Chapter 2
Many weeks passed since I had a talk with Julia about...love. After that we were just hanging out...with Terri and Clark by the way. Clark and Julia had a talk and I guess from the look of Clark he was...dumped. Not that they had a relationship or anything. Clark soon realized that Terri had a crush on him. Well...he didn't noticed it himself, by the way...I kinda slipped and told him. Well I guess it worked out. As for me...well...my mom and I kinda grown close since we haven't seen Dave for awhile. And not only mom but also...Julia. She kept on calling me and telling stories of her day! As if I wasn't there! But actually that's the only time we can talk cuz she has different friends and I have mine. Were not in the same crowd.
But that doesn't stop her from talking to me. That's what I like about her. She doesn't care whether were in the same crowd or not what's important to her is that were friends. And that's one of the many things I like about her. Sometimes I always sit by the phone and just...wait for her call...oh what the heck! It's not sometimes it's ALWAYS! That's right...I think I have a crush on her. I guess my mom noticed me day dreaming or thinking deep thoughts. Guess that's what happens to people who has a crush. At first it confused me with this weird feelings and all. Plus I'm feeling it to a GIRL! How the hell am I gonna explain that to mom!
'Hey mom! Did you know that I'm falling for a girl? Yes could you believe it your daughter is a lesbian! Ain't that funny?'
My mom will have a heart attack. I hope my mom would understand...
Oh yeah...if your going to ask about the dream girl well...I sometimes dream about her...but she doesn't do anything but talk. Weird girl but...at the same time...I like dreaming of her. It calms me. But the only reason that it disturbs me is because...I want to know who she is. I want to know everything about her. Strange...I'm having feelings for someone whom I never met...strange but somehow...it feels good.
School
Here I am again...in school.
'The place where we learn new things and meet new people and...IT SUCKS!'
I'm slouching at my chair again. Mr.Davis teaching us something I can't understand. And what I really hate is me always glancing at Julia! God, I must have done it so many times! It's getting worst! I can't seem to control it. So I looked at Terri. She's taking down notes.
'What would I do! It's soooo boring!' I looked at Julia again and saw her talking to...James. I felt a slight pang on my chest.
'Where the hell did that came from?'
It's the first time I felt that. Am I jealous?
I decided to end this crush that I'm feeling. I don't want to feel this. It's like I have a weakness and I don't want to be weak. It's either I become her enemy or her friend. I decided to try to hurt her. So when Mr.Davis came out of the room she went beside me and we started to talk. Now's my chance...
"Hey. Today's kinda boring don't you think"
"Well...yeah...for me but from what I saw...YOU weren't that bored."
"What are you talking about"
"You know...James"
"What about him"
"Aww...Cmon! I know that you like him."
"What"
"No need to be shy you know. Geezz I'm not blind."
"I DON'T LIKE HIM! Why won't you believe me"
"Cuz I saw what I saw! Don't try to hide it"
"I'm NOT hiding anything! Why are being this way"
"Cuz...cuz...I...don't know..."
She puts her hand on my shoulder. I couldn't look at her so I looked at the floor. What the hell! What will I say!
"Faith...please believe me..."
Her voice seems to be...softer. I still couldn't look at her. But I have to so I looked at her slowly. I grinned at her.
"I told you...I saw what I saw. You can't make me believe something just because you said so."
She flinched a little. I guess I've hurt her. I don't know how...but...looking at her face I guess my plan really worked. She frowned when she looked at me.
"Faith...I thought you trust me."
"Trust? I don't trust anyone..."
"Not even...me"
"I said anyone. I guess it includes you."
She looked at the floor. She looked at me with hatred in her eyes. That's it...hate me. Even if it hurts...
"All this time I thought you trusted me...I guess I was wrong."
"Your guess is right."
"Yeah..."
She walked towards the door. I have an urge to go to her and do something that I've never done before...apologize. I want to tell her that I didn't mean what I told her. That I trusted her. So I gathered my courage and...hurt her again...
"Hey! Tell me if you and James starts something, so that I could congratulate you two."
