The Sweet Hereafter: A Letter From Earth
-
-
-
Part XXXXII: Read Between The Lines
-
-
"This is a strange place, and extraordinary place, and interesting. There is nothing resembling it at home. The people are all insane, the other animals are all insane, the earth is insane, Nature itself is insane. Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at is worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the "noblest work of God." This is the truth I am telling you. And this is not a new idea with him, he has talked it through all the ages, and believed it. Believed it, and found nobody among all his race to laugh at it."
--Mark Twain
"Letters From The Earth: Satan's Letter"
-
-
-
Arnold lay on his bed, looking up through the skylight at the stars, trying to discern patterns out of chaos. A simple instinct of the human mind, producing form and logic out of nothingness. The night was cold, and a slight yet chill breeze wafted over the boy each time the wind blew. A flicker of motion caught the corner of Arnold's eye, something flashing past his window to the heavens. There was a sudden rush of cold air, and then the sky began raining down papers, falling in back and forth motions as they journeyed toward the floor and other objects, like the bed, and the computer desk. A small, cardboard tube landed directly behind Arnold with a quiet thud, and the boy turned his attention to it after making sure he had gathered up all the papers.
Arnold collected the papers into a stack, along with the roll, then turned his light on and slid back under the warm covers of his bed. He set the cardboard tube aside and leafed through the pages. Each one was written in beautiful script, every page flowing like a true work of art. Thankfully, each sheet was numbered, and it took only a few moment to get everything in order.
What followed was perhaps the single most riveting collection of words that Arnold would ever read:
Arnold
If you are reading this, than I have, however briefly, managed to overcome my worser nature, and therein may lay some measure of hope. I am told that you had the pleasure of meeting a girl this weekend. Perhaps someday I shall have the pleasure of making the girl's acquaintance. I refer to her as "the girl," because I am not entirely certain who she was. In sooth, she may at one time have been me. It is possible that she remains some small part of me, but she is not me, for I am myself
It must then lead you to some confusion as to where the girl has gone, and whether you shall ever see her again. I don't know what I did with her, but she has submerged once more into the darkness. I know that you must be angry with me for what I have done, but it is my fond hope that you will believe me when I say that if you look closely, you might again view her out of the corner of your eye. For if she does reside in me, then she must be a part of everything that I do, and though I deserve not your mercy or understanding, I beseech you to look closer, and you may find her again.
I have placed this parchment in your hands so that you might better understand our current predicament, and the crime I have so recently visited upon you. In your zealousness to care for me, despite being undeserving of it, I must now admit that I betrayed you on that cold night you came to rescue me on. You may yet be blissfully unaware, but I have left my mark upon your heart. You need not believe my words. Merely attempt to gain Lila's affections once more, or perhaps a different girl of your choosing. And if you do not think of me all the while, then you are stronger than you have any right to be. With so simple a kiss, we are now linked. It is not witchcraft or magic, unless of course, you count the magic of the human heart at work. The heart is a funny thing, and can be greatly influenced by so simple or physical act, or even a suggestion.
Worser still is the thought that I have drawn you towards me yet have not allowed you any kind of safety net to release yourself with. I have spent many a night, looking upwards at the stars and wondering if I would ever be granted my wish. Truly, I wanted things to be better than this, for both of us. But I have a tendency of sabotaging my relationships with others, most of all you. Perhaps this is why I have left my feelings to be read in this shamefully anonymous letter, so that I may continue to deny them to all. And I will, this I promise you.
It would be best for you to seal these experiences in your memory and forget about me. Because for everything good that I might feel, I cannot deny that in the end, I will likely destroy you. I have built all the walls between us again, restored them, perhaps made them stronger and higher. I have done this so that you might be saved. This is the sorrow I tried to warn you about. The pain we are going through now is what I was looking to avoid. This is why I asked you to stay. To nurture the girl you met, instead of the monster that is here now. I wanted something better for the both of us. But maybe this always has been our fate. You are not the one who needs to change, but rather I. It may be too late for me to be saved, and I do not desire you to squander your precious resources on one as wretched as I. Try to believe that it is enough for me to know that you can see something better in myself, that there is light within the darkness. In the times when you are uncertain of yourself, when you feel bested and useless, find solace in the thought that the light that exists in me is because of you.
