TITLE: Third Watch, the Next Generation; Kylie 2
AUTHOR: trista groulx
DISCLAIMER: kim, jimmy, alex (taylor), faith, bosco, carlos, holly, doc, ty, sully, emily, kylie, joey, charlie and anyone else who pops up from the TV series are not mine, they belong to NBC, their creator, and the actors and actresses who portray them. the idea for third watch is so not mine, but anyone who i've created for this story are mine so ask if you want to use them.
RATING: PG-13 for language
SUMMARY: This is Kylie again, I'm gonna tell you about something that change my life this time 'round.
AUTHORS NOTES: a kinda cliche plot twist on this one, i think i did it justice, pls pls pls tell me what you think i'm really worried i'm writing these just for my own sake i really wanna know if you're digging the new ones! wow i'm getting close to the end here tear only carter, tyrone and my epilouge left and then i'm done with this fic...
TIMELINE: in lieu of the the series finale i'll tack this one again, 'cept more monsters didn't happen... faith was promoted to a detective at some point tho, ty worked up the ranks but not the thru anti-crime, holly and carlos got together in a different way, and obviously the station wasn't ambushed and moved off the corner of king and arthur and i still where it was next to the firehouse...

I could hardly believe that I had been called back to that school. I had hardly talked to my old friend since I had taken down the original report. But as soon as I heard the twins names I remembered who she was. I really had meant to keep in contact with. It was hard though, with my work schedule and her being in one of the shelter's programmes being forced to move around a lot, to keep the family safe it was really hard.

Since Dylan had been back I had pretty much only been doing these kinds of calls. I was not complaining, I liked helping people out. It was a nice change while he had been recovering to do real rough and tumble police work, but I was just as happy dealing with families.

I pulled up to the school, and recognized it immediately, I went right up to the office, where I was confronted with a similar scene to when I had last been there. A man yelling at the secretary demanding to have his children.

"Hey!" I yelled. "I told you already, if you're gonna scream at anyone you better scream at me!"

"Officer Kenny!" he snarled at me. "I know you're friends with my wife, and you did something so that I could not see my kids!"

"I told, you already, Mr. Russell, that this had nothing to do with your wife."

"Bullshit!"

"It's a New York law, ask Miss," I looked at the name plate, "Brown, about the law if you don't believe me."

"I just want to see my fucking kids!"

"You're not going to see them here, today."

"Why not?"

"Even if there was not an order against it, that I am here to enforce, no one here would let you see your children while you were this angry."

"I would not be angry if they would just let me see my kids."

"You know, we can't let you do that."

"It's stupid, she gets to see them all the time!" He had his hand in his pocket, and I was worried he may pull something out.

"She still cannot take them out of school early. The only way your children leave this building at a different time, not with their peers, is if there is verification from both parents that children are allowed to leave."

"It's stupid!"

"It's to keep your children safe."

"Like hell it is! It's to keep me away from them!"

"Mr. Russell, that is not the point of this law. The point of this law is to stop child abductions in this state. Both parents can pose that threat, and the easiest place to take a child from is school. We just make that process a lot harder."

"It's all a bunch of bullshit!"

"Weather it is or it isn't, is not my place to say, but my job today is to enforce this particular law."

He pulled a knife out of his pocket. "And how are you going to stop me?"

I pulled out my gun, and the secretary shrieked in horror.

"I would venture to guess that, this," I waved my gun in the air, "may just stop you."

"Big girl and her gun, likes to show who wears the pants!"

I had a funny feeling he was intoxicated. I walked closer to him, my gun drawn, and he dropped the knife.

"Put your hands behind your back," I instructed him.

He did as he was told, and I easily handcuffed him. I could tell as soon as I was close, that he had been drinking. I read him his Miranda rights, and then led him out of the school.

I got to the station, and put him into one of the cells. I didn't want to charge him with anything, because any charges would not have stuck because of his inebriated state. I told them just to hold him until he was sobered up. He was in the cell, looking pathetic.

"Come on Officer Kenny," he begged.

"I have already given you the smallest slap on the wrist. You are stuck here until you have sobered up. I'm not going to charge you with attempted kidnapping, or threatening a police officer."

"Oh, how nice of you."

"I could, if you keep it up."

He glared at me. "I just want to see my kids."

"I told you the conditions of taking them out of school."

"My wife doesn't let me see them without supervision. Just cause the court recommended it, doesn't mean she has to listen."

"Actually, she does."

He shrugged. "Whatever, I'm going to see them."

"If you go back to that school, without the proper paperwork, and I am called back, you will be charged with attempted kidnapping."

"I don't believe you."

"It seems I'm going to have to tell you more about the child protective laws. On the third attempt at taking the children from the school, it is considered attempted kidnapping, and there is jail time attached with it. You have already been warned twice of the conditions of taking your children out of the school, so on the third attempt there is simply no excuse."

