Chapter 57

I Don't Know You

It only took half an hour to get the living room and kitchen in as much order as he could, and it only took mere minutes to mop up the vodka in the bathroom. That vodka reminded him of blood. Despite it was clear, and despite he'd mopped it up, it was still there, he could still smell it in the air, could still tell it had seeped down deep into the grout of the tiles and would remain there forever like some silent reminder that bottle had existed.

He shook the thought off. He couldn't think about that now. Sara was the first priority. She had still locked herself in her room. He could hear her moving around every so often which was enough confirmation for him that she was all right in there. He wondered if she had sobered up any.

After completing the cleaning process as best he could, he searched the kitchen cupboards for coffee, but found none. However, a shopping list on the fridge suggested that Sara had wanted to remind herself to 'get coffee' at some stage.

He slipped out of the apartment silently – taking the keys of the front door with him so that she could not lock him out.

At the store, he bought coffee, as well as some other choice groceries that she'd written down on the list that had been stuck to her fridge. It felt good to be out of her apartment for that short time. Just being there, with her in this strange mood, had made the whole place feel uncharacteristically oppressive, and he wanted to give her time to breathe and give himself time to clear his head, to think about how he could approach the subject of her problem when he returned.

What do I say, though? She clearly doesn't want to talk about…how can I get her to open up to me? Is this what she was talking about on the answering machine a few days ago…something she thought I knew…? Gil thought frantically.

When he arrived back at her apartment, her bedroom door was hanging wide open, and the faint smell of juniper hung in the air. Cautiously, not sure what fragile state she might be in at the moment, he placed the groceries down on the kitchen counter and stepped towards the bedroom, he gazed in, no trace of Sara, although the t-shirt she'd been wearing was lying on the floor. He picked it up and examined it in his hands as if it might be a piece of evidence.

Did she leave? Oh god, what if she's left…what if she got dressed and went out to buy more drink…God…I shouldn't have left her…how stupid is it to leave someone who's having problems…someone who's obviously so upset. If I loved her I never would have left her alone…what if…oh god…she was so completely wasted…

He looked around the room frantically as if there might be another clue to where she could be.

What…what if she left the apartment, and walked out in front of a—

The sound of water, and the echo of tiles caught his attention, breaking his dismal and disturbing thoughts. He put the T-shirt on the bed, left the bedroom and turned his attention to the bathroom.

That uneasy feeling returned as he walked cautiously over there, he knocked on the bathroom door lightly, "Sara…?" he asked softly.

There was a long pause, and the splash of water, "it's okay to come in…" she sighed from inside, her voice seemed terribly empty to Gil.

Gil turned the handle, and stepped in slowly, the bathroom was full of steam, which hit his glasses – which he'd forgotten to remove the last time he'd needed to use them - so that he had to take them off and put them aside on the shelf.

Sara was in the bath, she had her knees pulled to her chest, her arms hugging them tightly, her dark brown hair dripping in damp tendrils around her face. She was staring into the water as if she saw a whole world swirling amongst the sparkling bubbles.

She seemed so completely childlike and helpless, her eyes puffy, her cheek swollen, her skin pink from the hot water. Her eyelashes wet and spiky.

Gil kept one hand on the door, he tried not to let it bother him how seeing her bare flesh again made him stir, "I…uhm…I went out for some fresh air," he admitted, "to the store…picked up the stuff you had written down on that shopping list," he used his free hand to gesture behind him as if the fridge and the list might be right at his back rather than in a whole other room.

"Thanks," Sara said quietly, her voice still empty.

He stood there, not sure what to say anymore. Words popped into his head, but nothing seemed appropriate. How could he get her to tell him what she was feeling without angering her more?

It seemed so strange, these moods of hers that shifted from happy and carefree to suddenly dark and melancholy, and somewhat hostile.

Gil sighed to himself, gazing down at her. She was as strong as steel when I left her yesterday morning, and now…she's brittle like glass…

He noted the toilet lid was down and slowly he sat down, resting his arms on his knees, he spent several moments wondering how he could approach the subject. Finally, he decided just to speak the truth of what he was feeling.

"I'm worried."

Sara raised her eyes from the water and turned to look at him. Her eyes seemed clearer than they had forty minutes ago, she was much more sobered, thankfully.

"When I was on my own – no woman in my life - everything was fine. Only thing I really I had was myself," he explained. "Sure I'd be concerned for people at work, people who're my friends, but for the most part, my involvement in feeling the concern was pretty minimal," he rambled, "but…suddenly I walk into a relationship and now I realise I can't just be worried for me anymore," he took in a deep breath.

Sara turned away again, one arm was still wrapped around her legs, hugging her knees so that her bare breasts were concealed from him as if he might have never seen her so exposed before. Her other hand idly skimmed the water, drawing patterns in the thin layer of foam floating across the water.

Gil couldn't think of anything else to say to her after this, and he silenced himself, just watching her, somewhat fascinated for several moments.

"Does it ever occur to you that…we've been together for…what, two months, and…we don't really know each other at all?" she asked quietly.

Gil sat forward a little more, "how do you mean?"

Sara turned to look at him once again, her eyes softened, "what do I know about you apart from what you do at work and how you've spent the last two months outside of work?" she asked.

Gil opened his mouth to speak, but then fell silent. Is this really about me? Or is she making a point? God, I wish she wouldn't be so cryptic…wait…is that what she's accusing me of being?

She sighed, "I love you but…I don't know you…and until I know you…I can't…I don't know…"

Gil suddenly understood, "Without knowing me…you can't tell me what's going on…" he trailed off.

