Disclaimer: I own all of the LOTR characters except for Legolas
(unfortunately), Aragorn, Gandalf, Gimli, Galadriel, Theoden, Eomer, Sam,
Merry, Pippin...
*continues on naming all the characters in LOTR*
...and Treebeard. But besides those, I own 'em all. *big stupid grin*
A/N: Arighty, dudes and dudettes, this is a new story I started on the last evening of my vacation. So, without further ado, I bring you the first chapter of:
THE ADVENTURES OF LOTHUVIEL
Told in Lothuviel's (my Elvish name) POV.
P.S. This is NOT a Mary-Sue. It's a Mary-sue wannabe. In other words, I attempt to have Legolas fall in love with me, but he DOES NOT DO SO. Okay, all done now. Read on, good people of fanfiction.net!
*****
Chapter 1: The Fall
"Lauren, get your arse in here right now! I'm starting the movie in ten seconds! 10... 9... 8... 7... er... the number that comes after seven..." I was getting pissed. Lauren had called me earlier that evening to ask to come over so we could watch Lord of the Rings together. She had interrupted my shower, the little cupcake. Mmm, my beloved Herbal Essences Fruit Fusions shampoo... My (gorgeous, long, blonde)* hair was still wet. I had had to put it up in a "towel turban".
*Heheh, just kidding. Although my hair IS long... and blonde... and gorgeous... and I'm shutting up now.
"Six! *Six* is the number after seven!! (A/N: Ooh, good job, Lauren) And I'm coming!!! Don't start it without me!" Lauren whined, running into my bedroom with a huge bowl of guacamole-flavored Doritos.
"Fine. Gimme the loot." I grabbed the bowl out of her hands and pressed the "Play" button on the DVD player remote controller thingy ma bobber. "Hrm, let's see... ah yes. We'll start on chapter 23: "The Council of Elrond"."
Lauren became even whineier (if that's possible). "Why do we always start on that chapter!?"
"Because that's when Legolas says his first line, you twit," I explained in my oh-so smart voice as Elrond said, "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old..."
"But I've forgotten how the movie starts!" she whined. "We've never watched it all the way through!"
"LOOKIE!" I shrieked, pointing at the screen and completely ignoring her. "It's HIM!!! The elf of much hotness!" It was at the first little part where Legolas looks over at-
"ARAGORN!!!" Lauren squealed, running up and hugging the TV. "He's so hot!"
I rolled my eyes. "Why don't you kiss the friggin' screen, for cheese's sake?" I muttered.
"Okay!" Lauren leaned in and kissed Aragorn on the "lips".
I shook my head sadly. "You are so pathetic."
"Why don't you kiss Legolas?" she asked sweetly. (She never was a bright one.) "You're overly obsessed with him anyway." (A/N: It's true. I keep any and all things Legolas that I find. Mine!! RARRR!!! *bites all hands that touch her precious Legolas pictures*)
"OKAY!" I said happily. "Pause it!" The DVD was at the part where Legolas says, "He is no mere Ranger," and he had that hot yet angry look on his face.
I giggled, then leaned towards the screen, completely forgetting what happens in all the fanfics when someone does something retarded like that. (Another A/N: Okay, so it's not retarded. Oh well.)
ZZZZZZAP!!!
I was sucked into the TV, with colors whirling all around me. I could hear Lauren saying, "Laura? Laaaa-ura! Where aaaaare you??"
I looked in the direction that I assumed was down. I was over a forest, and I could see some people riding horses.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!... THONK."
I landed with a... erm... THONK onto the back of one of the horses. "Erlack," I muttered. "My arse!!! It burnsss ussss!!"
"My lady, are you alright?" a voice said.
"Wha-?" I looked up. And then I shrieked. "LEGOLAS!!!" I screamed, pointing. But, being the smart person that I am, I had forgotten we were on a horse. The stupid animal bolted, and I flew back through the air.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" FWAM. "Ouch..." A tree had somehow appeared in my way.
Someone came running up behind me. "My lady! My lady, are you alright?" The person flipped me over.
I stared up into the bright blue eyes. "Leeeeeegolaaaaaaaasssss..." I mumbled, still a bit dazed. The man looked at me with a very bemused expression.
"How did you know my name, my lady?"
"Hot elf."
"I'm sorry?"
"Hoooot eeeelf," I spluttered. "Woof, my head hurts. Do you have any aspirin?"
