Chapter 31

Jealousy

Dinner was what Gil could only describe to himself as being extremely uncomfortable. He and Sara had not said two words to each other since leaving the hotel and the whole cab ride to the restaurant had been tense. It seemed and Sara could not even look at each other.

During the course of the meal, Gil and Sara somehow managed to avoid speaking to each other. Sara seemed more interested in conversing with Professor Tavish, and Gil spoke with Professor's Ellen Greggory and Frederick Smith

Gil couldn't believe how furious he felt with Sara at that moment. He'd thought their relationship would have given her the freedom to be honest. Why had she lied? If she had lied with such ease about that, what else was she lying about?

Absurdly, the question of the birth control kept popping into his mind. Was she using it? And if so why was she using it if he and she weren't intimate. Could she be sleeping with someone else?

Hold on, Gil, you just stepped off of the crazy train and walked right into paranoid central, he told himself. When can she find the time to have an affair? Has she ever given you any reason to think she's having one? You're being ridiculous.

For the first time that evening since arriving, he let his eyes search across the table to see her, she took no notice of him, as if he had never existed at all.

"Where do you find the time to have a personal life in your field?" Professor Tavish was asking, and Gil could have sworn the man might be trying to subtly hit on her. Somewhere deep inside of him, his bloody was starting to simmer.

"Uh, I don't, really," Sara took a sip of her wine.

"That's not true."

It seemed like for that moment everyone at the table fell silent, completely, turning slowly to face Gil who had spoken up with such a definite frost in his tone. This was the first time Sara had turned to look at him all evening.

"Excuse me?" Sara blinked.

"Personal life…you surely must have a personal life," Gil tried to be nonchalant, "you have a boyfriend back in Vegas, surely that has to count as something."

Sara's cheeks seemed to go very ashen for a moment, "Well…I'm not sure where that counts. And for your information," she cleared her throat a little, "he doesn't like to be called my 'boyfriend'."

Professor Tavish gave a soft laugh, "I can't imagine any man not wanting to be called your boyfriend."

"I don't think it's the general idea of being a 'boyfriend' that probably daunts him," Gil shrugged, "more likely the word doesn't seem like the right description."

"No, you're absolutely right," Sara picked up her glass once again, "the word asshole seems to fit more accordingly."

Gil felt his eyes widen a little, and he stared at her, had she really just called him that in front of all these people? And did they even know at all what was really going on here at all.

"Lovers tiff, eh?" asked Professor Greggory, her tawny eyes glittered with amusement.

Gil felt his cheeks grow hot. Asshole? Why am I an asshole? Because I lost my temper when she lied to me! Why is she turning this all around on me? If she'd just been honest with me this whole thing could have been avoided.

"Oh, it's nothing," Sara assured.

Gil was secretly fuming, "Sara…"

"Yes, Grissom?" Sara glanced across the table, she raised a quizzical eyebrow, but remained calm and collected.

"May I speak with you a moment?" Gil stood up. He realised this must have looked terribly suspicious to the professors, but right then, he didn't really give a damn. He had to get things straight with her before this went on.

Sara hesitated almost as if she had intended to say no, then she stood slowly, "excuse us," she said quietly.

Gil led the way to the quietest section of the restaurant, a small separate hallway leading to the restrooms. This way they were out of sight and earshot of everyone else in the restaurant. "Why are you airing our personal business at the dinner table?" he asked the moment they arrived there, making no attempt to stay calm.

Sara gave something of a laugh of disbelief, "you're asking me that after you brought it up?"

"I can't believe you're so naïve. Professor Tavish was snooping…he's interested in you, look at all the attention he gives you when he'll barely utter two words to me or any of the other guests."

"Right now I find it quite understandable why no one would want to utter two words to you," Sara said in contempt.

Gil fell silent for several moments. "You made it obvious to everyone at the table that we're involved."

"No, Grissom," Sara folded her arms, "you did."

"Why am I getting the blame for this! You were the one who lied!"

