Because the last chapter was so short, this one will be longer, with more humour I hope ……

You see, I don't like my fics; I think they're stupid. Personally I think I'm crap at writing! I'm my own worst critic! (Actually English is my best subject, after science and Art. Maths and Irish goes on the bottom.) But seriously, who likes Maths or Irish! Do I hear no one!

Warnings: AU, slash. Reference to gay sex.

Summery: see chapter one.

Disclaimer: ditto.

Chapter four. Table conversations and sex Ed.

The strangest thing happened, my mom was quiet! Yes, she seemed to be in a state of shock, but knowing her, she'll suddenly blow! And when that happens I'll be safe on the other side of the world.

And it's all Malcolm's fault.

We went to my room to dump our bags. I wasn't rushing things, because some lecture of some sort was defiantly coming! When I got into the safety of my room, I let out a breath of air. Looking at Rob, I could tell that he wasn't so sure about this visit after all.

"Your mom is scary" he commented when we entered. I just laughed, more out of relief that Lois even let us in the house, than out of humour.

"It's not funny, either!" he protested. "I seriously thought that she was going to throw me out!"

I laughed again, and gave him a big hug. Anyone who survives a first meeting with my mom deserves a hug. Especially him. Because she never seemed to like any girlfriends I used to bring home, what about boyfriends! Well it would be educational to say the least.

Rob buried his head on my shoulder, obviously dreading what might come. I heard a cough behind me, it was Malcolm.

"Mom wants you to come for dinner," he said. And then he left the room as quickly as possible. Whatever I expected of Malcolm's reaction was far different than the real thing. He seemed to be in denial that his oldest brother is gay. But, honestly, i didn't give a fuck.

"Come on" I said to him, quietly.

"Do we have to?" he asked still not moving out of my arms.

"Yes."

I had to drag him to the dinner table, I'm certain that whatever idea he had of my family was out the window. It was kind of cute actually, first he couldn't wait to go and now that he's here, he wants to be gone. I noticed that Reese seemed to have his plate full already, at least he's the same old Reese; stupid and greedy! Just like me. I sat down on the nearest chair and Rob sat beside me, he was nervous, I could tell, because whenever he gets nervous, he picks at his nails.

"Hi Francis" Reese said; only noticing my presence now.

"When did you get here?"

"About half and hour ago" I said.

"Cool" and the he took some pork chops that were just placed on the table.

When everyone was seated, a rare silence surrounded us. No one seemed to want to break that silence.

"Who's that?" asked Dewy suddenly, pointing at Rob. I smiled to myself, same old Dewy as well.

"Don't be rude" snapped Lois.

"My name is Robert Roderigo. (Got that name out of a book!), you can call me Rob, if you want" he told Dewy. Dewy looked at him as if studying him.

"Are you from Canada?" he asked. I noticed that Rob tried to contain a smile.

"No, Italy" he said.

"Do Italy people speak English?" he asked.

"Italians" My mom told him. "They're called Italians."

"No, they speak Italian" Rob said, smiling.

"So is Italy, the same as Atlantas?" he asked, Rob looked at me briefly with confusion written on his face. I just smiled at him to tell him that he was doing fine.

"No, why do you think that?"

"Well they sound the same" Rob looked taken aback for a moment, and then he grinned at Dewy.

"I suppose they do"

"Where is Italy?" Reese asked.

"In Europe, dumb ass!" Malcolm replied. "Don't you ever look at an atlas?"

"Only Freaks and Krelbines read Atlases."

"Yeah, and only idiots don't!" Malcolm retorted.

I knew this would soon turn into an all out fight, so I interrupted their little name-calling fest.

"So what did you guys do when I was away?" I asked.

"Nothing" was the general answer.

"Okay then" I said.

"Robert" Lois said. I held my breath, this could get dangerous.

"Please, call me Rob, everyone dose" Rob said, trying not to make eye contact.