"How am I supposed to see my kids?"

"That is between you and your wife, Sir."

He shook his head. "Do you have kids Officer?"

"No, I do not."

"Then you wouldn't understand."

I shook my head. "I see a lot of cases, and have heard all the excuses in the book. But remember the more you try to take them without permission the longer you will be without them."

"Excuse me?"

"If you just did as the courts said, then you may not be a risk to your children."

"You just can't understand."

"I recently saw a man who could not even tell you his daughter's age donate a kidney to her, so I can understand what kind of a bond a father can have with his children."

"So how can I get them back in my life?"

"You know the answer to that, you just need to find the truth within yourself."

I was sure he was not a bad person, he was an alcoholic, and he could change his life. I would never advise my friend to go back to him, but he could be good for his children. If Mathews could be right for his daughter, anyone could do it, I had recently began to believe. I had been more surprised then I ever had when I learned that Mathews had donated the organ.

I then left, to call Kirstyn to tell her what had transpired. When I tried the numbers she had left me they had been disconnected. I decided to call the shelter, but they told me I would have to come down to talk to them about that case, as they were having a lot of problems with the man I now had in custody.

Maybe it wouldn't be as easy as I had thought for him to be able to see his children. I drove to the shelter, and when I got there I immediately recognized my old friend, who was sweeping the floor. I smiled at her, and she came running.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing, he just tried to pick the kids up at school again," I replied.

"Great, this is just fucking great!"

"You've been having some problems with him?"

"Some problems?" She put down the broom. "That's an understatement Kylie."

"Wanna talk about it?" I offered.

"Sure, come with me. I'll finish that later. I like to help out around here, they do so much for me, and ask for next to nothing in return."

I nodded. "This is one of the better places, you're lucky to have found a spot here."

"They're great, they've found me three homes already, but he somehow finds out where we live, and we end up here, and moved again."

"I figured something was up when I caught the we, can't talk unless it's face to face talk."

"Yeah, he's gotten a girlfriend to call and pretend she's NYPD, so they don't like to give any kind of information out over the phone."

"That's pretty serious."

She had brought me to a small room, with three beds. "Yeah, it is. So this is our temporary home till we can find a new apartment. There's days where I just think that nowhere else is safe."

"How does he find out?"

"He must follow the case worker when she drops them back home. He is not allowed to be alone with them, they're terrified that he's going to take off with them."

"What if you get her to drop them here first?"

"I'm considering it, so he went to the school?"

"Yeah."

She began to cry. "Sometimes I wonder if they're safe at all."

"They're safe right now, he's in a holding cell, till he's sobered up."

"If he'd just stop drinking, maybe then things would be different."

"Probably, he really does seem to love them."

"He does, they're his world. He just can't accept the fact that he is not allowed to have them all time."

I nodded. "If it'll make you feel better, today I'll pick them up from school, and drop them here."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"If I feel it's necessary it's my job. Even if he's locked up, I just don't trust that he won't have someone try something. I am the only person authorized to take them from the school grounds earlier, as you know, so I'll just use that right, that's why it's been worked into the legislation."

"Do you really think it's necessary?"

"Although his heart is in the right place, wanting to see his children. His mind is not, and he'd go to just about any length to see them."

"He wasn't always like this." She was looking at her hands.

"I'm sure he wasn't, but as long as he is you can't have anything to do with him."

"I know, the meetings I go to here really help with reminding me why. I'm so glad you made me listen that day."

"It's my job."

"I'm sure you're not that persistent with everyone."

I nodded. "If I make it through the front door I really try."

"Why?"

"As I said it's my job."

She shook her head. "No, your job should be catching murders and thieves, not trying to convince women to not be punching bags, and show them their legal options. It certainly should not be watching out for someone else's children.

"It has to be someone's job, and I like it, so I do it."

She smiled. "I guess so."

"I didn't become a police officer for glory, I wanted to help people. I really like making sure that families, and especially kids are safe."

"It seems like a cause for you."

I shrugged. "I don't know, I guess it was because I was adopted, and lucked out with my family that I want everyone to have that kind of life."

"That makes sense."

"I just want to make a difference, and most of the time going into a hostile situation with your gun raised is not the best way to go about it. I like what I'm doing with this programme and I'll continue doing it until I don't like it anymore."

She shrugged. "Isn't it hard to see all the hardship some days?"

"Yeah, but then I get cases like yours where things would have been far worse if I hadn't stepped in. That's what makes it all worth it I guess."

"I could never do it."

"It's not for everyone."

She nodded. "I'm glad you chose to do it though. I would have been lost had you not been there to help me. I don't even want to think of what could have happened to me, or worse my kids, if I hadn't listened."

"Trust me it's not a pretty sight sometimes."

"Am I keeping you from any important police work?"

"No, I planned much lunch for after I talk to you, so I'm off the clock."

"I don't want to keep you from your lunch."