If you persist in following me, as much as it shall make my heart soar, be aware that I will likely be the cause of unequivocal pain of all kinds. Nevertheless, you are deserving of the truth, may it assist you in choosing your path.
By now, you know full well the longing of the heart. My own never bothers me much, except, of course, for the inconvenience of feeling a large pit the size of Texas opening up within your stomach. My hope is that this will help you gain perspective. If ever you feel cold and beaten, when you just can't win for losing and you are certain that no matter how many girls you trust with your heart, none will ever consent to give you theirs, remember that you shall always have mine. For what it's worth now, I do love you, and I always have. Words on a mysterious parchment are a poor excuse, I know, but I have been unable to find any other way of delivering the message.
You may keep the ribbon as a memento, perhaps a testament to the fact that I am real and that I do exist. However, I am aware that you are most likely angry enough by now to not want triggers for bad memories lying around. If so, please discretely place it in the hands of my confidant, and it will be returned to me, no questions asked.
I know not what you will choose to believe, but regardless of where you decide to go from here, I will keep a candle burning in my foolish heart for you. Try to remember that the next time I frustrate you. It's the only thing I know how to give properly.
Sincerely,
H.
Arnold sighed, opening the tube. Clearly, this was a lot to think about. There was still a lot he needed to discuss with Helga. Arnold twisted the plastic cap off the bottom of the tube and upturned it. A pink bow nearly fell into his lap. Clever of her. But there was something else. Arnold reached inside and pulled. After about half a minute's worth of work, he managed to free a rolled series of stapled pages. More of Helga's prose. Arnold did his best to smooth them out as he looked at the newest letter.
Dearest Arnold,
It took me a full fifteen minutes to be able to add the last three letters to that greeting. I'd like to consider it progress, but I digress. If you are still reading, I count myself fortunate. I continue finding more that I must say. It's not that the first letter was wrong, so much as that I feel I owe you a little more. So I decided to make this one a bit more personal. Of course, I also had to hide it to make sure it didn't fall into the wrong hands, so I hope you look in this piece of cardboard carefully. Otherwise all my hard work will have been for naught.
There are numerous confessions that I have to make, and pray that you will not hate me too much. You cannot imagine the things I have done. But I have to tell you, so that you might know me fully. I couldn't bear it if you chose the danger without knowing what you are getting into. So what follows is a list of my sins and transgressions. Forgive me if anything escapes this list, but I have done more things than even I can remember.
Many months ago, you were in possession of a small, pink book filled with poetry. Perhaps you still have it. As you may now have deduced, its contents were written by me. I tore the last page that one morning to prevent you from finding out it was I who wrote those poems. As I recall, you didn't care for them. You thought they were a joke. I guess I'll give you that once since my crimes are far greater. Even if it did shatter my being to hear you mock the words of my heart and soul. Okay, I know it's a guilt trip, but I'm trying to build up some good will in the bank. Trust me, I'm going to need it.
I might as well start with the biggest confession. Or maybe it's the second biggest, I'm not sure. There's no good way to lead up to this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. We've been out on a date before. You just didn't know it, because I tricked you. I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm sorry, I can't tell you this right now. If I'm going to work up the nerve to admit the truth, I require hot chocolate. You'd better get some too. Think of it as our first real date, drinking hot chocolate together. . .that sounded a lot less corny before I wrote it down. And if you ever tell anyone I said this, I'll kick a field goal with your head! Now, go make some of that chocolate. Don't worry, I'll meet you right back here.
