AUTHOR: trista groulx
DISCLAIMER: kim, jimmy, alex (taylor), faith, bosco, carlos, holly, doc, ty, sully, emily, kylie, joey, charlie and anyone else who pops up from the TV series are not mine, they belong to NBC, their creator, and the actors and actresses who portray them. the idea for third watch is so not mine, but anyone who i've created for this story are mine so ask if you want to use them.
RATING: PG-13 for language
SUMMARY: Cater again, I'm going to tell you about my new boyfriend, and a new bully around the firehouse.
AUTHORS NOTES: this was by far the hardest thing i've ever written, write what you know, i tell 'ya i'm gonna stick with that from now on.. yikes, carter was really hard to write, i love him to death, but i've had lots of trouble writing in his POV (i mean we both like guys, but haha) anyway hope you are still digging this please please please some feedback? it makes me ever so happy
The life of a firefighter is a roller coaster ride at the best of times. My life as a gay firefighter was like a roller coaster going upside down and backwards. I never knew what could be coming around the next bend. After I had first told the guys on the squad about being gay they all treated me differently for a long while. It been months since I had told them, and things finally seemed to be getting back to normal.
It might also have to do with the fresh meat they felt they needed to tenderize. The newest paramedic at our station had decided she wanted to become a firefighter like her father. Needless to say, the guys didn't know what to make of this development, and decided to bug her about it.
I was glad that the focus was off of me. Even thought she was new, she was very knowledgeable, and if the way she was as a medic was any indication she'd make a great firefighter. She was slowly winning over the squad, and I hoped they would find someone new to antagonize once they were through with Alex.
She was a very strong person, and she took all the ribbing with a strong face. She never let them get to her. There were days I wished I could be as strong. When they would start making fun of my sexual preference I would get very defensive about it. I never fought them or anything, but they knew what they were doing was getting to me.
I was a good firefighter, and that's all that should have really mattered when it came to the squad, but it wasn't. I understand being a little uncomfortable but I had already made it very clear that I was not interested in any of them that way.
They were better then just after I told them, but I was hoping things would go back to the way they were, and that didn't seem like it was happening. Often they'd tease me and tell me I should shower at the same time as Alex. I tried to chuckle it off, but some days it got to me. I tried not to think about it, but it was hard.
It had been a few weeks since I found out that my half sister had had miscarriage, and being her usual stubborn self she had not called me to talk. I knew her well enough to know she was hurting, but she hated to admit she felt pain like everyone else. So I knew that whatever she was dealing with had become her personal prison.
Even though she was only my half sister, I considered her a full sibling because I didn't have any others. I was lucky I missed out on all the shitty growing up stuff with her, and I liked to bug of her sister, through adoption, Lynsey about it. Although I admit I don't know her well I had learned very quickly how she liked to grieve, alone, until it got to be too much, and she'd come crying on someone's shoulder on the verge of a breakdown.
She and her sister were very close, and I knew that she trusted me just as much as I trusted her because I knew that her being pregnant was not something many people knew. She had told me that she had only told Alex and Emily. I had surprised when I didn't hear Lynsey's name on the list. She had given me some excuses as to why she didn't want Lynsey to know, but I thought they were a little half baked.
That night, however, I just wanted to focus on my date. I was very excited, and was looking forward to it. It was a blind date a mutual friend had set up. I had never been on a real date since I came out the closet, so I was really nervous. I had never actually been with a man, as I had been pretending to like women until very recently. I was really nervous about the whole thing, but excited at the same time. I couldn't wait to see who my friend had set me up with. I really hoped that I'd like him. Our mutual friend had even gone so as to far as make us reservations at a nice restaurant, using her name so there was no way we could forget the name, and would not get the wrong person.
I got dressed, in a pair of dress pants, and a nice shirt, but no tie. I hated ties, and I only owned one which was so out of style I'd be shot on site for wearing it. I didn't know a thing about the guy I was going to meet, accept that we had met briefly at a party.
Since there were reservations under our friend's name it was impossible for either of us to meet the wrong person. How embarrassing would it be to sit down at a straight businessman's table thinking he was your blind date? I got the restaurant right on time. I was never very good at timing traffic. When you work in a rig that make traffic move all day you sometimes forget how congested the city tends to be most of the time. I often joked that New York City would make a better parking lot then city.
When I got to the table, he was already there. He was
wearing a grey suit with tie. He was not a bad looking man, and I had
to admit I was attracted to him. He stood up and we shook hands. I
started to regret not wearing the tie, I felt very underdressed. Of
course if he saw how I normally dressed he'd know that this was very
much dressed up for me.
"Hi, I'm Carter Nieto," I said. "Nice to meet you."
"Likewise, I'm Dale Knight."
We both sat down. "So what do you do for a living?"
"I'm an accountant, you?"
"Firefighter."
He laughed. "No really, what do you do?"
"I'm a firefighter with FDNY, didn't Jackie tell you?"
"I'm a blind date with a firefighter." He laughed. "This every straight woman's dream come true."
I laughed. "To go on a date with a gay firefighter?"
He laughed at my lame joke. "So why'd you become a firefighter?"
"My parents were both paramedics. It kind of made sense to be an emergency worker. I was going to be a paramedic, till I realized that fire fascinated me, so I became a firefighter."
