Chapter 4
I am not awake, Valia told herself. Not again. The minutes went by. She floated in a reluctant haze of half-sleep, wishing she could just slip under again. When she realized her denial was not working, she sighed and opened her eyes. Still dark out. She heard the soft drone of the endless criss-crossing lanes of air taxis, transports, and the occasional freighter outside her open balcony door. This was the quietest traffic ever got in Galactic City, in the predawn hours.
Every night for the past two weeks, she'd unwillingly woken up at the same time. Her sleeplessness was starting to show in the shadows under her eyes. Even Ravi had asked her if she was all right. There was no apparent reason for it, except that she felt tightly strung, hypersensitive to every sound, scent and touch. Especially touch. She was sure she could feel every single thread in the cloth of her bedding. She stretched sensuously. She was sexually aroused. Again. She crossed her arms over her eyes and smiled dreamily. Almost her first thought upon waking was of him. She definitely was going to have to stop this before she saw him again. If he saw what was on her mind... Well, what if he did? No, she didn't want to find out what his reaction would be. The embarrassment would probably kill her. But in the meantime, I may as well enjoy it, she thought. Maybe whatever this was would clear out of her system before he reappeared under the tree outside her store.
Without even touching herself, she knew she was wet, slick, and warm as fire. She let her thoughts wander to fantasies that would probably never happen. Even the idea of a long, lazy, whiskery kiss was enough to make her reach flash point. She closed her eyes and rolled over on her stomach. Her long straight hair tumbled over the side of her face as she sought the perfect spot to apply pressure. She ground her pelvis against the bed. It wasn't anywhere near as satisfying as a warm, solid body of flesh in bed with her, or even a virtual experience, but it was all she had at the moment. She concentrated on the silky sheets sliding against her thighs and breasts, imagining it was skin. His skin. She stretched her legs, luxuriating in the feel of the muscles flexing. In less than a minute, she found her release. She stifled a strangled cry with a mouthful of sheet.
When her breathing slowed, she rolled back over in the tangled bed. She felt an unusual sense of longing as the afterglow died away. This was a bit pathetic, actually. She thought of him again. Why him? Trillions of beings on the planet, and here she was, falling for one tall, grizzling Jedi Knight. A Jedi Master, of all things. Nomad. Mystery. And if not forbidden to her, at least unavailable. This was like lusting after a priest or a monk.
With a noise of disgust, she threw aside the sheet and got out of bed. She pulled on a long silk robe. Hot tea and a puff or two. Maybe that would help her get back to sleep. She went to the cramped apartment kitchen and rummaged for what she needed. Her mind wandered as she dispensed hot water and filled a small water pipe.
Her life on Coruscant was full and good. It was now everything she'd hoped it would be when she'd first arrived at the age of 19. Every form of entertainment for the mind and body was at her disposal, should she wish it. Her much loved and growing business consumed most of her time. She had numerous friends here and off world. She was living at the heart of political, religious and academic circles. She was at the center of it all. Galactic core. Good old Triple-Zero. The Big City. Her home.
She carried pipe and tea out to the balcony. She had crowded the ridiculously tiny afterthought with potted plants and containers of flowering vines. It stood out conspicuously among the other balconies on the side of the building. Easing into a chair wedged into a corner, she put her feet up on the railing and curled her toes around it. She sipped the fragrant tea and let the herbal smoke from her pipe do its soothing work. The view never seemed less exciting or beautiful to her. This was the best time for star-gazing, as the air-scrubbers finally caught up with the previous day's haze and the air was at its clearest now. True, only the brightest stars were visible because of the glare from the countless city lights. But the endless vista of sparkling lights made an incredible man-made galaxy. A police car, not restricted to the regimented lanes of traffic, purred past around the corner of her building. She didn't bother to straighten out her robe or wrap it more tightly around her propped-up legs. She could very well be mooning her so-called neighbors in the next building over, but in her present mood it didn't really bother her. The silk brushed against her legs in the breeze. Her hair, completely unbound and mussed, brushed the skin where her robe opened and on her arms. She leaned back further and sucked slowly on her pipe, enjoying all the arousing sensations. Whatever might be wrong with her, at least it felt good.
Blast and rot if he didn't cross her mind again! Qui-Gon Jinn. Had he worked some wizardry when he'd looked into her eyes or touched her? She felt like a droid with an electrical malfunction. Every time she thought rationally about her attraction to him, it seemed crazy. But to every part of her other than her brain, it made perfect sense. The man looked like he might be closer to her father's age. Her father! She snorted with distaste and dislike. Cold, ethnocentric, xenophobic and maddeningly patriarchal nature aside, he'd probably like this Qui-Gon Jinn. Someone to debate politics and share war stories with. Her mother would take one look at him and start a deliriously joyful cooking frenzy. Yes, Tak and Binny would like him, all right. Listen to me, what am I thinking? I have three awkward conversations with a customer and I'm already taking him home to meet mama and papa, she thought. Maybe there really was something wrong with her. Had it been that long since she'd been with a man that she went sappy over the first one with any maturity to have done something kind for her in who knew how long? Maybe she just needed a wild meaningless fling with a non-human. Or, as Ravi was forever trying to goad her into doing, get wired in a dream bar with him and have a fabulously erotic virtual orgy. She didn't know what she wanted. Real intimate relationships brought entirely too many risks, complications and hassles. She'd more or less sworn off them several years ago after a series of unsatisfying and painful affairs. She didn't need them. She didn't need anyone else in her life. There was really nothing at all she needed that she could think of, she observed as she rose from her chair. Life was grand just the way it was. This was just a case of wanting something she couldn't have. It would pass.
The sky was beginning to lighten to a dark blue-gray. She closed the door and went back to her bedroom where she stripped off the robe and lay back down in her bed. She fell into a restless sleep in which she dreamed the bedsheets became the entangling folds of a dark brown robe.