AH HATE MICROSOFT WORD! I had gotten quite a bit of this chapter done, and then friggin' word deletes it all (dark grumblings under my breath)…So if this comes out sounding like crap, it's because I'm too pissed to care right now.

Nobody got any of my references last chapter (sigh), so here's where I explain them all to you, since I know just how much you really care anyway:

"Damn bloody useless." I growl at him. This refers to the play Dancing at Lugnassa, written by Brian Friel. One of the characters (I forget which one) refers to the gramophone repeatedly as damn bloody useless.

"Well, you can tell your master to forcibly insert the request into his anus." Donnie Darko, which was actually a pretty good movie. Kitty Farmer said of Donnie, "I'll tell you what he said. He asked me to forcibly insert the Life Line exercise card into my anus." On a side note, this probably wouldn't have been a bad thing.

"For fucking sake, how many times do I have to say that I don't know before he gets it?" Bit of a stretch, but this refers to the song Surfacing by SliPKnoT. "The feelings, the question, the price is too human for fucking sake this is no kind of life."

I don't know if this counts as a reference to an outside work, but "Fine, just tell me what horrid things I must wear to this…funeral. TELL ME or suffer the doom of the mighty Zim stomping boot!" refers to Shelley Midnight's Boulevard of Broken Dreams. "Really, filth creature, what is your plot? Tell Ziiiiim! Tell Zim or –" "Which empty threat is it this time, Zim? 'Invoke your wrath!'? 'Suffer the doom of the mighty Zim stomping boot!'?" That's her line, I liked it so I…borrowed it. Ish good fic too, go read it.

If any more get worked in (note how I'm not necessarily the one putting them in, I swear this thing writes itself, and I have no control whatsoever as to what happens here), send me the answers at Adolphin86(at)aol(dot)com just put something like better off dead as the subject so I don't accidentally delete thinking it's spam. Winners get air guitars.

Now that I have finished my longest ever pre-fic-thingy, on with chapter IV!

Wait, no. I need a disclaimer. So just let me think of a clever/humorous one…thinking…thinking…I got nothing. Except my bigass roll of bloodred duct tape, and my supercool Jolly Roger on the wall. That's it. No IZ.

"GIR! Get your tie out of the toilet and around your HORRIBLE neck."

Heh heh heh, if I weren't forced to wear a dress for someone who won't appreciate it anyway, I might feel sorry for Zim. As is, I can't help but laugh at him.

"Gaarg, GAZ! Quit laughing at my amazingness and help me with this WORTHLESS!"

I give him an innocent look and sweetly, "But Zim, I'm not ready either, and if I stop to help you, I won't be able to show up looking normal."

"I can't look normal without this tie, as you so kindly pointed out for me in that…mall."

"Sorry Zim. I need to finish getting ready myself."

"But this horrible-"

"What, can't an Irken invader tie a tie by himself?"

"Arg, that's not the point."

"I think that it is, Zim. Besides, I think that Gir needs my help more than you do right now."

"What!"

"Unless you admit that the tie is getting the better of you?"

"But no Irken can be bested by something as simple as a tie. Why I've been tying more amazing ties since I was a smeet."

"Then let's see you tie this one."

"Why should the ruler of a planet do something so tedious as tying a tie when he has hyooooman slaves to do it for him."

"Know what? This planet is half mine, and I most definitely am not your slave."

"But-"

"Tell you what, I'll tie it for you-"

"That's better"

"-IF you admit you can't do it yourself."

"I…WHAT!"

"Admit you NEED my help, and I'll help you. Otherwise, I can see a robot that is in desperate need of assistance."

"FINE, this tie is too primitive for the wonder and amazingness that is ZIM! to tie by himself."

"Not quite what I had in mind there, spaceboy."

"Good enough, now HELP me, I COMMAND you."

I simply raise one eyebrow at him. "Riiiight, that's really gonna make me want to help with your tie."

He folds his arms and glares at me. "If you want me to go, then you can tie the tie for me. Otherwise, I stay here with Gir."

"Speaking of, where did he go? I'm gonna go find him, that tie had better be properly around your neck when I get back here."

MEANWHILE in another sector of their base, Gir is trailing his tie in the toilet and talking to his piggy. "Their anger hurts my ears. It's been running strong for seven months. Rather than fix their problems, they never solve them. It makes no sense at all. We see them every day. We get along, so why can't they? If this is what he wants, and what she wants, then why's there so much…GAZZY!"

