Chapter 61

Toast

When Gil woke up, he was relieved the migraine was no longer with him. Not even the slightest tinge of pain bothered him now as he sat up to stretch and yawn.

Instinctively, he turned to see Sara, remembering having dozed off beside her peacefully earlier in the morning, now finding himself alone in the bed. He felt the instant disappointment she wasn't there, and sighed to himself, deciding she'd probably gone home to change clothes, and take care of some things at home before leaving for work. Work was only three hours away.

He pulled himself up, and pulled on a robe before venturing out of the bedroom. Everything in the apartment was just as he had left it, nothing had been moved, his jacket and housekeys were still on the kitchen counter, and the blinds on all the windows were still closed.

Gil moved to the nearest window to open the blinds and stare out into the street. Everything was bathed in the late afternoon sunlight, the hues spoke of promise of a beautiful sunset yet to come. Gil stared out over the street he had stared over a thousand times, seeing Sara's car parked across the street.

Wait…she's not gone, he realised. His eyes caught the familiar sight of Sara standing on the small untended front lawn of his house, her feet bare, she was still in his t-shirt, but she'd been decent enough to put on the pants she'd been wearing yesterday. He felt a strange twinge of horror that she was speaking to Mrs. Ashcroft, his next door neighbour.

He sighed. Each Halloween the Ashcroft kids would come at his door for candy – and be repulsed by his donation of chocolate covered grasshoppers. Each Thanksgiving, Mrs. Ashcroft would invite him to dinner – which he would always decline. That was as far as his relationship – if it could be called that – with his neighbour went.

It wasn't that he didn't like the family, it was more to do with the fact that his world and their worlds just didn't have any necessary need to collide, and normally he left it at that.

So what was Sara doing chatting to this woman on his lawn? He shuddered to think what she might be saying to Mrs. Ashcroft. Mrs. Ashcroft had more than a good reputation for being the resident gossip on the street. He'd overheard her himself once or twice himself when she'd thought he wasn't around. Sound carried, even in the small aisles of the local convenience store.

Being observant, Gil noted the cigarette in Sara's right hand, which was dangling down at her side, her left hand was on her hip.

God, what is she saying? Gil wondered. Sara's head was turned away from him, and Mrs. Ashcroft spoke too fast to be able to lip-read from this distance. He winced, he wasn't eager to be the next most interesting piece of gossip in the quiet little street.

Sara was nodding, and he heard the distant trill of her laughter as Mrs. Ashcroft cracked a joke. Mrs. Ashcroft – despite her bad habits of telling everyone other peoples business – had the most wonderful sense of humour. If Gil hadn't been so intent on his privacy, he might have actually liked the woman.

Sara took a quick drag from the cigarette, and flicked it into a nearby drain grating, she tucked her hair behind her ear, she raised her hand to wave at Mrs. Ashcroft, then turned to head up the path towards the house.

Why is she smoking anyway? I thought she'd quit. Isn't that why she was always chewing on that Nicorette Gum? Gil moved away from the window, and stood there waiting until Sara entered.

Sara came inside, and had the look of guilt on her face once she saw him there standing near enough the window that it seemed obvious he might have seen her, "Oh...hi."

"Hi," Gil forced a fake bright smile, "met Lily Ashcroft I see."

"Uh…yeah."

"Smoking…again."

Sara laughed nervously, "it's a hard habit to quit," she shrugged, "I didn't want to smoke inside your house – since you don't smoke – so I went outside."

"What were you saying to the fishwife out there?" he asked.

"She was…asking questions. Does she even know what you do for a living?"

"Nope," Gil answered.

"Well…I wasn't sure what to say…I know you're kind of private about this kind of stuff…" Sara shrugged, "And…she asked me if I was family…so…"

"So?" Gil raised an eyebrow.

"I told her I was your sister visiting for a few days…"

Gil shuddered, there was something very wrong about that statement, "that's worse than her knowing we're lovers. Sounds like some giant cover up story…like we're having some secret affair. She's the local gossip, she's got it all figured out already, I'm sure…" he rolled his eyes.

"See, if you weren't so much of a dark horse, you wouldn't have problems like this…" Sara smirked, quite amused by this. "I don't know, it might be kind of fun to let the woman think we're having a secret affair and I'm pretending to be your sister."

"That's your idea of fun?" Gil asked in disbelief.

"Excuse me, you're no authority on fun, your idea of fun is racing cockroaches," Sara folded her arms, still smirking. "How's your head?"

"It's fine…"

Sara looked to the clock, "so…we have…just less than three hours before we start our shift," she pointed out.

"Three hours, huh?" he glanced towards the clock, "so…?"

"So…" Sara moved forward to kiss him, he put his hands up in his defense.

"Excuse me. Smokers breath," he ducked out of the way, "pet hate."

Sara faked a pout, "fine. I'll go brush my teeth."

Gil led the way to the bathroom, stifling a yawn. He felt Sara's hand gentle on his back as they walked. He glanced over his shoulder at her, "how'd you sleep?"

"Like a baby…"

They entered the bathroom together, and went about brushing their teeth. Gil was aware of how she watched him do this, but he couldn't help notice himself doing the same to her, couldn't help observe. Sara brushed her teeth slowly, carefully, whilst he was fast, and vigorous. He compared it in amusement.

Sara rinsed her mouth and stood by the sink once she was finished, she watched him, her arms folded comfortably.