"Rob, so what do your parents do?" she asked. Good, she was only trying to make conversation.

"My dad owns a company and my mom works out of the country," he said, trying not to reveal how well off he actually is.

"And what dose you mom do?" she asked.

"She designs clothes and stuff, for magazines and stuff. She works in Italy," He said.

"Is she away a lot?"

"Most of the time I'm on my own, but on holidays sometimes she's home. Although when I was small, the maid used to always look after me."

"Maid?" She asked.

"Yeah… they hired her because my parents were never home" he said.

"So… Malcolm tells me that you're… gay?" My dad asked looking at me. Unexpected.

"Er… yes, I was going to tell you myself." I said, pointedly staring at Malcolm.

"And that your… the boyfriend?" he asked Rob. Rob just nodded.

"Well… I'm happy for you" he said, I wasn't sure that he was convinced though. I just looked at Rob to reassure him. Again.

"Wait a minute! So you're telling me that Francis lives with another guy?" Reese asked. He was never the brightest light on the tree.

"Yeah" I said.

"Cool" he said, and he was back to eating his third helping of Shepard's pie.

Stupid is not the word.

"Don't you know what that means?" Malcolm said. He can't stop blabbing it out can he?

Reese just shrugged, his mouth crammed full with food.

"Malcolm" I said. He looked at me expectantly. "Shut up." And I punched him on the arm. Hard. Malcolm just gives me this look. He deserves it.

"Francis, don't hit your brother. Reese swallow for goodness' sake!" Lois said sternly. I gave Malcolm a look, he shot one back. And that continued for about a minute when we both burst out laughing. Lois looked ready to kill.

Later the whole family, Rob and myself sat down in front of the T.V to watch some Saturday night comedy. It actually felt quite strange not being able to cuddle up with Rob. Which we did since we got together. Malcolm and Reese sat between us. Obviously Lois was scheming something. I wonder how much they got paid.

We were watching some sketch about Homos. It was actually quite funny. A bit, it had quite a lot of gay bashing though. Thinking back, I would probably have laughed at it, but after my time with Rob, we've experienced a lot of Homophobic comments. Some people are just so immature. It was a general hetero understanding to the gay community, you know … all pink and girly.

"Wait a minute!" it was Reese. He sat up and stared at the T.V.

"What?" Asked dad.

"Those two guys sleep together!" he said pointing at the screen.

"Er… yes, son… just… watch the T.V" oh my god! He was embarrassed. I had to cover my mouth to hide the huge grin on my face. Reese only stayed quiet for a few minutes. But I knew he had a lot of questions.

"But, how would they have sex?" he asked dad. His eye twitched a little and I noticed he just went very pink behind the ears.

"Use your imagination Reese!" Malcolm whispered.

Reese screwed up his eyes as if he was trying to see something far away.

"Nope, sorry, can't" he said.

"Are we going to have to go through another one of these episodes?" Malcolm whined. "It's just like when you're with a woman only one man has to ………"

"I think I left the car light on!" said dad very quickly, and then he ran out of the room. Oh well, it might take time for him to accept. Mom was trying very hard not to listen, I could tell, she gets this little tick on her temple when she's suppressing anger, or when she's about to interrupt someone.

"So, wait, does Francis do that?" it was Reese, I must have spaced off there and missed some very important points in Malcolm's lecture.

"Well that's generally what a guy would do if he lived with another guy"

"Francis, do you do that?" Reese asked me. I still had absolutely no idea what they were on about.

"Do what?" I asked. "Sorry I kinda spaced out back there" I said.

"Stick your dick up men's arses?" well, ten points for bluntness. I just stared at him for a moment. I looked at Rob to see what he thought of the conversation, Strangely enough, he was laughing.

"You could say that" I answered Reese. "Although, strangely enough, that's not the weirdest way it has been described," I said, trying to lighten the mood with a joke. The others just stared at me, except Rob, who muttered something and left towards my bedroom.

