Chapter 84

Alternate

Gil rolled over, restless that following morning, trying to relax even in his own bed was becoming an almost impossible task. He felt Sara shift at his back, heard her sigh.

"Will you stop tossing and turning, already?" Sara grumbled tiredly.

"Sorry," Gil apologized, he rolled onto his side, he pulled the pillow over his head and tried to drown everything out, the ticking of the clock on the bedside cabinet, to the sounds of kids playing in the street outside.

No good. Still couldn't sleep.

"Damn it, Grissom," Sara sighed, "stop fidgeting."

Gil realised she was becoming quite agitated, it wasn't often she used his last name anymore unless she was frustrated with him, "sorry…" he apologized again. He rolled over so that he was facing Sara's back, her hair tickled his nose, he moved it away and curled up around her, he felt the t-shirt he'd given her to wear touch his bare chest and he sighed near her ear.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly.

"I can't sleep," he mumbled.

"That's noticeable. What else is wrong?"

"I don't know…" he slid his arms around her and pulled her closer to him.

"Feel like talking?"

"Not really," he admitted.

"You've been acting weird ever since you had that baby in your office," Sara confessed.

Don't remind me, he thought.

"Why ask me if I want to talk if you're going to insist on it anyway?" he asked of her.

Sara rolled over in his arms, facing him, "because when you said 'not really' your voice told me different…"

"Did I really sound paternal?"

"Excuse me?"

"Something you said during the shift…I sounded paternal…did you mean that?" he met her eyes with his and held her gaze for a long silent moment.

"Kind of," Sara shrugged. "I was half joking, but…yeah, I guess you did," she paused as if to think, "yeah, you did."

I was afraid of that.

"You okay?" Sara asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Tired."

"Know what would help you sleep…?" Sara leaned over and whispered near his ear suggestively, a hint of playfulness in her voice that was only ever reserved for him.

"Not in the mood," he sighed.

"That can be changed," she slid her hand beneath the covers and he caught her just in time to stop her.

"Seriously not in the mood," he reiterated.

Sara made a face and fell back against the pillows, "What mood are you in?"

"Mood to talk," he admitted.

"I'm tired," Sara pouted.

"You started it."

"Fine. So…is this about your family again? The wife and kids thing…them saying you should have settled down by now – that kind of thing?"

"No…surprisingly…it isn't. I hadn't thought about that at all…well…not the rest of my family. My mother, I thought of…but…" he picked up Sara's hand and examined it thoughtfully, then twined his fingers with hers.

"But?"

"It doesn't matter," he sighed, "my mind is just in overdrive, just…ignore it," he kissed her hand. "Go back to sleep."

"Please don't tell me you're getting paternal urges here, Gil," Sara pulled her hand out of his and looked at him worriedly.

"I…"

"You are."

"I don't know if I am or not. All I know is, I felt kind of sad when I had to give the kid back, and I only had her for a little an hour or so."

Sara didn't have much to respond with.

"And I know it's insane, because I'm bad with kids. I just don't get people let alone the miniature versions," he rolled his eyes at himself.

"So…" Sara trailed off, not knowing what to say to this.

"Y'know...originally…I never wanted any of this…" Gil confessed. "Never wanted a long-lasting relationship, never wanted to be getting emotionally involved…never even wanted to think about the future…it's strange how one person in your life can just…change everything suddenly so drastically."

Sara laughed, "you really have changed."

"I've adapted."

"You're adapting a little faster than I am," Sara admitted.

"You have more time on your hands than I do, Sara."

"Huh?"

"You're still in your thirties – I'm almost fifty."

"Ah, so you're saying because you're older, that you have to adapt faster because—?"

"Because it's obvious I'm going to die some day – long before you will."

"Fifteen years between us, Gil, not fifty," Sara shook her head with a slight laugh. "So…is this talk of kids and the marriage proposal your attempt at trying to make up for lost time?" Sara mused.

"No…not exactly."

"Then what?"

"The heart wants what the heart wants, I can't exactly explain it," he confessed, feeling that there really was no way to explain it at this moment in time.

"For the first time, Gil Grissom can't explain away something…must be killing you," Sara yawned.

"Sara…you wanted a future…so what's the hold up here?"

"Excuse me?"

"You wanted a future with me…but…you don't want to marry me and…way you were talking…seems like you don't want kids or anything so…tell me, where are we exactly going in relation to a future?"

"When did I say I didn't want to marry you?" Sara sat up a little.

"When you rejected my proposal…wasn't that the gist of it?" Gil asked.

"Uh…no. I didn't want to accept because I know it was your family instigating the whole thing. You were trying to overcompensate, and it wasn't right."

"That was then. What about now?"

"What about now?" Sara asked.

"If I was asking now?" he asked, looking at her with a glint of hope in his eyes.

"I'd still say no," Sara admitted, she looked regretful about having to admit this, she chewed her lip a moment, lost in thought.

"Ouch," Gil pouted.

"Not because I don't love you…but because, I just don't think either of us are ready for that…we've never even properly lived together."

She's right, Gil thought. We haven't really lived together. How would we know if we were compitible

"So live with me."

"Huh?"

"Live with me. Move in with me. Park your suitcases under my bed, your clothes in my closet, and your deodorants on my bathroom shelf."

Sara laughed, "my deodorant is already ON your bathroom shelf," she pointed out with an impish grin.

"Okay, that's one less thing to work on then," he sat up, propping himself on his hands. "How about it?"

"How about what?"

"Moving in together, for real?" he asked.

"Isn't it a little soon?" Sara asked, she tucked her hair behind her ear, she stared at him, there was a look of disbelief on her face.

"Not for me. This relationship has been going on for five years, Sara. Okay, so technically, it's only been an intimate romantic relationship for over three months, but still…we've been somewhat involved for a long time."

"True…" Sara seemed to be thinking this over, "But y'know, this is your place. It's…all you. I don't think I could move in here, my stuff wouldn't look right here. Besides, I kind of like my apartment as well…" she confessed. "I don't like the idea of giving up my apartment, it's a great place."

He paused, "okay, so…we could alternate?"

"Alternate?" Sara asked.

"Spend three days here, three days at your apartment, and have one night apart?"

"Why one night apart?" Sara asked, raising an eyebrow.

"So we're not completely in each others way twenty-four-seven," he replied. "Right now, average is, what…once or twice a week we share a bed?"

"Roughly," Sara shrugged. "Y'know…it's not a bad idea. Just moving in the essentials into each others places…and doing that…means we'd see each other a lot more…" she nodded.

"Way things are at work, lately, we don't see each other enough," Gil commented.

"I thought you didn't like having people in your house, though?" Sara suddenly asked.

"I didn't…at first…" Gil smirked, "but it's like everything else – takes some getting used to."

"So this is something else you've 'adapted' to," Sara smirked. "Okay…well…I'll get a copy of my apartment key made tomorrow while I'm at work," she leaned over to kiss him softly on the lips.

He slid back down onto his back pulling her with him, he kissed her deeply, quite happy with the new arrangement.

Sara broke the kiss as he slid his hand up the back of the T-shirt she was wearing to bed, "I thought you weren't in the mood?" she reminded.

"Yeah, that was before. This is now."

Another blah chapter (kristy87 always disagrees, but anyway lol, it's blah and I'm sorry).

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Ash