Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR, blah blahdy blah pbbt...
*****
Chapter 2: A very orcish encounter
I had been watching the back of Legolas' head for the last thirty minutes, and I *still* wasn't bored. I had never enjoyed long rides. Until now, that is.
I looked over as Trelan rode up next to us. "How are you feeling, Lothuviel?" he asked.
I smiled. "Better, thank you. Your kindness surpasses that of the most valiant elf, Trelan." I had no idea if that made sense or not. It must have, though, because he smiled. Or mayhap he was just freaked out... oh well. "These horses have such a smooth stride, I am quite surprised that I have not fallen asleep yet," I said after a while. I hated talking like that. I WANTED CUSSING!!!
"Yes, the horses of Mirkwood are good beasts," Trelan said. Then he went into a long lecture about the horses, and I almost fell asleep. Actually, I *did* fall asleep.
"Who is she?" I heard someone ask after a while. I decided to just keep on pretending I was still sleeping.
"She told me her name is Lothuviel, my lord. I know it sounds insane, but it seems that she just... fell out of the sky!"
I recognized Legolas' voice. It sounded like it was over me. I slowly looked up*, and realized that my hotty elf was carrying me. Excellent, I thought. Mwahahahahaaa. I snuggled deeper into his arms, and sighed quietly. *Remember, elves sleep with their eyes open.
"Was she hurt?" asked the other voice.
"I am not sure. But I believe she might be suffering from amnesia," Legolas answered.
"Very well then. Take her up to one of the guest rooms. I shall go and tend to her in a few minutes." Aha! Duh! How could I be so stupid! Rivendell + "my lord" = Elrond! I'm so good at math.
Once I felt my body being lowered onto a bed, I "woke up". "Where am I?" I whispered. Haha. I should be an actress.
Legolas smiled. "You are in the house of Elrond, Lothuviel. He shall heal you."
I blinked. "The house?"
He looked at me with a very disturbed expression. "...No, Lord Elrond shall heal you."
"Oh yeah." Crap. "I mean yes. Yes, I remember now." Just then Elrond came into the room. The first things I noticed were his eyebrows. Lauren calls them "the magical eyebrows of DOOM." I giggled.
"What is so funny?" Elrond asked in a slightly irritated voice.
"Magical eyebrows of DOOM!" I yelled, then burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard that I was crying. Through my tears I could see Legolas and Elrond shoot each other slightly bemused looks.
"My lord, she's not feeling well," Legolas said hurriedly. "Please forgive her."
I started laughing harder. Oh god, I had made myself hyper. Elrond sighed disgustedly, then laid a hand on my forehead. Instantly the room swirled around me.
"Oooh, purdy colors," I mumbled. Then I was out cold.
*****
When I woke up, a woman was leaning over me and dressing me in a nightgown. "Hey, hey, hey, watch the hands, Cleopatra," I muttered.
"I'm sorry, my lady," the maid said hurriedly. "You slept through dinner, and I figured that you would not wake up before morning."
My eyes grew wide. "I... missed... dinner!?" I squeaked. "No!" I missed the food! I wanted something to eat!
"It is alright, my lady. I brought you some," she said, and pointed to a platter loaded with food.
"Din-din!" I said happily, and quickly dug in.
*****
I woke up a few hours later to a bright, clear morning. Damnit.
"Ugh, stupid sun," I mumbled into my pillow and rolled over. "Agh!" A conveniently placed mirror reflected the light back onto my face. "Damn, damn, DAMN!!" I bellowed into the pillow.
As I was chewing out the sun, someone came into my room. I looked up and watched as the maid walked up next to the bed.
"My lady, wake up."
"I'M AWAKE!!!" I yelled in her face. She stepped back, completely shocked. I decided the best thing to do was... LIE SOME MORE!! YAY!! "Oh dear! I'm so sorry!" I said in a trembling voice. "I just hate being woken up in the morning! It is not you, I promise!"
"It is well, my lady," the maid said, patting my arm. Jeez, are all elves obsessed with my arms or something? "I just came in to wake you up for breakfast."
"Thank you, erm..." I need to know your name, oh cleaning lady of much intelligence.
"Fiwen," she said with a smile. "If you need anything, just call me. There are gowns in the closet, makeup is on that counter over there, and the bathroom is just through that door." And with that she was gone.