"Joke, guys, joke" I explained.

"That's disgusting!" Reese said. I didn't really know what to make of this. Seriously.

"You might think it's disgusting, but not everyone shares your views!" I snapped back. Reese still didn't look moved though.

"And what about that other guy, the one that was here a minute ago, is he just a friend, or do you … you know?"

"No I don't, what do I do?" I couldn't help but tease them for a bit. It fun to make your siblings squirm.

"Have sex with him" he said.

"Yep" I said simply. No point in denying I suppose, thank god dad left.

"With him?" Reese asked pointing in the direction Rob went.

"Yes" I said.

"Really?"

Irritating.

"Yes!" I said. "Why is that so hard to understand?" I exclaimed.

"Well, first off, you used to like girls" I nodded to tell him it was true. "But now you sleep with this guy …"

"He has a name," I said.

"Yeah, whatever, anyway, how did you suddenly change from liking girls to liking boys?"

I was silent for a minute. Yes that was a good question, because I could always remember liking all these women, but when did men come into the picture? Hmm, I'll have to ponder over that for a while.

"Reese, I can honestly say I have no idea!" I said, laughing.

"Oh"

"Why's that so important anyway?"

"I just find it slightly confusing is all." Reese said sighing. I was not exactly sure what was going on here, this is not Reese acting all silent and thoughtful, the Reese I knew would be out burning something by now.

"Love is love," said a voice near us. We all spun around to see mom. Who was still watching the T.V.

"What?" we all asked. This has got to be the first time she ever said anything in a normal tone.

"I said 'love is love' now shut up and watch the T.V!" yep that's my mom. We remained as quiet as possible, not wanting to anger her more. We were all still a bit bemused at her explanation of love. It really did explain a lot.

"Hey Francis?" Malcolm asked me in a whisper.

"What?" I answered back.

"Doesn't that not hurt Rob?" he asked.

"What?"

"Sticking your dick up him?"

I could only grin, it seems Malcolm is more curious than I thought!

Ok, I hope you guys out there enjoyed this! It certainty took me some time to write anyway!

So please drop a review, any kind, be it praise or flame!

Here are my replies to your reviews!

Yuki Kurai: I hope you liked these reactions … please keep reading!

Hiro No Tsuki: creepy, that explains the feeling I had that someone was watching me! I'm glad you like this, the story line itself probably has a bit of copying somewhere, and I tried to make it original! Keep reading, oh and review too!

Rchan2: the thing about 'the things the matter' is that I had my whole storyline written out, but sadly got eaten by my dog, then I managed to write fairly the same content but it fell into a fire. So generally, the things that matter is on hold for a few days at least, I'm planning to have it up before December though! I also have some tests coming up, my junior cert, so I'm swamped with the amount of homework and study, but I'm glad that you still look for updates on it! Really glad!

Hipa: I hope this one was at a satisfactory length? (That sounds so bad!) I'm glad that you like this! Although I don't think very much happened in this chapter, you'll get Rob's views of the family probably in the next chapter! Please keep reading, oh and review as well!

Pyro Dragon 117: I decided to make Malcolm the one to tell everyone, because then I'll have to spend half and hour on Francis trying to explain to his family that he's gay, and that'll take me a lifetime and the update would be even longer!

Matilda: I hope you found a good way to wait, I'm sorry tis took so long, I know I said in my last update that this would be up within that week, but things pop up, like dancing competitions and journeys down to the stables and what not … I hope you liked this and will leave a review!

Byproduct Of Evil: I hope this met your expectations! Please keep reading! And thanks for telling e the language of the ozone song.

Anna Lavendel: (sorry if you name's spelt wrong!) as you can see, no mishaps on Rob's part yet, but it's early days… keep e-mailing me (or reviewing) with your ideas!

If anyone has any ideas, queries or comments you want me to know about just e-mail me. Just put the keyword as 'Francis' odyssey' and I will reply back.