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Chapter 4

29th December

The next day was filled with small talks, stories about their childhood, their time before and with mutant X. Happy and sad memories were exchanged like confidences. A warm intimacy settled between them, giving the two friends a new found peace. With each new memory, she felt him lowering his shield, allowing her to catch glimpses of his heart and soul that were carefully hidden.

During the afternoon, they moved the couch so that it was facing a window. The two curled on it to watch the falling snow, cuddling close to one another. Their previous talks, the trust they had expressed, had eased Emma's fears a bit. But he was holding something back, something important and it was slowly nagging at her mind.

"Bren? Is something bothering you?"

The elemental rested his chin on top of her head. This woman had a way to sense everything without even having to use her empathy. And it frightened him to no end. Well, he would have to tell her anyway. He just hopped it would not cause a fight.

"Yeah. We're far away from the place we're supposed to be. At least five hundred kilometres."

"They will be able to locate us with our comring, if they work again one day. But that's not your main worry."

"No, what is worrying me is that this damned blizzard could last weeks. From what I read in the owner's logbook, this summer a landslide occurred in the mountains above the cabin. It opened a new avalanche corridor and apparently the cabin is built in its' middle."

The two friends locked eyes knowing what it meant for them. Emma tried to repress her fear but it tinted her eyes nonetheless, wrecking havoc in his heart. Was she even aware of the power she had over him, over his heart? One plunge in her eyes and he had given up his old life for her. Another look and she had become an essential part of him.

"Don't worry honey. We'll find a way out. I promise."

The strong mix of hope, love and faith coming from him hit her full force, fighting the fear, heaving her own heart to unimaginable heights, warming her from inside out.

"Hmm… I like that."

"What?"

"Being able to feel what you feel. It's always so… . I have no words to describe it."

He brought her even closer, amazed. He had never let anyone that close to him. His heart was always shielded and no one had access to it. That was until he met Emma. She had changed his life, his perspective on things. Her ability to read him only added to her charm.

"Does it bother you?"

"What? You reading me? No Em, it doesn't bother me. It might freak out the others, but not me. It's a part of you. Actually, it gives me the feeling that I belong somewhere."

Emma felt her heart miss a beat. No one had ever accepted her that completely. Her gift had always gotten in the way, especially with men. But with Brennan, she had always felt special and at the same time so normal. Suddenly the need to share those feelings with him became too strong to resist.

"Would you like to know how it feels?"

The elemental nodded silently pleased to have brought a smile on her face. She focused her feelings concentrating them inside a tiny bubble. It steadily grew, gaining brightness in her mind. Carefully she probed inside his mind and when she was sure it didn't disturb him she let it float and dissolve. A full spectrum of emotions flooded his mind, reaching each dark corner.

His lips curled into a bright smile as he experienced her response to his feelings. He closed his eyes and cradled her in his arms overwhelmed by the gentleness of the flow invading his mind. He couldn't clearly make out a distinct emotion but the mix was perfect, like a subtle perfume.

"Thanks. No one ever gave me that kind of present."

Before he had the time to react, Emma's lips were on his for a passionate kiss. But this time he was the one to break it. He was afraid to let himself get lost in her and make a mistake.

"What about our deal?"

Emma winced and guiltily sat back at one end of the couch.

"Sorry."

However his smile soothed her fears, bringing a smile to her lips.

30th December

That night he slept on the couch, both for her safety and his. As Emma woke up, she was struggling for breath. Carefully she got up and rubbed her head. She felt her mind getting fuzzy, causing her throat to get constricted. The need to get out became too strong to resist; she couldn't stay inside. Quickly she put her jeans on and buttoned her flannel shirt completely. Soon she was outside feeling the wind lashing at her face. The pressure on her mind slowly decreased giving her enough strength to bring air in her lungs. Her heartbeat slowed down a little and she watched her surroundings. White everywhere she looked. A whiteness that could have fooled anyone but she knew what it could hide. She knew that what might appear like a romantic interlude had the potential to cost them their lives.

'Breath Emma, simply breath. It was a panic attack nothing more.' Brennan was right they would find a way out. He would never let anything happen to them. She had to believe in him.