"I couldn't imagine having to tell a bunch of firefighters I was gay."
I laughed. "They were pretty surprised, they kind of look at me funny during showers though."
"Now that is every gay man's dream." He chuckled. "Showering with a bunch of firefighters."
"It's really not that good, really. None of them are really my type. Half the time they wanna put me in the women's stall anyway."
"You have any fireladies where you work?"
"Yeah, one."
"That is so much more interesting then my work."
"I'm sure that there's something unique about you."
He shrugged. "I guess we're going to have to discover what that is."
I laughed, he seemed like a really nice guy, and I was glad he was making my laugh. It made the whole thing seem a lot less stressful.
Before long we had ordered, and our food was finished, and we were still just chatting away. It had been a long time since I had had a good talk with another gay person. I thought the whole evening was going really well. I really liked him a lot, and he didn't seem to hate me, so it had to be a good sign.
"So what were you planning to do if the date didn't go well?" he asked me as we left the restaurant.
"I really hadn't made an escape plan, actually," I replied.
"Really?"
"Didn't think of it. What about you?"
"Fake phone call."
"That would have worked. Have used it before?"
He nodded. "A couple of times."
"Do you date often?"
"Not really, actually."
"I'm sorry, I'm still a little new at this, I'm not really sure what to say."
He smiled. "We're not all experts. Say whatever you feel."
I nodded. "I'd like to see you again sometime."
"I'd like that."
We had gotten outside the restaurant, and I was at my car. I was shocked, and caught off guard when he kissed me. At first I just stood there, frozen. I had never been kissed by a man before. I knew I had always been attracted to them, but had always tried to deny it. Kissing him felt so right, it was the first time I really felt like myself when I was with someone. I had kissed women before, and within moments I kissed him like I had the women I had dated before. I pulled away, when things seemed to get a little to intense.
"We should do this again," I said, fidgeting with my keys.
"Defiantly," he replied, handing me his business card.
I took, and scurried to my car. I was happy with the way the night had turned out. I was just not the type of person who liked PDAs. I really liked Dale, and I felt like I was floating all the way home. That was the feeling that was always missing when I had dated women.
I was glad to finally be truthful to myself. I kept glancing at the business card, which I kept in my hand the entire way home. I had not been expecting the date to go well, I had had enough bad luck with seemingly straight set-ups, and a guy one had terrified me.
I was glad that I had not backed out at the last minute, as I had a really good time. I pulled up to my building. I saw someone sitting on the stairs out front, waiting for me. I was surprised when I realized the someone was for me, and it Kylie. She stood up, when she saw me. She went over to me, hugged me, and promptly began to cry.
"How about we go upstairs?" I suggested.
She nodded, and followed me up to my apartment. She sat down on the couch, and I put the kettle on for some tea. I poured us each a glass of chamomile, and then went into the living room. I knew that something was really bothering her because she was not complaining about the tea.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
"Everything," she replied.
"I doubt that somehow, but how about you start at the start and finish when everything's been covered?"
She nodded. "I saw Tommy today."
"Oh."
"Yeah. I didn't want anything to change, but I didn't even talk to him."
"Did he try to talk to you?"
"No, he didn't notice me."
"How could he not notice you?" I said with a smile, trying to be nice to her.
She was looking at the floor. "I was trying to avoid him."
"That doesn't sound much like you."
"I know, it's just that since –" She couldn't even say it. "I just thought it could all be the same, but it's not, and now I don't know what to do."
"I don't know what to tell you, Kylie, I wish I did."
"I'm just happy you're listening. Emily was having some trouble with Angela, and she couldn't stay on the phone too long. Alex and Tyrone had something planned tonight, and while I know that they'd have dropped it for me, I didn't want to bother them. So when I didn't get an answer from you, I came here, and hoped for the best."
"I'm always here when you need to talk to someone."
"That's what I love about you." She started to sniffle, like she was going to cry again.
"What, that I'm your loner half brother will always be around when you need him, cause he needs to get more?"
She smiled. "No, Carter, you're not a loner. But you do need to get our more."
"Actually, if you must know I went on a date tonight."
"Really? How did it go?"
"Very well, actually, I'm supposed to call him."
She hugged me. "That's great!"
"Yeah."
"So it's official not everything is completely bad. You have a potential boyfriend. And I guess it really was mostly seeing Tommy that made me fell like shit."
"That must have been hard."
"It just brought up so many things that I haven't even started to deal with."
"That's understandable."
She nodded. "Thank you. I always thought that everything would always be the same between Tommy and me."
"Nothing is stable, you should know that."
"I know that, I just wanted that to be. I see so many chaotic and out of control things in my life, I was just hoping something could just be stable."
I nodded. "I know that, I want that too, but that's not the way life works. Like or not it's different now."
"Yeah, and he doesn't even know it yet."
"Are you going to tell him the truth?"
"I don't know. I don't think I'm strong enough."
"Lying will make it all even harder. And you are more then strong enough, you just have to find it without you."
"I know, it just seems easier right now."
"In the long run you'll regret it."
"It's not like I'm in love with him or anything. He's just Tommy, but now it's different."
"It was almost something more."