"No, I like talking with you."

"How about we go down to the cafeteria, and get a bite?"

"Sounds great."

We walked down to a dining hall, at that time there were not many people there, but still a lot of food. I dropped the money I was going to spend on my lunch into a donation box. I figured it was the least I could do. I took a sandwich and a salad, and asked for a glass of water. She had gotten soup, a sandwich, and a soda. We then went into the corner to sit, just in case the place filled up.

"This is actually pretty good food," I commented.

"Yeah, it is pretty decent here. Not quiet as good as home though."

"Nothing is."

She nodded. "I miss having a real home. It seems that every time we get comfortable in place we are forced to move."

"That must be rough." I took a forkful of my salad.

"Yeah, but the kids seem to be adjusting well."

"They're still young, it's all an adventure to them."

She laughed. "You know kids pretty well for someone who doesn't have any."

"I work with a lot of kids."

"It must be rewarding."

"Yeah, it is some days."

"Do you like your job?"

"I love it."

She was slowly sipping her soup. "I wish I had a job I loved."

"You'll find one. I never thought I'd actually like this job, I don't even know why chose it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean if I wanted to help people I should have been a counselor, or something."

She laughed. "You were always the kind of person who got to the root of the problem."

"I guess so."

"I still remember when we were kids how you dealt with stuff."

"What are you talking about?"

"I remember this one time someone was spreading rumors about you, and instead of just not talking to me cause you heard me spreading it you went and talked to everyone who had repeated it so hear where they got the story from. It took you a couple of days, but you found the kid. He was someone who sat next to you in class, he was mad that you didn't let him cheat, and he started spreading rumors about you. You never once blew up at any of the other kids, but you beat him up and got yourself suspended for a couple of days."

I had not remembered that story, but when I thought about it more I had always dealt with my problem like that, as she said, at the root of them. I had never seen the point of doing something to punish everyone who was involved. I wanted to know where it had started, and then I would stop it.

That was kind of what I was doing with working with domestic cases. I was going right to the very root of the problem, and helping to fix it. That way when they went to the next step things were more stable because part of the problem had already been fixed.

I didn't see the point of going to therapy when someone's using you as a punching bag, unless you are in a position to not be the punching bag. How are you supposed to solve the hardest problems when the base is the same? Knock it all out, and then re-build was what I had always thought.

I was really glad that I had decided t stay and visit with my old friend. It was nice to just talk about our lives now. We had missed so much, but we could still tell each other just about anything. I decided to make plans to meet her for coffee on my next day off, so that I would not lose track of her again.

All too soon my allotted lunchtime was over. I said goobye to my friend, knowing that I would see her later that day when I dropped off her children.

I liked days when I only got to deal with that sort of thing. I had loved working with Tyrone, but I was glad to be getting back into my own routine. He was great person to work with, and if I liked doing the regular stuff I would love to be his partner, but since that was not my strong spot, I stuck with what I could do the best.

A lot of times the guys would bug me about doing most of the domestic cases, but I never let it bother me. Tyrone never did, he was a great guy, and a great cop too. Just form the stories I had heard about Tyrone's father they were exactly alike when it came to their work ethic.

Part of me wanted to ask him to help with the domestic stuff, but I knew that he lived for the whole job, not just a portion of it. Besides, he had to keep a more manly post since his girlfriend had started taking firefighter shifts.

I had seen Alex on the field and had worked with her a couple of times, and I knew she was good at what she did. I had only heard about how she handled herself the day Tyrone was shot, and I still found it hard to believe.

The two of them made a great couple, and part of me wanted that for myself. But another part of me just liked being single. I liked getting a guy to agree to a date more then I liked dating them. I had never really had a long term relationship, and nothing was ever too serious.

I hated to admit it, but I had never been in love, and part of me really didn't want to be. I saw what falling in love could to an otherwise sane female. I didn't really want to deal with that bullshit. Sometimes other women would call me some horrible names, but I didn't care. They were probably just jealous anyway.

My sister always liked to bug me about my track record with men, but I didn't care. I figured one day I'd settle down, but until I was I was going to have fun playing the field. I found it funny how Mathews was able to pick up women with more ease when he was in uniform, but I always had more trouble with it.

I looked at the clock, and realized that it was about time to pick up Kirstyn's kids from the school. I drove over there, introduced myself at the office, and had the secretary call them down. I never went directly to the classrooms because I knew that the other kids would never let them live down an officer coming to pick them up from school.

They were adorable kids. Melanie had long, curly brown hair, and green eyes, and was wearing blue jeans and a Disney t-shirt of some kind. Michael was wearing a black jeans and a dark blue unprinted t-shirt. They both looked very surprised to see a uniformed police officer waiting for them.

"Hi," I said. "I'm Officer Kenny, but you can call me Kylie. I'm here to make sure that you get home from school safely today, all right?"

