References from last chapter are as follows:
"Their anger hurts my ears. It's been running strong for seven months. Rather than fix their problems, they never solve them. It makes no sense at all. We see them every day. We get along, so why can't they? If this is what he wants, and what she wants, then why's there so much…GAZZY!" Blink 182, Stay together for the kids…straight quotation, except that I changed it from seven years to seven months. Gipsychan got that one. -hands Gipsychan air guitar-
"Silly Gazzy, breathing is for humans. And I'm a GIR." Anybody remember the Trix commercials, silly rabbit trix are for kids? Dibsthe1 did, gets an air guitar.
"I think your crappy driving was a big part…I mean, who really puts a funeral home on Albuquerque by the casino? Why did you have to take a left there?" Bugs Bunny, taking that left turn at Albuquerque…again, Dibsthe1 picked up.
"Real bad. No rear view fucking mirror, seven different colors, fucking rag for a gas cap, tail pipe making sparks fly everywhere. It's bad, but it's better than what we had before." Adam Sandler's Car Song, aka Ode to my Car, aka Piece of Shit Car. Excellent song; too bad nobody knows it.
'Dis chapter ended up with a few references after all, so…send me da answers via email, and win your very own air guitar, worth forty dollars'…Refers to the idiot who bought an air guitar off of ebay for forty dollars. Heh heh heh…sucker.
There was sort of another reference, but at this point, it would be too much of a spoiler to tell all of you, so maybe you can just figure it out for yourselves…maybe I'll put it in a later chapter, who knows.
Despite pixie's insistence in his/her/its review of knowing all of the references, I received no email, and so I am forced to draw the conclusion that he/she/it is an idiot who wishes to know.
I still don't own IZ, so please, Mr. Jhonen C. Vasquez, don't sue me, because I know that you're really that bored that you need to come read my crappy fanfiction.
"Zim, what the hell is wrong with this car now!" I yell as it breaks down yet again.
"Ha ha, you were right Gaz, it is a genuine POS." Erik gleefully adds from the back seat. I'm about to knock that stupid grin off of my cousin's face when he notices the glare I'm giving him and quickly adds, "But if you want, I can probably fix it, auto is the one class I was really good in."
"Asshole, why didn't you say so sooner, would've saved Zim the twenty minutes last time it died."
"You never asked."
"As annoying (and smelly) as he is, your cousin is right Gaz. You didn't ask."
"Well, how was I supposed to know?"
"Whatever, just lemme fix it, ok?"
"Fine."
Within minutes, Erik was done fixing the car and we were well on our way.
"So where are we going, now that we've ditched the funeral?"
"Well, I was thinking that maybe we could…oh SHIT! Zim, do you remember what we were doing today?"
"Eh? That horrible funeral."
"And?"
It takes a minute, but slowly a look of understanding crosses Zim's face.
"The mindless filthies! Today is the day we assert our control over them!"
"Uh huh. You ready? I can have a news crew or three here in minutes, just say when."
"Dude, what's going on?"
I turn to face Erik and sigh.
"Zim and I took over the world, we have assigned today as the day that we show ourselves to all of the mindless rabble out there."
"Ok Gaz, get your…news…crews out here. I'm ready."
"Erik, gimmie your cell phone.
"What if I don't?"
I forced myself to not beat him senseless as I gritted out through clenched teeth, "If you don't give me the cell, I'll rip your intestines out your ass and strangle you with them."
He grumbles under his breath for a moment, and then hands me the phone. "Here, just don't be on too long, the more minutes you use means a bigger bill for Rich, and then he doesn't have weed money. If he doesn't get any weed, then there's nothing for me to swipe."
"Uh, riiiight…I'll keep that in mind."
Let's see…0 for operator…
"Hello, operator, how may I help you?"
"I need the number for any area news channels and newspapers."
"Why, do you have an emergency to report?"