She nodded. "Yeah, but he doesn't know that."
"Yet."
She smiled. "Would you mind if I crashed on your couch tonight?"
"Not at all. Can I ask why?"
"I just don't want to be alone in my apartment tonight is all."
"All right."
"You're sure you wouldn't mind?"
"I don't mind at all. But it is getting late, so would you mind if we just got some sleep?"
"That's fine. Thank you"
"No problem."
I got up and got her some blankets and pillows. She accepted them, and arranged the stuff on the couch the way she liked it. It was strange having my sister sleep over, but I was glad she had come to me. I was really surprised that she had not gone to Lynsey, but I'm sure she had her reasons.
"Carter?" she asked, as she laid down.
"Yeah," I replied.
"Don't tell Carlos."
"I wasn't going to." I sat down at the end of the couch. "Why is this such a secret?"
"I don't want them all to know that I screwed up."
"Kylie, it's okay to make a mistake."
"I know that, I just don't want everyone to know."
I squeezed her hand. "I'm not going to tell anyone, but I really wish that you would. They'd probably all be able to help you if you'd talk to them."
She began to cry. "I know, but not yet. It's still too fresh."
"All right."
"It's not fair, Carter." She began. "I finally decided that I actually wanted to keep the baby, and then-" She began to sob.
I drew he close for a hug, and just held my sister while she cried.. "I know, Kylie, it's not fair."
"Carter, why?"
I kissed her on the forehead. "I wish I knew Kylie."
"I would have been a good mother!"
"Yes, you would have. The best mother."
"I told the doctor I was going to have an abortion anyway, so I didn't even give her a proper goodbye."
"Just because her remains aren't there doesn't mean you can't have a proper goodbye."
"You think?"
"Yeah, I do. We have this fixation on saying goodbye to the physical part of person, when what we really need to say goodbye is the spiritual part."
"You sound like your mother."
"Probably. How about you and me, and maybe Alex and Emily get together at some point tomorrow, somewhere nice, and we'll just have a little ceremony for your baby? We'll just all say goodbye so her spirit can go in peace."
She sniffled. "I'd like that, a lot."
"Good, you pick the time and place, and I'll get Alex and Emily there."
She hugged me. "Thank you Carter."
"No problem."
"It's getting late we really should get some sleep."
"Agreed, we have a long day ahead of us."
"Good night."
"Good night."
I went into my own room, and was happy with what I had suggested for Kylie. I knew she needed to say a proper goodbye in order to help her heal. Since she had only told the three of us, I figured that we should all be there with her when she made her peace.
I knew she was not entirely convinced that saying goodbye to just a spirit could be as healing as a proper wake and burial, I was going to show her that it was the best thing she could do under the circumstances. I was glad that I had helped, and would be part of at least one part of her healing process.
Even though I felt bad for my sister, I could not help but let my thoughts go back to my date. I really liked Dale a lot. I knew I wanted to call him back, and hoped that I'd have time to do it the next day.
I was glad that the night had gone so well with him. I was expecting a disaster since it was the first time I had gone on a date with a man before. But it had all gone very well, and I was a lot more comfortable with him then I had ever been with the women I pretended to like.
It was nice not to have to be fake anymore. It was nice to finally be with someone I was actually attracted to, rather then someone I thought I could possibly learn to like physically. It's not that I didn't like the women I had dated. They all had great personalities, and I was still friends with many of them. I hated playing the role of an interested male, when love was not what I was looking for.
Most of the time I'd tell them the truth before feelings got involved, and I felt horrible for lying to them. Most of them still talk to me, and often ask me for advise about guys. But with Dale everything was different, and it was all real. I liked not having to pretend that I was interested in someone when all I wanted was friendship. It scared me that I had liked Dale instantly, but they say that's how it's supposed to work. You meet someone and you just know they are someone you want to get to know better, on a more intimate level. I had never had that happen, and I was glad that it had happened with Dale.
I
felt like such an idiot falling asleep thinking about him, but I just
couldn't help it. I really liked him, and anytime my mind wandered, it
would end up back to him. I couldn't wait to see him again, and see
what the future might hold for us.
--
It had been two weeks since my first date with Dale, and we had started to see each other on a daily basis. I had to admit I was thrilled about seeing him so much, and he seemed happy too. I really cared about him, a lot, but I was far from ready to tell everyone about him.
I had not seen or heard from Kylie since had gone to the park to have a small goodbye ceremony for her unborn child. I could tell right after we had done it that a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and I was hoping that she was still feeling somewhat free of it. She had gone back into her shell after the ceremony, and had not come back out yet.
I could only imagine what she must be going through. It was probably the hardest thing a person would have to go through. I was glad I never would. But she was so stubborn she would not tell anyone else the truth, and I thought that was making everything that much harder. It was her choice, and I was not going to tell anyone behind her back. Even though I really wanted to call Lysney so that she'd at least have her sister's shoulder to cry on.
I always knew that they were really close, and it almost upset me that she didn't want her help on that issue. I knew Kylie's reasoning on it, but even if Lynsey would not have agreed with what she had been planning she'd still be there for her little sister. That was the way sisters were supposed to work. When one was in pain, the other one would be trying to comfort the other.
