Chapter 44

Why!

Gil couldn't face Sara again that day, and so he quietly retreated to his office to brood, he closed his door in and sat behind his desk. No matter how much he tried to work, he couldn't bear to even face it.

He let his elbows rest upon the desk and held his face in his hands.

Why did I say that to her! Why! He demanded of himself. He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the image of how her face had looked at that precise moment when he'd said what he'd said. I just technically dumped the only woman I've ever actually cared about! How could I be so stupid?

He sighed deeply.

I don't want to break up with her, I don't. But how am I supposed to take it back now? She looked so completely…hurt…when I said it.

Gil wished he could be swallowed up by a big black hole right then.

It was twenty-minutes after the incident when Catherine showed up, she opened the door to his office without knocking, she stepped and closed the door behind herself.

"Warrick, uh…told me what happened in the Trace lab," Catherine admitted.

Gil sat up straight, "What'd he hear."

"Mostly angry words," Catherine took a seat opposite him, she folded one leg neatly over the other, she twisted her body slightly to lean her elbow on the back of the chair, "he said most of those words were muffled by the glass if it's any consolation."

"Did anyone else hear?" Gil asked.

"Nick," Catherine shrugged, "apart from that, I don't think so. You were lucky. Damn lucky."

"I wasn't the one yelling," Gil said, "it was Sara, I just couldn't calm her down…"

"According to Warrick, you didn't look like you were even trying…" Catherine had a concerned expression on her face, "so what was this argument about?"

"She says I'm playing games."

"Are you?" Catherine asked rather forwardly.

"Come on, you know me, Cath. Do I look like the kind of guy who would play with peoples feelings?"

"No," Catherine said, "but you also don't look like the guy who would eat insects and ask for blood and urine donations from your subordinates."

Gil sighed, he looked down, he folded his arms and rest them on the desk.

"What started the whole argument?"

"She said something that kind of bothered me…and I guess I was feeling, uh…a little resentful…and then we had this discussion in the lab with Greg – who we think suspects we're dating. Then we were out in the hallway, she asked me out to breakfast, I had to refuse, I have to try and clear this paperwork…" he explained, "she wants to talk, I tell her work isn't the place, we go into the trace lab for privacy, she just totally loses it…"

"What was said?" Catherine asked.

"I don't know…it all seemed to happen so fast," Gil paused to think, "she said…she said that the only relationship we really seemed to have was at work. And I said if that's what she thought then we shouldn't be together and…then she walked out looking really hurt…"

"And you didn't run after her."

"No…how could I? Warrick and Nick were watching—" he tried to explain.

"Screw Warrick and Nick, if you love the girl you go after her, end of story…" Catherine admonished. "Gil, you are the smartest man I know, and still it amazes me how incredibly stupid you can be."

"I am stupid…" Gil sighed, "stupid, and an idiot, and a raving imbecile."

"You're a man, it comes naturally," Catherine said. "Remember what you told me on the phone…about Sara drinking?" She asked, "Have…you had anymore thoughts about what her problem might really be?"

"No…" Gil said, "I asked her if I was part of it. She didn't say I wasn't, but she did confirm I'm not the whole problem…"

"So obviously there's something else…" Catherine said, "must be something pretty serious to have driven her to drink."

"Cath, what am I meant to do?"

"Get your head out of your own ass for a start," Catherine answered, "you need to start paying attention to her – this relationship is more than about your needs, okay. She needs you. She's going through something, and if it's big enough for her to lose her temper with you at work, then obviously it's something you need to confront her about."

"Look, it's already too late. I broke up with her, she's never going to want to talk to me again," Gil pointed out.

"She'll cool off…" Catherine assured.

"Are you positive about that?" Gil asked with a dejected sigh.

Catherine nodded confidently, "Just give her a day or two of breathing room before you try to approach her."

"What then?" Gil asked.

Catherine paused, "be sensitive, be open, be honest, be caring, be everything she needs you to be," Don't just stand there like a vegetable and expect her to love you back."

"And this will work?" Gil asked.

Catherine gave a shrug, "it's better than just sitting back and accepting things as they are."

