The Un-Sue: The Epic Adventure: Part One: Chapter One
Jay woke up groggily. "Eeeeuuuurrgghhhhh!" was the first utterance from her mouth that rang out across the forests of Middle Earth.
"Ooooooohhhhhhhhh!" was the second utterance from her mouth that rang out across the forests of Middle Earth, which was followed by a series of colorful swear words in several languages.
Jay's short black punk rocker spiked hair was covered in leaves and moss and dirt and such things as you would normally find in a forest in Middle Earth, as were her long, baggy black jeans and big black sweatshirt with "DIE" written across the front.
She stood up. Her head cleared. And suddenly, she knew where she was! "AAAAAHHHHHHH! I'm in MIDDLE EARTH!" she screamed. She knew this forest! Where was Aragorn and the Hobbits? She suddenly heard stealthy Aragorn footsteps coming up behind her, and, being the total non-sue she was, she clumsily fell over a mushroom as she tried to run in the opposite direction.
SEVERAL DAYS LATER:
Jay woke up in the House of Elrond, and promptly tried to shoot the Elven "maid" that seemingly on cue came in to "help her dress". On finding that Aragorn had carried her through the woods at great expense to himself and the Hobbits, she ran all over the place trying to find him. When she finally did,
"AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHY? YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT ME TO BE EATEN BY A CRAZY BEAR WITH RABIES! WHY ME! Okay, look, dude. Go find Arwen, fall in love, help some hobbits, save the world, become king, and FORGET ALL ABOUT ME! OKAY?"
Aragorn had to go through major therapy after this, and so, in the end, the Un-Sue accomplished her purpose: not to be a Sue! Because you see, Aragorn's therapy took sooooo long that he was unable to go on the Quest, he broke up with Arwen, he never saved the world, didn't become King, and everybody died! Including Jay, after she realized that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be a Sue after all, started wearing pink and talking in a high nasal voice, and how did she die? She was walking peacefully through the woods in her stupidly sexy pink 7-inch heels and pink bikini when she fell and tripped on a mushroom, that very same mushroom!
ALTERNATIVE ENDING:
Jay, after she realized that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be a Sue after all, started wearing pink and talking in a high nasal voice, and how did she die? She was walking peacefully through the woods in her stupidly sexy pink 7-inch heels and pink bikini when suddenly she heard stealthy footsteps behind her. There was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. But suddenly, Legolas turned into a crazy bear with rabies that shot her and ate her for dinner.
THE END.
Author's Note: Okay, yes, this is VERY stupid! I KNOW that! It is the cumulative effort of several cells in my brain that rebelled against the Non-Sues and the Sues in one terrible bashing! Hehe. Oh and flames are welcome, heck even I'd flame this!