It was the end of my shift, and I was glad to be getting off. It had been a really long day, and I'd be off the next day. I was upstairs getting changed when I heard Emily call up.
"What?" I called, zipping up my pants.
"There's someone here looking for you!" she yelled back.
"I'll be down in a minute! I'm just getting changed."
I wondered who it was who had come to meet me there, hoping it wasn't bad news. I knew it couldn't be either of my parents because she would have told me it was them, or they would have just come up. I pulled on my shirt, and went downstairs. I was very shocked to see Dale standing waiting for me.
I smiled at him, and he smiled back at him. I knew Emily realized right away who he was, but it took the rest of the crew a little while longer to clue in. When I gave Dale hug, and they all knew who he was right away. He was wearing a suit and tie, and looked beyond over dressed in the firehouse. He almost always wore business clothes, while I was the exact opposite. I was very happy in an old pair of jeans, and t-shirt.
"What brings you by?" I asked him.
He shrugged, "Just wanted to see where you worked."
"Well this is it, now let's get out of here."
It was too late, Garry had clued in, and was about to open his mouth. Why did the earth never open up and swallow you whole when you needed it?
"So who's this?" he asked me.
"Dale," I replied.
"Nice to meet you, Dale," he said shaking his hand.
"Nice to meet you too," Dale replied, unsure what was going on.
Garry then patted me on the back, but it ended up being more of a slap. "It's good to know we're really not your type," he chuckled.
"I told you that already. I think I'd rather to Alex then the lot of you."
Garry laughed. "From you, that is defiantly a very nice compliment."
I nodded. "I should get going."
"See you tomorrow."
That was by far one of the most embarrassing things that had ever happened to me. But at least it seemed that we were finally able to joke around about my being gay. I also knew that it would not become an issue again, with that group of guys. I left the building, and Dale followed me out. I was a little annoyed that he had showed up at my work, but I was still glad to see him.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come," he started.
"It's all right, really, it's not like I'm keeping everything a secret," I replied.
"I should have called you or something."
"That defeats the point of a surprise doesn't it?"
He smiled. "You're right. I didn't know I'd cause such a stir."
I shook my head. "A gay guy walks into a firehouse, sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke."
He laughed. "I guess so."
"The guys still aren't exactly used to it yet."
"Who's Alex?" he asked, suddenly.
"A firefighter."
"You like him?"
"Alex is our firelady."
He laughed, uncomfortably. He looked embarrassed and I think he may have even been blushing, it was hard to tell in the light. I couldn't believe that he actually had been jealous when he thought Alex was a man. I was kind of flattered, but unsure what to do about it. I decided not to pursue the subject.
"So that's where I work," I told him.
"My mother would be so proud that I was dating a firefighter, if she talked to me.," he replied.
I was surprised, to hear that. We had never really talked about our families but I had always assumed that his family was about as supportive as mine. But I was very wrong. I couldn't really imagine either of my parents not talking to me because I had told them truth. I was worried my father might, but never really believe that he could or would.
"What about your Dad?" I asked.
"I never really knew him," he replied. "It was always just me and Mom. When I told her I was gay, she just didn't seem to like the idea much. We just slowly stopped talking."
"Wow, that's gotta be hard."
He nodded. "What about your family?"
"My mother's known for a while, and has always been supportive of me. My dad only found out recently, and took it better then I thought he would. But I think he had suspected it for a while, and he was glad I finally told him the truth. My half sister is the first person I ever told, and she's always been my rock through the whole thing."
"That must be really great. Having your family supporting you like that."
"Yeah, I couldn't imagine going through everything alone."
He shrugged. "That's life I guess."
"Yeah."
"So what's the story on your half sister?"
"She's my dad's with a woman he used to date, or I should say used to mess around with. She died when my sister was a baby. Her family found my dad, and dropped my sister off at the firehouse. My dad was young, and was working for the city, and had no way to support her. So he put her up for adoption. It was an open adoption so she's always been in his life. I didn't find out about her till I was fifteen, and didn't really start talking to her till she was eighteen, and now we're best friends." "That's some story. I don't have any siblings."
"So do you have contact with any of your extended family?"
"Not really, we were never very close. I guess they took my mother's side."
"I really couldn't imagine not having any of my family supporting me."
"It's life, I dealt with those issues a long time ago."
I smiled. "That's good."
"There are some days when it's a little hard, but for the most part I have dealt with what I have to."
"There are always some bad days."
"I still can't believe I'm dating a firefighter."
I laughed. "Believe it. I'm not lying to you, or those people would have told you."
He smiled. "What's it like?"
"It's great, it's an adrenaline rush every day. I can honestly say I love my job."
"That must be great."
"You don't like your job?"
"I hate it."
"Why not try something new?"
He shrugged. "I really don't know."
"I bet you'd be great at lots of things. If you really don't like what you're doing you should find something you do like."
"I'm good at my job."
"You'd be even better if you liked it."
Before I realized it we had walked to my place, and we were on the doorstep. I smiled at him, and let him up. We had never been to my place before, and I was nervous. I let him in. The stuff was still on the couch from when Kylie had slept over, I quickly moved the stuff. There were some old magazines and things on the floor, but no food. I always considered the place relatively clean when there were no old food containers to be found.
