Chapter 34

Future?

Gil wasn't paying attention to the movie, and he pinpointed the reason for this was that Sara was undeniably close to him on the couch. The couch was small, and even sitting as apart as they could seemed too close. And as she slid closer still to lay her head on his shoulder, he was compelled to slide his arm around her, and eventually did so, and moments later, he slid his other arm over her to hold her to him even nearer. He wondered if she could hear the rapid and excited beat of his heart with her head so close to his chest.

It was strange, the feeling of this new closeness between them. Gil couldn't remember having settled down with a woman in his arms this way other than after sex. So, he found it very unusual that here he was now with his arm around Sara, and they'd never gone further than passionate kissing. It was almost like the whole thing in reverse – without the sexual intercourse of course.

The most intriguing thing Gil found was that it felt more right than it ever had with any other woman he'd been with. It felt almost like this was where she'd belonged. There had been so many times in the past years when he'd wished he could just hold her in his arms in such a way, and now that the moment was here, and he had her in his arms, it was somewhat overwhelming, but reassuring. For that moment then, he was more content than he'd been for several years.

The scent of her hair – which had now all come free of the elegant twist she'd arranged it in at the start of the evening – caught his attention as it always did, and he breathed in deeply, closing his eyes for just a short moment. He leaned in just a little closer and breathed in again. The scent seemed to wrap completely around his heart.

He felt her rise a little, and heard her soft laugh.

"Did you just smell my hair?" she asked, smirking.

"Sorry, it's all over the place – kind of right in my face," he said, feeling a little flustered. He tried to look past her towards the television to distract himself but in this close proximity it was useless.

"No…it's fine," she assured.

Gil straightened up a little, "it smells good, by the way," he admitted bashfully.

"Why are you so embarrassed?" Sara sat up straight, she tucked her hair behind her ears, "after all this time, you still blush like a kid."

"I'm not embarrassed, I'm just…hot," Gil said, he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, he tried to look past her, he felt if he looked at her anymore he might just die of the embarrassment right then.

Man, what is wrong with me, there's nothing wrong with this and I still can't relax. I wish we had gone somewhere else other than here, it might have been easier, he thought sullenly.

"Yeah, it's freezing in here and you just happen to be hot," Sara rolled her eyes, smiling. She sat with her legs folded up on the seat of the couch, she put her hands in her lap, "Why do you get so shy?"

"I…uh, don't," he swallowed, he straightened up a little more, trying to compose himself as seeming cool and confident.

Sara gave the expression that said she didn't buy this at all, "you don't get shy?" she asked.

"Not anymore," he lied.

"Right…" Sara raised an eyebrow. "I totally don't believe that. Look at you, you're embarrassed right now," Sara pointed out.

"I'm not embarrassed, trust me," he said, growing more and more flustered by the second and trying to desperately hide it.

"Oh?" Sara asked.

Gil nodded.

"Okay then, so…this won't embarrass you…" with one fluid motion, she slipped the blouse she'd been wearing off over her head, and tossed it over the back of the couch.

"Sara!" he admonished, he looked away, putting his hand to the side of his face as if to shield her completely from view. Somehow he'd managed to react fast enough to ensure that he'd seen nothing inappropriate.

"See…embarrassed," she nudged him, she was laughing.

"Please…put that back on…" he pleaded, he shut his eyes tightly trying to force out the image of her pulling that blouse off so freely.

Sara was doubled over with laughter, "I can't believe you're so uptight!" she got up and moved to the back of the couch.

"I'm not uptight," Gil retorted, he glanced over the back of the couch. Sara had her back turned to him, and was sliding the blouse back over her head. Gil caught the glimpse of the back of her pristine white lace bra. He shuddered, thinking how much, right then, he wished he'd taken the time to look at the front of it before turning away in shock.

He turned back to face the television before Sara could see him looking. She stood behind the couch, she put her hands on the back and leaned down.

"You mad at me?" she asked near his ear in a soft murmur.

"No, just…uhm…surprised," he confessed, he stared at the television seeing through it rather than seeing it at all.

She leaned further over the couch and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I was just playing. But I'm being honest, you're way too uptight."

"You always knew I wasn't as open and relaxed as other guys," Gil reminded, he turned his head slightly to see her out of the corner of his eye.

Sara brushed her lips against his left temple, "I know, I know," she sighed. "And I kind of like that…but sometimes it just…worries me."

He turned around in his seat, causing her arms to loosen around his neck instantly, "why does it worry you so much?"

"Because it does. I just keep wondering if this is where the relationship is kind of stuck, what future do we have?" she explained. Her eyes dully as she looked away from him for a moment, as if she were falling deep into some well of thought.

Future? He thought. We have a future? What? Does she expect marriage and babies and everything straight away? Oh my god…why is it a woman's mind has to always run way, way ahead of the man's? She can't seriously be thinking about this commitment stuff already, surely? It's only been a month and a half…

"Wait a minute," he said, trying to hide the fact he was a little jarred by her words, "so you're saying…that because we haven't slept together yet, or anything else for that matter…you don't see a future?"

"No…it's not that, I just wonder if this is as far as you feel the relationship can go…" Sara confessed, she moved around the couch and sat beside him.

"Sara…believe me…if I thought the relationship couldn't go any further, I would have never let it go on this long…" he looked at her, "this is the longest running relationship I've ever had with any woman…doesn't that count as something?"

"Of course it does," Sara admitted.

"Sara, I really…love…being with you," he said, he'd almost let himself say he loved her and he felt at this moment in time, it might be the wrong thing to say. It might seem too convenient, as if he was saying it only to keep her happy. "I know we're going slow in this…but…there's so many reasons why it's the right thing to do…" he explained.

"And the reasons are?" she asked.

"Because this…is real…this isn't some casual relationship to be rushed through and discarded…because we work together, because we've known each other so long that rushing might ruin our friendship, there are so many reasons. I want to take care with this…" Gil explained softly, "I care too much."

Sara was just looking at him, reading his expressions, listening to his words as he spoke to her with the kind of tenderness in his voice that she'd only ever heard when he spoke to her.

"I know it's frustrating—" Gil said, Sara interrupted quickly.

"You can say that again," she retorted, her eyes left his for a split second and she seemed all the more insolent than she ever had before.

Gil blinked, "Yeah…well…it's frustrating, but we've gone this long without rushing into things. Without the need to get physical…I think we can wait just a little longer…" he smiled, "besides…I'm not going anywhere…"

"So…this relationship definitely has a future?" Sara asked hopefully.

"I'd like to think so," Gil said, it seemed like the right thing to say although he wasn't sure how much of a future he imagined with Sara at all. Part of him would have been content to let things carry on as they were now without ever going much further. "But I don't think either of us should be worrying about the future of this relationship at all. Let what happens happen, right now, we should take it one day at a time and see where it takes us, okay? And when the time is right for something to happen…" he leaned over and pecked her lips, "it will," he got up slowly.

"Okay…" Sara nodded, she stood up too, realizing he was getting ready to leave.

"I need to go to bed," he kissed her forehead tenderly and pulled her into his arms for one quick hug.

"Is planning breakfast together worrying too much about the future?" Sara smirked a little.

Gil smirked too, and gave a little wink, "That's the immediate future, that's an entirely different situation."

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SS