Hey hey, I thought I had posted, but I didn't. This resembles the second chapter, but a more distressing/fantasizing theme plays into this episode.
To clear up confusion, Sango was having a nightmare last chapter. It was her worst dream come true-her friends die because of her actions, and she sees Miroku die and is helpless to stop it.
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Shisaku (Thinking)
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I've noticed, the night is most calm
After an intense shower.
The same is true in life: the maelstrom
Is always followed by a tranquil hour.
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Looking at the sky in the dead of night,
I was left to think of the world.
Seeing its numerous nocturnal lights
Made my eyes start to swirl.
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I swat at a bug on my hand
And pause, looking at the Kazaana.
This was not the life I planned,
And I wonder if I'll ever reach earthly nirvana.
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The prayer beads slip through my fingers
Smoothly, giving no hint to what they contain.
The smell of still lingers
In the air, and I turn from my bane.
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Why were my ancestors cursed
With the want to chase beautiful girls?
Their wives, patient and sticking through the worst,
Simply wanted their love, no gems or pearls.
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My mother loved him with all of her soul,
But her great affection could not satiate his hunger.
He cared deeply as well, but was his body's control
Beyond him as he pursued many younger?
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One cannot blame him in full,
As grandfather had a wandering eye as well.
He too was overpowered by the pull
Of a female and succumbed to rebel.
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Could I have the same fate?
Could I remain faithful to my wife
Who I love with all my being? Or take bait
And betray her, breeding severe strife?
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Even with my chasing and smooth talk
I don't really mean it – not all of it, anyway.
They are beautiful, with a tease of a walk,
But it is not only for their bodies' I pray.
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I am lecherous, this is irrefutably true,
But I have the heart of a sincere lover as well.
I have a desire - no one really has a clue,
To, with one woman in life, dwell.
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I want a wife, intelligent, beautiful, and strong
So I can share my love and have a child.
She has me fingered so wrong,
"Just a lustful boy who lives very wild."
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My palm's torn throbs, as if realizing what I think.
Can I kill Naraku in time to save my life?
Not knowing, is it fair to make a link
With one (or two) others for the happiness of oneself?
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It haunts me, depressing my spirit more than most suspect.
They know I am bothered, but they've never
Seen it in full force-like tonight, I am left to reflect
On my probable fate, and what will be severed.
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I had awoken to silence, the most disconcerting
Screaming noise in my ears.
My thoughts roused me, and I observed until the hurting
Made me quit the group and find solace in my fears.
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It was her responsibility, as normal, that I began,
Began to believe I might have a chance
To live, with her, and dream of our plans -
It always sends me into a trance.
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She was sleeping, deep and serene,
Next to the fire with her weapon nearby.
The flickers lit her face, their routine
Assisting my employment as spy.
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I imagined the softness of her face,
Caressing her cheek's gentle curve.
The fabric would not appeal to my trace,
And I look away, losing all nerve.
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When the smothering silence grew too much
I moved out here, contemplating things
That caused my heart to clutch
In its cavity, furiously plucking its strings.
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I continue to imagine, imagine my ideal
Dream of our future together. One
Day I'll tell her, after my hand's resealed,
And she'll meet me without shun.
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We'll settle down, man and woman,
Equal partners in life. I'll nourish
Her desires and extermination across the span
Of our lives, and together we'll flourish.
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I snigger. Yea, right, as if that'll occur.
She'd probably laugh outright, unbelieving
Of my protestations, refusing to err
With me and end up with her betrayed and me leaving.
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I would like to be valiant, saying I'm content
Loving her, even without return of affection.
However, I'm jealous and selfish, so the torment
Of no return is a terrible confection.
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I wish I could say 'If she's happy,
I'm happy,' but, again, not the case.
Call me greedy, call me sappy,
But I cannot life without her embrace.
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Moisture drops on my face. A clear sky
Betrays its source. Sometimes a dream will
Drive you insane, drain you dry
Of hope and then emotion, a terrible kill.
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A pat on my back confirms my suspicion
That Inuyasha drew near. He sits beside
Me, the second time I'm caught in this position,
And looks at me, knowing the torture inside.
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I lower my head, chuckling at my circumstances,
How absurd and unbelievable I must seem.
Who would have thought, a playboy, subjected to trance
By one woman, what an extremely sad theme.
Hope you enjoyed it! Sango's next, and I'm leaning towards a bathing episode. Typical and common, I know, but I hope for a different approach that won't be riddled with sex and descriptive terms. Thanks to you who reviewed and those who didn't but read anyway. I appreciate the advice and I'll try to have better rhyme schemes so it's better understood. Happy writing to everyone, and I hope you'll continue to enjoy my writings.
Rebecca Ashley