She just looked at me and walked again. I felt hurt. I don't know why. But seeing her walk away like that makes me feel weak. I guess it's for the best cuz I know she's too perfect for me.
That night she didn't call. It was the first time she didn't call. I was happy and at the same time...sad. I guess it's worth it cuz there is no way she should be with me cuz I'm a girl. And besides who would want someone like me?
School
Julia avoided me this morning. Guess she's still angry. Who wouldn't! I avoided her too. It hurts sometimes but...I have to do it right? I was asking Anne about a project. She was seated at the back of Julia. I asked her cuz she's the genius one on the class.
"So all I have to do is...research on the internet about this thing"
"Well yeah..."
"What's the topic anyway"
"It's...um..."
"It's cloning."
Julia said as she looked at me. She had that smile again when we first met but this time its more...I don't know...gentle? What the FUCK! Why is she talking to me? I thought she was angry at me!
"Uh...Yeah! It's cloning."
"Cloning huh? Thanks Anne."
I walked to my seat and sat down. I felt someone looking at me so I looked around and saw Julia. She was staring at me and smiled. I looked away. Guess its going to be an intresting day...
"Faith..."
"Oh...not you again! Geezz Why do I have this kind of dream"
I looked around and saw only darkness. No dream girl in sight. Just a voice...a soothing voice...
"Because...your...Faith..."
"Yeah I'm Faith...but who are you"
"I'm..."
"Yeah"
"I'm...Faith."
The voice changed. It sounded like...Terri? What the hell is her voice doing on my dream?
"Your...waking...up..."
"What"
"La...ter..."
Then everythings black. Someone's shaking me. I openend my eyes and found Terri looking at me. I sat up and looked at her.
"Faith...school's over...go home."
I rubbed my eyes and looked around. Nobody's around anymore.
"Oh...I fell asleep again."
"Yeah...sorry Faith but I have to go..."
"Huh? Oh yeah! You and Clark have a date today."
"Uh...Yeah...um will you be alright"
I smiled at her. She's blushing.
"Yeah...I'll be alright...I'm a big girl now..."
She giggled a little and slapped me at my arm. She took her books and head towards the door. I stretched a little and began to gather my things. I was startled when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I moved back and looked at the person. It's Julia.
"Geezz! Are you rying to scare me or something"
She giggled and looked at me with a smile. God...she's beautiful.
"Sorry...It's just that...I thought you would hear me."
"Yeah. Whatever! So what do you want"
"Nothing...I just...came to look for my book. Did you see it"
"Huh? Uh...No...What kind of book"
"Um...actually it's my diary."
"Oh! Well I didn't see anything."
"Oh..."
She looked at the floor and started to play with her fingers. Is she...nervous? I heard footsteps and looked at the door. It's Marie. One of Julia's friends. She walked in the classroom and looked at Julia then me, then Julia.
"Julia...I found your diary. I was looking for you."
"Really? Where did you find it"
"At the top of your locker! Geezz be careful with this thing. You never know who might read this."
Julia walked towards Marie and got her diary. I took my bag and decided to go home. But I stopped beside Julia. They were standing at the door. I can't go out with them standing at the door.
"I thought your angry at Faith"
Julia looked at me and I looked at her. It was as if we were comunicating through our eyes. She smiled and looked at Marie.
"We made up."
She looked at me again and she hugged me. I was startled at first but I began to relax a little. She let go of me and looked at me again.
"oh...ok well I have to go now. My mom would kill me. See you guys tomorrow."
Marie left the room and left us both alone. What would I DO! GOD! My plan worked perfectly and now she doesn't hate me! She looked at her watch and looked at me.
"Um...I have to go too. It's getting late."
She slowly walked towards the door. I didn't know what to say or even what to do so I asked what came to my mind.
"I didn't apologized..."
She stopped walking and kept her back to me. I was glad actually cuz I didn't know if I could face her.
"No you didn't...but somehow when I looked at your eyes...you were asking me to forgive you..."
"Hmph. Am I like a book or something? It's like you can read my thoughts...I hate it."
My voice was like a whisper. It's like it wasn't my voice. I looked at her and she turned around so that she could face me. I can't seem to read what she was thinking or feeling. She smiled and then giggled. What the hell is she laughing at!