Sara nodded, "it's weird, isn't it?" she asked softly. "You're still a stranger to me, even though we've shared a bed, and had sex twice…"

Gil got up and moved over to the bath, he sat on the edge, facing her, "Sara…my life is no great mystery. What you don't know about me is irrelevant…" he explained. "There's nothing in my past that's…worthy…of even mentioning."

Sara watched him, "Catherine knows more about you than I do…do you know how unnerving that is?"

"I'm sorry," he reached over and touched her wet hair, it felt cold against his bare hand, "we'll work on that…we'll work on this. Whatever…is hurting you, I'll work on with you, we'll do it together."

"Not today," Sara shook her head, "I can't…deal with this right now."

Gil chewed his lip for a moment, "that's why you're drinking, isn't it? Because you can't deal with it…"

Sara gave a slight shrug and looked away from him again.

I'll take that as a yes, Gil thought. "Okay, I get it…you don't want to talk about it, it's cool…" he finally gave in, "for now," he added softly, "but…when the time comes and you are ready, I'm here…and if I'm not here, I can get here…even if I'm at work."

Sara raised an eyebrow, "even if you're at work?"

"Yes," Gil sighed, "I'm…putting you ahead of my work. Think you can deal with that?"

"I don't know," Sara smiled a little, although it seemed somewhat vacant, "it's kind of…a big thing, Gil Grissom putting a woman ahead of his work. That should be splattered all over the department newsletter."

Gil felt his tension release a little as he saw her smile, he leaned down and kissed her wet forehead, "I'll go make some breakfast while you finish your bath."

"I'm not hungry," Sara admitted.

"Fine," Gil said, "do you want me to just…go home?" he asked casually, although secretly knowing he'd be hurt if she should suggest so.

"No, just…go and wait for me, I'll be out shortly."

Gil left the bathroom, he wandered around the living room for a moment or two, then took a seat on the sofa, he turned the television on via remote, and watched a news program. He heard the bathroom door open and he turned to see Sara stepping out, wearing a short dusky blue terrycloth robe, her hair had been towel dried, was now messy tangles of wet hair that he found incredibly attractive on her.

Sara moved over and climbed onto his lap without another word, without even the pause to think to do so. Gil felt incredibly enamored by this, and he put his hands onto hips as she straddled him, and welcomed her mouth upon his. The smell of the bubble bath she'd used and her fresh shampoo onslaught his senses, as did the almost desperate way she touched him over his pants. There was something assertive in the way she kissed him that he couldn't explain, she took charge like she hadn't before.

Should she be doing this after all that's just gone on? Is this vulnerability that's making her do this? Am I taking complete advantage here? He thought worriedly.

Sara fumbled with his pants for a moment before releasing him from them, she sucked on his bottom lip, her fingers glided up and down his member slowly, steadily, just as she'd learned he liked.

Okay, she's not completely vulnerable here, he thought. She's in control, she can stop any time she wants.

He barely had to put any effort into untying her robe, the whole thing came undone and slid down her shoulders like silk sliding over steel. Gil nuzzled her bare neck, enjoying the sensations of what her hands were doing.

She shifted her position, climbing over him a little more to guide him to her, he trailed a wet pattern from her neck to her chest and kissed her bare breasts, musing on how still slightly soapy she tasted.

Is this some trick to make me forget about her problem? He wondered absurdly. Oh man, it's working, he thought as she mounted him completely, she supported half of her weight on her hands against his shoulders, the rest on her knees.

Sara threw her head back to moan as she moved against him, building a rhythm that began to accelerate. Her chest was rising and falling as her breathing quickened, her breasts flushed with excitement, her damp hair caressed her bare shoulders.

Gil held in the urge to moan, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so. Something in him was afraid that if he should moan it might be the one thing that would turn her off, so he'd always tried to remain desperately quiet, only sometimes lapsing in small gasps of pleasure.

Sara was staring at him as she rode him, moving harder, faster, their eyes locked in what seemed like a dangerous stand-off, her hands gripped his shoulders harder as she pushed against him.

Oh my god, that look on her face is going to be etched in my mind and every time I see her at work I'm going to blush, he thought.

Her moans grew louder, and Gil wondered what the neighbours must have been thinking, and felt rather disgraced.

He wanted to slow her, and tried to roll her over so that he could take charge, but she refused to let that happen, and the look on her face spoke volumes. She definitely wasn't in the mood to lose control right now. He sucked in his breath as she went harder on him, his heart was beating so fast he thought it might explode.

He pursed his lips, closing his eyes tight, trying to hold onto the moment, he was growing closer and closer to losing it.

One hand let go of him, and she put her fingers to his lips, to pry his bottom lip down, "don't hold it in…" she murmured.

Her speed increased, her lithe body rocking into him harder, until at her command, he just couldn't hold his voice in anymore, and he had to cry out at the moment the pleasure overwhelmed him. Her orgasm met his, he felt her body around him pulsate as if in perfect unison with the pulses of his own throbbing flesh. It was incredible.

Sara slowed to a stop, and they kissed heatedly for several moments afterwards. She dismounted and curled up beside him, naked, her head on his chest, her eyes closed lightly. She seemed contented, and no longer concerned with her problems.

Maybe that was the point, he realised. Sex is the greatest release of tension, he thought as he stroked her hair. She doesn't seem tense or upset now at all…not that I blame her. After this…I don't think I'll have tension again until next Christmas.

Probably seems like yet another unneccessary sex scene (but lets face it, how long have they waited to get to this point, I think they deserve it, lol).

I'll name the reviewers at chapter 58 :)