Chapter 37

Waking

A shaft of bright morning light hit Gil's eyes as he opened them late that next morning. He shut them quickly trying to dull the pain that burned his eyes. The warm fuzzy threads of sleep began to quickly snap away, and an ache from having slept in the same position too long brought him back to the harsh reality of wakefulness.

He felt a warm heavy weight across him, and he blinked his eyes open tentatively, trying to focus on Sara draped over him.

A strange panic ensued, and for one terrible moment he almost assumed that perhaps this waking up together like this was the following of a night of lovemaking. He looked down quickly just to make sure they were both still dressed, and he was relieved to find they were.

He scanned his mind for answers as to why they were both on the bed in one of the rooms of Sara's hotel suite, and it took him a moment to remember the events of the night before. Sara had cried herself to sleep, and he hadn't wanted to leave her there so he'd sat back on the bed with her in his arms, and waited for her to wake – unknowingly falling asleep himself in the process.

The dull throb in his back again reminded him he needed to move. He was torn between wanting to move and stretch, and being content lying there with Sara Sidle in his arms.

He slightly shifted his position as much as he could to lightly alleviate the pain, trying desperately not to disturb her, but he was unsuccessful. He felt her stir, he heard her give a little tired groan, and eventually she spoke.

"Wh' t'me 'sit?" came her sleepy mumble.

"Hmm?" Gil asked, her voice was muffled against his chest.

Sara raised her head a little, her eyes blinking blearily open, "what time is it?" she asked. Her face was pale, her eyes dark underneath, she was frowning as if she were finding it hard to focus on Gil's face.

Gil raised his arm to look at his wristwatch, "ten-thirty am," he answered.

Sara groaned again and let her head back down heavily on his chest.

Gil wanted to ask if she was alright, but he was afraid his question at this stage perhaps might seem patronizing, and so he remained still, he put his arm down again, his hand landing on her shoulder. He finally found something to say. "What a night, huh?"

Sara sighed, she moved as near as she could to him so that no space remained between them, "I don't want to talk about it," she said softly.

"Okay…that's…fine," he managed, now at a loss. He didn't know what else there was to talk about. "Do you feel hungover or anything?"

"No more than usual," Sara mumbled, she toyed absently with a loose thread on the third button down of his shirt.

"Want me to get you some aspirin or something?"

"No…" Sara responded.

"You'd rather stay in pain?" Gil asked.

"I'd rather stay like this," Sara responded, she closed her eyes. "I'll be fine."

"Okay," he nodded, understanding that she was rather enjoying being this close for the moment being, and to be honest, he was rather growing used to it himself.

Tenderly, he raised his hand to her hair and began stroking it away from her face, he let his fingertips brush her temple. He looked up to the ceiling and spent some moments pondering and relishing in the moment of being this close to her.

"We can't spend the whole day in bed," Gil admitted, he shifted his position again, trying to alleviate more of the aching that had come from being still too long.

"Why not?"

"We have two days left, do you really want to spend them lying in bed?"

Sara remained silent for a moment or two, then said "sounds like a plan to me."

Gil sighed and squirmed again trying to get comfortable.

"Will you stop fidgeting!" she grumbled.

"Sorry, I've had you lying across me all night, I've kind of been pinned in this position – I'm not comfortable and it's making my back hurt."

Sara sighed and sat up, "fine," she remarked in defeat. She pushed her hair away from her face. "I'm going to take a shower," she slid to the edge of the bed, stretched and rolled her head back a little. She rubbed the back of her neck and yawned.

Gil sat up, he heard the unsettling cracking of a few bones as he did so, "wait," he pleaded softly, he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "I think we need to talk."

Sara gave yet another sigh. Gil felt her body slacken in his arms as if his words drained her of any energy she'd had to hold herself upright.

"I meant what I said last night…"

"That I have a problem?" Sara asked, she feigned being more preoccupied with the condition of her fingernails rather than what he was saying.

He realised this might be a good opportunity to find out what was bothering her now that she'd brought it up. At the same time however, he understood that it seemed unfair to pressure her when she was hung over, moody, and after the night before, emotionally drained. Besides, she'd gotten past the first step. She'd already admitted she had a problem – by confirming the problem wasn't all his fault. However, he was bitterly reminded that in her statement, there was an underlying blame that he was part of it.

"No…that…I have the feelings you want me to feel for you," he tiptoed lightly with the words, trying to avoid the word 'love' altogether.

Sara turned her head slightly to look at him out of the corners of her eyes.

"It's funny…I'm so good with words, but when I'm with you…they just escape me…it's hard saying how I feel…" Gil admitted after a moment.

Sara turned slightly in his arms, she was looking at him or almost rather through him as if she were trying to see into his head.

"I want to make you happy. I know I'm failing so far, but I will make it up to you," he promised.

"There you go again," Sara shook her head and turned away, "making all these promises you'll never keep. You're beginning to sound like every other guy I've ever dated. The only difference is you just happen to be my boss."

"I keep my promises," Gil tightened his arms around her to hold her closer, "like today. We're both free, we're going to go sightseeing, and then tonight we'll go out together for dinner, just us. No professors, no work involved at all. Just us."

Sara remained silent and still in his arms.

Gil kissed her hair softly, "I'll buy you one of those ugly plaid hats with the hair attached…" he offered.

He felt Sara's body quiver as she laughed very slightly under her breath.

"Just as long as we can somehow avoid bagpipes," he added with a smirk.

Sara audibly laughed and Gil felt his heart lift to hear it.

"I love—" Gil blurted, and then caught himself. He quickly strung together words to end the sentence, "—it when you laugh."

Sara spun and looked at him, she'd noticed the pause in the middle of his sentence. However, she said nothing, "I'll go get showered and changed then," she shrugged.

Gil pecked her lips quickly, "I'll come get you in half an hour."

Sara pecked his lips back, "you sure you want to avoid bagpipes?" she asked, there was something almost very honey coated and seductive about the way she said it.

Gil laughed, he kissed her again, "I'm sure," he took his arms away from her.

When he'd left the suite, he stood in the hall for a moment, back pressed against the wall. He couldn't believe he'd almost just blurted the words out so freely, somehow, it hadn't been premeditated. As much as he was kicking himself for not having finished saying it properly, he was also angry that it had come out without him intending to say it at all, and that scared him. What else might he say without actually meaning to? He shuddered to think.

Catherine's words from the phone call from the night before echoed through his head so clearly it seemed almost as if she were standing beside him whispering her words over and over again.

I can smell commitment-phobia a mile off.

You're definitely a commitment-phobic.

Thanks to everyone for reviewing (as per usual, I'll be mentioning the 3 line reviewers on the next chapter).

To those who've been going on about my grammar, I know it's bad. How I passed English 9 years ago, I'll never know.( I couldn't go to school very often since I had the shit kicked out of me every day while I was there, so I didn't really learn much when I was young :P )

I don't have a beta-reader, because I don't like the thought of having someone sift through all my work, it seems so unfair for me to ask people to do that. And especially having someone sift through 37 chapters would be slave labour (serious slave labour). When I get some spare time, I'll edit the chapters some people have alreadypointed out errors with in reviews or random emails, but at the moment I can't really do much about the rest (or my future writing). The more I spend worrying about the grammar and how I suck at it, the more I just feel really disenchanted by writing altogether so I'm trying not to think of it too much.

SS