"Why are you laughing"
"I'm...just happy."
"Happy"
"Well...yeah. The things you said to me yesterday...now I know it's not true. You do trust me."
"What"
"You wouldn't say that to anyone else would you"
"Um...no..."
"Then you do trust me. But...why did you tell me all those things if it wasn't true"
"What I told you is true...I don't trust anyone..."
"Why"
I shrugged. I really don't know why. Maybe I just don't want to end up like my mom. She trusted someone that she thought she knew...but ended up getting beaten. I don't want to end up like that.
"Too many reason I guess."
"Would you tell it to me"
"uh...well...um..."
"Faith...I'm just kidding."
I sighed as she said that. I don't want to tell her why I don't want to trust people. I just don't want her to...pity me.
"Um..ok. Well you know...it's getting kinda late so I better get going."
I walked towards the door and was stopped when her hand touched my shoulder. I looked at her through my shoulder.
"Faith...are we okay now"
Her voice was like a child asking her mother if she could play outside. I smiled at her because of the cuteness of her voice.
"Yeah...Were five by five..."
She smiled at me and let go of her hand on my shoulder. I walked towards the stairs and she walked beside me telling what happened in her day.
It's saturday and I'm at home watching t.v while my mom is doing the laundry. I started to browse the channels but nothing good is on. I decided to watch a movie in some channel. The movie was called 'Cruel Intentions.' I was really surprised to see a handsome guy there. He's a cutie...wonder if he's taken. I grinned at what I thought. I haven't got laid since...i don't know. I think the last time was with some guy named Mike. He's not so bad. He courted me but I wasn't really into him. I dated him a few weeks then we ended up having sex in his car. Which was pretty hot! After a few days I dumped him. He took it very well. Guess he just wants to get to bed with me.
Oh Yeah! If your wondering how I broke my virginity it was a guy named Martin. I met him in a bar and we got VERY drunk and the first thing I knew I was in his apartment...humping him. After that we kinda went our seperate ways. I heard he went to LA to study there.
I was interrupted by the ring on the phone. I looked at the clock and it's only 10:00 in the morning. I picked up the phone and cursed the person on the other side for disturbing my thoughts.
"Hello."
"Faith..."
It was Julia. Figures. I felt my heart beating fast as I heard her call my name. I took a deep breathe and start to relax.
"Hey. Whassup"
"Nothing...I was just bored."
"Oh..."
"What are you doing"
"Nothing..just watching some movie."
"What's it called"
"Cruel Intentions."
"Oh! I like that movie! The guy there is sooo hot"
"Yeah..."
"He kinda reminds me of someone."
"Who"
She suddenly got quiet. I don't know why but something tells me it's not good.
"Hey you there? It's ok if you don't want to tell me who it is."
"Anyway...um...how's Marie? I haven't seen her for awhile."
"She's fine...Faith"
"yeah"
Her voice is starting to creep me out. It's like she's going to tell me something big. But I don't want her to. Somewhere on my mind is yelling me to hang up coz I know I'll get hurt. But I didn't follow it.
"I...I have to tell you something..."
"What is it"
"Promise me you won't tell anyone."
"Uh...sure."
"Well um...I have a crush on someone."
Okay my heart is really beating fast now. It's as if I was running.
"W-Who"
"It's Micheal. You know from the other class."
I didn't answer. I was hurt. Why the hell did you have to tell me! I tried to calm down. My hands are even sweaty.
"Yeah I know him...He's a varsity player at basketball right"
"Yeah...that's him."
"Does he know"
"Uh...no..."
"I see..."
We talked for awhile about Micheal. She really had fallen for him I guess. The way she talked about him...its as if she was with him all the time. She knew everything about him. Our talk lasted for about an hour. I sat at the couch thinking about what she said. I can't seem to believe what I heard.
"Faith...its time to eat."
"Sorry mom...I'm not hungry...I'll be in my room."
I hurriedly went to my room and began to think what had happened. But I didn't cry.