"We're not supposed to leave school with strangers," Melanie whispered, trying to be brave.

"You're a very smart little girl, and you're right about that. You should never ever leave school with a stranger. Do you know what you do if a stranger tries to take you from school?"

"Yeah," Michael piped in. "We are supposed to go find an adult and tell them what happened."

"Good for you. So do you want to ask Miss Brown if it's okay then?"

He nodded, and went up to her. I couldn't hear what she had told him.

"It's okay Melanie," he told his sister. "She is here to make sure we get home safely. Mommy said it was okay."

They took my hands, and we started down the hallway. "You're two very smart kids, you know that?"

"Mommy tells us we have to be careful, cause of Daddy," Melanie explained.

"Yeah, I know, that's why I might come to pick you both up sometimes. You know what I think you should tell your mommy she should do to make sure you both are extra safe?"

"No! What?" they both asked.

"I think that you should have a password."

"What's that?"

"It's a special word that you and your Mommy would pick. It has to be something you'll remember but no one could guess easily. Then when your mommy sent someone to pick you up you'd know she sent them because they'd tell you your secret password." I explained.

"What happens when someone uses it?" Melanie asked.

"After you use it the first time you change the word. My mommy and daddy had one for me when I was little. When my dad got sick one day, and they sent a friend of theirs I knew right away that my mommy had sent him because he told me the password."

"Wow! We're gonna have to tell Mommy about that," Michel exclaimed.

"Yeah," Melanie agreed.

We got out to the parking lot. "So have you two ever been in a real police car?"

"No," they both replied.

"All right. Just like with any car you can't ride up front."

"Can you put the lights and sirens on?" Michael asked.

"For a little while."

Wow! That's so cool!"

We got to the car and they were amazed by how many things were in there. They both crawled in, and put on their seatbelts. I smiled at them, then got in the driver's seat. I then opened the protective shield.

"What's that?" Melanie asked.

"What I just opened?" She nodded. "It's so that I can hear you. If I close it then I can't hear."

"Why would you close it?" Michael asked.

"If someone is cursing at me, or screaming, I like to have it closed."

"Oh okay."

"There's lotsa buttons," Melanie pointed out.

"Yeah, it took me a while to figure them all out."

"Do you like being an officer?"

"Yeah, I do.

"Why'd you become an officer?" Michael asked me.

"Cause I always liked to help people, and I always liked to watch the police on TV."

He laughed. "Really?"

I laughed. "Yeah."

"Can you put the lights and stuff on now please?" Melanie asked after we had gotten away from the school.

"All right, but only for a little bit."

I flipped the switch to put the sirens and lights on. The two of them started giggling like crazy. Before long we had arrived at the shelter. The few people outside were looking to see what was going on.

"All right guys," I said before getting out. "I have to open the door for you, all right? so unbuckle yourselves and be patient."

I got out of the car carefully, as it was a busy street. I went around and let the two of them both out. They ran right up into the building, and I followed them to their room. They flew inside, excited.

"Mommy!" they both exclaimed upon seeing her.

"Home safe and sound," I informed her.

"Thank you," Kirstyn said, looking a lot less tense then before.

"Thank you Officer Kylie!" the two chorused.

I smiled at them. "You're very welcome, all of you."

"We got to ride in a real police car!" Melanie told her.

"And Officer Kylie even put the lights and sirens on for a little while!" Michael continued.

"Don't forget what I told you, all right?" I told the kids before leaving.

"We won't!" they both said.

"See you for coffee in a few days, Kirstyn."

She nodded, and I left. The rest of the day was rather uneventful until my last call. It was about a kid who had been hurt in the park. It turned out he had only fallen off the monkey bars, but that wasn't the exciting part. When I got there I was surprised to see a guy I had seen a few times before named Tommy.

"Tommy what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm a Big Brother," he told me.

"Always with the good guy stuff."

He laughed. "You know that's what I'm about Kylie."

I nodded. "True, why didn't you go with him?"

"I saw you, figured his parents would be at the hospital and I'd just be in the way."

I smiled. "You thought that, really?"

"More I saw you."

"Gotcha, I've got work to do."

He shrugged. "When you're done wanna go out?"

"I'm not really in the mood for a date tonight."

"Then you wanna stay in?"

I laughed. "I'd like that, I'll meet you outside the station house in about half an hour?"

"Sounds great."

That was the extent of my relationship with Tommy. I couldn't say I was dating Tommy, cause we never did make it out of the house. We would run into each other every once in a while, spend the night together, then we'd both disappear back into our own worlds. I didn't want anything else from him, and he didn't seem to want anything more either. It worked out well for both of us.

We didn't really talk about our families, or our pasts when we got together. Mostly we just talked about what was going on in our lives at that moment. I would talk about work, and he would talk about his volunteer activities. I wasn't even sure if he did work at all, and I didn't much care. I couldn't even tell you what his last name was, and I was happy with the way things were with us.

