The Sweet Hereafter: Blood Is Thicker
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Part XXXI: Family Ties
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"Hey, are you lonely?
Has summer gone so slowly?
We found the ground
And that damage was done
It's cold as you fade into the sun
Where'd you go? To me?
But you're alive!
Well, it's only
Fallen frames, they told me
You stand out, it's so loud
And so what if it is?
It's cold as you face into the wind
Where'd it go to? Tonight the sun shall see its light
So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of our work
Is rated again
Where to go ?"
--Remy Zero
"Fair"
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The Amazing Olga Pataki is standing before me, making me feel small and insignificant. She always does that. I have to fight for enough attention as it is, with her here, I might as well curl up into a ball. Even Arnold can't stop looking at her. Who can blame him? She's not just beautiful, she's gorgeous. I don't begrudge her that, but you'd think she could've left a little for me! She didn't stop there either. Not only does Olga possess the face that launched a thousand ships, and curves in all the right places to go with it, but her talents are never ending! Wherever she goes, whatever she does, she conquers. It shames me that the person who probably gives me the most recognition is Simmons. But those aren't the things about her that drive me crazy. Her disposition is sunnier than Lila's. My parents must've filled her head with that "sugar and spice and everything nice" crap when she was little. And she keeps trying to bond with me! She drives me insane! If I were hard-pressed to admit it, the truth is that I have a lot of respect for Olga. Don't get me wrong, I can't stand her most of the time, but. . .she's still my sister. And I can't blame her for everything. My parents deserve a large part of that.
So here she is, in all her glory. How unfair is it that Arnold has trouble resisting older women? All she's done is walk in here and greet me with a smile, and I feel such hostility rising up in my chest. It's got to be this stupid gown, this bed. I feel small and weak, like I can't protect myself. I can still feel Arnold's hands working my hair softly. His fingertips brushing it backwards now, a massaging motion across my scalp that I really need to help me steady myself. I lean my head back, involuntarily drawn to the comfort, presenting him with a larger area to work with. It's not much, but it will do. If only he weren't behind me, I know that I would be clutching him tightly to me by now. Perhaps that's a good thing. It's appalling how clingy and desperate I feel, but I feel as though my senses are tingling, warning me not to let her take him away from me. What choice do I have? My store is so small, my winter so long. I have to protect the things that I have. Holding a pillow in my hands, I squeeze the ends together. God in heaven, if you really are up there, don't let her bring out the worst in me this time. I need to do better for him, for me. Find my salvation. Present him with some reason to trust me. I can feel my teeth grinding as the scent of Olga's perfume journeys upwards through my nostrils. Sometimes I feel like she stands for everything in life that I'm against.
"Hi Olga." I plaster a fake smile on my face, wondering if she can see through it.
"Oh, Helga! I'm just so happy to see you!" She practically runs to my bedside, throwing her arms around me. Her grip is such that I feel like I'm being squeezed in a vice. Does she even realize she's crowding poor Arnold out?
"Hi, Olga." I say non-committally.
"I've been trying to come all weekend! But Dr. Bliss wouldn't let me!" Thanks, doc. You have no idea how much that means to me! I can see tears welling up in Olga's eyes, and I giver the weakest hugs back, hoping she'll buy my recuperation as an excuse.
"Yeah, she hasn't let too many people in. Just a few of my classmates." Hopefully the room doesn't show too many signs of yesterday's party.
"Oh of course, Baby Sister! How rude of me! Who's your little friend?"
"I'm Arnold." He grins sheepishly, looking upon Helen of Troy's descendent.
"Oh, that's right! I remember tutoring you back when I was assisting Mr. Simmons at your school. How are you, Arnold?"
"I'm well. And your sister's getting better too." I can feel the smile he's giving her drilling into me. If I'm not careful, I'm going to start seeing red.
"Oh, but of course!" Why does she always sound like she's singing? "You're very kind to take such good care of Helga!" Yes, yes he is. Now go away so he can get back to it!
"She's no trouble at all." Arnold says quietly. You're such a liar, Arnoldo. I make it a habit to be as giant thorn in people's sides.
"I'm not interrupting, am I?" Yes, yes you are. You're a third wheel, sis, so beat it! There isn't enough time left for me to waste it with you!
"No." Arnold says, smiling again. For her! How dare he smile for her! This is another freaking nightmare made reality! "We're glad to have you." NO!
"Good morning." This voice must belong to the person who let her in to begin with. Ah yes, the good doctor. She gives me the time alone I leave with Arnold, then lets my evil sister in her just when it's getting good. Thank you and screw you.
"Dr. Bliss!" Both Olga and Arnold say animatedly.