"Arighty then," I said, rubbing my hands together. "Time to get elfisized." I jumped out of the bed, nightgown a-flying, and ran to the closet. Slowly I opened the doors, and my eyes became huge. "So... many... colors..." Row upon row of dresses was laid out before my eyes. Every color imaginable was available, from black (ooh, a GOTH elf! Haha, cool!) to the purest color of white.
"Hrm..." I said thoughtfully. "Let's go with... a nice girly shade of... purple!" I made my way down to the purple "aisle". Now there were about twenty more choices. I could either go with a nice lavender (which was so light it was practically white) or a deep royal purple. I decided to go with the lavender. Now, light, medium, or dark? I went with dark.
So, after spending a quarter of an hour just picking out a dress, I rushed out of the closet and tore off the nightgown. I hurriedly put on the dress, then rushed back to the closet to find some shoes. I grabbed the first pair of sparkly silver-colored ones I found. Then I dashed back out to the vanity thingy and put on a bit of rouge and some mascara. I ran a comb through my hair (which had become even longer, and was now almost white it was so blonde), and put a flower-shaped pin in it.
"All done!" I said, quickly admiring myself in a full-length mirror. Then I skipped to the door, singing the "I feel pretty" song from "Anger Management". I threw it open, causing it to hit someone right in the shnozz. (Nose) Um, oops?
"Ohmygawd!" I exclaimed quickly. "I am so, so, so, so SO sorry. OHMYGAWD!" It was Legolas. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap...
He smiled from behind his hand, which was covering his poor face. "It is well, Lothuviel. You were just in a hurry," he said, rubbing his nose. "I've come to escort you down to breakfast, since you probably do not know the way."
"I am so sorry," I said in a trembling whisper. Way to go, Laura. Nice way to make a first impression on the hottest guy in the whole wide universe. "Are you alright?"
He took his hand away from his face. "I think I will live," he said with a smile. His nose looked perfect... as usual. I sighed in relief, then took his arm, which he had offered out to me.
'Take that, you rabid fangirls,' I thought to myself. 'I'm here fraternizing with a hot elf from Middle-earth and you're stuck back there on real earth with just pictures of him. I win!' It was just then that I realized I had been laughing out loud. Crap.
"Does something amuse you?" Legolas asked. Awwww, he's so polite!
I shook my head quickly. "No, no. I'm just, err, remembering something that happened a few years ago. Yes." I have a habit of saying "Yes" at the end of every statement I make when I'm nervous. In case you didn't notice.
"Ah, I see. Well, here we are." We walked through an arched door thingy and into a really, really, REALLY big hall. Several long tables were lined up to make one giant one. Elves were seated all up and down it, apparently waiting for something.
As I took my seat, all of the elves looked up at me. I grinned and wiggled my fingers in greeting. "Hello!" I said happily. They scowled, then turned to look at Elrond, who was seated a few seats to my left.
"Cheerful bunch, aren't they?" I mumbled to myself.
"They were waiting for us. We were late," Legolas whispered in my ear. Damn that elvish hearing. It's too good for its own... good.
"Well, they've all waited a few thousand years. You'd think that they could wait a few minutes," I murmured back. He seemed to take this offensively, because he straightened up and didn't speak to me for the rest of the meal. The poo-head. The hot poo-head. The really hot poo-head. The really, really hot poo-head.
After breakfast I talked to him. Then he gave me a lecture about how "immortality should not be taken lightly. It was a gift from the Valar", and stuff like that. I didn't listen. I just nodded. Kids, that's the best way to pretend that you're paying attention. Just smile and nod and say "Uh-huh" at any possible time. Believe me, I have experience.
So Legolas yakked on for a few more minutes. I didn't care, though, just as long as it was he doing the yakking. He had such a hot voice. I said, "I am sorry," whenever I could.
Finally he forgave me. "Would you like to go out riding this morning?" he asked.
"Sure, why not?" I said cheerfully. We were going to do something I actually knew how to do AND enjoyed.
"Very well. First we need to get you a horse, and-"
"Er, might I go get changed?" I asked politely.
He smiled. Mmm, yummy elfy lips. "Of course. I shall meet you down in the stables."
"Okie dokie artichokie," I said, then realized that most elves *probably* don't say things like that. Legolas blinked, then shook his head and walked in the opposite direction.
Damn, damn, DAMN I'm so stupid. I sprinted back to my room. After 15 minutes and four wrong turns I finally reached it. I slammed the door behind me and dashed to the closet and pulled out the first tunic and leggings I saw. I threw them on then raced down to the stables.
When I got there, Legolas was talking to Trelan. Hrm, I thought. Two hotties, all to myself. Mwahahahahaaaaa...
