Chapter 42

Ridicule

Gil arrived the next night an hour before the shift and covered some of the paperwork Catherine had let pile up on his desk. He was tired, irritable, and still convinced he was plagued with jetlag, his voice had become so hoarse that any time he had to make himself heard he had to first clear his throat.

It was good to be back to work in a way, he was hoping it'd help him gain some semblance of normality. He still loved his job, and being away from his desk for almost a week, he had to admit even to himself that he had even missed doing the little annoying things like paperwork. Paperwork, also helped him take his mind off of his own problems – and most importantly, took his mind off of how Sara had looked in that absurd purple bra of hers.

After dealing with some of the paperwork, he glanced at his watch. Ten minutes before the shift was due to start, yawned, stretched and leaned back in his seat. His body craved the kick of caffeine and he pulled himself up out of the chair and headed towards the break room, where everyone was congregating before the start of the shift – getting what little relaxation they could before they dealt with the chaotic day that was ahead of them. Gil noted – grateful – that Nick had returned to work. To the trained eye he looked more pale and slightly less alert than usual, and after the bout of food poisoning Catherine had advised he'd had, Gil hardly found this surprising at all.

They all raised their eyes to see him as he stepped in. He was very aware of their eyes following him as he moved over to the back of the room to pour himself a cup of fresh coffee.

Catherine got up and moved over, "Hey, I never got the chance yesterday to say for coming here last night and taking over," she said, she smiled genuinely, her eyes had that familiar sparkle in them again, a telltale sign she'd had a long rest after her shift. She touched his arm in the friendly and familiar way she probably had done so a thousand times.

"Oh come on now," Nick spoke up from where he sat, "you know how we say thanks in CSI, Cath. We don't touch arms, we kiss their heads."

Gil felt the heat rise in his cheeks, his back was turned to everyone, and he was glad of it, afraid they might see the anger in his face. He felt very much humiliated by this.

Great. Everyone knows that I kissed Sara in the hall, he thought in dismay. He tried desperately to calm himself, and then he turned around to see if Greg was still sitting there, he definitely had been when he'd walked in, but now there was an empty space where Greg had once sat, and he heard the footsteps of Greg running down the hall.

Sara lowered her head, she pursed her lips together tightly, she wasn't any more amused than Gil was and she was trying to hide her face with her hair, she too was bright red.

I'm going to kill Greg, Gil thought. Or at least give him a bad evaluation for spending more time spreading rumours than doing any work. I can't believe he just immediate went off telling everyone about that! Why didn't I think to warn him last night that the kiss shouldn't be talked about with colleagues. Damn, I'm to blame for this as well as he is!

Catherine folded her arms, "hey, we could use more of that caring attitude around here," she said, "nothing wrong with a pat on the back or a kiss on the head from your boss. It shows he cares," she pointed out.

"Do the words 'Grissom' and 'cares' actually belong in the same sentence?" Warrick joked.

"I was disorientated by jetlag, I was half asleep, suffering from a blinding headache, and all I wanted to do was say thanks to Sara – I don't get why everyone has to ridicule it," Gil tried to hide the anger in his voice. "After traveling with me all the way to the UK and back, and having to suffer work directly after touching down in Vegas, I'd say the woman deserves more than a kiss, she deserves a vacation in Hawaii."

Sara glanced through her hair at Gil, raising an eyebrow as if to question.

Gil raised his cup to take a sip of his coffee, he looked away from them all guiltily, he could feel their eyes burning into him with that suspicion once again.

"It's just not something you normally do," Nick finally said.

"Yeah, well lately I've been doing a lot of things I don't normally do," Gil uttered under his breath, he sipped his coffee again. He contemplated what he should do now.

Things had been different before. Catherine knowing about the relationship was fine, it was even convenient for when he needed advice. But everyone else knowing about this tender display of affection seemed to suggest that they also now would be suspicious something else was going on.

"Sara?" Gil asked, "you're quiet. What's on your mind."

Sara shrugged, "nothing. What can I say? They're right, I mean…it isn't something you'd normally do. Kind of struck me by surprise."

"Greg said you had this huge blank expression on your face," Warrick said to Sara.