Months passed and I still have a crush on Julia. I tried to ignore her but she was persistent. So I gave up and we became close. She still has a crush on my Micheal which was fine by me. I don't care anymore. I just want to be near her.
We were in the auditorium. Our class and the other class are going to have a play. It's called 'A Midsummer Nights Dream' by William Shakespeare. I don't know the story but I know it's a love story with a slight comedy. Julia auditioned for the role of Helena and she got it. Her counter part was Clark. I thought Terri is going to be mad at this but I was surprised to see her calm watching the parctices. Oh yeah! Terri was in the lights and sound committee. They picked me to be the...in the ticket committee...which means I have to sell those GOD DAMN TICKETS!
So here I am in a booth near the cafeteria. Selling those god damn tickets. God! I was already there for about two hours and still no one bought a ticket.
"C'mon...get your god damn ticket...for only a dollar...get your god damn ticket..."
"Faith! That's not the way to sell the ticket"
I looked at my side and saw Terri laughing at me.
"Then how am I supposed to sell this things"
"You should ask properly. You know...say please and smile a little. Your scaring people."
"Fine"
I slowly forced a smile. Luckily a woman passed and looked at the booth.
"Please buy the GOD DAMN tickets. PLEASE"
I must have scared her coz she was running fast towards the cafeteria. Terri shook her head of dissapproval.
"Try again! And don't swear"
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. A boy was looking at me with a smile on his face. I looked at Terri and she nod. I looked at the boy again and began to smile.
"Would you like to buy a ticket"
"What's it for"
"For the play."
"Oh. You mean for a game"
"No...it's a play...you know like the one's on TV."
"Oh. What's it called"
"A midsummer night's dream."
"What's the story about"
I was really getting annoyed by the constant question. I gritted my teeth.
"That's why you have to buy the ticket so that you would know. Would you like to know"
"Yes."
"Then buy the ticket."
"How much"
"A dollar. Now would you buy it"
The boy looked like he was thinking. He looked at me and smiled. I smiled too.
"No"
"Well I ought to..."
The boy ran. I was going to ran after him when Terri stopped me.
"Let go of me! I'll kill that boy"
"Faith...He's just a boy."
I stopped struggling and went back to the booth again. I crossed my arms on my chest and started to wait.
"Geeez...It's not working. I guess I can help you sell the tickets."
"Great! I appreciate it! Well good luck"
I was slowly walking towards the cafeteria when Terri stopped me.
"What I mean is...You stay here and sell some tickets while I will go to a different location."
She picked some tickets out then headed towards the classrooms. I sat on the booth and waited.
I was startled by a kid's voice. Looked and turn around and found Cathy with a friend of hers.
"Hi Faith"
"Hey. What are you doing here"
"We were just going to buy some drinks."
"Oh..."
I looked at the other girl and saw that she's looking at me with a frown. She and Cathy have the same height. She has a brown hair ending through her shoulders. She's cute but I can tell that this kid has a hard head. Cathy must have noticed that I was looking at her friend.
"Oh yeah...Faith this is a friend of mine. Faith this is Maggie. Maggie this is Faith."
"Nice to meet you Mags."
She frowned again.
"It's Maggie not Mags."
"Ok Maggie it is."
"Is it true"
I looked at Maggie a little confused.
"What's true"
"That you saved Cathy from Bryan."
"Uh...Yeah...I guess."
"...Thanks..."
"Your welcome."
I grinned at Maggie and Cathy smiled too. This kid isn't so bad after all.
"What are you doing here anyway"
"Well...I'm selling tickets for a play."
"Ooohh. Is it romantic"
"Uh...yeah."
Maggie made a face and Cathy jumped at what she heard.
"Well buy two"
"What"
I looked at Maggie. It's clear that she doesn't want romantic plays. And Cathy likes them. Opposites attracts each other...
"Awww, cmon Maggie it'll be fun"
"Yeah...Cmon Mags..."
Maggie sighed and nodded. She has no chance in winning against Cathy. Cathy can be persistent sometimes. I pity Maggie. Having someone like Cathy as a friend can be tough sometimes. I'm glad I don't have anyone like that...yet.