"I know it's a mess in here," I said, shoving some stuff into the already full closet.
"It's lived in," he joked.
I smiled. "So this is home."
"Have you ever had a man here?"
"Not one like you."
He smiled at me. "Have you ever been with a man?"
"No." I admitted, sheepishly.
"I've only been with one, if it makes you feel better."
Somehow it really did. "Yeah."
"Come, sit down."
I went over, and sat next to him on the couch. I was really nervous, and I knew that he could tell. He kissed me lightly, but it was not long before I pulled away.
"We can take this as slow as you want to, Carter," he assured me, caressing the side of my face.
I smiled at him, but wasn't sure what to say. "That'd be good."
"I can leave if you want."
"I don't think I want you to leave."
He stared past me. "You need to be sure."
"I know that." I looked at my hands. "I really want to be with you, I'm just not ready to make this too serious yet."" He smiled at me. "That's fine. I'll wait as long as it takes."
I smiled at him. "I really care about you."
He took my hand. "I care about you, too, that's why I'm going to leave before things get out of hand."
I nodded. "That's probably a good idea."
I kissed him goodnight, and he left. I was alone in my apartment, and I was glad I was. I realized that night that I didn't have the first clue about relationships. It had always been so different when I had been with women. It felt right with Dale, I was just nervous cause I had never done it before.
I knew I really wanted to be with him, and that's why I didn't run away. I decided that I needed to talk to someone, and the first person who came to my mind was Kylie. She had always been really supportive, and I hoped that she'd continue to be. I picked up the phone, and dialed her number. It took her a few rings to answer but she finally did, and I was happy to hear her voice on the other end. I wondered what had taken so long, she seemed to be out of breath.
"Hello?" she said.
"Hi, Kylie, it's me," I told her.
"Hi Cater," she replied I then heard her yell in surprise. "Tommy! It's my baby brother stop that!" She giggled.
I had caught her at a really bad time. "I'm sorry, you're busy, I'll talk to you some other time," I mumbled before hanging up.
She had obviously gotten over the baby, I thought to myself. A part of me wanted to go over there, and yell at them. I wanted to act like the tough little brother trying to help his big sister, but I knew that I couldn't do that. It was her life, and if she wanted to be with him again, that was her choice.
Although I was upset about that, I was more upset that I didn't have anyone to turn to with my problem. I had to talk to someone about Dale, and I couldn't think of anyone who would listen.
I ended up staying at home, and weighing the pros and cons alone. I hated the idea, but I really didn't trust anyone else. As much as I liked Emily and Alex if I went to them with the problem, I knew that I'd never be able to talk to them the same again.
Emily had enough trouble with men, she certainly didn't need to know about mine. If I would have gone to anyone I would have gone to her, as I had known her longer. But I knew that she wouldn't really be a big help. As much as I liked Alex, I hardly knew her, and I didn't want to disturb her, only to figure out after that I really couldn't tell her what the problem was.
A part of me actually wanted to call Dale and ask him what in the world was going on. But that would probably make things even more confusing. He was really the only person I knew who might understand how I was feeling. I was starting to wish that I had just come out with the truth a long time ago, so that by now I'd know what to do.
I felt like the biggest looser in the world, freezing up with my boyfriend. But I was nervous, it was like I was a teenager again, and I had all these thoughts and feelings and I didn't know what to do with them.
I jumped when I heard the phone right. I leaned over to answer it. I was not surprised too hear my mother's voice on the other end. I knew I couldn't talk to her about it, but I was glad she had called. She always knew when I was down about something, and somehow always called me when I needed to hear from her.
"Is everything all right?" she asked me.
"Yeah," I assured her. "I just have some stuff on my mind."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Work stuff, and Kylie stuff."
"Anything I can help with?"
"No, not really."
"I was just making sure you were alright."
"I am, thank you."
"Do you want to come over for supper your next day off, it's been a while since we've seen you."
"I'd really like that."
Part
of me wanted to bring Dale, but I knew it was too soon for that. He
would run aways in terror if he met my parents so soon. I loved them to
death, but they were a little hard to handle sometimes. My mother was
very into new age stuff, and that freaked a lot of people out. I liked
it, personally, but not everyone has grown up around it, and knows how
to handle it.
The first time I brought a girl home, in high school,
she actually did a tarot reading to see what our future held. Needless
to say, it was not much, after that day she never talked to me again.
My father wasn't too bad, but he still had his quirks. A lot of people found him a little hard to get to know. He had a rough exterior, but once you cracked the shell he was a good guy. I talked to my mother a little while longer, never mentioning Dale.
I really wanted to tell her about the stuff with Kylie, but I couldn't. I didn't want the news getting back to dad. Kylie would never forgive me if the truth got to him.
Before long the conversation was over, and I had decided to try to get some sleep. I curled up in my bed, and couldn't help thinking about Dale. I knew I wanted to pursue something with him. I just hoped that he was all right with taking everything slow. I needed time to fully commit myself to a relationship. Especially since this was the first one I was being honest about.
I wanted to know if
other gay guys felt the same the first time they were honest with
themselves. I almost wanted to find a support group, and be reassured
that what I was feeling was normal. I fell asleep, worried about Dale,
but still had some great dreams. I was really glad he had decided to
leave instead of letting things get out of hand. I knew because of that
that he would be patient with me, and I was glad.
