Chapter 66

The Bribe

Gil was relieved when the shift ended. The day had been hard. He'd spent most of it trying to avoid speaking with Catherine, and the brief times they had spoken it had been work related and Catherine had seemed strained. He'd only wanted to inform her he was taking the next shift off, and that she would be in charge. She hadn't appeared to be happy about it.

Guilt ate at him about this. He was fully aware that both he and Catherine were acting like immature children, pretending not to see each other in the hall when they passed, and not saying goodbye to each other when the shift ended.

He understood full well that if he wanted the issue resolved, he would have to be the one to apologise. He had no problem with admitting he was wrong – and he knew he'd been more than wrong in being very sharp-tongued with her before the shift had started. On the other hand, he understood Catherine would have a problem admitting she was becoming a little too involved in his personal life – she didn't see her interest as meddlesome, she saw it as concern.

When he arrived home, the sun had already risen, and the living room in his house was flooded with the bright light. Music was even playing, he recognized the song right off the bat because it was from one of his Pink Floyd CDs. He glanced around, seeing no sign of Sara.

"Sara?" he asked, he took his jacket off and hung it up, he sauntered through the house until he found Sara in the utility room, standing by the dryer.

Sara turned to him, "Oh, hi…" she forced a smile, "I, uh…did your laundry…" she gestured to the dryer.

"You were bored?" Gil asked, blinking at this. There was something startling, and yet, warming about this. He'd never had anyone to come home to before – not since having lived at home with his mother. Having Sara there – and having her do his laundry – was somewhat overwhelming.

Sara shrugged, "I was bored…kind of. Admit it, there isn't much to do here except watch Discovery, or listen to music."

Gil gestured to the music which was still only slightly audible from the utility room, "since when do you like Pink Floyd?"

"I don't, but I figured I might as well listen to something. When was the last time you actually bought music that wasn't from an era past the seventies?"

"No clue," Gil smirked a little at this, he stood with his shoulder against the threshold, watching her, "So…how's your day been? What'd you get up to?"

"I watched a documentary on Monkeys, I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich, and I went raking for porn all over the house and only found a picture of cartoon bugs doing it in the doggy-style position," Sara mused.

Gil put his hand in front of his face, he'd forgotten all about that. It had been in a small closet where he kept his vacuum cleaner. It had been taped to the wall. "I forgot about that one."

"Did you draw that?" Sara raised an eyebrow.

"Actually, no. Catherine drew it six years ago. She said it was as close to a sex life I'd ever have…watching bug's mate…" he explained. "I told her it was dirty, so…she put it in the closet with the vacuum cleaner."

"Sounds like Cath," Sara smirked, "anyway, after that, I got bored, I went home for a while…picked up a few things that I'll need if I'm going to stay over," she explained, "I stopped by work to get something out of my locker…but you weren't there," she added.

"I actually got out on the field today," he admitted. "Greg misses you, by the way."

Sara smiled a little at this, "how was your day?"

"Nightmarish. I had a falling out with Catherine."

"Over what?"

"Over the amount of work I left on my desk after I left the other night," he sighed, "I'll make it up to her – later. It's just a case of waiting until she calms down enough that she'll accept my apology."

Sara stepped over, "so…"

"I'm taking tonight off," Gil said, "so I can spend some time with you. We hardly ever have time alone unless it's after work, and that doesn't give us much time at all…"

Sara smiled and leaned forward to kiss him.

He accepted her into his arms gratefully, kissing her back, glad to be home to her. He'd spend the whole shift worrying about her, what she might be doing – or if she'd be sitting alone maybe crying in her solitude. Greg's words had haunted him all night. Reminded him he should have been there and that he wasn't. He was glad to see Sara so completely fine.

She's stronger than you think she is, Gil, he reminded himself. You need to trust her more. You need to have more faith in her…

Gil buried his hand in her hair, pulling her closer to him, deepening the kiss. That was then he noticed it. There was the taste of alcohol on her lips, in her mouth, he hadn't noticed it before. He'd been caught up in the fact her mouth tasted like spearmint gum and that was almost delicious to his senses. Now he realised the gum had only been to cover up the smell of alcohol on her breath.

She was trying to hide it from him. She should have known better.