"Don't watch me, it freaks me out," he said awkwardly with his toothbrush still in his mouth.

"Sorry," Sara laughed a little, she moved behind him and slipped her arms around his waist, she let her cheek rest against his shoulder blade.

Gil watched her in the mirror, he could just see the top of her head behind his shoulder, he looked down to see her hands on his stomach. He spit toothpaste into the sink and bent down to rinse his mouth out under the faucet, he felt Sara's hands move from his hips to his back in a gentle stroke as he did so. He felt like sighing in complete bliss. If he'd known five years ago things would have been this good, he would have never avoided getting into a relationship with her at all.

He turned to her, taking her by the shoulders, "why were you smoking?" he rubbed her shoulders affectionately.

"Because…I had a craving. It happens. Haven't you ever had an addiction?"

Gil tried to think, "apart from coffee…no."

"Coffee counts. It's a stimulant."
"Fair enough," he shrugged, "when are we going to talk about the other day?"

"Nothing to talk about, remember?" Sara leaned up to peck his lips.

Gil accepted her kiss, he pecked her lips back, "but still…remember when you were talking to my answering machine…you said something about something you thought I knew…"

"Mmmhmm?" she asked distractedly, she kissed him softly.

Gil tried to break the kiss, "so what was it?" he asked.

"Nothing," she trailed kisses along his jaw, fumbling with the tie on his robe.

No, don't let her do this again, she's using sex as a distraction, he thought at himself. "Seriously, Sara…I need to talk about this with you," he sighed, her kisses were now gliding down the side of his neck, along his collarbone. "I'd really like to know what's going on…"

She kissed his adams apple, and he found it difficult to swallow. His grip on her tightened a little.

"Sara…can't we just talk?" he put his hands firmly on her arms, he tried to push her back but part of him was only more eager to pull her closer.

"Dirty talk?" she joked.

She's deliberately avoiding this conversation, God, she can be so infuriating…

Her hand brushed against him beneath the robe. If he hadn't been aroused when she'd started kissing him, he certainly was now.

"Stop that," he grumbled into her ear, "I'm serious, I want to talk."

"Later," she said, she pushed his robe past his shoulders so that he was standing naked in front of her. Her hands skimmed his, her lips following.

Gil sighed, "Sara, don't make me say it…" he watched her. She seemed to be ignoring him, too distracted with what she was doing to take heed of anything he was saying whatsoever.

Sara was falling on her knees, her lips trailing kisses down his stomach.

"Sara, I don't want to say it…" he swallowed nervously.

Ignoring him, she had him in her hand, he could see by the look on her face she wasn't the least interested in hearing what he had to say on any matter at the moment.

Okay, that does it, he thought. This has gone too far. I'm not going to be ignored here…

He cleared his throat before she had a chance to get too far with what she was about to do. He spoke loud and clearly the one word they'd agreed on would be their safeword. "Toast."

It sounded so absurd coming out of his mouth right at that moment. It wasn't a word that belonged in a bathroom. It wasn't even a word that belonged in this situation. But it had to be said nonetheless.

Sara's eyes, which had been closed lightly, snapped open, she was on her knees looking up at him in complete confusion. She looked as if she wanted to say 'excuse me', but couldn't quite blurt it out.

He put his hands under her arms and brought her up so she was standing, "I don't want to make love. I don't want to be touched, and pleased and most importantly, I don't want to be ignored. I want to talk…" he picked up his robe and pulled it back on, feeling uncomfortably awkward.

Sara was speechless for several moments, "what is your problem?" she finally demanded, she threw her hands up in frustration.

"My problem is you're avoiding my question, and I'm sorry, but getting down on your knees to perform any kind of sexual act isn't going to distract me from asking anything."

Sara looked away, a guilty look on her face, "look, I have enough stress in my life without you pressing this…"

Gil put his hands on her face, "Look at me…"

Sara met his eyes momentarily, her dark eyes were angry.

"I love you, and I can't stand NOT knowing what's hurting you."

"What makes you so damn sure something is hurting me?" Sara pushed his hands away from her, "I don't even think this is about the fact you think it's hurting me. I think this is the fact that you hate not knowing things. It drives you crazy."

Gil frowned, "is that what you think, that I don't care!"

"If you cared, you'd let me tell you in my own time! I'd like to forget about it, period, but you just won't let me!" she turned to walk away.

Gil grabbed her arm to stop her, "We're not finished 'discussing' this yet. Don't you dare walk away from me, Sara," he said through gritted teeth.

Sara hauled her arm back roughly, her eyes were full of fiery rage, "watch me," she uttered, and left the bathroom, slamming the door closed.

Gil put his hand to his face. Couldn't just leave it alone, couldn't just be happy for once and stop analyzing everything, You had to get under her skin to find out what's going on. Couldn't just make love and be content and let her tell you in her own time, no. Couldn't let her forget…

He stood and stared at the closed bathroom door. In trying to get closer to her…you've just pushed her away.

Yeah, we're getting OOC, I dunno, I have to write what's coming to me. I don't know if it's me coming up with this or a person in my head...I'm just writing. Ah.

Thanks to the people who keep reviewing...god, 400 reviews...it seems almost IMPOSSIBLE that I could have gotten that many reviews over a month...it's frightning, but in a good way :) It makes my day to see them all, still. THe first thing I do when I get on my comp is check for reviews, I get all excited :)

I'll mention the reviewers in the next chapter :)

Ash (Sunrays and Saturdays).