Chapter 50

Revisiting an Old Friend

"You kissed me in front of the whole team," was the very first thing Gil heard from Sara when she opened the door to him later that night. Without so much as a hello, she looked at him, for a moment, he couldn't read her expression.

"Uh, is that a bad thing?" he asked concernedly, he stood there outside in the hall holding a bag of rented DVDs.

Sara gestured for him to come in, "no, it just surprised me that's all," she confessed, "impressed me too. Normally you're so uncomfortable even holding my hand in public," she smirked. "That wasn't some overcompensating just because the whole team was watching, was it?"

Gil hesitated, "Of course not…" he stepped in, he handed her the bag of DVDs, kissed her forehead, watched her close the door and then followed her to the living room.

"Which loosely translated means…" she faked a cough while uttering the word "bullshit."

Gil looked away from her, a smile playing about his lips. Damn, she's good at reading me. Better than I thought she was, he thought.

Sara wandered over to the kitchen, "have you eaten yet?" she asked, "I could cook."

"By cook do you mean actually throw something in a pot and put heat to it, or do you mean that you have at least three take out places on your speed dial?" he teased.

"The latter, of course," Sara leaned over the counter to look at him, "we established, you're the cook, I'm the take out queen."

"Take out is fine," he assured.

"Pizza?" she asked.

"Whatever twirls your beanie," he responded casually, he took his jacket off and hung it up on the end of the room divider. He walked around the living room, examining how tidy everything was. She'd cleaned, and recently. He could smell furniture polish in the air and something else…the smell of burning incense hung in the air, sweet and hazy. A single decorative candle was sitting atop the TV in a frosted glass stand. It was lit, and the light flickered softly in response to a breeze coming through the open window across the room.

"What do you like on pizza?" she was hitting the speed dial numbers on her phone, and raising the receiver to her ear.

"Whatever you're having," he answered. Honestly, he wasn't in the mood to be picking what food he wanted to eat tonight. For some reason, he hadn't even been in the mood when standing trying to pick movies in the rental place either.

"I'm a vegetarian," she reminded.

"I know," Gil moved over to the desk to pick up a pile of CDs and flick through them casually, trying to keep himself occupied while she was ordering pizza over the phone. He wandered more, aimlessly looking over everything. Taking in the little things she owned to try and find out more about her.

In his wanderings, he found himself near her bedroom door, which hung halfway open. He pushed it a little and gazed in. He didn't think she'd mind, he'd been in there before.

A familiar sight hanging on the closet door caught his eye at once. That purple satin bra of hers, hanging by its strap on the door knob. Images of how she'd looked in that very garment flashed back into his mind with a vengeance. This particular bra, the only one he'd ever seen her wearing, made him feel something of a nostalgia, and he had to laugh at himself for being so particularly fond of the garment right then despite its ridiculously vivid colour and its simplicity.

He was half tempted to pick it up just to caress the silky fabric, but it was so inappropriate, and he could almost imagine the look of shock on her face if she should walk into her bedroom and find him standing fondling her underwear. He left it alone, and wandered to the window to gaze outside. Sun was still setting, bathing everything outside in a warm orange glow.

Gil took one more moment to glance around the room, and when he turned to head towards the door, he found Sara standing there, looking at him most curiously.

"What are you doing sneaking around in my bedroom?" Sara asked.

"Sorry," Gil said, "I was, uh…" he looked around trying to find an excuse, but after finding none, he decided to try to joke about what he'd been doing, "revisiting an old friend," he gestured to the bra hanging on the closet door.

Sara laughed, her eyes glittering, "I forgot. That's the bra that was hanging up on the room divider that one time you came over for breakfast."

"Yes, it is," Gil looked at her, he was waiting for her to remind him it was also the bra she had wore that night they had very nearly taken their relationship to very physical levels. She said nothing, he ached to say it, but felt that shyness come over again.

"Pizza should be here in half an hour…" she leaned against the threshold, arms folded casually.

Gil glanced towards the bra again, he just couldn't help himself, now finding he had the most absurd fascination with it. No, stop staring at it. She's going to notice and that's going to just embarrass you when she makes fun of the fact, he thought at himself. Stop staring before she notices!

"You like purple?" Sara asked casually.

Too late! Too late! Too late! His thoughts screamed menacingly at him like a warning signal. "Sorry," he tried to settle himself quickly, "It's, an, uhm….very…uh…" he coughed trying to buy himself more time, "uhm…interesting colour," was all he could manage.

Sara laughed, "sorry, I'm just teasing."

"It's okay. I can understand the temptation," he glanced towards the bra again, he couldn't help it, it was just a strange impulse that he'd never be able to explain even to himself. Again, the images of how she'd looked in it popped into his mind, as well as the memory of how silky her skin had felt against his bare fingers, against his tongue. He felt the very familiar stirring south of his belt, and he tried to force the images out of his mind. The last thing he needed was for his arousal to become painfully obvious even to Sara.

Sara stepped in, she picked the bra up, "maybe I should just put this away…" she smirked. "Will you go and open the bottle of wine? I kind of broke the cork."