I filled out my report, then went back to the house. I double checked all my paperwork from that day, then got changed. I was glad I had a not terrible looking pair of clothes in my locker. Just tight black jeans and white tank top, but I looked good in them. I even heard a couple of the guys whistle at me as I left the building.

I smiled upon seeing Tommy leaned up against the building. He smiled back at me, and we walked over to my place, which was only a few blocks away. On our way over we didn't really talk much,

I just told him about my day, and he just listened. I was glad to have someone lending an ear. He always seemed to show up at times where I really needed to talk. Normally I'd just talk to Lynsey, my sister, but she out of town for a couple of days.

When we got up to my place we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. That's what always happened between us. We'd be fine until we got to the apartment, and then any thoughts of it being different that time went flying out the window, and our clothes would be flying all over the place.

I lead him into my room, and pulled onto the bed with me. I had really missed him since the last time we had seen each other. There was never any confessions of love, or anything like that. We just fulfilled our base needs, and would disappear into the night until we saw each other again.

It had been over a month since I had last seen Tommy, and part of me hoped I might see him soon. I had some news for him. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad. How could I have been so stupid, I kept asking myself. I needed to talk to someone, and I didn't want to tell Lynsey what was going on.

My whole day had been a haze since I had gotten the results of the pregnancy test. I couldn't believe it, I didn't even know the guy's last name and now I was having his baby. It was too much to deal with alone. But who could possibly understand what I was going through?

Then it hit me, I could talk to Emily. I had seen Alex earlier that day so I assumed that she was actually working. When I got off shift I went over to the firehouse to find her. Alex was coming down the stairs.

"What brings you over here?" Alex asked me, with a smile.

"I was looking for Emily," I replied.

"It's her day off."

"I assumed cause you were here that she'd be too."

She nodded. "Normally that's true, but I've been taking a few fire shifts on some of my days off. Is there something I could help you with?"

I shrugged. "I was hoping to talk to Emily."

"All right, but if you wanna talk to me I'll listen."

"I dunno."

"It's your choice. I know we hardly know each other, but I can be a good listener."

I nodded. "Thanks, I think I'm going to take you up on that, I really need to talk someone who doesn't have a penis."

She laughed. "I understand. Coffee or drinks?"

"Coffee."

We walked over to a coffee shop not far from the house, I had to admit I was relieved that I had found someone to talk to. I ordered a small coffee, and we sat down at one of the booths at the back. Even though I wanted to talk, I just couldn't find the words.

"How are things with you and Tyrone?" I asked.

"Good, he's a bit of a slob but otherwise everything's good with us," she replied.

"I wish I could find one like that."

She laughed. "He's a great guy. Is there anyone special in your life?"

"No, I just like playing the field."

"That can be a dangerous choice sometimes."

"Know from experience?"

"Very luckily not. When I moved here I was very surprised I didn't pick up my old habits."

"Why'd you play the field?"

She shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time. Besides love is sometimes fucked up and I just didn't want to have anything to do with it."

I laughed. "What changed?"

"Tyrone was different. That night when we went back to my place he didn't try anything. We just talked until we fell asleep."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it felt so right too, I just kind of changed my rules. So what's your reason?"

"I guess I haven't found the right person. Or it could be cause I work with a bunch of guys and I picked up their attitudes!"

She laughed. "If they already see you as just one of the guys you may as well act like 'em right?"

"Exactly."

"But then you realize you have one worry they don't huh?"

I nodded. "Yup, if they walk away they can pretend it's not real."

"I've always been really lucky about that."

"I thought I was too."

She took my hand. "Are you?"

I nodded. "Went to the doctor to be sure before my shift."

"Do you know who?"

"Yeah, his name is Tommy."

"That's all you got?"

I looked down. "Yeah."

"What are you going to do?"

"I really don't know, that's why I wanted to talk to Emily."

"She'd have been a good choice, as she's been through it."

"Exactly, but you're being helpful."

"I try."

We fell silent for a long moment. She was still holding my hand, as a way of showing me that she was being supportive. I was glad for that. A lot of the women I knew would have turned their backs on me upon finding out about it. That's why I didn't like to be friends with women who weren't emergency workers, they just didn't get it.

When you're one of the guys with tits you interact with women differently then most. You don't play the bullshit games that women like to play. You support everyone like brothers, always brothers. Sisters had cat fights, rivalry, and were always on their guard. Sisters hold grudges, spread lies and play games. Brothers however didn't do any of that crap. If you had a problem with a brother you just kicked the crap out of him, and then let it go. I liked it better that way.

Things seemed to be resolved so much better that way. I never understood the underhanded things that women did to each other. It was just so much easier to tell someone to his face that you were pissed off with him for no reason, then to get mad over nothing and ruin another person's life.

"I just don't know what I want to do," I said breaking the silence.