He moved back from her pushing her away slightly, "You've been drinking."

Sara looked at him, a puzzled expression on her face, "uh…no…"

"Sara, I can taste it…what is that, vodka?"

Sara's eyes fell to the floor, she didn't say anything.

"Is it?" he asked, trying to be a little more persistent that she answer.

"So I had a couple of shots…" Sara shrugged.

"How much is a couple of shots, Sara?" Gil asked. "Two…three?"

He'd been away from her for eight and a half hours. That was plenty of time for a woman to get drunk, sober up, and try and hide any evidence of it.

Damn it…I should have noticed…I should have known something was up…I should have been able to look at her and know she'd been drinking…how could I be so blind!

Gil left the utility room, passed through the living room, went right outside and to the garbage can, near the fencing that separated his property from the Ashcrofts' property. Years of training and finding evidence had taught him the most likely places people try to hide evidence. And something told him, this was the most likely place she would have stashed the evidence. She would have never thrown an empty bottle into the garbage in his kitchen, way too obvious.

Does she think I'm stupid? That she could just hide the evidence and get away with it so easily? He thought as he pulled the lid off of the garbage can, he reached in, brushing some of the other garbage aside to see the empty bottle there. A small bottle of vodka, drained. It wasn't even the bottle from his apartment, this was something she'd brought to his house herself.

He stood there, staring at the bottle in his hand, he felt aghast, and betrayed, and slightly disturbed that she would have been so careless as to not think of a better place to hide the evidence. She must have done this when she was drunk…sobered up she'd have never even put this in my garbage can…she'd have probably put it in the neighbours garbage.

"Are you mad?" he felt her touch his back, she was standing behind him, the sun playing down on her brown hair causing a golden halo to appear around her head. She looked remorseful, she wasn't meeting his eyes.

"Disappointed," Gil sighed, he dropped the bottle back into the garbage and he heard it shatter, "Sara…what…what was going through your mind…?"

"I don't know, okay…I just…I couldn't deal."

"I trusted you…you told me I could trust you…" he swallowed back the emotion that was stirring up in his throat.

Sara drew her breath deeply, "I know. I let you down."

"You did more than let me down…this…hurts…" he confessed.

"Why should it hurt you?" she asked, "okay, so I lied. It's not like I went and cheated on you."

"You did. With a bottle," he shut the garbage can with a loud clatter, "Sara, I…I just don't know what to do about this…"

"Then don't do anything."

"What, and let you destroy your liver or die of alcohol poisoning?" he frowned, "I can't do that."

"Then what CAN you do?" Sara asked impudently, "come on, Gil, let's hear your brilliant solution for this. You always have a solution for everything. The science behind everything…the science you can fall back on." Sara looked up to the sky, gesturing wildly, "Did you just think that talking about it was going to make it all go away? That once I told you what happened to me as a kid that everything would just miraculously fall into place and we'd live happily ever after."

"I have no solution," Gil responded, defeated. "There's nothing I can fall back on here…" he stared at her, trying to make her eyes meet his. "There…are no happily ever afters…" he added.

"So what now?" she asked, "now that you see there's no happily ever after here, do you just want to cut and run?"

Gil took her by the shoulders, "I don't need happily ever afters in my life. I never have," he admitted. "What I do need, is for you to meet me half way here and at least admit you have a drinking problem…admitting it is the first step, Sara. That's all I want from you, just say it."

"What if I do admit it, what then? Start talking about counseling? Don't you think I've done all that crap? Don't you think I've wasted hours in therapy, and support groups and trying to tell myself that I don't need to drink to forget what happened?" her eyes were watery, but he could see she was making a rather valiant attempt at not letting the tears free themselves.

Gil slid his hands down her arm until he caught her own hands within his. "Sara…I love you…"

Sara dropped her gaze to the ground, she pursed her lips together tightly.

"Don't you believe me when I say I'm scared for you?"

Sara gave a shrug that was almost nonchalant, but he could see the emotion on her face.

"Y'know…this is my fault," he sighed, "I shouldn't have left you alone…if I'd been here…you'd have never gotten drunk…it's whenever I'm not with you that you do this…"

"It's not your fault…" Sara raised her watery eyes to him finally. "It's mines…"

Gil looked at her. "Are you admitting you have a problem?"