--
It had been just over a months since I had started seeing Dale, and things were going well. We were taking things slow, but he constantly assured me that he was fine with that. I was actually starting to believe that I loved him, which scared me, but excited me at the same time.
Even though I was thrilled about my relationship, my mind tended to stay at work most night. A new guy had joined the squad, and he was a complete nightmare. His name was Alex Dixon, but everyone called Dixon as Alex Doherty was already the resident Alex. Since he had found out that Alex was not only a medic but a firefighter too he made it his job to torment her, endlessly. I had to admit Alex didn't seem to be letting it bother her.
That day was going to be the first time they were going to work together, and we all knew it would not end well. We also knew that it would not be Alex's fault that things might go sour.
"Hey Doherty!" he called, she turned around.
"What?" she asked, already annoyed
"Promise me that if I get trapped you won't be the one to save me."
"Afraid I'm gonna take your last shred of manhood?"
"Not fucking likely, I just doubt you could carry me."
"Those sound like fighting words," said Garry, with a laugh.
"Maybe they are," Dixon replied.
"I'll bet you that I can carry you up the stairs," Alex said, her eyes shinning.
"You're on!"
They agreed that the loser would buy the winner two good quality steaks. The rest of the guys wagered small amount of money. It was unfortunate that Emily was off work that day and wouldn't be able to see what was going on.
"What are the rules?" I asked.
"What do you mean rules?" Dixon demanded.
"None of us know if you're a weasel who'll move purposely so that Alex'll drop you."
"You make the rules then."
"All right, the first one is that you're not gonna really help Alex but you can't fight her, either. You should be acting like someone who actually stuck in a burning building and trusts just enough to get out alive."
"Fine, sounds good to me."
"Me too," Alex replied.
Alex stood on the bottom step, and Dixon stood on the second. Before long Alex had him slumped over her shoulder, and started walking up the stairs. We could all tell she was struggling a little, but she just kept going. That was what made her so good, she would not give up even if the odds seemed to be stacked against her. She made it to the top of the stairs, and everyone in the firehouse cheered upon seeing her succeed.
No one seemed to like Dixon that much, but he was part of the squad so we accepted him. He was just one of the arrogant people that grated on your last nerve, and it especially grated my nerves to see him treat Alex that way. She was good at both her jobs, and she was more then qualified. She had actually done the male agility just so that no one could accuse her of wimping out.
I was really happy that no one had told Dixon that I was gay. I was sure that if and when he found out he would never let the issue go. I hated to think that I'd be an issue around the firehouse again. All of the other guys had accepted it, but I didn't see Dixon as the type to be all right with showering next to a gay man.
I also knew from the way he treated Alex that he was the kind of person who would not let it go. We all knew that part of the reason he liked to bug her so much is he really liked her, and she wanted nothing to do with him. Still he didn't like the idea of female firefighter, and liked to state the fact quiet loudly. As much as I hated to see her being ribbed I did not want to be the one to take her place.
We often refer to each other as brothers, because we are so close, and look out for one another. I would not consider Dixon a brother. Alex was a better "brother" then Dixon was. He just seemed to be the kind of person who only cared about his own ass. It was pretty obvious especially when the lieutenant was around.
I saw Tyrone come into the building, looking for Alex. I knew that Dixon would have a problem with him. Dixon found Tyrone before he was able to find Alex, who had gone upstairs for something. I wanted to go over to warn him about Dixon but it was too late.
"Hey officer," he called at Tyrone. "What brings you over here?"
"Just looking for my girl," Tyrone explained, casually.
"Who's your girl?"
"Alex."
"Doherty? You're a brave man being with her." He laughed.
"Don't start with me."
Alex came down the stair. "Hey, baby, I missed you," she said to Tyrone, kissing him, letting it linger and go a little further then she usually would.
"You wanna go for a quick lunch?"
"Mmm, I'd really like that." We all knew that she was playing it up to piss off Dixon. "Later guys!"
The two of them left the building arm in arm, neither of them looking back at Dixon, who was standing there with his mouth agape. Everyone knew as soon as he had seen her he wanted Alex, but didn't realize how impossible she'd be to bed.
"Who's he?" Dixon asked.
"Tyrone Davis, her boyfriend," I replied, as cocky as I could.
"I'm more of a man than he is."
I shrugged. "They're real tight, I don't think you could squeeze between them."
"How tight?"
"They live together."
"But there's no ring."
"Whatever, I'd bet you couldn't even get her home number from her."
"You're on."
"It wasn't an actual bet. I'm surprised she gives you the time of day."
"Yeah, there's no getting between those two, they saw each other her first day here, and she never looked anywhere else," Garry explained.
"She just hasn't seen the right guy."
Garry laughed. "Live in your delusions, man."
Garry disappeared, and I just stayed there, waiting for him to say something.
"She should stick to her own."
"He is our own, we're all brothers around here."
"The squad, maybe, the medics even, but not next door."
"Next door too, we all work together, we're all brothers."
"Whatever."
"If I hear you disrespecting anyone in this firehouse again, I will make sure you are hung up by your toes!"