Arnold chuckled to himself, but nonetheless found himself obeying Helga's orders. He walked downstairs, contemplating the issue. He had already been on a date with Helga? That made no sense whatsoever. What did make sense was why she had so many confessions. If she truly harbored these secret feelings for him, this was liable to be a long night. There was always the chance he would learn more than he cared to know, but it was too late to go back now. Arnold had wanted to understand Helga Pataki all his life, he wasn't about to back down now. While Arnold was waiting for the water to boil, Arnold let Abner out into the yard and placed a treat in his dish. So what if it was going to be a long night? It might also be a chance to go where none other had, unraveling the mysteries of Helga. After preparing his hot beverage and making sure that his faithful pet was safely inside the house and had found the treat, Arnold tip-toed back up to his room, hot chocolate in hand. Setting the mug on his nightstand, he shut his lights off and grabbed the flashlight from one of his drawers. Getting comfortable once more in his bed, he turned the flashlight on and took a sip of his hot chocolate before returning to the note.
So what took you so long, Football Head? Do you just enjoy keeping a girl waiting? I mean criminey, that's awfully inconsiderate! I'm pretty surprised at you! Fine then, now that you're here. . .the truth. Arnold? I'm Cecile. I was that girl you met in the restaurant on Valentine's Day. I can prove it if you need me to. It seemed like a good idea at the time, impersonating your pen pal. I just wanted you to pay attention to me. I wanted to be close to you, even if it couldn't be real. Even if it was only for one night. I can admit that what I did was wrong. And I am sorry. I had no right. And it isn't the only underhanded thing I've done, all in the name of my love for you. Maybe I was just. . .trying to reinvent myself, become a girl that you could fall in love with.
I wish that was the only thing that I have to confess. But there is one thing even worse than this one. It's the reason why I hate Little Miss Perfect so much. Because I'm the one that put you onto her. When she approached you originally, and wanted you to be her significant other, it was because of me. One day, in a fit of sexual frustration, I wrote our names on a wall in a giant heart, so I could finally express my feelings for you somehow. Then I heard people coming, and I freaked out, fearing I would be made a laughing stock. So I changed my name to Lila's and ran. And ever since that stupid afternoon, I've been in incredible pain. It was an unintentional gaffe on my part, but the damage has been done and it is you who must live with that heartache and sorrow, and for this I cannot ask for apology or mercy. Without me, you wouldn't have developed your feelings for her, and you wouldn't get hurt so often. I am a monster, Arnold, and I deserve your hate.
Remember when we starred together in Romeo & Juliet? It was never supposed to be me opposite you. But when I learned about your playing the leading man, I refused to rest until I secured the part of Juliet. And it was a lot of work to get there, let me tell you. I lied. I cheated. I blackmailed. I connived my own best friend. I did everything I could to keep the others out of that spotlight. Yet another reason why I despise Lila. I had to tell her the truth to get her to back down for me. And that may have been the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. Except maybe for telling you all of these things. There was just no way I could allow you to kiss anyone but me. I would die inside. I can't stalk you all day long, so maybe someone else beat me to it. You don't belong to me, and I'm wrong to try and monopolize you. And I lied. Of course I wanted to kiss you! You're the only boy I ever will. But grant me something. It wasn't so bad kissing me, was it? I haven't exactly had a lot of practice. . .but I'm willing to keep working at it. And you make one heck of a Romeo.
-
-
Sorry, I had to stop writing this for a bit. That last confession took me back to that night, and I had to go cuddle up in my bed and relive that moment as I have countless times already. But there have been better, now. You finally kissed me back Saturday night, and you'll never know what was like for me. It was. . .excuse me.
-
-
Sometimes I just lose control. It may happen more than once, in fact, it already has, so bear with me. I'm only baring my soul for you.
Remember that time you lost your hat and I returned it to you? I had planned on keeping it forever, and then I had to go and get a conscience attack. Your scent was perfect. I remember just burying my face inside it when I needed strength. I guess that time, something good finally came out of my feelings for you. I did the right thing. Don't think it was easy, though.
It was no accident that you didn't meet Ruth at the Cheese Festival. I went to a lot of trouble to keep the two of you apart. I ended up hurting myself in the process, but I lived. Sure, so what if I ended up alone and empty? Oh, all those mishaps you and Lila had last time? Yeah, that was me too. I know how terrible I am. But I couldn't stand it! You asked her to go with you and it was like I didn't even exist. But why should you ever think of me, when I do nothing but torment you. I'm sorry about all that. You saved her that night. No matter what I did to you two, she just ended up liking you more. Now that I think about it, maybe you owe me for that one. Y'know, I still remember how we worked together to make her jealous by pretending you and I were an item. Too bad I was never faking. I know it was short lived, but those were some of the happiest days I can remember.