"It's entirely your choice and I, for one, will support you whatever you do."

I smiled at her. "Should I tell him?"

"I think you probably should, but if there's some reason you don't want to."

"I don't know, I don't want things to change, I'm happy with the way we are."

"It's going to change, I'm sorry to say. No matter what happens you're going to change the way you look at him."

"I guess."

"Look if you keep the baby and pretend it's someone else's there will always be tension from the secret. If you have the baby and put up for adoption you'll always wonder if he would have done the right thing, and you'll start resenting him for not doing the right thing when he didn't even know what it was. If you get rid of it, well then you'll hate more then you'll ever hate another human being for making you go through what you went through."

"There's just no winning, is there?"

"Nope."

I shrugged. "I really don't know. I don't even know if I can keep it."

"Why?"

"I'm on some medicine that could effect the fetus."

"Yikes."

"I mean if I give birth to a special needs child I know that I will not be able to take care of it."

"There's always adoption."

"While I love how that worked out for me, I saw how it didn't work for my father. I really don't want my child to be a third generation adoptee. She'll never know most of the real her, and it's already hard enough for me I would never want to do that to another person."

"You'd still have a role in her life, just like Carlos has one in yours."

I shrugged. "And Tommy? What if he or his family want to sweep it all under the rug. Just like my maternal family? Then what? It's hard enough to know that a family wants me to stay hidden in a closet somewhere. I don't want my child to feel like one of her own parent wanted to doom her to that fate. I can't let anyone I helped create feel that way."

"Then you have two options instead of three."

I wanted to cry, but put on a brave face. "I couldn't do what Emily does."

"It takes a special kind of person to do it. But you don't know till you have to what you can and cannot do."

"That's very true."

"Again, whatever your choice is, I, for one will support you."

I nodded. "I just really don't know."

She scribbled something on a piece of paper. "These are my numbers, if you need to talk at any time don't think twice about calling."

"Thank you, I appreciate that, a lot."

"No problem, I'm not bailing on you, I just wanted to get it out of the way."

"Shouldn't you call Tyrone and tell him where you are?"

"He'll call if he gets worried."

I smiled. "If I had that then it wouldn't even be a choice."

"It's crazy how fate works."

"Yeah. Look, you're really helped just by listening, but I want to be alone with my thoughts."

"That's fine, good luck, and don't forget you can call me anytime you need someone to listen."

"Thank you."

She gave me a hug, then left me alone with my thoughts. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I was glad to have at least one ally no matter what I chose. I knew I needed to find Tommy somehow, but we had always gone to my place. I didn't even know where to start looking for him. I had a huge choice to make, and it seemed like I was going to be making it on my own. I just hoped I had the strength to make the right one.

It had been a month since I found out the I was pregnant. I was lucky because I was not getting too sick in the morning, and no one had guessed that there might be something different with me. I talked to Alex and Emily on a regular basis and we'd talk about what my options were. They were the only two people that knew the truth, and I did not want to tell anyone else.

I didn't want to be treated any differently unless I decided that I was going to keep the baby. I knew that I had to make my choice soon, but was still weighing my options. The thing I was most glad about was that if I did have the abortion no one I worked with would ever know.

I knew that if they found out they'd treat me like a broken little girl, and I didn't want that. If didn't have the baby I didn't want sympathy for making what I thought was the best choice. Even if I put it up for adoption I didn't want any kind of sympathy for letting the baby go. I just wanted everything to stay the same, even though I knew that wasn't really possible.

I knew the Lynsey suspected something was going on, but I refused to tell her. I knew what she was going to encourage me to do, and I was fairly certain that's not what I wanted. I didn't want to settle down with Tommy and become a happy little family unit. If I was going to do it I was going to do it alone, with no help from him, even if there were birth defects.

As much as I wanted to do that, I wasn't sure I was strong enough to be a good single parent. I mean even Emily wasn't doing it entirely alone anymore. I didn't know Tommy well enough to know if he'd be a good influence, and I really didn't want to know him that well.

I had been perfectly content with the way things were, and now everything was screwed up. I was even more lucky that I was not bloated or anything, and I still fit into my uniform. I knew it would be a matter of time before I would be showing, and I would not be able to deny that I was pregnant. But until then I wanted to do the same stuff I always did at work.

I was working alone that day, when I got a call that Mathews and Tyrone needed backup and at a location not too far from where I was. I flipped on the lights, and raced to where they were. When I pulled up to the building they were both in their car. They got out upon seeing me.

"I think we can go now," Mathews reasoned.

"Shouldn't we wait for another team?" Tyrone asked.

"If we don't go soon we're going to lose it."

"Fine."

We all carefully went up the building. I could hear sirens getting closer in the background. It was an old building that was almost falling apart. It was filthy inside, and probably crawling with rodents and insects. This wasn't the type of thing I liked to do, but it was also part of my job. We carefully creeped up the stairs, them leading the way. I had no idea what was going on, I just realized.