"What, you don't fight your own battles."
I had never been much a fighter, but he was pissing me off. Just because Alex could defend herself without seeming to be insulted, I couldn't. I knew the reason he was being an ass to Alex was he wanted in her pants. His way of showing her was the way schoolboy way, pulling on a girl's pig tails until she finally reacted.
I've always thought that it was a pretty stupid way of flirting, but who am I to judge? I was more pissed off that he still seemed to want to go after Alex having found out about Tyrone. Just because wherever he came from firefighters disrespected officers they worked with did not mean that we were going to adopt that policy.
If anything we were going to teach him our way, the New York way. I did not want to be the one giving him the lessons, but if he pushed me I would. I went to walk away, I didn't want any trouble.
"What too much of a pussy to fight your own battles?" he asked.
Without even thinking I had punched him. Everyone there gasped upon realizing what had just happened. I had never hit another person before, and I was shocked that I had started. I had done exactly what he wanted me to do, and I felt like shit for it. Even though I was not one to fight most of the time I was good at defending myself when I had to. As soon as he started swinging back I dodged the onslaught. It didn't take long for someone to pull him away from me. He was the only person who had any damage, which was only a broken nose it could have been worse.
I had learned how to dodge punches when I was a kid. Even tough I didn't know why at the time, I was a good target for bullies. I learned very quickly how to dodge their punches. I very rarely hit back, but when I did I usually did not miss, and hurt the other person. I was left alone with my thoughts while Dixon got cleaned up.
I knew that he probably would not be getting in my face for a while, and I was glad for that. He was the kind of person I hated, I didn't like anything about him. Since had walked into the firehouse he acted as if he was better then the rest of us. That was not something I tolerated.
I especially did not like the way he was around Alex. Even finding out that she was living with a guy, he was not giving up. He didn't care about anyone but himself, and thought himself superior because of it. He the kind of person that you laugh at when he falls flat on his ass.
Everyone
at the house knew that he wanted Alex bad, and we just hoped that he
would get a clue. She was far from interested in him, she was with
someone else, and she was happy with him. The two of them returned, arm
in arm like when they left.
"I love you," I heard Alex tell him, knowing Dixon was in ear shot.
"Love you too, baby," he replied.
He kissed her hard, and she almost had to push him away. She realized when he pulled away that he was not to far away, watching them.
"I'll see you tonight," he said, kissing her again.
"I can't wait," she assured him.
He then left, to go back to the stationhouse. I watched as she tried to avoid Dixon, but he wouldn't let up.
"Who gave you the shiner?" she asked, finally, with a laugh.
"Nieto," he mumbled. "Wanna kiss it better Alexandra."
"Not a chance in hell, and if you asked again I'll punch you so hard the one you got from Carter will seem like a slap." She told him. "And if you call me Alexandra again, I'll rip your nuts off with my bare hands, got it, Alexander?"
He was going to say something else, but the alarm bell went off. We all scattered to get dressed, and ready to leave. We all got into the truck. At least Dixon was smart enough not to bring anything up with Lieutenant Anderson in earshot.
When we got to location the fire seemed to be contained to one side of the building. It was a converted house that had eight apartments inside, on two floors. There were already some people out, but there were still some unaccounted for. A large crowd of spectators had gathered, and the police were trying their best to keep them far back. Garry. Luke and Adam, started a line, and began to douse the burning side of the building.
"Doherty, Nieto, and Dixon, go in carefully, and see if you can find anyone alive in there," the lieutenant ordered.
We put on our masks, and ran into the building. Alex and I went in the same direction, and Dixon went off alone. We went into the first apartment, and found no one. In the second apartment found a man and child huddling in the corner. They were disoriented by the smoke. Alex picked up the child, and I helped the man up.
"What's your name?" I heard Alex ask the child, as we started walking.
"Jake," he replied.
"All right Jake, I'm gonna put this mask on you for a quick minute, and I want you to take some good deep breaths for me, can you do that?"
"Yeah."
I saw her take off the mask, and offer it to the child. She left it on him a little bit longer then she normally would have.
"All right, it's my turn again, we're gonna share this till we get outside," she explained.
"Kay."
"And when we get outside you're gonna get to ride on an ambulance, think that'll be fun?"
"Yeah." He giggled.
It was not long before we got out, and two of the medics came running for the child, and his father.
"Have you found Sarah yet?" he asked us.
"Who?" I asked.
"I think she's in the back apartment on top. Her mother often leaves her in there when she goes to the store."
"We'll find her," Alex assured him. "Right now how 'bout you focus on Jake?"
He nodded. "Thank you, both."
We both nodded, then ran off in the direction of the lieutenant. Dixon was already out of the building, and had cleared all but the last upper apartment, the one directly above the fire.
"There might be an infant still inside," I explained.
"Alex, and Carter, you spilt up and find out for sure."
All three of us went to start running.
"I meant Doherty, Dixon," he grumbled, annoyed.
Dixon must have been in the bad books for not checking the last apartment anyway. We were lucky so far, that no one had been seriously injured, but if there really was a child in the apartment above she'd be lucky to be alive. The flames were pretty much out, and had only gutted the one apartment, but the place was full of smoke and soot.