I remember Thanksgiving, that time we went over to Simmons' house. It wasn't the best of days for either of us when we started. But I had a good time. It felt good to know that for all our differences, your holiday was turning out just as crummy as mine. It made me feel closer to you. That there was something to tie us together, something we have in common. You always do that, right when I'm on the verge of giving in to my misery for good. You give me some measure of hope, make me believe that someone like you could actually love me. And then I find the strength to keep going.
That weekend when we had to pretend to be husband and wife, raising our egg, all we did was argue. I think we still owe each other an apology for that. You never gave me a chance, Arnold. And that hurt. Because whether or not you believe me, I had intended to be nice to you that weekend. It was a perfect chance to make a new start with you, to show you that I'm not the sadist you had me pegged for. But you didn't give me a chance. Maybe I deserved that treatment, I'd never been nice to you in the past. But that wasn't the Arnold I know. That wasn't the boy I fell in love with six years ago. Still, we managed to get through it, and we saw the miracle of life first hand. I'll never forget that part.
"As I travel in space and time,
I want to stay, I want to go
You see my face but it's not mine
What you can't see, you'll never know
How can we meet, if I'm not there?
Our hearts may touch, our bodies close
But time divides what we might share
And sends a soul where no one goes
I'm just a traveler
Upon the sea
Of time, of life, of Fate's wide wheel
Just a traveler
In this mystery
The me I am
Is all that's real to me
--Scott Bakula
"Fate's Wide Wheel"
Remember that costume party Rhonda threw, and I showed up as Lila? That was all for you. It pains me to see that I have gotten that desperate. I just want you to like me, Arnold. And I know how highly you think of Lila. So I tried to become her for you. It was stupid and immature, but I couldn't think of any other ideas. Maybe the scary part is that it worked. You and I spent most of that party together. And it was fun. Until you called me Lila. And then I finally realized what I was doing. That I had finally gone too far. I allowed my love to blind me, and I had become so desperate for your approval that I lost sight of the reality. I want you to return my feelings. I want you to fall for me. But somewhere along the line, I had crossed a line—transformed myself into a desperate person. You weren't having a good time with me. You were having a good time with Lila. So I put an end to it. And then you walked away. You walked away from me and I felt like I was dying. Did that entire evening we spent flirting mean nothing?! Don't you know how that made me feel?!
-
-
Here, a large break appeared. There were several stains, where water or. . .were they tear stains? Whatever they were, Helga was forced to skip down several lines to a new section where she could write without the ink smudging. Arnold gulped, feeling a little disconcerted about what might lie ahead.
I'm sorry. I told you, you might have to bear with me. That memory stirs up a lot of bad feelings for me. I'm sorry about what I just accused you of. That isn't fair, because I am no less guilty. But it still hurts because of what we did. We used each other, Arnold.
Immediately, the letter fell out of Arnold's hands, and he felt ashamed. Helga was right. They had used each other. Sure, she was just trying to look and act like the person he'd like so she could get his attention. But he had used her to live out his fantasy of a perfect date with Lila. And unlike Lila, Helga hadn't resisted, hadn't reminded him that she only liked him as a friend. She was ready and willing to be what he wanted. He had even gone so far as to call her Lila, allowing himself to become immersed in the fantasy completely. And Helga was worried about him hating her? Sure, the girl had done some rotten things, and made his life miserable plenty of times. But she hadn't done anything as bad as he had. And for the past few months, he had been sleeping easily and with a clean conscience. He felt like he needed to take a shower. "Helga, I'm sorry." Arnold whispered quietly, taking a deep swig of his chocolate and forcing himself to continue.