Sara looked away again.

"Are you?" he asked softly again, he squeezed her hands. She gave a slight nod in response. That was all he needed. "Sara…every time you open the cap of a bottle you make a choice…" he sighed, "I can't stop you…I can't be there with you ALL the time. I can't spend the rest of my life wondering if every time I turn my head, you're draining a bottle…I can't spend my life like that…"

Sara's eyes darted to his, "excuse me?"

"Hmm?"
"The 'rest of your life'."

Gil raised an eyebrow, "hmm?" he asked again.

"Just…you went all weird about making plans for the future…now you're saying 'the rest of your life' like you've made up your mind about the future."

"I didn't think I had," Gil confessed, "but that's not the issue here…the issue is that you're the one who has to deal with this drinking problem, I can't do it for you. If I could, I would, but I can't. You have to make the change, you have to be the one to make the choice."

Sara looked at him, she was searching his face, as if she hoped that maybe the answer to all her problems maybe lay behind those blue eyes of his.

Gil paused for a moment to think about what to say next, then spoke, "you…want to know me, right?" he asked softly.

Sara gave a nod.

"How much do you want to know me?" he asked, "really know me?"

Sara stood silent for moments, watching him. Her hair stirred in the wind, her lips twitched, and it made Gil want to kiss her so badly and pretend that none of this had ever happened – which he knew in the end wasn't going to be the best solution for the problem. "I…want to know why you're the way you are, why you're so hard to get close to…even now."

"What else?" he asked carefully.

"Why you've never been in love, why you've never let anyone into your life…why you're so secretive…why you're so aloof at work…" Sara continued.

"Could I trust you with everything you want to know?" he looked at her.

Sara nodded, "of course you could…"

"But I trusted you…leaving you alone in my home…then you drank a bottle of vodka and tried to hide the evidence. Tried to keep things from me. Lied to me."

Sara looked at him, her expression pained.

"If I can't trust you not to hurt yourself, how can I trust you won't hurt me?" he asked.

She was silent again, looking away from him.

"Wanna know why I fought with Catherine…?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

Sara shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant again and doing a lousy job at it in the process.

"Because I've changed. Because I put you before work. Because I told her from now on, you would always come before work."

Sara raised her eyes to him again, she looked slightly startled.

"I meant it when I told you work came second and you first," Gil sighed, "I meant it when I said to Catherine. I ruined my friendship with Catherine because of you…Jesus, don't you get it, you're part of my life now…a permanent fixture…more important than anything, even my friend," he explained, "I'm part of your world now…you're part of mines. God, you're more than part of it, you're all of it, you're my whole world."

Sara blinked, and blinked back tears, "you're…my whole world too…you always have been…"

"Sara…you have to make a decision…you have to admit you have a problem…you have to decide you want to deal with it, and you have to show me you can trust me and that I can trust you…" he explained, "and only then, when I know I can never doubt you…can I bare my soul to you."

"That's a lot to ask for," Sara admitted.

"I don't ask for much often," he said, "but when I do, I ask for a lot…so what's your answer?"

Sara looked at him. "I don't want to disappoint you again."

"So you'll seek help?" he asked.

Sara gave a nod.

He pulled her into his arms, he felt like sobbing in relief. He kissed her neck and murmured he loved her. But for all that he loved her, he hated himself, hated everything that he was that he could use himself as the catalyst to try and make her deal with her own problems. It hadn't felt like there was any other choice, it was nothing more than the honey to sweeten the pot. The bribe. All he wanted was for her to do it for herself.

Okay so someone will probably send the angst police and the OOC cops on my arse right about now...agh, I know, I'm sorry. I apologise for another blah chapter. I know some people won't like this chapter - I don't really even like it and I wrote it...

It's getting hard to keep up with the reviews right now, I've had 437 reviews since starting this story. That's huge to me. I may have to stop mentioning you all in my chapter ends, because it's getting harder to note down who reviewed since the last time updated...

Thanks to: kristy87, sarahmakinson, jroots, elisacollette, Aidrianna, Hope and PrincessPink for reviewing since the last 2 updates...