"Keep radio contact, all right?" I told her.
"Sure thing," she assured me.
We started in opposite directions, we had agreed that I'd go from the upstairs, on one staircase, and she'd use the back staircase. I told her to be careful as it may have been damaged in the fire. It wasn't long before I heard her voice in my ear.
"I defiantly hear a voice coming from upstairs. The staircase looks like it hasn't been damaged, so I'm head-" She cut out.
"Alex!" I yelled into the radio.
I then broadcast through mine. "I think we've got a man down, on the east staircase! I'm going to investigate! There is noise from the upper apartment.
I ran down the stairs, and to the other side of the building. Sure enough Alex was laid out flat, under a little bit of debris. The stair case had probably been weakened by the flames, and had given out under her weight. She must not have gotten too high because she was not trapped under anything.
What was left of them did not seem to be damaged, which alarmed me. I wondered if the fire had been deliberately set. I couldn't think about that now, I had to get Alex out. She was hurt. I quickly checked her pulse, which was strong, which was a great sign.
I was easily able to move the few pieces of debris from around her. I lifted her up onto my shoulders, similar to how she had done with Dixon earlier, and quickly left the building. Another team of medics came running, and took her from me. Before I could even ask them what they suspected might be wrong they were loading her onto the bus, and had pulled away.
I scanned the area to see if Tyrone was one of the officers doing crowd control, and was relieved to learn he wasn't. I didn't want to be the one to tell him that she had fallen through a staircase. Though I guess it would have been better for him to hear it from a person rather then trough the wire. There was only on female on the squad, and he'd know if he heard it exactly who was hurt.
I looked over to see Garry with the ladder at the second story window. I wondered if the floor was stable enough for his weight. If the child really was three years old, then if she could make it to the window herself there'd be less risk. I didn't want to see another of my friend's hurt that day. It was bad enough that I had to go get Alex.
We all cheered when we saw Garry pulled the child out of the window to safety. She was crying pretty heavily, so we knew that her lungs had not been severely damaged in the fire. A paramedic looked at her, then quickly raced off the hospital. When we knew everything was under control we all got back into the truck, and headed to Mercy to see how Alex was doing.
No
one at the hospital seemed surprised to see us arrive all at once,
still in all our gear, and messy from the soot. One of the nurses came
over to us. I was really bad with names, but I knew it was not the
first time we had dealt with her.
"We think she's going to be fine,
she broke her leg, and dislocated her shoulder. She does have some head
trauma, but we think it's only a concussion but we can't know for sure
until she's awake if there is any permanent damage," she explained.
"Thank you," said Lieutenant Anderson.
"Do any of you know how to contact her family?"
"We'll have to go back to the firehouse to get that. If you see officer Davis he may be able to help you. But I'll send someone over for the information right away."
"Thank you Lieutenant. She really is going to be all right. She's lucky it's not a lot worse."
"When can we see her?" I asked.
"Not until after she wakes up. Because of where the debris fell we're concerned about possible memory loss. We would prefer not to have too many people in the room who she may not recognize, until we know for sure."
"The last thing I'd want to wake up to is a bunch of unshowered firefighters staring at me," Garry laughed.
She laughed. "Not me, and certainly not most women with a pulse. She's dating officer Davis, right?"
"Yeah," I replied.
"Some girls have all the luck."
I laughed. "Thank you for the information."
"No problem, I should get back to work."
She disappeared, and we all went into one of the waiting rooms. None of us wanted to go back to the house until we knew for sure that Alex was going to be all right. Dixon ended up being sent to get Alex's emergency information. Not long after he returned with the information we decided that there was no use sitting around waiting to see what had happened.
I was surprised that I had not seen Tyrone, I would
have thought he'd have come as soon as he found out about her. I knew
logically that she was going to be fine, but I had to see her when she
woke up, to assure myself of the fact.
Just as I was leaving, the
father I had helped out the building came running down the hall. He was
carrying some papers in his hand.
"I'm sorry to bother you," he said.
"It's all right, how are you and your son?" I asked.
"Good, they want to keep us overnight for observation. But it's only smoke inhalation."
"That's good."
"My son's been drawing up the storm. And he wanted you to have these two." He handed me the paper. "This one is for you." It depicted a big muscley guy in front of a fire. "This one is for the whole house." It was of a fire engine in front of a fire. "And this one is for the pretty lady, his words not mine, that saved him." He laughed. That one showed a smaller firefighter, with a ponytail holding a little boy.
"You should see her without her gear," I joked about Alex. "She fell through the other staircase, getting Sarah, she's not up yet, but I'm sure that when she is she wouldn't mind a visit from you."
"She was really good with Jake."
"She's really good at her job."
He nodded. "I won't keep you, I hope she's all right."
"Thank you."
I left the building, smiling as I looked again at the pictures. They were actually really good, and I was glad to accept them. I decided I was going to go back to deliver Alex's after I got off shift. I put mine in my locker, to bring home, and put the other one on the corkboard before I got changed.
I just hoped that Alex would know who I was when I went to visit her.
end
end notes: so that is that, i swear i am the queen of sap, i think this was the hardest parts for me to write in the entire series, i'm almost done writing it actually, so cheers! two more left tyrone, followed by an epilogue