The man (who, if you haven't figured it out yet was Legolas), laid his hand on my forehead. The pain melted away within seconds. Ah, the wonders of elvish healing powers.
"What is your name, my lady?" he asked softly.
"Laura," I said, still staring stupidly at him.
"Laura? That is an odd name for an elf."
"I'm... not an elf," I said slowly.
"I think you must have hit your head rather hard, my lady." Legolas helped me up and led me to a nearby stream. "You are delirious, saying that you are not an elf." He pointed to the water.
I squinted and peered down. "YEEK!!!!" I screamed. I had *pointy ears*!!! "I'M AN ELF!!!!" I shrieked.
Legolas winced and put his hands over his ears. "Um... yes you are. Now, what did you say your name was again?"
I thought fast. "My name? Oh, you want to know my name. Um... yes. My name is... Lothuviel. Yes. Lothuviel is my name."
"Lothuviel," he said, looking at me. "That is a lovely name."
I grinned. "Thanks."
"Well, as you know, I am Legolas Greenleaf. At your service," he said, bowing low and kissing my hand. He was so polite, and sexy, and hot, and princely, and...
I looked down at him, then at my new body. Good god, I got TALL. I used to only be 5'0, but now I had to be at least 6'4! And I was *curvy*!! Yay!! (A/N: LOL Katie!!!) Then I looked down at my feet. They were bare! Then...
"Whoopsies..."
"What is wrong, Lothuviel?"
"I'm... er, still in my PJs," I muttered, blushing. It was true. I was wearing a white tank top with my purple "Pampered Princess" silk printed PJ bottoms. And just then the wind started picking up. I shivered.
"Wooo-weee, it's chillay, ain't it?" I said in a hick accent.
"Yes, it is. Would you like to wear my cloak?" Legolas asked, pulling it off his shoulders.
"That would be as good as ripe passionfruit," I said.
Legolas blinked, then wrapped the cloak around my shoulders. "Come along, then. We are headed for Rivendell. Which reminds me," he said, turning around to face me, "where do you come from?"
Crap. Crap crapty merde. Where *did* I come from? I struggled to remember my Middle-earth geography. "Errrr..." I said intelligently. "Well, the thing is, I can't remember." Damn, I thought. I've got to start talking like an elf so that I'll sound... like an elf.
"You cannot remember?" Legolas asked with a confused look.
"Alas, I cannot," I said sadly, "for I believe that I have suffered from amnesia." I pretended to weep into my hands. Hell, if I was in Middle- earth, why not try to snag the Prince of Mirkwood?
He wrapped his arm around my "sobbing" shoulders and patted my arm. "There, there, Lothuviel. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You have been injured, and through much stress. You cannot help it." I looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes. It took all my strength to restrain myself from kissing him right then. "But come now," he continued with a kind, hot smile, "we are only a few miles from Rivendell, and you are cold. We shall get you some proper clothing, and a nice warm bed to sleep in."
"Wanna join me?" I blurted out.
He blinked and the smile disappeared. "Join you where?"
#@&$%!!!! "Um... sorry. My mind wandered."
That oh-so sexy smile returned. I had missed it. "'Tis alright. Let us go." And with that he leapt gracefully up onto his horse. I stood there, looking up at him. "Errr..."
"Do you need some help, my lady?" one of the other elves said.
"No, no. I am fine. Thank you, err..."
"My name is Trelan, my lady," he said, bowing.
I grinned. He wasn't half bad, either. "Well, Trelan, I thank you for your offer. But I am fine." So I, too, leapt up, but not quite as gracefully. "Crap," I muttered, barely hanging onto the horse's flank. But my knight in shining armor (i.e., Legolas) was there to help me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me up behind him. I grinned in what I hoped was a sexy way and said "Thank you" softly in his ear. He smiled, then urged his horse towards Rivendell.
**Meanwhile, back in Indianapolis, IN...**
"Laura? Laaaaa-ura!" Lauren sat calling at the still-paused TV screen.
Laura's mother, hearing someone calling, walked into the room. "You ok, Lauren?" she asked.
"Yep. I'm fine. Thanks." Lauren continued to stare at the screen and call Laura's name.
Laura's mom blinked and sighed as she walked out of the living room. She always knew that Lauren girl wasn't right in the head...