When Emma was calm enough she went back to the cabin. Noiselessly, she put the wood down, got rid of her jacket, shoes and already soaked jeans. While he was still asleep, she would prepare his breakfast. Making her way to the kitchen area she collided with something or rather someone. She looked up only to find a very angry Brennan staring at her. Before she had the time to explain anything he let his anger take control.

"What do you think you were doing outside with that blizzard?"

"I already went outside a few times."

"Emma do you realize you might have lost your way. Or worse, you might have triggered an avalanche."

The too well known anger roared to life, taking control of her words.

"Oh and it's ok if you're the one going outside. I'm just some kind of useless weigh that need constant protection. That's what I am for you right."

She flinched at the harshness of her words. His tortured look only added to the weight of guilt. 'That's how she thinks I see her. Oh god. It' worse than what I thought'. The elemental felt as if someone had stabbed him right through his heart. How could she think she was useless? Her mere presence lighted his heart.

"I never said that Emma. Never."

"Then what are you trying to say Brennan. Because I don't understand you anymore."

She looked so young, so lost in that oversized red flannel shirt. The only thing he wanted was to take her in his arms and reassure her, reassure him. For a few seconds the words lingered on his lips but it felt wrong. He had no right to put her life in jeopardy. The unfairness of the situation was like a second stab. Wounded he turned to the window and pretended watching the falling snow.

"Forget it Emma. From now on, do whatever you want. I won't bother you with my concern. I'm through with you."

The young woman closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. That one hurt even if she knew it was not what he truly felt. But what was she expecting, Brennan was cornered and hurt; he was like a wounded wild animal.

"No Brennan, this time I want answers. I can't go on like that. And I know it's the same for you. We're just hurting ourselves there."

"What do you want me to say Emma? What can I possibly tell you to make you understand what you refuse to see?"

"What I refuse to see! And what exactly am I refusing to see?"

The young woman got closer to him and put her hands on his forearms. He was not going to make it easier for her. But it only fuelled her will to fight. If they had to make a decision she would live with it. But she could no longer stand his indifference and his protective outbursts every now and then.

"Brennan, look at me!"

The elemental looked up and their eyes met. So much doubts and such an intense love were reflected in his them that it made her falter. He was fighting his hardest battle and she couldn't help him.

"Bren, I'm… do you really believe that I'll be better without you?"

"Yes. I've hurt you and if you were sane, you would stay away from me. My past is just a dead weight I will have to carry all my life."

"You've hurt me, I can't deny it. But you're hurting me more by keeping that distance between us. And please stop trying to control things you can't control. You can't avoid pain. You can't protect every one from themselves. And you have to accept and live with your past."

"Emma, if you get too close to me you'll end up killed. And…"

'I won't be able to survive without you.' He didn't say what was really on his mind but he knew she had sensed it.

"So you made up your mind without consulting me. Don't you think I have a word to say about our relationship? Do you really think that I would let you down because of what you did? I care for you because of what you are here."

She put her hand close to his heart, feeling the steady beat beneath her fingers. He looked at her dumbfounded. She was right of course, but his fears were greater clouding his reason.

"Brennan. I want to take the risk. I want us to happen."

He tried to take her in his arms but Emma took a step back and watched him sadly. A tear appeared in her left eye, glowing like a small diamond. It was a lost battle and she felt drained, empty. But he had heard what had been on her mind, in her heart for so long. Even if it meant losing him she didn't regret a single word.

Brennan watched her suffering and he felt like he had stepped into hell. She was right on each point she had mentioned. And each one was a painful rusted nail in his heart. Why was he unable to tell her how he felt? The words were there but there was that invisible barrier in his throat blocking them.

"Emma, I…"

It was frustrating him to feel so helpless because of his fears. And her patience was not helping him at all.

"I need time Emma. I'm not used to let people in my life, in my heart."

The elemental retreated in the kitchen, leaving Emma standing in the middle of the living area completely stunned.

"It's easier to run. But you can't run forever."

TBC (tell me what you think!)