"No, just a big story that'll interest them. Oh, why am I explaining to you? Just gimmie the
numbers."
"Fine, but I am not responsible for any havoc you wreak with them…" and she rattled off a list of numbers that I frantically copied onto my arm.
(555) 666-1972…
"Channel 6 news."
"Uh, I have a really interesting story to report."
"Mmm, I'm sure…well, lemme have it."
"Weeeelll…I can't exactly do that."
"Then why am I going to send a news crew out?"
"Oh please…I saw that story you did before, you'll take anything…besides, the line may be compromised. You wouldn't want another channel getting hold of it, would you?"
Pause. "What kind of credit are you asking for?"
"What?"
"If we publish it, what kind of source credit are you demanding? Where should we say we got it from?"
"Well, you could just say an anonymou-"
"Perfect. Just tell me where you are."
I rattled off the names of the street corner, and then called the other networks and papers. After a number of surprisingly similar calls, I turned off the phone and handed it back to Erik.
The shadow from the funeral home shifted its position restlessly from its vantage point across the street, knowing that the group could only be up to no good. It then resolved to stop at nothing to stop them. "After all," it reasoned, "they're not expecting me to thwart them. I'm not really here anyway."
"Ok, they should be here soon. Mind telling me what the plan is, Zim?"
"Well, I was thinking that we just stand up and demand their unending and blind loyalty."
"Bad plan. Nobody'll go for that one."
"You have a better plan then?"
"As a matter of fact, I do. What if, say, we have Erik fake to be in some life-threatening danger, and then Gir jumps up to do something of it?"
"How is this better? I thought the plan was to establish us as rulers of the mindless-"
"I'm not done yet, shut up. Then we say that he's your greatest creation, the one creature completely benevolent being, the only one that doesn't put greed, corruption, or self first, the one being fit to rule this country. To put a stop to all wars, conflicts, etc. we need to establish a set of international laws, to be enforced by one leader. That leader being Gir."
"But we're supposed to be putting ourselves in charge."
"We are. Gir is just a figurehead, he takes all his orders from us. Or, he could appoint us his joint second in command, and then we can invent some way of taking him out of command."
"Brilliant."
"Hey, wait a second, who says that I wanna fake that?"
"Mary Jane says so."
He thinks it over for a moment, and then smiles. "Yeah, I could be ok with that."
"Good, 'cause someone's here. Erik, quick, jump off the bridge, and hang on to the edge of it. Gir, go somewhere else with Zim. Zim, watch carefully, so you bring Gir in at the right time."
I watched them head off, then raised my voice for the benefit of the rapidly approaching news crew. "Someone help, Erik fell off the bridge and I can't pull him back up." Ok, corny, I'll admit, but it got their attention; they set up and started reporting on how 'a despondent young man is trying to kill himself. Will he be ok? Stay tuned to channel 6 news to find out.'
Then one of those shmucks decided to try and interview me about what drove this 'poor misunderstood soul' to this point. I told 'em he was showing off by balancing on the railing of the bridge, and then he slipped. They went nuts with it, turning it into a public service announcement about how showing off to impress the opposite sex is dangerous. I was starting to get nervous that Zim wouldn't show up in time; Erik has a really weak grip and wouldn't be able to hold on that much longer. I was starting to get sorely tempted to just pull him back up and screw the whole thing, when Gir made his grand entrance.
"Ahh, no Gir, come back."
Gir then saw Erik hanging onto the railing and looked upset. "Aww, he's gunna fall." and pulled him up.
From that point, the plan went smoothly. Zim introduced Gir, followed the prearranged script to the letter. Then disaster struck…
At this point, I'm going to make the general announcement that this Fic is going on temporary hiatus, due to issues grounded in reality. It may be awhile before I'm back; however; rest assured that I will be back. Eventually. Right now, though, I am in the middle of writing another story elsewhere; anyone who wishes to know where I'm going should drop me an email, and I shall be glad to tell them.