"That'll be two dollars."
Both Cathy and Maggie fished their pockets and took out...coins and some candy. I can tell that they aren't going to afford to buy a ticket. Cathy's eyes began to water.
"Hey...Don't cry...here...I'll give it for free."
Cathy had begun to smile. Maggie too. I gave them the tickets. Cathy went to the other side of the booth and hugged me. I was kinda new to this kinda thing so I kinda pat her back lightly.
"Thank you"
"Yeah..well..have fun ok"
Both of them nodded and then ran towards their classroom passing by Julia on the process. Julia looked at the children running then turned to me.
"That's very sweet of you."
"What do you mean"
"I saw everything Faith..."
"Whatever..."
"Geez Faith...can't you give a little credit on yourself."
"Well maybe I will...when the time comes."
"Of course you will Faith..."
I looked at Julia and saw that she was smiling at me. Geez. Stop smiling at me! It's making my heart beat fast!
"What are you doing here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be rehersing or something"
"Were on a break so I decided to see how you were doing."
"Well as you can see...Its worse..."
"Awww...its not that worse..."
I showed her the the bundle of tickets. It must be about 50 tickets left in the bundle.
"Okay...its worse..."
"Yeah..."
"But it doesn't mean that you can't do it...right"
"Yeah..."
"Cmon Faith! Cheer up"
"Yeah..."
"Don't give up now..."
I frowned at her. I'm not the type of person that gives up on something. Saying those words makes me feel like a...quitter. I leaned at her and looked at her straight in her eyes.
"Giving up is not in my vocabulary...maybe for you, but not for me...got it"
She grinned at me.
"Got it."
"Good."
"Oh, and Faith"
"Hmmm"
"It's not in my vocabulary either..."
Now its my turn to grin at her.
"Faith...are you going to watch me"
"Watch you"
"Yeah...you know perform"
"When"
"This afternoon."
I looked at the floor then at the tickets. I really want to see her perform. I looked at her and I think she's hoping for me to say yes.
"I don't know...I still have to sell this tickets."
"Oh..."
She sound so disappointed. She's looking at the floor. I can't stand looking at her sad face!
"But it doesn't mean I'm not going to watch right? Hey, I'm not going to give up right! 'sides I want to see you flunk your very first play"
I was grinning at her. I saw her look up and slowly begin to smile.
"I'll see you then"
I nod and watched her run towards the stairs. I sighed and looked at the remaining tickets. I'll never be able to see her! It's impossible!
"I shouldn't have told her that..."
"Why not"
I looked around and saw Terri holding a glass of water. She approached me and gave me the glass.
"Thanks..."
"No prob."
I drank the water.
"Why not"
"why not what"
"Why shouldn't you have told her that"
I looked at Terri and looked at the plastic glass.
"Coz I know I can't make it in time for her performance."
"Then why did you tell her that"
"I don't know..."
"Well I do."
She hold my hand and squeezed it softly. I looked at her and saw the worried look in her eyes.
"You don't want to make her sad...that's why you told her that."
"Why don't you tell her how you feel"
I looked at her shocked...and somewhat...terrified. How does she know that! Am I like a book that everyone can read! Fuck that! I didn't realize that I had crumpled the plastic cup. Terri must have noticed.
"Faith"
"I can't..."
I didn't recognize the voiced that talked. It's as if it wasn't me that talked. It was so soft that I thought she couldn't hear me.
"Faith...you have to tell her."
"I CAN'T"
She was surprised that she backed away. Her eyes were wide, then she walked closer to me again.
"Faith..."
"I just can't okay"
"Don't be afraid...to tell her."
"Your the one to talk...you can't even tell Clark what you really felt"
Terri looked at the ground when I told her that. Fuck! Why the hell did I said that! Fuck!
"Your right...I didn't tell him. But that doesn't mean you have to do what I did..."
I looked away from her. I was feeling guilty of what I said to her. I didn't want to argue with her...but this conversation really pissed me off. I know she's just trying to help...but I don't want her help...especially this kind of problem.
"I sould have told him how I felt. I thought that if I didn't tell him it would go away. But it didn't...I was just hurting myself more..."
