished. I've also completed the first commentary and it is ready to all who ask for it. Just be sure to leave your e-mail address in a review, or write me directly.
And, as always, send your questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage proposals, and ransom demands to:
Lord Malachite
10/09/04
12:51AM, EST
E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com
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