I was interrupted from my evil moment by Trelan. "So, you are going to find yourself a horse, Lothuviel?" he asked.
"Yes. I am excited, for I love riding horses," I said in that stupid formal way of talking.
"Would you like to join us, Trelan?" Legolas asked.
"Of cour-"
"NO!" I said without thinking. They both stared at me with questioning looks. "Er- I mean, I am sure you have much better things to do, right, my friend?" I asked him sweetly.
Trelan hesitated. "Well, yes, I suppose so..."
"That is too bad," Legolas said in a disappointed voice. "But you have duties to attend to. Farewell, Trelan!" he called as he walked out of the stable.
"Oh that's a shame. Yep. Well then we'll just be on our way. Yeah, I'm going with Legolas. Bye!" I waved and ran out the door after Legolas.
He led me to a clearing in the middle of the woods, about a mile outside of Rivendell. Then he held up his hand to tell me to stop. "Just whistle loudly and wait," he told me.
I looked at him like he was mad. What were we going to ride, dogs? But I did like the smart, hot elf prince said and whistled. Or tried to. It kind of came out as a raspberry. "Erm... let me try that again," I said in an embarrassed voice. I attempted to whistle several more times.
Finally I managed to get it right. A whistle so shrill that it hurt my new ears passed my lips and echoed through the forest. Almost instantly I heard the thundering of hooves far away. Soon a beautiful black horse with a white blaze on its forehead trotted through the trees towards me. He was gorgeous. A white stocking was on each of his feet, and his tail was long and flowing.
"Ah, Erregroth has chosen you," Legolas told me. "I am surprised. Rarely does such a wild horse let a woman ride him."
"He chose *me*?" I asked.
"Of course. The elf does not pick the horse. The horse picks the elf," Legolas explained. Then he, too, whistled, and a tall, gray horse cantered up to him. "My horse's name is Hyarmenas," he told me.
"They're both lovely!" I said happily. I love horses. They're so prettyful!
"Yes they are," he said, leaping up onto Hyarmenas' back. Somehow, I managed to do the same. Then he leaned down and whispered something in elvish in the horse's ear. Hyarmenas took off like a shot, leaving me and Erregroth to stare at his retreating form.
"Erm... yeeeeah. What he said," I told the horse. It just turned around and shook its head at me. "Well don't just stand there, go!" I said, nudging him with my knees. He wouldn't even budge. "Damnit, what was it that Arwen says in the movie? Oh yeah!" I leaned down. "Erm, noro lim?" I said tentatively.
Erregroth sprang to life and galloped away in the direction that Legolas had gone. Surprisingly, I hadn't fallen off... yet. (Cue foreboding music.)
Soon I was riding next to Legolas. Ah, what fun! I laughed out loud with joy. We began talking about all kinds of things, from horses to our favorite foods.
"So what made you travel all the way from Mirkwood to Rivendell, Prince Legolas?" I asked sweetly.
"I am simply delivering a message from my father to Lord Elrond," he told me. "Relationships between Mirkwood and Rivendell are strained, and Lord Elrond and my father do not get along very well."
"Oh, I see," I said, since I couldn't think of anything else to say. Suddenly-
"Lothuviel!" Legolas cried. I turned around to look at him.
"I'm sorry? What is-"
FWAM!!!
Oh, a branch! How convenient. How dare it grow right where my head was?
All of the air was knocked out of my lungs, and I fell off of Erregroth backwards. Hyarmenas came very close to running over me, but fortunately, Legolas cared enough to make him not do so. What a champ. He swerved to the right and stopped about twenty feet ahead of me.
"Uggghhh," I mumbled, sitting up. "Wha happened?" I looked at Legolas, who was coming towards me. Suddenly he stopped, and quicker than I could follow, he had taken his bow off of his shoulder and nocked an arrow.
"Stay where you are, Lothuviel!" he cried.
"Why? What'd I do?" I asked. "Surely I do not deserve to be shot!" Then I heard a snarling noise behind me. Slowly I turned around.
"Oh shit," I muttered.
More than twenty big orcs were standing behind me, their swords drawn. The biggest one, which was in front, snarled and put its blade to my neck.
"Lower your bow," it growled at Legolas. "We will not harm the she-elf if you let us pass."
My all (Legolas, duh) hesitated, then slowly put his bow and quiver on the ground. Yay! I thought. He loves me! He just doesn't realize it yet. But he will. We shall be married, and make passionate love by moonlight... Oh wait. I'm about to be killed by orcs. Hrm, that could be a problem...
