: Chasm :
Gensomaden Saiyuki
Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya. No profit is being made from this story.
Rating: PG
Pairings: Homura+Goku, Goku/Sanzo
Warnings: shounen ai, some angst, mild spoilers
Notes: Written for the 30kisses community on LiveJournal. The challenge for this one was "Our Distance and That Person."
Sorry it's shorter than what I usually churn out. Constructive criticism and feedback is still appreciated.
Power. It is something many crave to have, yet once it is within their possession, they know not what to do with it. Many fools abuse it. Still others throw it aside as though it were worth nothing. And many more – even I – do not believe that power they possess is enough.
Yet you have always been different. You are a special creature. Not only do you know what to do with your power, but you handle it with utmost care—and even fear. You are afraid of the strength within you, and so you struggle to keep it under control. I have watched you. I have seen what can happen when your grasp slips.
You also realize what can happen. That is why you fear it.
But unlike those who fear you, you are not afraid of the person you are. And you have every right to be content, to be happy with the creature you have become. Your views are unique—even when you do not realize this.
I realize it. I believe I may even understand you better than anyone else. Perhaps this is arrogance; for I have the very arrogance of the gods I profess to hate.
Yet at the same time, I cannot understand you better than anyone else. I cannot be as close. Or rather, I can be within an inch of you, even touch you as I have before – as I recall touching your hand; clasping your shoulder and feeling the grinding of bones beneath me; resting my forehead against yours, watching as you listen to my words with loathing, fear, and anxiety in your eyes – but I cannot connect with you. There is too much distance.
And there is another.
There is one who pushes you away, contempt written on his features as you find a fold of clothing to hang on to. His words are biting, yet you remain unfazed. Instinctively, as an animal would, you lash out with childish words as you struggle to match his wit. It is a useless fight; you realize it, yet continue to try anyway.
There is no distance between you and that person. Yet there is a chasm between us—two heretics who have seen the darker side of the heavens. We see past the silver linen embroidered to the clouds the gods proclaim to rest on as they watch over the mortals. If you were to regain your memories, you would remember their words as the rainbow in spilled oil filth: pretty lies.
More importantly, you would fully understand the darker side of yourself; that which you fear. With understanding, there would no longer be emptiness between us. Only empathy.
What empathy can you seek from that person, Son Goku? Perhaps it is in the way he looks at you, when you both believe nobody else is watching. Or maybe it is the pressure of his mouth against yours, as you delight in the crushing sensation as you struggle to breathe without letting him go. Or perhaps I am wrong, and what holds you is simply the light he gives off; subtle, but noticeable. There are times when you cannot tear your eyes away from him. That is the same as you were five hundred years ago.
I do not understand.
I do not comprehend why you would rather devour his small affections, when I have offered you the world and everything in it. I am puzzled as to why you would prefer to follow someone who would rather show affection by patting you on the head, as though you were nothing more than a troublesome pet. When I have drawn close to you, enough to feel your warm breath against my neck and your eyes fastened to my lips, you have never drawn away in disgust. You do not beg for personal space—and neither do I.
Yet you still want that person over me. He has always held more importance over those who truly want to understand you best – I and the War Prince before me – and the reasons why are obvious yet difficult to accept.
If I have not been able to close the distance by now, then I never will. This, too, is difficult to accept, but I know how to respond to such a situation. Our distance cannot be closed, even if I were to hold you in the same manner as that person.
So I shall hold the one thing that person cannot. That which is yours; that which you fear; that which I desire to see thrive and grow.
I will possess your power: Seiten Taisei, Son Goku.