Part of me wondered if I should not have gone because it could be dangerous. I decided that after that I'd be more careful for my unborn child. I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and I didn't want to lose it if I decided that I did want to keep it.

I figured that even if something did go wrong, the vest would protect the child, and I would be the one who would have to pay the price. Mathews knocked on the door, and all of a sudden it flew open, and someone ran out.

I didn't realize until I was falling down the stairs that he had pushed me. I landed on the bottom, and knew I was pretty badly hurt. I had bumped everything but my head as I fell, and I wondered if the baby would survive the fall.

"We have an officer down!" Tyrone yelled into his radio. "We need a bus here now!"

Mathews had run down the stairs to check on me.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah I'll be fine, a little fall isn't gonna stop me," I assured him.

While I knew that I was going to be fine I wasn't sure what would happen to the unborn child inside me. I hoped that it would be Alex and Emily who showed up, that way I wouldn't have to tell anyone about the pregnancy.

If did lose the baby I didn't want the guys to treat me any differently because of it when I got back. I was a strong person, and I could deal with it alone. But I could not deal with a bunch of half assed apologies about losing a baby I wasn't sure I had ever wanted.

I didn't want to lose it, and I realized then that they reason I had not aborted yet was because I wasn't going to. Now I could lose it just as I finally accepted it.

I heard the ambulance sirens, and I knew that it would not be long before my fate would discovered. Would anyone find out about this baby? Or would it be something that I would deal with all alone upon losing it? Emily and Alex came running in. Emily went white as a sheet, and excused herself. Alex just did what she had to do. She put me on a board, and then got help loading me into the bus. Emily must have gone back to the driver's seat because the bus lurched forward as soon as the door were closed.

"I didn't want to say anything out there," Alex told me. "So I just loaded you in, I wasn't sure if you wanted anyone to know."

"Thank you," I whispered.

She smiled at me. "Your vitals are fine, and you'll just have scrapes and bruises. Unfortunately we don't have fetal monitor in here, so you're going to have to wait till you get to the hospital on that front. I'll make sure to tell the doctors to be discreet about it, as you haven't told anyone yet."

"You can do that?"

"Yes, I can."

"Emily?" I called.

"Yeah," she replied.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine, Alex is the expert in these kinds of situations, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, thank you all the same."

She didn't respond, and I really wanted to talk to her once I was released. We got to the hospital, and they rushed me in. Alex was screaming out a bunch of things I didn't really understand. I was in one of the rooms, away from where anyone with a badge could be when I finally heard her say.

"She's over two months pregnant, and needs a fetal monitor."

Everyone started to scurry around me.

"I've got to go Kylie, we'll come to see you as soon as we can," Alex told me, before leaving.

I laid there helplessly as a bunch of doctors worked on me. I hated that I only half understood what they were all saying. Before I knew it was moved onto a hospital bed, and was wheeled to a room on a different floor. The one good thing about being a city worker was there was never any paper work to do before you were transferred from the ER, they knew all of our insurance records were on file.

The nurse who had wheeled me in had long since disappeared, and I was hoping that a doctor would come in soon to tell me what the hell was going on. I wished there was something to do as I waited. I stared up at the ceiling, fearing the worst, but hoping I was very wrong. The door finally opened and a doctor appeared.

"I'm sure you know why I'm here Officer Kenny," he said.

"Yeah, can you just get it over with?" I asked.

"Of course, there is no point in stalling this.' I pretty much knew what the answer was. "Unfortunately the trauma of the fall was too much for the fetus, and there was nothing that could have been done to save it."

I gasped. "Is it still inside me?"

"Yes, we're going to have to do surgery to remove it, after that if you wish you can have a burial service."

"No," I whispered. "I was going to have an abortion anyway."

I was lying, but he accepted my reasoning and before too long he left. I had finally decided what I had wanted to do with my unborn child, and the fates took it away from me. It all seemed so unfair, but I already knew just how unfair this world would be.

I wondered if I would look at Tommy the same the next time I saw him. I wondered if the next time I saw him I'd tell him the truth, or just pretend like nothing happened, and pretend everything between us was the same.

I knew one thing for sure, I was going to be a lot more careful the next time. No excuses, my birth control was far from foolproof, and there were still so many other things that could happen. No matter how much they assured me it would be fine, I would insist that they used protection. I did not want a repeat of what had just happened to me.

I didn't even know the guy's last name, or that his fully name was actually Thomas and I went and had unprotected sex with him, how could I have been so stupid? It seemed like a harsh punishment but I had finally learned my lesson.

The door opened again and I was not at all surprised to see Alex and Emily standing there. I nodded at them and they both came in, each going on a different side of the bed. I knew what they both wanted to know, and I was in no mood to sugar coat it.

"How are you feeling?" Alex asked.

"I'm sore," I replied.