"I see you've all gotten reacquainted." I don't like that look she's giving Arnold and I. Something between coyness and worry. You're all determined to take this moment away from us, aren't you? What's the use? The mood has been shot to heck, anyway. The sweeping of Arnold's fingers through my hair has been diminished to just a slow circle. I don't blame him for trying to hide it. "How are you this morning, Helga?" Absolutely wonderful, until you got here. Now everything I touch is turning to crap, same as usual.
"I'm feeling better. We were just, um, sharing a little breakfast." Anyone who buys that explanation at face value is pretty dense.
"That's so sweet!" Olga says, sniffling. Case in point.
"I see." Dr. Bliss said. "Well, I don't want to interrupt. Helga, I'm sure you and your sister have a lot to talk about." Don't encourage her! The sooner she leaves, the better!
"Dr. Bliss, can I see you for a few minutes?" I heard him speak up. What?! No, Arnold, don't leave me alone with her! Please!
"Certainly. Will you girls be okay by yourselves?" I'm sure we'll be fine. I can always use the tube from my drip to strangle her anyway, so no worries.
"We'll be fine, doc." I say, lying to everyone. I won't be fine. I want him to stay. Guess I have to learn to take care of my own problems again. Funny, it never felt so hard before. I can feel Arnold reluctantly let go of my hair, and I lift myself forwards, giving him the room he needs to get off the bed.
"I'll see you later, Helga." He says. I wonder if he can see the pleading in my eyes.
"Later, Hair Boy." Never let on too much, that's me. He walks out, leaving me alone with my sister, and my head hits the pillow. I contemplate smothering myself with it, but I simply don't have the strength. That coy look Olga bestowed upon him as he left is pushing me to my limit.
Olga turns towards me, and it's too late now that I realize I've become her captive. "Helga, I've just been so worried about you! When Mummy told me about how you had been hospitalized, I just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't bear the thought of my baby sister trapped in a coma!" She wraps her arms around me and turns on the waterworks like I'm dying. If squeezes me any tighter, she's going to wind up with a soy sausage running down her shoulder.
"It's okay, Olga. I'm fine, really. There's nothing to worry about. They're even supposed to let me out of here today."
Olga nods at me, stroking my hair maternally, taking little clumps between her thumb and forefinger and running them through the length of my matted blonde strands. It's nothing like when Arnold was playing with my hair, yet it's strangely comforting. This is beyond weird, because Olga usually sets me on edge like there's no tomorrow.
At that moment, it dawned on me that Olga was the first member of my family to show any concern for my current situation. Had Bob and Miriam sent her along as some kind of surrogate parent? Yeah, that would be exactly like Bob. He had been told that I'm doing fine, so he saw no need to take time out of his schedule to check up on me. And Miriam, well, she's probably long since passed out. She might not even remember I'm in the hospital. So what difference did it make if Olga was filling in? As much as she makes me want to claw my eyes out, she's the closest thing to a real family I have. And that is so depressing, I think I'm going to cry.
"I didn't know you'd made a new friend." Olga smiled.
"Well, to be honest, I didn't either. It's. . .it's really complicated, Olga." And I really don't want to discuss him with you. You know far too much about me already. "How long are you here for?"
"As long as it takes for my dear baby sister to recover from her ordeal." She says it with such joy and conviction. Criminey! By Olga's standards, it could take weeks for me to be recovered! Oh, death, where is thy sting? "I'm sure it will give us lots of time to grow close to one another, Helga. I just want to make things right with you." Good. But how can I miss you if you won't go away?
"Look, Olga, I. . .I really don't like spending time with you. I know how hearing that must make you feel, but the truth is, we're just very different people, and whenever people see us together, it's like all of a sudden I'm expected to live up to your legends, moreso than usual. So I guess what I'm saying is, the farther away you are, the easier it is for me to have. . .well, good feelings about you."
Olga looks so crushed. I'm sorry, sis. But it's the truth. I don't really hate you. But I just can't co-exist with you. I'll only end up dragging you down in the end. I don't want to be a brick to you. "I understand why you may feel like that Helga, but please give me the chance to prove to you that I can be your sister without being in your way."
"How?"
"Just listen to me, Baby Sister. Do you know where I was when I found out you had been hospitalized?"
"Not really." I rolled my eyes. This was going to get weird, no two ways about it.
"I was in my philosophy class, learning about the different ways that different people view the world. And then I get a phone call and find out that my dear sibling Helga has slipped into a coma. And it was like all of the philosophy I had absorbed over the past few months came together into one. I realized how much time we'd lost that we couldn't ever get back. We only get one life, Helga, and we have to make the most of it while it's here. I want you in mine."