I wish we could take that night back, but it's too late now. I regret what I did. And I have no doubt that you feel the same way. We have to live with it. After all, it was what we both wanted at the time. Truth be told, I'd probably have let you go right on using me until you used me up. Maybe in the future we'll be more considerate of our feelings, especially since I've told you everything, now. But no more trying to pretend I'm something that I'm not. I risk outright rejection by telling you this, but please. . .see me as I am. Because if there's one thing I learned these past few days, it's that I like who I am better when I'm around you.
I wish that was all, but there's something else. There's always something else. It's never that easy, is it? About a month ago, you beaned me with a stray baseball and I lost my memory for two days. I hate admitting this, but I was faking it. Don't get me wrong, it was real, at first. In fact, I don't remember anything of you walking me home, making me dinner, or tucking me into bed. I never would have known if Miriam hadn't reminded me the next morning. Which, coincidentally, was when my memory returned. You were so attentive to me that I didn't want it to end. And so, I faked it from that point on. I wanted you all to myself. And you were a prince. You were perfect. You went above and beyond the call of duty. I fell in love with you all over again. And I would still be pretending today if it weren't for one thing. It wasn't fair to you. You were rearranging your whole life to spend time with me, to accommodate a lie. And I. . .I love you too much to let that happen. I want to be with you, Arnold, but I want it to happen because you want it too. Not because you feel you have to make it up to me. So I staged a scene where I could hit my head again and magically return to normal. I know, pretty good, wasn't I? Come on, admit it. You never suspected, never would have if I hadn't told you just now. I've had a lot of practice.
Despite all these things, I still hold out hope for us. Maybe part of it is me being a hopeless romantic, but come on! The Princess predicted that you and I would be married a hundred and ten times. Who are we to try and buck those odds? I think it's worth a shot. Because I'm still trying. I want you to see me, Arnold. All I've ever really wanted is for you to look at me as a woman instead of the bullying tomboy that you're used to. I know that I have a record of being cold and cruel. I know that I'm not a girl made of hearts and flowers, that I'm not much to look at, that I'm nothing like the kind of girlfriend you would ever imagine for yourself. But I love you, Arnold. I love you, just as I am, I love you for what you are. I was born to love you. And if that doesn't mean something then you aren't the boy I thought you are. Then I've been wrong all these years. So I'm asking. I'm asking you to take a chance on me. To risk your heart on me. And I stand by what I said. I may end up destroying you. I'll certainly hurt you, because it's my nature. I don't have any right to ask you, after what I've done, but here I am anyway. I'm just a pathetic wretch of a girl who doesn't want you to give up on her. Who knows her salvation when she sees it but never sees fit to do anything about it. Well I'm taking the step. I don't want to be alone anymore. I need you in my life. And after reading all this, if you still don't hate me, if you are willing to face my cruelty, then you know where to find me. Talk to Phoebe if you're crazy enough to give me a chance, and she'll give you a way to contact me away from the prying eyes of others. If you must decline, simply return the ribbon to her, and we'll both pretend this letter was never written.
So that's the whole truth. My letter from Earth. I wonder if it makes Clemens proud? Even I can love, Arnold. I've known you were the one since I was three years old. It might not be easy for you to understand that, but it has defined my existence. Sure, it's made me a little crazy, but if you weren't in my life, I know that I would probably be far worse a person than I usually act like. For six long years, you've unwittingly been my left arm. My conscience and my guide. My little voice of reason. The angel on my shoulder to balance the devil. Okay, too many metaphors, I know. I've been slaving over this thing for nearly eight hours now, Football Head. That's why I wasn't in school today. Relax, I'm going back tomorrow. I've missed enough as it is. It's just. . .now that I've finally said all these things, I don't know how to sign off or say goodbye. I'm a little scared to give you the opportunity to reject me, especially given what a long shot this is. But at least it's right. I finally told you. If you doubt what I said here, try and remember what I told you that night at the top of FTI headquarters. Maybe hearing it straight from me works better than words on paper, I don't know. I'm rambling. I'm going now, Football Head. I hope you're still able to sleep tonight. After finally coming clean with all this, I'd like to think that I'll sleep like a baby, but the truth is that I'll probably have to be reminded to breathe until I know what your decision is. Funny world, isn't it? Love is supposed to be this unstoppable, unbreakable force. Nobody ever talks about how it makes you insecure and crazy. Sweet dreams, Arnold.