***** *claps hands excitedly* Wasn't that FUN!? Well, I thought so. So, now we all know what to do, right? See that wittle purple button? That's a good little purple button. You know you wanna press it! *big grin*
*continues on naming all the characters in LOTR*
...and Treebeard. But besides those, I own 'em all. *big stupid grin*
A/N: Arighty, dudes and dudettes, this is a new story I started on the last evening of my vacation. So, without further ado, I bring you the first chapter of:
THE ADVENTURES OF LOTHUVIEL
Told in Lothuviel's (my Elvish name) POV.
P.S. This is NOT a Mary-Sue. It's a Mary-sue wannabe. In other words, I attempt to have Legolas fall in love with me, but he DOES NOT DO SO. Okay, all done now. Read on, good people of fanfiction.net!
*****
Chapter 1: The Fall
"Lauren, get your arse in here right now! I'm starting the movie in ten seconds! 10... 9... 8... 7... er... the number that comes after seven..." I was getting pissed. Lauren had called me earlier that evening to ask to come over so we could watch Lord of the Rings together. She had interrupted my shower, the little cupcake. Mmm, my beloved Herbal Essences Fruit Fusions shampoo... My (gorgeous, long, blonde)* hair was still wet. I had had to put it up in a "towel turban".
*Heheh, just kidding. Although my hair IS long... and blonde... and gorgeous... and I'm shutting up now.
"Six! *Six* is the number after seven!! (A/N: Ooh, good job, Lauren) And I'm coming!!! Don't start it without me!" Lauren whined, running into my bedroom with a huge bowl of guacamole-flavored Doritos.
"Fine. Gimme the loot." I grabbed the bowl out of her hands and pressed the "Play" button on the DVD player remote controller thingy ma bobber. "Hrm, let's see... ah yes. We'll start on chapter 23: "The Council of Elrond"."
Lauren became even whineier (if that's possible). "Why do we always start on that chapter!?"
"Because that's when Legolas says his first line, you twit," I explained in my oh-so smart voice as Elrond said, "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old..."
"But I've forgotten how the movie starts!" she whined. "We've never watched it all the way through!"
"LOOKIE!" I shrieked, pointing at the screen and completely ignoring her. "It's HIM!!! The elf of much hotness!" It was at the first little part where Legolas looks over at-
"ARAGORN!!!" Lauren squealed, running up and hugging the TV. "He's so hot!"
I rolled my eyes. "Why don't you kiss the friggin' screen, for cheese's sake?" I muttered.
"Okay!" Lauren leaned in and kissed Aragorn on the "lips".
I shook my head sadly. "You are so pathetic."
"Why don't you kiss Legolas?" she asked sweetly. (She never was a bright one.) "You're overly obsessed with him anyway." (A/N: It's true. I keep any and all things Legolas that I find. Mine!! RARRR!!! *bites all hands that touch her precious Legolas pictures*)
"OKAY!" I said happily. "Pause it!" The DVD was at the part where Legolas says, "He is no mere Ranger," and he had that hot yet angry look on his face.
I giggled, then leaned towards the screen, completely forgetting what happens in all the fanfics when someone does something retarded like that. (Another A/N: Okay, so it's not retarded. Oh well.)
ZZZZZZAP!!!
I was sucked into the TV, with colors whirling all around me. I could hear Lauren saying, "Laura? Laaaa-ura! Where aaaaare you??"
I looked in the direction that I assumed was down. I was over a forest, and I could see some people riding horses.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!... THONK."
I landed with a... erm... THONK onto the back of one of the horses. "Erlack," I muttered. "My arse!!! It burnsss ussss!!"
"My lady, are you alright?" a voice said.
"Wha-?" I looked up. And then I shrieked. "LEGOLAS!!!" I screamed, pointing. But, being the smart person that I am, I had forgotten we were on a horse. The stupid animal bolted, and I flew back through the air.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" FWAM. "Ouch..." A tree had somehow appeared in my way.
Someone came running up behind me. "My lady! My lady, are you alright?" The person flipped me over.
I stared up into the bright blue eyes. "Leeeeeegolaaaaaaaasssss..." I mumbled, still a bit dazed. The man looked at me with a very bemused expression.
"How did you know my name, my lady?"
"Hot elf."
"I'm sorry?"
"Hoooot eeeelf," I spluttered. "Woof, my head hurts. Do you have any aspirin?"
The man (who, if you haven't figured it out yet was Legolas), laid his hand on my forehead. The pain melted away within seconds. Ah, the wonders of elvish healing powers.