Gil decided to take Catherine's advice. Her advice hadn't done him wrong so far. And besides, Catherine was a women, and women had more experience in knowing what other women needed. And he had to admit, she was right, trying to do something about it was at least better than sitting back and accepting the relationship was over.

I sat back and accepted things for far too long. If I'd done something about my feelings for Sara years ago, I wouldn't be in this mess right now, he thought.

He did as Catherine had told him to, he gave Sara a few days breathing room. She had a day off the day following the argument, and this gave him to think and not have to worry about seeing her at work. The next two days he asked Catherine to deal out the assignments to the team whilst he put in some over time to do some fieldwork and help clear the last of the cases that had piled up when he'd been gone.

He saw Sara through windows as he passed by the labs, and whenever she saw him, she'd quickly turn away, feigning expressions of nonchalance.

Finally, when he felt enough time had passed, he began to seek her out. He'd tried to catch her at the start of shift, but Eckie had pulled him in for a meeting before he'd had the chance. Thankfully, Ecklie had seemed to know nothing about the argument with Sara in the Trace lab. That could only be a good thing, in Gil's opinion.

As the day progressed, he searched but found no trace of her, and could not even find anyone who seemed to know where she might be. He tried her phone, but every time he dialed, the only thing he could reach was her voice mail, and he'd already left a message on it asking her to come see him.

As a last resort, he finally went to Greg in the DNA lab. Greg liked Sara, Greg seemed to know where Sara was at all times, he was the last hope of finding Sara now.

Greg was searching through a waste dispenser frantically, Gil could hear him swearing under his breath as he stepped through the door.

"What are you doing?" Gil asked, "I'm paying you to analyse DNA, not rake through garbage…"

"Something fell in here, all right…?" Greg sighed.

"What did you drop, and please tell me it wasn't the DNA samples for the case I'm on…please…" Gil chewed the inside of his cheek.

"No…" Greg finally responded, he finally leaned up from the trash, a candy wrapper in his hand, "found it!"

"You searched through garbage…for…garbage?"

"Contest," Greg said, "check the inside of the wrapper after eating the Snickers bar, you could win a brand new card…" he said enthusiastically as he turned the wrapper over, he read the inside of the wrapper and his face dropped, "or a free snickers bar," he mumbled.

"Have you seen Sara?" Gil asked.

"Lost her?" Greg asked, he pocketed the wrapper. "She's been in a weird mood for a few days, huh?" he asked.

"I don't know, I haven't seen her," Gil responded, "I've been working three cases, I haven't had the time to see anyone. Have you seen her?"

"Yes, I have," Greg answered, "if you're our supervisor, shouldn't you already know where she is?"

"Cath is in charge for now, I'm trying to catch up with other priority cases," Gil answered, "Now are you going to tell me where I can find her, or am I going to have to add in 'searching for lost Snickers wrapper instead of working' in your next evaluation?"

"Sara and Brass are out working on a case," Greg answered, "somewhere out in the desert, she wasn't specific," Greg shrugged.

"Can you have her come see me just before six am?" Gil asked, his shift ending at that particular time.

"No can do," Greg responded, "she's got plans."

"Oh?" Gil asked.

"Yeah, me and Sara are heading to Frankensteins Bar after our shift – we finish at two," he explained. "You should know."

"Yes, I should know, but I haven't had time to keep up with anything lately," Gil responded a little more haughtily than he might have intended to. "Why are you going to Frankensteins with Sara?" he asked. He wondered if perhaps Greg had immediately tried to ask Sara out after finding out Sara was now single again.

"She's been kind of…I don't know, down…so I thought a drink might cheer her up," Greg shrugged.

"That's the last thing I think that's going to cheer her up, Greg," Gil sighed, "look…if you see her, just tell her to come see me?"

"Why don't you just call her?" Greg asked.

"I did. I keep getting her voicemail," Gil shrugged.

"She didn't tell you she has my phone right now?" Greg said.

"Why does she have your phone?" Gil asked.

"Cath didn't tell you?"

"What?"

"Sara's phone just suddenly died the other day. Company is going to pay for a new phone, but the request is backlogged with a lot of other equipment so in the meantime Cath made me give my phone to Sara temporarily until she can get her own."

"Right," Gil asked, "actually…just leave it…I'll catch up with her somehow."

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