All my love,
Helga G. Pataki
-
-
Arnold noticed how beautiful her signature was at the bottom of the last page, almost as though it were done in calligraphy. He found it difficult to reconcile the decidedly feminine, flowing script with the coarseness of Helga's usual outward appearance. Chalk another one up for not judging a book by its cover.
Arnold finished his chocolate and picked up Helga's bow once more, twirling it over in his hands as he had done at the hospital on Friday. And now he finally knew everything there was to know about Helga. And he had a decision to make. "Now I know how Hamlet must've felt" Arnold sighed, thinking about Mr. Simmons recitation of the classic speech,
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and
arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"
Whatever he did next, it seemed as though this would truly be the end of an era. No doubt about it, what Helga asked was difficult. And she even told him she would make it difficult on him because of how she is. She was warning him away. Perhaps it would be wise to heed her advice and run away. And yet at the same time, she begged him to give her a chance. To put himself on the line for her. But if he did, would it be worth it? Would he work day in and out at building a relationship with Helga only for her to repeatedly smash it?
What did he want? Twice that weekend she had kissed him, and twice he had found the experience agreeable. There was something there in those moments when they were alone, something they brought out in each other. The girl was undeniably crazy. But she was also brilliant. Moreover, despite her cruelty, she had something no one else was offering. "She loves me." Perhaps not openly. Maybe it would be a long time before they would ever do something like hold hands in public or go on a date where they would be seen.
A fearful thought crossed Arnold's mind, however. What if I just end up using her? Do I really want to be with her? Or am I just doing it because there isn't anyone else? Again, he felt a lump in his throat, and all the different outcomes this could have in the future. Some were agreeable. Some were a dream come true. Some were sad, and one frightened him to his core. And all of a sudden, Arnold envied Helga. She had the easy part. All she had to do was come clean. He was the one who had to deal with the hard choices. He turned his flashlight off and stared at the stars in the night sky again, this time looking not for patterns, but for answers, some kind of sign as to which would be the best course of action for both of them. It was a star right in the middle of Orion's belt that provided the response he needed. Arnold clutched Helga's ribbon and made his decision.
-
-
-
I'd like to start by thanking everyone for being here. Writing this story has been one amazing journey that has lasted over three months, and I can't help but feel a bit empty and sad that it's over now. So many of you have gone to excess in your love and support, and I truly thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Writing this story has been a truly exhaustive experience, and I couldn't have done it without you. I was encouraged back when I had nothing but a sliver of an idea and less than an even basic knowledge for what I was getting into. Yet with each update, I was assured that I was growing, becoming stronger. In the process, I feel like poor Helga became something of my own child, I've become very fatherly with her. I also have the pain of seeing too much of myself in her, and it makes me want to keep striving to make her better. But that would deprive her of that opportunity, and I won't do that. I won't take it all away from her.
I'd like to give thanks and credit where it's due. I'm going to start by thanking Shinji Langley, Gerard Dominus, and Lord Canti for giving me so much encouragement throughout this process. You guys also did a lot of the pre-reading, and you each deserve a big hand for putting up with all my little mistakes and helping me turn out a better product. Special thanks also to my top reviewer, The J.A.M, who never missed a single chapter, and also looked over Chapter 21 and helped me make it truly special. I would also like to take this opportunity to dedicate the entire work to Wyldheart, a woman of constant inspiration who always manages to put a smile on my face. She has given me so much, and asks so little in return, and I'm eternally grateful for the opportunity to talk to her from time to time.
Many other readers and reviewers like yourself deserve some credit, so I'm going to try and squeeze as many of you as I can into here. This list is in no particular order, because I couldn't possibly say I value one review over another unless it was extremely shallow. So without further ado, I'd like to thank:
Roxynomekop1288, for always finding something fresh and original to say about my work and how much you enjoy it
Number 6, for slowly yet diligently working through my story. It is my fond hope that people will continue to find and enjoy this fic even after it stops getting a weekly bump to the top.