"Wouldn't you?" Sara gave a nervous laugh, "I mean…he's Grissom, he doesn't do affection," she pointed out.

Gil gazed at her over his coffee cup. I don't? he asked in thought. I have memories of an incident in a hotel suite that would beg to differ. "Well…I'm not going to stand here and be made fun of for my lack of affection," he pretended to be aloof, "I have work to do, excuse me," he said and headed towards the door.

Warrick raised his hands, "what? No kiss? That's it, that's the last time I do overtime for you, man."

Gil didn't find the comment one bit funny, perhaps it was the sting of Sara's words. He's Grissom, he doesn't do affection.

Gil tried to carry on as best he could throughout the day, after the assignments he dealt with some important phone calls, he tended a large bulk of the paperwork and still somehow found the time to go out to do fieldwork. In the back of his mind though, he couldn't help but think back to the conversation from before the start of shift.

The words still stung like acid on a raw wound. How could she say that? How could she be so cruel as to make a comment like that to everyone in the room?

He was trying not to analyze her words too much. He understood the reason she'd said it – to make it seem less obvious they were in a relationship together. But a small part of him wondered if she meant any of that at all, and not only that, he wondered if he could ever be affectionate enough as far as she was concerned.

He'd been half way through writing a report when his phone – which was situated on the desk – buzzed in response to an incoming phone call, it moved across the desk as if to try and escape as he reached for it. He flipped the phone open.

"It's me," came Sara's voice, she was speaking in a low whisper.

"Oh…why are you whispering?" he asked, he got up and closed his office door, which he had a habit of leaving wide open.

"I'm calling from the supply closet," Sara said, "I don't want anyone to overhear…"

"Why are you calling from the supply closet?" he asked nonchalantly, let his backside settle on the desk and folded one arm across his stomach.

"Listen…Greg is snooping, he was asking me all sorts of questions last night when he was driving me home…" Sara confessed.

"What kind of questions?" he responded.

"What we did in Edinburgh, and stuff, but some of it was very personal. He asked me if you'd been acting a little more 'friendly' than usual, and I pretended to not know what he was talking about, but I knew what he meant. And then he asked how my boyfriend was and I had to make up this pack of lies about calling him every night on the phone…" she sighed, "I think he knows…"

"Apart from the questions, what makes you think he knows?"

"Because he's talking about wanting to arrange another night out on the town, and he says I should 'bring' my boyfriend…that he'd really like to meet this guy…" she explained, "it's like he knows, and just wants to catch us out…"

"Let him try, he won't succeed. He can't prove anything is going on," Gil said. "Listen, I have a lot of work to catch up with…I really need to get back to it…"

"Okay…oh, I meant to ask…are we going to see each other after work?" Sara asked quietly.

"I want to say yes, but I'm going to have to pass. I haven't slept properly for days and it's really beginning to take its toll on me…" he admitted, plus right now he didn't think he had the energy to try and be more affectionate towards her than usual just to prove her wrong.

"Okay…that's fine," Sara said, although as fine as she said it was, she could not hide the disappointment in her voice very well.

"Besides," he sighed, "why would you want to see me after work. I don't do affection, remember?"

"Oh please don't' tell me you're mad about that?"

"Mad, no," Gil responded, "a little surprised and slightly hurt, yes."

"I was just—" Sara began, and then the call was disconnected. To Gil suggested she'd hung up because someone had caught her in there making a personal phone call, or her battery had just died.

Gil gave a dejected sigh and switched his phone off.

Why is this bothering me so much? He wondered. I know she didn't mean it, and I know she was just doing what I asked her to do – keep the relationship a secret. The whole thing is totally logical, so why should it hurt at all?

He stared into space, lost in his thoughts once again. He wondered if Sara at all compared Gil to any previous boyfriend she'd ever had. Perhaps she was measuring Gil's affection against someone she'd dated who had been more than affectionate enough to keep her happy.

Gil didn't like that thought.

Get a grip, you're getting jealous and thinking of competing with a guy who probably never existed in the first place, he told himself. He watched through the glass of his door as Sara wandered past. He swallowed back his frustration, and forced himself back into his work, hoping it might distract him from thinking anymore today at all.

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