Chapter 85

Baby Talk

"So…I spoke with Sara," Catherine admitted during the shift that evening as she stepped into the break room, "she's talking about some alternating thing or something…?"

"Yeah, we're going to live together alternatively," Gil looked up from where he was sitting, he was working on a crossword and eating an apple.

"Which means?"

"Three days my place, three days at her place, and a day apart."

"Ohh," Catherine grabbed a cup of coffee and joined him at the table, "sounds…like a commitment."

"You could call it that," Gil gave a shrug, "lets call it 'baby steps'."

"Baby steps?" Catherine mused, and her eyes twinkled. "Speaking of babies…uh…how'd it go with baby Jane Doe."

"I got puke on my shirt and very little work done," Gil replied, he took a bite out of his apple.

"Judy at reception said you looked all misty eyed when you had to give the baby to social services," Catherine beamed.

"Misty eyed?" Grissom snorted, "The kid threw up on me. I had the smell of sour milk right under my nose, you'd be misty eyed too."

Catherine laughed, "I think you're making it sound worse than it really was," she sipped her coffee, "did you even have to change a diaper?"

"No, although the kid was lying on my jacket while I was doing some paperwork – later I went to put the jacket on and there was the distinct smell of urine on it – I had to take it to be dry-cleaned," he grumbled.

"I'm sure you're more than capable of handling the smell of baby pee and puke, Grissom," Catherine's eyes were still twinkling. "You had to admit, she was cute."

"She looked like a little old balding man with no teeth – like the landlord of the first apartment I ever rented," Gil mused.

"Don't you just love that baby smell?"

"What baby smell?" he asked, "all I smelled was vomit and urine."

"The new baby smell, baby powder and lotion…"

"You don't need a baby to have those smells. I'm sure the drug store down the street is having a sale on those," Gil smirked, "holding the kid must have brought back memories for you though, of when Lindsey was a baby."

"It did," Catherine smirked, "reminded me ofwhy I never wanted any more of them, also."

Gil paused, "can I ask something?"

"Sure," Catherine shrugged.

"Lindsey was an accident, right?"

"She was…a surprise," Catherine corrected.

"Did you want kids before you found out you were pregnant?" he asked nosily.

It was Catherine's turn to pause and think, "I…never really gave it much thought. But there was a baby and there was very little time for thoughts."

"So…you never stopped at all during your relationship with Eddie – before Lindsey was born I mean – and said 'hey…what about kids?'?"

Catherine raised an eyebrow, "these are weird questions, even for you."

"Just curious, is all," Gil shrugged, taking another bite from his apple.

Catherine was smirking a little now, "wait a minute…" she began, "don't tell me you're actually thinking about—"

"I didn't say I was thinking about anything. I'm just curious about it. Nothing wrong with wanting to know more about it is there?"

Catherine folded her arms.

"Okay, maybe I've been thinking about it just a little. I mean, I'll be dead in what, another twenty…twenty-five years?" he shrugged, "what am I leaving behind? Nothing, that's what. What proof is there I actually existed after I die – except from, what, a tiny piece of trace DNA I left in my toothbrush or on my comb," he shrugged. "That'd be it. End of the Grissom line."

"I thought you always wanted to be a ghost," Catherine admitted, "leaving no trace on the planet, just gone one day."

"I used to. But…things change. I've changed."

"You're actually bothered by the thought that you might be the last Grissom in your family?" Catherine asked.

"For all I know, I could be," he admitted.

"What about your father?"

"What about him?"

"You never talked about him," Catherine sipped her coffee.

"Nothing to talk about. He's gone, history," Gil replied tersely.

"And that's it?" Catherine asked.

"I doubt he's even still alive, and if he is, what do I care? He's nothing more than a sperm donor," the coldness in his voice jarred even himself momentarily.

"Sounds like someone is holding a grudge," Catherine whistled.

Gil composed himself, "It's not a grudge, it's a fact of life. He was gone. He played very little part in my life. All I got from him was my name."

Catherine looked at him, "so why do you sound so…pissed off?"

"Look…my parents divorced when I was five, okay? The 'guy' I was supposed to be calling dad just left. I never heard from him again. Never. And my family – that is my mothers family – never stayed in contact with my fathers side of the family. No one ever knew what happened to him and no one ever cared."

Catherine reached over and patted his arm, "no wonder you've never wanted kids – or a relationship for that matter."

"Huh?"

"Well…your parents divorced, maybe you thought if you had a long relationship it'd turn out the same way…and maybe you had a fear of being such a disappointment to a kid just as your own father was to you?" Catherine confessed. "Maybe you're afraid you'd have to walk away too…"

"Oh, believe me, if I was stupid enough to make a baby I'd at least be responsible for it and love it anyway regardless of whether it was ever wanted or not in the first place," he pulled his arm from under her hand.

Catherine's mouth hung open for a moment, she seemed startled at what he was saying, Gil continued, never stopping for breath.

"I might be socially inept, and deficient in a lot of ways…and I make bad decisions, and…sometimes I get more involved in my work than my personal life" he breathed. "I know there's so many reasons WHY I shouldn't be a father…but…if it came to the crunch, I'd still be a damn better father than the asshole I share DNA with," he got up, "excuse me…I have work to do," he said now, rather calmly, and without another word, he left the break room, the door thudding loudly behind him.

Gil calmed down by the time he'd reached the garage to continue with an experiment he'd been working on for a case. He tried to push the conversation with Catherine out of his mind, but it was still lingering there.

Warrick arrived moments later, "Interviewed the suspect, got zilch. Nothing makes any more sense now than it did before."

Gil sighed, it wasn't the news of the case they were both working on which made him feel so thoroughly frustrated.

"Something wrong?"

"No, nothing."

Warrick shrugged, and quietly picked up an apron to wear in helping Gil with the experiment.

Gil had noticed a certain awkwardness with Warrick ever since the night Warrick and Catherine had walked in on he and Sara making love against the wall. Perhaps he really DOES need therapy, Gil mused. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," Warrick replied.

Another moment passed, more uncomfortable silence.

Gil just couldn't bite his tongue any longer.

"You haven't told anyone about what you saw when you and Catherine barged into my house, have you?" Gil tried to sound casual, he wasn't looking at Warrick. He was busying himself with the experiment and trying to be as aloof as possible.

"No…and by the way that was all Catherine…her idea to barge in…not mines," Warrick stated.

"I don't doubt it. I know Catherine is quite capable of anything."

"Man, I knew that. I heard she lumbered you into babysitting…but anyway, that was a cold thing to do – leaving me and Cath at the restaurant. You could have at least warned me."

Gil shrugged, "you're right, I could have. It was an unfair and sneaky thing to do to you and I apologize."

Warrick gave a shrug too.

"So…what now?"

"Huh?" Warrick queried.

"You and Catherine. What now?"

"Taking it slow…seein' what happens," Warrick responded.

Gil gave a chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"Sorry, I was just quietly wondering if the word 'slow' is in Catherine's vocabulary…at least in reference to relationships."

"I guess Cath might seem a little fast to a man who took five years to bag his girl," Warrick retorted, but smirked.

Gil suppressed a smile, he supposed Warrick deserved to get away with that comment, "Alright…I'll give you that one. But just remember…if it weren't for my intervention, that five years could have easily become you pining after Catherine."

Warrick gave a soft laugh. "Nah."

Another blah chapter courtesy of Ash.

Thanks to everyone for the awesome reviews so far...and for putting me in the recommended fics thread at YTDAW again, that's so sweet :)

I'll mention reviewer names in the next chapter, as per usual.