Cat61, your reviews are among the most in depth and help me see things that sometimes I don't. I hope you have better luck signing onto FFN in the future.
Inferna, for wishing for more each time. It's requests like that that helped me keep facing the horrors of the blank page.
DarthRoden, for being one of my earliest supporters and not forgetting about me. You've been a real success, I see, and I want to return the favor. I look forward to tearing into a few of your stories now that this one is finished.
Athena Lionfire19, for giving me hope against the near perfection that is "Dark Salvation." I absolutely love that story, but it was also very hard to have consistently been updating against it, has a habit of making you feel small when you're forced to stand next to someone better than yourself.
Of course, it isn't all about reviews. I owe my success to a great many others. Undying gratitude to Craig Bartlett, the Snee-Oosh staff, and Viacom for bringing the product to television and theaters. Without the characters created and designed by Craig and his close associates, none of this would've been possible. Thanks to Zach Braff for writing, directing, and starring in the film "Garden State," a motion picture that had a tremendous amount of influence on my own story, and which has also had a large impact on my own life. Thanks to Studio Shinyo, whose page of quotes I shamelessly scoured, providing wisdom, insight, and fun to you throughout this work. Thanks to John Logan, for writing the script to "Star Trek: Nemesis." As a Trekker, I was never very impressed with the film, but it has some incredible dialogue, and I did borrow a wee bit here and there. Credit where credit is due. Thanks to Francesca Smith, Toran Caudell, Philip Van Dyke, and Spencer Klein for voicing the two primary characters in this work, breathing life into them and making each truly alive.
This story just kept growing and growing, folks. Even now, I hesitate to let it all end. Each time I thought I had gotten it, I could hear Helga whisper in my ear that I wasn't digging deep enough. And then I would be forced to delve into that abyss again and look inside my own fear and pain. It does hurt to leave it now, but I can't do everything. I have to allow Helga to stand on her own, sink or swim on her own merits, or I might smother her.
I know that you will miss this story. I miss it already, and I haven't even posted this final installment. I offer us all this consolation, this isn't the only story I have hiding in my stable for the HA fandom. I'll get to that in a minute.
If you want to know what I'm doing next, I'll be returning to work on "Awakening: Third Stage." I'm starting to get a lot of threats about that, and I do want to return to the work. I urge you all to follow that story, even though it isn't an HA work. There is going to be a Fourth Stage to it as well, and this one will be featuring none other than Helga Pataki in a very large way, and I know a lot of you would enjoy that. I hope you'll follow me. I promise to make it worth you while?
Starving for some more straight up HA enjoyment with no strings attached? I'm pleased to announce that my next HA story, tentatively titled "Instant Gratification," will begin releasing in July 2005. Look for the first trailer for that fic to be posted just after Christmas, I'll post it as one last chapter of "The Sweet Hereafter" and give it one more bump. I am very excited about that story, and those I have given the basic premise to think it will be wonderful, so I'll love to hear what you think.
And now, for a few secrets. I've seen some excellent episodes in the past three months, but would it surprise most of you to know that I still have not seen critical installments such as "Arnold's Valentine" and "Married?" I did my best to keep up on research and incorporate everything I could to build you a better story, so that the characters would not end up reading as though they are somehow incomplete. I hope it all worked for you. Now that I'm done, I will also be chipping away at the commentary to each chapter regularly. The story behind the story is interesting in its own way, and I hope that at least a few people out there would like to know more.
Don't forget your soundtrack to "The Sweet Hereafter" on your way out. I recommend the following tunes to put you in the right mood if you ever want to re-read this thing.
Billy Joel—I Go To Extremes; And So It Goes
Coldplay—I Ran Away
Crosby, Stills, & Nash—Suite: Judy Blue Eyes
Fear Factory—Zero Signal
Frou Frou—Let Go
Gilbert O'Sullivan—Alone Again, Naturally
Jars Of Clay--Flood
Iron And Wine/The Postal Service—Such Great Heights
Kathleen Wilhoite—Wish We Never Met
Mr. Hyunh (Randy Travis)—The Simple Things
Natalie Imbruglia—Smoke
Pink Floyd—One Of My Turns
Remy Zero--Fair
Scott Bakula—Fate's Wide Wheel
Simon & Garfunkely—Scarborough Fair/Canticle
Something For Kate—Déjà vu
The Beatles—She's Leaving Home
The Offspring—Have You Ever
They Might Be Giants—No One Knows My Plan; Why Must I Be Sad?