I hate it when she gets like this. It's impossible for me to deny her, and I'll end up spending days with her until I pick up a kitchen knife and cut her heart out. Isn't it some kind of sick joke that you can't pick your family? You get to choose your friends and lovers, but you get the big screw when it comes to parents and siblings. Something about that just seems wrong to me. Then again, I didn't exactly get born into the best of families. How does Olga manage to be so perfect? It's like she's a flower that grew out of a pot of dirt.
"Okay," I tell her, instantly knowing I'll regret it. I don't know what I'm thinking. Maybe it's my own way of trying to admit that I wish things were better, even though I already know this is the best we can hope for. She throws her arms around me again, and I know that I'm done for. I've really got to learn to stand up to her. But I guess blood is thicker than other stuff. A small part of me wants to believe that we really can make it work this time. Somehow, I doubt it, but I'll keep hoping anyway. I mean, really, what have I got to lose?
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Arnold and Dr. Bliss sat in a lounge with the TV volume low, both having sunk into comfortable chairs and each sipping from a cup full of hot chocolate.
"I see you've been busy." The doctor stated patiently.
"Promises to keep." Arnold shrugged.
"And miles to go before you sleep?" Dr. Bliss asked.
"Something like that."
"All right. So tell me, where are you going now?"
"I haven't really decided. I'm waiting for Helga to give me some sort of indication what she's looking for."
"And what do you think that she wants?"
"I'm not sure. I've tried to tread lightly with her, as you suggested, but I seem to keep getting pulled into her gravity field."
"So you would say she's definitely exerting her influence over you?"
"No two ways about it. At first I was a little afraid of it, but now I'm starting to feel like the excitement. Around her, you never know what's going to happen next."
"Moths are drawn to flames in much the same way, Arnold. But if you fly too close, you'll catch fire."
"Don't I know it. But what I don't know is how to handle myself anymore. I've had a lot of bad experiences with women. So I guess I've kind of backed off from the whole concept, given myself time to heal and regroup. And Helga, well, it's like. . .she's-"
"She's not exactly the kind of girl you could see yourself with." The doctor finished with a smirk on her face.
"Right! Exactly! But now it's like, that's changing, and I'm not sure how to handle it. Part of me is saying I should run the other way, while the other part is telling me I need to stay and see how this plays out."
"Well then, I don't think you have much to worry about. Where members of the opposite sex are involved, you'll probably always feel that way. That's normal. The lesson to be learned from this is that the ideal significant other that we all dream of is really just an idea. Whomever you end up with in life, she will probably turn out to be nothing like you envisioned. I would not consider this a bad thing. Surprises have always been one of my favorite parts of life. Well, the good surprises, anyway."
"So what's your advice, Dr. Bliss? What do you think I should do?"
"Well, Arnold, I would counsel you based on the needs of my patient. She needs someone to stand by her, and I think you fit the bill, but you shouldn't do it if you don't want to. It will definitely be a difficult job. She can be pretty inhospitable."
"That I'm used to. But ever since she woke up, she's been mostly kind to me."
"Sometimes all we need is a little reminder to kick start us on life in general. She has a lot to deal with in her life, a lot to sort out. But she seems to be drawing some kind of strength from you. I don't know if you've noticed, but she seems to look much healthier whenever you're around. I'd say you should wait it out and see what happens."
"Thanks Dr. Bliss. We'll do it your way."
"Sure thing. Just don't forget, if she lashes out at you, remember she's trying to punish herself, not you." Arnold shrugged. So far, things had been going great. But Arnold couldn't help but remember that it always seemed to rain on days when he hadn't brought his umbrella.
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This is going to have to do it right here. I know it's not much, but it's late and I'm tired, and it's time for a new chapter. Hopefully I can make my way through these author's notes without falling apart!
First off, a shout out to Rachael West for catching both the Garden State reference and the song reference. A lot of the story is influenced by Garden State, and I'm pleased you noticed. Want to see something really neat? One of the major roles in Garden State is played by Ian Holm. Ian Holm once starred in an independent film called "The Sweet Hereafter." Coincidence?
I was really, really tired when I was finishing this chapter, to the point where I couldn't keep my eyes open. So if the Arnold/Dr. Bliss scene feels a little sub par, well, now you know why. I was just too damn tired to carry on. I apologize for that, you all deserve better, but it's going to happen every now and then. I'll try to make the next chapter better, but this one was just a victim of weather pattern changes wreaking havoc on my circadian rhythm.
Anyway, look for the next chapter soon! I think Helga will finally emerge from the hospital in that one! I think. Who knows?! But I'm sure I'll see you there.
Okay, I'm getting silly and punchy. Time to make my exit. Please send your questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage proposals, and ransom demands to:
Lord Malachite
10/19/04
5:23AM, EST
E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com
AIM: Asukaphile 26