"What is your name, my lady?" he asked softly.
"Laura," I said, still staring stupidly at him.
"Laura? That is an odd name for an elf."
"I'm... not an elf," I said slowly.
"I think you must have hit your head rather hard, my lady." Legolas helped me up and led me to a nearby stream. "You are delirious, saying that you are not an elf." He pointed to the water.
I squinted and peered down. "YEEK!!!!" I screamed. I had *pointy ears*!!! "I'M AN ELF!!!!" I shrieked.
Legolas winced and put his hands over his ears. "Um... yes you are. Now, what did you say your name was again?"
I thought fast. "My name? Oh, you want to know my name. Um... yes. My name is... Lothuviel. Yes. Lothuviel is my name."
"Lothuviel," he said, looking at me. "That is a lovely name."
I grinned. "Thanks."
"Well, as you know, I am Legolas Greenleaf. At your service," he said, bowing low and kissing my hand. He was so polite, and sexy, and hot, and princely, and...
I looked down at him, then at my new body. Good god, I got TALL. I used to only be 5'0, but now I had to be at least 6'4! And I was *curvy*!! Yay!! (A/N: LOL Katie!!!) Then I looked down at my feet. They were bare! Then...
"Whoopsies..."
"What is wrong, Lothuviel?"
"I'm... er, still in my PJs," I muttered, blushing. It was true. I was wearing a white tank top with my purple "Pampered Princess" silk printed PJ bottoms. And just then the wind started picking up. I shivered.
"Wooo-weee, it's chillay, ain't it?" I said in a hick accent.
"Yes, it is. Would you like to wear my cloak?" Legolas asked, pulling it off his shoulders.
"That would be as good as ripe passionfruit," I said.
Legolas blinked, then wrapped the cloak around my shoulders. "Come along, then. We are headed for Rivendell. Which reminds me," he said, turning around to face me, "where do you come from?"
Crap. Crap crapty merde. Where *did* I come from? I struggled to remember my Middle-earth geography. "Errrr..." I said intelligently. "Well, the thing is, I can't remember." Damn, I thought. I've got to start talking like an elf so that I'll sound... like an elf.
"You cannot remember?" Legolas asked with a confused look.
"Alas, I cannot," I said sadly, "for I believe that I have suffered from amnesia." I pretended to weep into my hands. Hell, if I was in Middle- earth, why not try to snag the Prince of Mirkwood?
He wrapped his arm around my "sobbing" shoulders and patted my arm. "There, there, Lothuviel. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You have been injured, and through much stress. You cannot help it." I looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes. It took all my strength to restrain myself from kissing him right then. "But come now," he continued with a kind, hot smile, "we are only a few miles from Rivendell, and you are cold. We shall get you some proper clothing, and a nice warm bed to sleep in."
"Wanna join me?" I blurted out.
He blinked and the smile disappeared. "Join you where?"
#@&$%!!!! "Um... sorry. My mind wandered."
That oh-so sexy smile returned. I had missed it. "'Tis alright. Let us go." And with that he leapt gracefully up onto his horse. I stood there, looking up at him. "Errr..."
"Do you need some help, my lady?" one of the other elves said.
"No, no. I am fine. Thank you, err..."
"My name is Trelan, my lady," he said, bowing.
I grinned. He wasn't half bad, either. "Well, Trelan, I thank you for your offer. But I am fine." So I, too, leapt up, but not quite as gracefully. "Crap," I muttered, barely hanging onto the horse's flank. But my knight in shining armor (i.e., Legolas) was there to help me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me up behind him. I grinned in what I hoped was a sexy way and said "Thank you" softly in his ear. He smiled, then urged his horse towards Rivendell.
**Meanwhile, back in Indianapolis, IN...**
"Laura? Laaaaa-ura!" Lauren sat calling at the still-paused TV screen.
Laura's mother, hearing someone calling, walked into the room. "You ok, Lauren?" she asked.
"Yep. I'm fine. Thanks." Lauren continued to stare at the screen and call Laura's name.
Laura's mom blinked and sighed as she walked out of the living room. She always knew that Lauren girl wasn't right in the head...
***** *claps hands excitedly* Wasn't that FUN!? Well, I thought so. So, now we all know what to do, right? See that wittle purple button? That's a good little purple button. You know you wanna press it! *big grin*