When nothing eases the pain
By: K
Chapter Three:
When nothing eases the pain… But a lost friend's call
Pain.
Darkness.
Nothing left to feel.
Nothing left to care.
Broken.
Cold.
Uncaring.
Stone.
'Why? Why is this happening. Why me?
The guys? Are they save? Do they hurt them?
Is this what Alex had to go through? Is this how he felt?'
The whip cracks on his back.. For the 100 time. Tainted red already.
Nobody here to help him. To comfort him.
Cruel laughter.
More pain. So much pain.
A boot kicking his face.
A hand grabbing his hair. Pulling him roughly up.
Lustful lips pushed on his. Something hard pushing in his stomach.
Tears begin to form themselves in his eyes.
His shirt is ripped off.
Soon his pants follow.
'Please… Let somebody end this. I can't take it anymore. Not again, please not again.'
His tears are falling down. Unnoticed by himself, he who's being forced to kiss back.
/ 'Ain't you used to it by now? You know what is going to happen. You know what you're going to feel. You know the pain. You've been through it so many times before.
And now you lost. Hope you didn't expect him to leave you alone. He has to punish you. You know that.
So, why are you crying? You never did before. You never really cared before… You just let it happen. Knowing that eventually it would be over. It would be gone. He would leave you alone for at least a day…
What made you so weak all of a sudden. What made you care?
Do you think you don't deserve this? Is that what you think?
Well let me tell you something. No one deserves such things. No one except for you. You failed them. Failed him… You let that kid win. Not one punishment is hard enough to punish you for that betrayal… You betrayed them. And more important, you betrayed him… Boris. Your master…' /
He's shaking his head. Wanting that stupid voice to disappear. To leave him alone. But he knows it is useless… It will never leave him. It will always be there to tease him, to break him… It will never stop. Never. Until he breaks down completely.
Until he dies.
/ 'Yes, eventually, that is what is going to happen. You'll die… Soon enough, but still too soon for you. You deserve a much severer punishment. Dead is way to easy for you…' /
A voice cries out loud. His own.
So much pain.
He knows this. He should be used to this. This has happened almost every night. Every night since Alex died. Since they brainwashed him. Since he stopped caring.
Every night he had been Boris toy. And he had let him. Knowing that it was useless to protest. Knowing that if he showed emotions, pain, fear, it would hurt so much more. He had to be strong. That was what they wanted, and that was what he became. Emotionless. Cold. Uncaring… But now that all has changed.
One way or another it was so much easier when he knew nothing. Felt nothing. Cared for nothing. It was easier to go through this. But now. It had became so painful.
Hands on his shoulders. Nails leaving definitely marks there.
A mouth. Kissing, licking and sucking his neck. Teeth biting, leaving another bleeding mark on his back.
/ 'Yes… It's happening again… What are these tears? Are you still crying? Good. Then it hurts more still!
Don't you like it? Don't you like being his little toy?
You know you love the feeling of him inside you. You know you do.'/
"STOP!"
Silence.
"What did you say?"
A soft voice. Too soft to his liking. It's dangerous…
He shakes his head.
"Nothing sir…"
His voice barely able to speak.
'Stupid voice. Do you enjoy it? Getting me in more pain?'
/ 'I'm sure you know the answer to that…' /'Stop. Please, make it stop…'
"Do I have to teach you another lesson? Do you really want me to be more rough to you? Is that what you want? You could have just asked for it…"
He holds his breath.
A stabbing pain. So much pain.
Why was life so unfair?
Nobody deserved this.
Why did he have to go through it?
'As long as the guys are save…'
/ 'Is that what you think? That they are save? Do you really think that hitting and raping you is the only way to punish you? Do you really think that?
Than you're in for a surprise…
Nobody is save around you. You hurt everybody you care for. You hurt everybody around you…
How can you keep on living like that? What keeps you up? Why won't you just break? What makes you cling to life? What is still here worth living for? Let it go. Just let it go…" /
'Perhaps that is indeed the best. If they hurt them. Bry, Ian, Spenc… I never really thanked them for being there. For helping me, even though they don't even know they did…
What am I saying? I won't give up! Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? You want nothing more to hurt me.
Never mind. They wanted me to be strong. Well, I will be… I won't let them or you break me… I won't give up just yet…'
The hands now resting on his hips. The pain becoming unbearable.
/ 'Let me send you a view of what the guards are doing to your guys…' /Whips. Feet kicking what ever they can reach.
Legs, arms, unable to tell who who is. Flesh. Blood. Nothing more to see.
Cries. So many cries. Heartbreaking.
'No! They're raping them… No, not them too. Whatever happens to me, I don't care, but not them too… Please, not them too…'
/ 'Told you they weren't save… Told you they'd end up hurt. Told you they would suffer because of you… When are you going to realise that all you bring in some ones life is pain, and eventually death…' /
'No. I don't want this.'