I felt her hand on mine. I slowly looked at her. She was smiling. I guess she really learned from her mistake.
"I don't want that to happen to you, Faith."
"Why are you doing this? Is it because I saved your ass and this is how you repay me? By being nice to me"
'Okay...what the hell is that? Why am I so insecure?'
She was grinning at me now.
"No...well yes you saved my 'ass' as you put it, but it's because I..."
"You what"
"I...do I have to say it"
She's begging. I nod at her.
"Okay, fine! I like you okay"
I grinned at her. I knew she was going to say it.
"I like you to."
Now the two of us are grinning at each other.
"Well If you like me you should tell her..."
"Woah! I don't like you THAT much! Besides...that doesn't make sense."
"I know...I was just testing you."
"Well don't."
"Fine! But promise me one thing though..."
She looked serious now.
"What"
"That one day you would tell her no matter what happens. Promise me."
She was really serious at this. I guess she really wants me to be happy. I looked at the ground for a second then looked at her. Guess it wouldn't hurt to promise something.
"I promise..."
"Good! Because if you don't I'll hunt you down and drag you to her"
"Woah...I'm scared...please anything but that"
She punched me lightly on my shoulder. Then she started to pout. I couldn't stand a person pouting.
"Hey! I was just kidding! I'll keep my promise. Just...stop that"
She smiled at me.
"You better! Now that we cleared that up...we should probably sell this tickets. If we don't you won't be able to see your Julia perform."
Now it's my turn to punch her in the arm.
"Stop teasing me. But your right...we should sell it."
"Yeah...your grade depends on it."
"You don't have to remind me."
"Ok...I'll remind you something else. How about...Julia wants you to see her perform this afternoon and you told her that you won't give up selling those tickets in order for you to watch her."
I was shocked. She knows that? Then that means...
"Why you! You were spying on me"
I ran to reach her but she had a head start. She was laughing as I ran to reach her.
I was slowly walking towards the classroom. It had been a very tiring day. After playing around with Terri we took half of the tickets and sold them to every person in the cafeteria. I also learned how to say 'Please' and 'Thank you' to those people. It's really a miracle that I sold 25 tickets, which is sooo tiring to do. But I guess its worth it. I get to see Julia perform!
I went inside the room and I saw the girls in my class in a circle and was working on something I can't seem to see. I waited for them to clear and when they did my heart seems to beat very very fast. What I saw really made me blush. Here I was looking at the a beautiful girl named Julia.
She was wearing her costume and some make-up. She was beautiful. I stand there staring at her. She was staring at me too, with a smile. The other girls were once again busy and began working on Clark. I looked at him and he seems to be struggling. Luckily Terri was there. My eyes again looked at Julia.
"Your back..."
"Uh...yeah. I finished my job."
"That's great"
"Yeah...thanks to Terri."
I looked at her again and she's still smiling. It's as if she wants me to say something... You idiot! She wants to know what she looks like! So tell her she's the most beautiful girl you ever saw! I looked at the ground. I was nervous. Could I really tell her? I gathered my courage and looked at her straight in the eyes.
"Well..."
"Julia"
I was startled and looked at Clark. Wow. He's cute but that doesn't mean that he can disturb me from saying she's beautiful. I silently cursed him.
"We have to go to the auditorium now."
"Okay."
She looked at me again.
"What were you going to say"
"Nothing just...break a leg."
She smiled at me then headed out of the room. I looked at the ground and silently cursed myself.
It was a great play. Julia was really great, even Clark...although the only person that I'm watching was Julia. As the cast was announced I slowly walked out of the auditorium and decided to go home. I'm really not sure why I don't want to stick around for a bit, but something tells me I really have to go.
I slowly headed towards our house. I can't stop thinking of Julia. She was beautiful when she was performing. I sighed as I thought of her. I suddenly realized that I was infront of my house. But that really isn't the only reason that I was surprised. It was because our front door was open and there were no lights inside.
I ran towards the door and saw what I feared...it was Dave...sitting on the couch, smoking and grinning at me.
"Hey Faithy. Missed me"