She shook her head in disbelief, "Jesus Christ, I can't believe you're mad because I told a little white lie!"

"What other white lies do you tell, Sara?" Gil demanded.

"I don't tell any other white lies," Sara spun around and started to walk away, but Gil caught her wrist to pull her back, he wasn't finished with her yet.

"I'm not done with you yet," he said.

Sara tried to withdraw from his grasp, "what, is this you finally growing a backbone?" she demanded. Her eyes flickered with anger.

Gil let go of her wrist at once, "I want to know why you lied!"

"Because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, you stupid—" Sara caught herself as a woman who'd been dining in the restaurant passed by to go to the restroom, she and Gil both felt silent, and waited until she'd disappeared into the ladies room before continuing.

"I can handle the truth," Gil remarked bitterly.

"Fine, you know what?" Sara's eyes were wide in anger, "your lecture sucked! No one cared! The five male students I spoke to didn't listen to a word you said. Three of the female students admitted they were sending text messages to each other on their phones while you were talking, one of the students had a genuine interest in entomology and you even bored her to tears, and the last female student only gave a little interest because she thought for a man of your age you had – what she deemed was – 'a tight arse'."

Gil felt as if he'd just been punched in the stomach, the wind knocked out of him completely. He stared at her, feeling very hurt and dejected.

"So there you have it," Sara clenched her fists, "that's why I lied," she said, she lowered her voice, she looked away and took in a deep breath as if she were trying to cool down this heated temper of hers.

The only word Gil could manage was "oh," and then he fell completely silent, looking away from her, feeling flustered. Now any anger he'd felt towards her was suddenly directed at himself.

I sucked, he thought. They truly thought I sucked. Oh my god, this is the beginning of the end…

Sara finally let her eyes find him again, "so now you know why I lied."

Gil tried to pull himself out of the funk, "I have 'a tight arse'?" he asked, trying to lighten the moment, but Sara didn't smile. He couldn't even smile himself. The moment just seemed to grow even more tense than before.

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer," Sara pursed her lips, she didn't find it remotely funny, she found this argument rather serious. "And for your information, Professor Tavish is probably more attracted to you than he is to me."

Gil raised an eyebrow, "excuse me?"

Sara rolled her eyes, "He's gay."

Gil blinked, "how…do you know?"

"Because he told me he lives with his partner Gabriel and I don't think by partner he meant his business partner. And the reason he was paying me so much interest is because the other professors don't really fraternize with him at all," Sara took a deep breath, "so your jealousy is wasted."

"I'm not jealous," he fumed.

"Yes you are," Sara remarked, "that's why you had to bring up the fact that I was seeing someone in front of him."

Gil wished he could hide in a big black hole right then. He felt like such a fool, and so completely wrong for having overreacted in the way he had. Now it hit him like a brick in the face. He shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, he certainly shouldn't have blamed her for lying. Now he even wished she hadn't told him the truth at all.

"I…" he tried to find the words to apologise but they abandoned him completely, as words always did when he was distressed.

"Save it…" Sara shook her head, and she turned again to walk away.

Gil caught her arm again, he spun her around, caught her other arm, pushed her backwards and pinned her to the wall, pressing his lips hard against hers in the kind of desperate kiss that he realised he would later assume was for no other reason than overcompensating.

Sara went rigid, and she tried to struggle with him at first. Then, she kissed back with just as fierce a passion as he was. Gil was the one to break the kiss, they were both out of breath, chests rising and falling heavily. He let go of her wrists slowly, noticing the blanched marks on her wrists where his hands had been.

She lowered her arms slowly, staring at him, "we…uh…should get back to dinner…" she admitted.

Gil leaned into peck her lips softly, the inner rage beginning to dissipate quickly now, he took her hands, moved back to look at her, his expression pleading and apologetic, for he couldn't find the words to say he was sorry right now.

Sara sighed, she squeezed his hands, then let go, "come on, lets get back to the table."

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