"What's the news?"

I stared up at the ceiling, trying to make myself not cry. "The baby didn't make it."

They both leaned in to hug me. I was trying really hard not to cry. I couldn't believe I had finally figured out what I was going to do, and now it was gone anyway. At least no one would ever know the truth. I knew that I was lucky to be alive, but I felt like a part of me was missing. I was glad that they were there for me.

"I hope I'm walking in on something!" I heard Mathews laugh. "Emergency workers gone bad, now that's a movie I would pay big bucks too see."

"Oh go fuck yourself," Alex snapped.

It was nice to know that there was one person in the room that hated him more. Tyrone came in a moment later. It was almost disgusting how he and Alex could just look at each other and everyone knew they were in love.

"How are you feeling?" Tyrone asked.

"Pretty good, just bumps and bruises," I replied.

"That's good, I was really worried when Alex rushed you out."

"I wasn't sure if she had hit her head, and figured the quicker I got her here the quicker we could be sure," Alex lied for me.

"Oh," both the men said.

I nodded. "The doctors want to keep me overnight because they think I might have a slight concussion."

"I could keep you up all night at my place," Mathews joked.

"You'd like to think so, wouldn't you?" Emily replied.

Everyone gasped at the response. I thought things had been going somewhat well between them, apparently they had hit a bump in the road.

"Anyway, we were just here to check up on you, and report back with the news," Tyrone explained.

"Tell 'em my thick head saved my life for once."

They both laughed, and then said their goodbyes. Tyrone kissed Alex lightly on the lips before leaving. I wanted something like that so much.

"We should probably get going too," Emily said.

"You two have more lives to save," I smiled.

"Yup."

The two of them left after giving me another hug each. I was glad for the support and I knew I'd need it. I knew that I didn't want to tell Lynsey what was going on, but I wasn't sure about Carter. He had entrusted me with his biggest secret once upon a time. It would have been nice to get a male point of view on the whole thing too. Even if he wasn't exactly the average male, he was the only one I trusted with the information.

It was not long before he came through the door. I was glad to see him. He came right over to give me a hug.

"You're all right?" he asked me.

"Yeah."

"Alex and Emily told me you fell down a flight of stairs."

"I was pushed." I corrected.

"How bad were you hurt?"

"Not that bad, they want to keep me overnight."

He nodded. "So you have a concussion?"

"No, but if anyone asks, yes."

"What?"

"As far as everyone but Alex or Emily is concerned I do have a concussion and that's why I'm here overnight."

"And the real reason?"

"I was pregnant."

He looked at me his eyes tearing. "Was?"

"Yeah, I lost the baby in the fall."

"And this is a secret because?"

"I don't want anyone to know that I was pregnant."

"Who was the father?"

"You wouldn't know him, his name is Tommy."

He nodded. "Kylie I'm so sorry you have to go through this. If there's anything I can do to help, just tell me."

"Right now I'm all right, really, thank you."

"All right, I'm sorry I don't really have much time, I just ran up here while I was here."

"That's all right, I kind of want to be alone with my thoughts for a little while."

I knew then that I really didn't want Lynsey to know the truth, too many people did already, and I couldn't stand to have any one else feeling any kind of pity for me. I hated feeling like people felt sorry for me. I was a strong person I could deal with it just fine.

No one at work be the wiser, and I'd just go back to doing my usual thing. The guy who had pushed me was going to be in enough trouble for pushing me down the stairs. I wanted him to be dead instead of my unborn child, but that's not the way the world worked.

I curled up in the uncomfortable hospital bed. Replaying the situation over and over in head, wondering what I could have done differently to make it end differently. I knew it was only going to make things harder, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I began to cry, as I thought about what I had lost. I hoped no one would come in and see me so upset about it.

I was terrified about the surgery. I was more worried about the possibility that because of what had happened I would never be able to have a baby. I decided I was not going to tell the Tommy the truth, but I wasn't sure if I could be with him again if I ever saw him. It would bring back too many memories.

Something in me changed that day, maybe I softened because of what happened. But either way after that I was changed person. I would do my job just as always, but I always looked at kids a little differently.

After that night in the hospital it had become a regular thing for me to cry myself to sleep. Although I knew I had three people who would listen to me when I was down, I never went to them. I just dealt with all the guilt, grief and sorrow I had to deal with alone. It may not have been the best way but it was the only way I knew.

Sometimes when you play with the big boys for so long, you forget that you still have female emotions, losing that baby reminded me just how true that was. As much as you try to be one of the guys, when it's all said and done you'll always be a girl, with female feelings.

end

end notes: so i actually had a pick up password when i was kid, and i still remember mine, funny huh? anyway next up have carter, had some issues writing his part but i think i'm doing justice, oh and i'm introducing a new bucket boy in cater's part, anywho if you're still digging this fic PLS tell me i'm starting to feel like i'm writing it for myself