Third Eye Blind—Jumper
Tom Lehrer—The Wiener Schnitzel Waltz
Vanessa Carlton—A Thousand Miles
Vertical Horizon—Miracle
William Shatner—It Hasn't Happened Yet, That's Me Trying, What Have You Done
Zero 7—In The Waiting Line
I'm sure with a little work, you'll be able to acquire some if not all of the works in question. All of this music helped to inspire me in the writing of this fanfiction, and I pass it along to you to help paint a more complete picture.
Well, what else are we supposed to do now? I think I'm about winding down to the end here. I keep wanting to find other things to say, to put off the inevitable need to sign off. It's like when you go to the movie theater, and you see a movie that just totally blew you away, and you don't want to get up and leave. You're sitting there through all the credits hoping the thing won't ever end, even though everyone else has gone. Of course, sometimes you get lucky and there's a little Easter egg after the credits, so it's all good, right?
I guess all good things have to come to an end sometime. Just the fact that so many of you out there discovered my silly little story and became enthralled by it, that means something. It made it all worthwhile. I look forward to seeing you all again soon. Being a part of a fandom like this, it's very heartwarming. This is my first story to go platinum here at FFN, and you all helped to make that happen, chapter by chapter. Thank you. And pass it on to someone else in the future. Fanfiction is how we have to keep the great works alive after the greedy corporate monsters decide they aren't profitable enough anymore.
Don't worry, I won't forget the trailer for my next HA fanfic. I should have it out by next week. I'm not going anywhere. If you have any questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage proposals, or ransom demands, send them to me:
Lord Malachite
12/20/04
4:07AM, EST
E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com
AIM: Asukaphile26
And of course, reviews are welcomed and encouraged as well. Thanks for everything, you are all the best. I look forward to working with you again soon.
-
-
-
The night was cold, colder than Arnold had thought. Perhaps stepping up to the roof of the boarding house in his pajamas wasn't the smartest thing he could have done, but for some reason, it felt imperative for him to do this as quickly as possible, or else he might not sleep soundly for several weeks. The chill wind was blowing fiercely into his room now that the window at the top was open. Fortunately, it would only take a moment to get the job done. Carefully, Arnold undid Helga's bow until he was left with a long, pink piece of fabric. He then slid the ribbon under the handle he normally used to open the window from the outside, but it took several attempts with the wind unraveling his plan. Finally, with a little patience, Arnold had managed to retie the ribbon around the handle in the form of the bow Helga normally wore in her hair, or at least, a reasonable facsimile of it. The wind blew it about, but his knot held tightly. The bow wasn't going anywhere. Which was fine by Arnold, because as far as he was concerned, it was exactly where he wanted it. Arnold was about to climb back inside his room, but he found himself stopping for a moment to enjoy his handiwork. Suddenly, the night wasn't so cold after all.
Only a few blocks away, a girl with blonde hair in a frayed winter coat huddled down on the roof of her home, staring through a pair of binoculars at a shivering boy in pajamas, working with a familiar piece of ribbon. The biting cold that had been biting into her intensities instantly evaporated, and tears began spilling down her face. She didn't care if they froze. Olga had been right. It was a scary thought, but undeniable. There are always possibilities, even in the darkest hour. And even if the darkness continued its attempts to close in and consume her, she now had a torchbearer to light the way and keep the dark at bay. The girl let out a contented sigh and made her way back inside. The future may be uncertain, but from where she was standing, it was bright for the first time in her entire life.
-
-
"Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me, too busy, you're writing your tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So let go (let go)
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So let go (let go)
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all this stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply
So let go (let go)
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So let go (let go)
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown"
--Frou Frou
"Let Go"
-
-
Fin de Siecle