I have the sudden urge to laugh at his antics; and and yet at the same time I want to strangle him for making me realize that he's like a little kid, and that Zim and I argue like a married couple…just like mom and dad used to do before she left him. I settle for sighing and pretending that he's annoying me.

"Gir, shouldn't you be getting ready for the funeral?"

"taco taco taco."

"…yeah. Ok. Come on, let me put that stupid thing around your neck. You just better hope that I don't pull it too tight."

"Silly Gazzy, breathing is for humans. And I'm a GIR."

I look at him as though I am just now realizing this. "So you are."

He cocks his head at me. "Why do you and masta argue allatime?"

"I don't know Gir. Maybe he's too egotistical for his own good."

"He likes you lots."

"Well, I would hope so, seeing as how he lives with me and all, and how we're ruling the world."

"Nooo, Gazzy, he loooooooves you."

I freeze tying the moose tie.

"Gazzy? Why'd you stop? Ah need to be pretty for alla humans we gonna go see."

I finished with it. "There Gir. Done. Now leave it alone, I gotta go see if Zim's ready to leave yet."

"Hey ET, ready to go yet?" I yell across the house.

Silence. Nothing, no ranting, no anything from him…what the hell? I finish walking back to the room I left him in, making sure to walk quietly. I push open the door, and glance in to see…

(AN: I had seriously considered ending the chapter here, but then I was forcefully reminded that I had promised the funeral in this chapter, and so I need to keep going. No rule against stalling at the good part though, so that you don't get to know what happens… -gets hit in the face with a tomato- I…guess that means you want more fic, and less stalling? -Another tomato is hefted by a reader- Allright, sheesh, now where was I? -Tomato is thrown- Ok, no more stalling.)

…Zim sitting talking to minimoose, with very familiar looking orange drippings on the floor by his feet.

"…and she said I have to get the thing tied, but I can't, and I don't want her to be upset with me because-"

My too-loose ring chose that precise moment to slip off my finger and hit the floor. Zim jumped up as though he had been zapped with a cattle prod.

"Gaz! How long were you spying on the mighty ZIM! Are you double crossing me!"

"Relax, I just came down here to see if you were ready to leave yet. Here, let me help you with that."

I crossed the room and tied the tie around his neck. He glared at me suspiciously.

"This doesn't mean I can't do it myself."

"I know. But why should the oh-so-mighty Irken do it himself?"

He looked even more suspicious, but realized that I was trying to save us another argument, and let it go for now.

"Go call Gir, it's time to leave. I'll be out in the car."

Not stopping to wait for him to argue with me, I walked out to start up the '94 POS we had acquired and hope that it didn't die on us again.

.-Forty Minutes Later-

"Tell me, Zim. How did you take a five minute trip and turn it into forty?"

"Your filthy directions."

"Bull SHIT, I don't believe that for an instant. I blame your dog, and his need for tacos."

"taco taco taco." Gir says contentedly from the back seat.

"YOU try telling him no." Fair point. "Besides, it only took a few minutes."

"You mean it only took a few minutes AFTER Gir decided what he wanted."

"He didn't take that long."

"I think your crappy driving was a big part…I mean, who really puts a funeral home on Albuquerque by the casino? Why did you have to take a left there?"

"Hmph. We're there now, what more do you want? Besides, I thought you didn't care if we were a bit late?"

"A LITTLE late, I don't mind, that means around five or so minutes. Not FORTY."

Zim just sits there silently for a moment, which has got to be a first for him.

"Sigh. Come on Zim, let's just go in, nothing we can do about it now."

Murphey must really be smiling upon me today, as the first person we see when we walk in is Aunt Cara. Ugh. She is the type that thinks all little girls should wear pretty pink dresses and play house and dolls and suchthelike. She has a daughter my age that I was forced to play with a lot, that instead I threw mudballs at. Not my fault she wouldn't leave me and my GS2 alone. I think about telling Zim to go start the car, fuck this, when she runs up and smothers me with a hug.

"Gaz, darling, it's SO nice to see you again, you look SO pretty…is this your BOYFRIEND? You look SO kyooooot together, awwww…"

"Can't…breathe…" I choke out as I try not to suffocate on her perfume. What did she do, bathe in that stuff?"

"Amanda was SO looking forward to seeing you today, she's right over there."

Having no choice but to get this over with, I trudge over to where my cousin is standing, decked out in black, and yet making it look girly instead of gothic, as only Amanda can do.