"Okay," he shrugged. He wished she hadn't thought to open a bottle of wine at all. He really wanted no more alcohol near her, and he felt guilty that he couldn't seem to keep her away from it, and that in some way, he had no right to tell her she couldn't drink.

He spent some moments in the kitchen trying to open the wine, somehow managing in the end. Already two glasses had been set out on the counter, and he filled them. He wondered what could possibly be taking her so long, but when she returned to the living room with her hair in a ponytail – different from how it had been when he'd first entered the apartment – he realised at once she'd been arranging her hair.

"Get the wine open?" Sara asked.

"Yep," he moved over and handed her a glass, "how was your appointment at the doctors?" he asked.

"It was…fine," Sara looked at him suspicious.

"What prescription were you having filled out, anyway?" he asked curiously.

"We are nosy today, aren't we," Sara remarked, she sipped her wine.

"I'm not nosy, I'm just…concerned," he replied.

Sara just fell silent, she stood sipping her wine.

"Are you using birth control?"

Sara nearly choked on her wine, she had to put the glass down and she coughed a little, before speaking, "excuse me?"

"I thought I saw birth control in your bathroom once," he shrugged.

"I knew you were raking through my stuff in that bathroom," Sara made a face, "I just didn't think you had found that."

"So you are then?"

"You already know the answer, so why even ask?" Sara shot, "and yes…that is what I was getting today, if that was your angle."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry," he took a sip of his own wine, still the question of why she had been using them previously when she'd been single for so long came up. The obvious answer seemed to be that at some point, she'd been having sex with someone else before they'd ever gotten together. A jealous nerve twitched deep within him, despite how incredibly irrelevant it seemed.

"You have that look on your face," Sara picked up the bag of DVDs she'd discarded on her coffee table, and she picked one out, not caring what it was, she opened the yellow case it had come in and moved over to the DVD player to put it in.

"What look?" he asked.

"That you're thinking about something," Sara responded, she placed the DVD in and hit the close button on the player to shut the tray. "So come on, what's wrong now?"

"Why are you on birth control when…you're not having sex?" he asked.

"You don't want the subject to come up, Grissom, believe me," Sara responded sharply, she pretended to be much more preoccupied with the DVD player than she actually was just to avoid looking at him.

"You think I can't handle knowing."

"It helps regulate my period."

Gil was right, he didn't want the subject to come up. As much as he knew about the physiology of the female body, he just didn't want to get into that discussion with her.

The conversation was dropped instantly. Gil sat down slowly on the couch, silent, save for the biggest and deepest sigh. He felt so incredibly stupid. Sara stood, picking up the DVD remote from the top of the television, she placed it on the coffee table and moved over to get her wine from where she'd left it.

Gil watched her, he couldn't believe he'd overreacted over something so insignificant. See, this is one of those things that you might have learned years ago had you actually let yourself form relationships, he told himself in thought. Whole thing could have been avoided so easily if you'd actually let yourself experience anything at all in life.

Sara moved over, she stood by the TV, sipping her wine, looking at him, remaining rather silent. She was studying him over the rim of her glass, reading him. Gil could tell she could see how incredibly foolish he felt.

Sighing, she put her glass down on the coffee table, "Look, it's not that big a deal," she admitted.

"I basically made something out of nothing," he shrugged, he was sitting on the edge of the seat with his hands on his knees.

Sara moved towards him, standing looking down over him incredibly close, "it happens, we all do it at some stage. We all freak every now and then without meaning to," she picked a piece of lint off of the shoulder of his shirt.

Gil looked up at her, "I don't deserve you, you know that, don't you?" he asked.

Sara gave a slight laugh, "sometimes I feel the same about you," she placed her hand behind his head and brought him close to her so that his face was against her stomach, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He hugged her hips, hands just landing on the small of her back. "I don't just feel this," he murmured, "I know it."

And yet, the third blah chapter in a row I think, but it sets up the next chapter (I promise).

Anyway, reviewers, my lovely, wonderful reviewers who make my day every fucking single beautiful wonderful day with their words:

NimrodDuckie, tarrabeena, Aidrianna, CSIfreak92, saramakinson, csigirl46, Hope, Ambient Flames, CSICubsFan, Erlina Silverstra, kristy87, jtbwriter, Piper135, Ahn-Li Stefferaini, Niebezpiczny Ksiezyc, and djkittycat.

NimrodDuckie: How is this for updating? 5 mins after you basically reviewed chapter 49 ;) LOL. Am I your number one favourite updater yet or what:)

CSIfreak92: in the show, who knows whether Grissom really does sleep naked or not. In my story he does. And yes, I am actually sick and twisted (and after having like 40 reviews asking when Sara and Gil will have sex in this story, I realise I might not be the only one:D )

Ambient Flames: thanks for worshipping the story - it's so not worth of it though, lol.

kristy87: Where would I be without you to talk to every day? LOL. Who else would I share my spoilers with?

jtbwriter: You always ask "now what?". I'm always tempted to give an answer to that, but for now I just can't come up with one! (j/k lol).

Piper135: Yes, it is indeed Samuel Barber's Adagio for strings, I was listening to it as I wrote the scene. I love that track too.Glad you like it too :)