A small sad smile.
'Let me die. Let me end this. I have nothing worth living for. It is better for every body else if I just leave…'
/ 'No…' /
Closed eyes. Tired soul. Broken heart.
Finally it ends. He pulls himself out me. His breathing laboured. Once he regained his strength he kicks me another time in the face. Then leaves the room. Leaving me to lie there in a pool of blood.
Two guards pick me up, dress me and take me to my cell.
Once we arrive there, they throw me hard on the ground. I don't even react.
Just leave me lying here. I don't care if I die. I don't care anymore…
Suddenly I feel a pair of arms pick me gently from the floor. Lying me on the bed.
Soft whispers.
The hands take off my shirt. Well shirt… What's left of it after the whip punishment… It was ripped to pieces.
A wet piece of clothing dipping my still bleeding back.
A moan of pain escapes my lips.
Smoothing voice telling me to relax, telling me it's gonna be okay soon.
'Yes, it will be okay if I died.'
"No! Don't give up Tal! Don't give up. Don't die on us to. Don't leave us like Alex… Please…"
Did I actually say that out loud?
Who is this? Why would he care anyway.
How does he know Alex…
"Please…"
The same voice. Softer this time. Gentler. So gentle. So caring…
"Don't leave me like this Tal… Don't do it. Don't give up. I need you. We all need you."
Tal… Only 3 persons called me like that. Alex, Kai and Bryan…
So, this means Bry is taking care of me?
"Please Tal. Stay here. Stay with me. I need you. I… I love you Tal. Don't leave. Please."
A tear falls on my arm.
He's crying? For me?
He… loves me?
Me? Impossible.
/ 'No… Not impossible. Stay with him. Don't leave them too. He needs you. They all do. And you're not what Boris told you. You're a great person. The best I know. Don't give in… Don't let them win Tal…' /
Something inside me breaks.
My eyes flutter open.
"Tal?"
I grunt.
Although I can't see it ('cause I'm still lying with my back to you), I can feel your sad smile. But a smile nonetheless…
"I'm so glad you're still here."
"Bry, how are you guys?"
I can feel you're confused.
"We're fine. Dead worried about you, but we're fine."
I shake my head softly. "How can you be fine after everything they did to you?"
"What? What are you talking about? They did do nothing to us…"
I look up, not believing my ears. "Nothing? They did nothing to you? But I saw… Saw what they were doing… They were torturing you, ra… raping you."
The last was said so softly that we both doubted if you heard it correctly. But you did. We both knew that you did.
Tears are shimmering in my eyes.
Nothing happened. It has lied to me once again… I should have known it. It always wanted to hurt me us much as possible. Guess it succeeded again…
"Don't leave me Tal… Don't leave me, please…"
Tears are streaming down your cheeks… You do really love me…
/ 'Don't give in. Take care of the guys… Don't let them win. Don't…' /
I close my eyes. I won't give up. I still have things to life for… Bryan, the guys. I promised. And I'll keep my promise… For as long as possible. I don't say I won't break, but it's not gonna be today, not now…
"Bry…"
You take my hand.
"Just wanted to let you know… Let you know, that I love you to…"
You can just stare at me. And than you smile. So gentle, so soft.
Gently you place your lips on mine. I shiver involuntary and you pull away.
"What has he done to you Tal?"
You whisper softly. Your voice full of pain.
I look away, not able to see the pain and anger in your eyes.
I know you hate him for what he did to me. Even though you don't even know whole the truth…
You softly run your hand through my hair. Calming me.
"Bry…"
My voice is failing me…
"Can I do anything for you Tal?"
I nod. "Could you get me a glass of water and a painkiller please."
You stand up, ready to comply to any of my wishes.
Before you leave the room, I call you back.
"Could you make that 2 painkillers?"
You look shocked.
"2? Tal, that are heavy painkillers, it can be very dangerous to take 2 of them…"
I smile sadly.
"2 ain't dangerous yet. I'll just be able to sleep. I want nothing more Bry… No pain, sleep. Being able to forget everything for a moment.
Besides, these painkillers are dangerous from the moment you take 3 or more…"
You nod, sensing I really need this.
I close my eyes, waiting for you to come back, to be able to sleep, to forget… And, I want you to hold me. I feel safe in your arms.
'2 isn't dangerous yet, but would I ever dare to ask for more?
Somewhere in the distance sounds/comes the answer of a friend: / 'No…' /
The end
K: so, hope you all liked it… let me know. I would really appreciate it.
Right, / 'Everything written like this, is a voice in Tala's head... All Boris and Voltaire's fault...' /
/ 'Everything written like this is Alex' voice... For those who didn't found the links.'/
Anyway, this was the end, and I'd really like to know what you all think of it... So please... Send me a review...