"HI, Gaz, it's just great to see you again, and I'm so very sorry about your brother ("Don't be, I'm not.") but I'm kind of glad at the same time ("Me too.") because that means that we get to hang out, we haven't hung out in so long, we really should get together more often, I'm having a sleepover, maybe you can come, I can give you a makeover…ooh, is this your boyfriend, how long have you been going out, did you go to prom together, are you gonna get married, can I be in the wedding, and"

"Whoa, Amanda, time out. Zim is not my boyfriend, I don't need or want a makeover, and I am NOT going to your sleepover I have better things to do."

"But why not? ALL girls just love sleepovers and makeup."

"NOT this girl…shut up Zim."

"OOOOH, that doggy's kyooot, can I pet him?"

"Eh? NO! Keep your filthy worm hands off of my-"

"Yeah, sure Amanda, go ahead."

Zim drags me back a few feet and begins hissing, "Why did you let that horrible filthy cousin of yours run her disgusting hands all over my robotic slave? What is wrong with you?"

"Look, Zim. I want her to leave me alone, and she'll throw a fit if she can't pet him. Besides, look at him. He's enjoying her attention."

"Remind me why I'm here?"

"Because it looks highly suspicious if you and him were always together, and you hated each other. They'll connect you with his death, and if you go to jail for murder and when the death penalty gets applied, they'll disect you to see if there's some similarity between all violent criminals, at which point they realize you're not human. This way, it re-affirms the theory that you two were friends, and so you're not under suspicion anymore."

"But I didn't even like the Dib-worm."

"Neither did I, but you see me here anyway. Sometimes you have to deal with things you don't like. If you're nice to me, I may be able to get us out of here a little bit early though."

"How are you going to do so, and how soon can this be arranged?"

"By faking sick, but not until I see Erik and Uncle Rich."

"Who's Erik?"

"One of my cousins, Uncle Rich's kid. You might actually like him."

"Go find him then."

There became no need to go and search for Erik, however, as I sense someone sneak up behind me, put their hands over my eyes, and whisper, "guess who?"

"Hey Erik, what's up?"

"Aww, how'd you know it was me?" He says with feigned disappointment.

"Well, let's see." I say mockingly. "First, you're the only one who won't make a big deal over Zim and ask if he's my boyfriend."

"Hey, you finally scored, that's great."

"Second," I go on as though I hadn't heard him, "you're the only one who comes to a funeral smelling like he was tokin' on the way over here."

"Who says I wasn't? Besides, so was Rich."

"Yeah, but at least Uncle Rich has the decency to cover up the smell when he pulls into the parking lot. You, however, don't seem to mind."

"Why cover up something such a beautiful smell, with something like perfume? I'm not a girl."

"Because then maybe you could get some chick to pay attention to you?"

He looks around. "Nope, no real chicks here, except Amanda, and who'd want to pick that up?"

I hit him playfully. "Idiot, what does that make me?"

"Same thing you've always been, a guy trapped in a chick's body."

"Are you going to tell me who this smelly is?"

"Sorry Zim, I thought you were paying attention the first time. This is my cousin Erik, the only truly decent person on this planet besides myself and Uncle Rich."

"So, Gaz, is the green dude your boyfriend, and is he really green, or am I just trippin' again?"

"He really is green, it's a skin condition."

"STD? Gaz, what did I tell you, when you pick up male hookers, make sure they're clean."

"Oh, make sure you haven't gotten them first?"

"I'm not her boyfriend."

"Zim, he knows, he was just messing with me. Where's your dad, Erik?"

"Rich is over there."

"Cool. We may take off in a bit, wanna come with?"

"Can't. We took Rich's car, so I have no way to get back home."

"We have a car, sure you don't wanna come?"

"Sounds good, what kind of car, and how you getting out of here?"

"I'm coming done with some horrible queasiness, I need to go…Zim drives, and I don't. So when I feel oh-so-terrible, he has to leave with me."

"Sweet. Mind if I light up, or are you worried about your car's interior?"

"I don't care, the car is a POS."

"A genuine POS, or just calling it that?"

"The real deal. It was really cheap, or we wouldn't have bothered."

"How bad we talking?"

"Real bad. No rear view fucking mirror, seven different colors, fucking rag for a gas cap, tail pipe making sparks fly everywhere. It's bad, but it's better than what we had before."

"Oh yeah? What'd you have before?"

"No car. So you in or what?"

"You bet. How soon are we bustin' out? I don't think I can fake being upset over that loser much longer."

"Eh? I thought you were related to the Dib-worm?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that he liked Dib any more than I did."

"Gaz, please stop changing the subject for your rent-a-date, and tell me when we're outta here."

"Lemme talk to Uncle Rich first, and then we're gone."

"What, don't you want to talk to Cara and Amanda?"

"Been there, done that. Couldn't stand that…but I don't need to tell you about that, now do I?"

"Ugh, don't remind me. I had almost forgotten."

"Forgotten what?"

"That Cara's his mother."

"In name only."

"And Amanda's his sister."

"I still think that they switched two of the babies at the hospital."

"Erik's the only reason that it was worth going over to Aunt Cara's all the time. For some reason, despite being several years older than me, he decided that I was cool enough to hang out with."

"Hey, it was infinitely better than Dib's paranormal shit. Besides, having been forced to play house with Amanda, I felt your pain."

"Erik is actually the reason I play Gameslave. He let me play his, and I was hooked. He gave me my skull amulet too. Remember?"

"Yeah, I was into voodoo magik and stuff for awhile, and I wanted you to have the protection of my amulet. Besides, Cara wanted to chuck it, and I couldn't let that happen."

"Yeah, she let go of that idea whenUncle Rich left her temporarily. Even still, he won't let me give it back to him."

"Look, a gift is a gift. If you wanted to give me something else in exchange, that would be fine, but I gave you that amulet, and I won't take it back, not for any reason. That's just not cool. Anyway, go find the old man so we can book it."

"And I assume that 'old man' would be me?"

"Hey Uncle Rich, what's up?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, that 'Uncle' makes me feel old?"

"Maybe that's 'cause you are?" Suggests Erik.

"Uncle Rich, you know that's the only reason I do it to you."

"So who's the boyfriend?"

"Male hooker." Erik adds helpfully.

"Nah, one of my close buddies, Zim."

"Did Erik get bad stash again, or is he really"

"Green, yes. Skin condition. Dib was horrible to him about it, teased him mercilessly. It was a real chore to get him up here, but he and I are really close, so…"

"That's why they're ditching this rathole, 'cause Zim don't like Dib any more than me. She's playing sick so he can drive her home, lemme take off with them?"

"Depends…got any more stuff?"

"It's coming with me, Oldie Rich, don't even think about it."

"If I let you go."

"Feh. If I don't have the royal say-so, what's stopping me?"

"Grounding."

"Which I bust out of by bribing you with your own stash that I liberate when you're out getting wasted."

"You clever little…well, that info was definitely worth making excuses for you. See you by midnite?"

"Best make it two, who knows how long it'll take poor ickle Gazzy to recover from her sickness. And by the way, you do know it was your stuff on the way here, right? That I'm taking with me?"

"Figures. I'm going through your room to find more to replace it with."

"Don't bother, I've smoked it all already."

"Just like your old man."

"Yeah, except that you don't actually smoke your own stash, I do."

"Get outta here before I change my mind, ok?"

"No arguments here."

"Gaz human, don't we need to find your parental unit before making our untimely exit?"

"I'll deal with him, you go wrestle Gir from Amanda."

"What about me?"

"Umm, go find the POS and try to make it start."

"Can do."

I walk across the room, swiftly avoiding Aunt Cara before she ropes me into spending the night there, away from her bad influence of a son. Dad is sitting in a corner with a few of his fellow scientists, discussing the plans to make a Superwaffle to match Supertoast.

"…And the biological compound is just enough to compensate for the properties of the-hello daughter."

"Hey dad. I don't feel good, do you mind if I go home?" Nevermind that home isn't where he thinks it is at his house, he doesn't even realize I moved out seven months ago.

"Daughter, your poor insane brother only gets one funeral. Are you sure that you want to leave?"

I glance over at Aunt Cara. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Ok. Make sure you don't die too, I don't have room in my schedule for another funeral."

"Yeah dad, I love you too." I mutter sarcastically. Not that he would hear me anyway, as he's already re-engrossed in his discussion with Simmons.

"Ready to go?" Erik asks.

"Yeah. Let's go."

From up above in the rafters, a figure cloaked in darkness shifted its position slightly, waiting for its opportunity. As the foursome left the funeral home, the figure's eyes, surprisingly bright in the darkness, watched them. Watched…and waited.

Dis chapter ended up with a few references after all, so…send me da answers via email, and win your very own air guitar, worth forty dollars.