"Do not do this for me!" I cried out dramatically. "To let such fell beasts go free is folly! It is not worth the life of one insignificant maiden!" An insignificant maiden that is beautiful, and smart, and athletic and you know you want her so damn badly, I added mentally.
The lead orc grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. He pushed his blade closer to my neck, causing me to start bleeding. Then he signaled to the others, who then took their own swords and pointed them at my heart.
"Let us pass," they all growled.
Legolas looked from me to the orcs, then slowly backed away from the path.
"Forget about me!" I cried. Well, actually don't, I thought, 'cause you know you love me. "Just kill them! I am not worth it." Yes I am. You know you want me. Then, through the trees, I could make out the forms of a few people with bows. Yay, I'm saved!
The lead orc tugged harshly on my hair. "Shut up!" it growled.
"Let go, you smelly orc!" I spat angrily. "My hair is lovely and it took lots and lots of shampoo to get it as beautiful as it is now. SO LET GO!" I elbowed him between the legs, giving Legolas a chance to pick up his bow and arrows.
Suddenly four more elves burst into the clearing, shooting arrows into all of the orcs' throats. I picked up a sword and did a Xena cry, then killed another one. Within minutes they were all dead, leaving me among a pile of stinky orc carcasses.
"Well, that is enough adventure for one day," I said airily, then fainted.
*****
Well, wasn't that exciting? I'm having fun with this. Heheh. Oh, by the way, this is supposed to be before the LOTR trilogy. Yeah, so Legolas was just kind of running an errand for his father. Que dramatico, no? Heheh.
Anon: Sorry, I have a really bad habit of sticking author's notes in at random places. I did my best not to put any in this chapter.
aquitaineq: Alas, but if I fall in love with someone, it would be...
DUN DUN DUN!!!!
*A MARY SUE!!!*
AHHHH!!!! *runs away screaming*
I'm glad you like it. :)
Carmina Burana (the OTHER Laura): LOL. Yes, 'twas fun, fun, fun for me, too! Yay, hot elves! Hope you liked this chapter, too! :)
P.S. Sorry, I don't know if orcs really live around Rivendell or not. I just wanted to put something adventurous in there. Okay, all done now.
*****
Chapter 2: A very orcish encounter
I had been watching the back of Legolas' head for the last thirty minutes, and I *still* wasn't bored. I had never enjoyed long rides. Until now, that is.
I looked over as Trelan rode up next to us. "How are you feeling, Lothuviel?" he asked.
I smiled. "Better, thank you. Your kindness surpasses that of the most valiant elf, Trelan." I had no idea if that made sense or not. It must have, though, because he smiled. Or mayhap he was just freaked out... oh well. "These horses have such a smooth stride, I am quite surprised that I have not fallen asleep yet," I said after a while. I hated talking like that. I WANTED CUSSING!!!
"Yes, the horses of Mirkwood are good beasts," Trelan said. Then he went into a long lecture about the horses, and I almost fell asleep. Actually, I *did* fall asleep.
"Who is she?" I heard someone ask after a while. I decided to just keep on pretending I was still sleeping.
"She told me her name is Lothuviel, my lord. I know it sounds insane, but it seems that she just... fell out of the sky!"
I recognized Legolas' voice. It sounded like it was over me. I slowly looked up*, and realized that my hotty elf was carrying me. Excellent, I thought. Mwahahahahaaa. I snuggled deeper into his arms, and sighed quietly. *Remember, elves sleep with their eyes open.
"Was she hurt?" asked the other voice.
"I am not sure. But I believe she might be suffering from amnesia," Legolas answered.
"Very well then. Take her up to one of the guest rooms. I shall go and tend to her in a few minutes." Aha! Duh! How could I be so stupid! Rivendell + "my lord" = Elrond! I'm so good at math.
Once I felt my body being lowered onto a bed, I "woke up". "Where am I?" I whispered. Haha. I should be an actress.
Legolas smiled. "You are in the house of Elrond, Lothuviel. He shall heal you."
I blinked. "The house?"
He looked at me with a very disturbed expression. "...No, Lord Elrond shall heal you."
"Oh yeah." Crap. "I mean yes. Yes, I remember now." Just then Elrond came into the room. The first things I noticed were his eyebrows. Lauren calls them "the magical eyebrows of DOOM." I giggled.
"What is so funny?" Elrond asked in a slightly irritated voice.
"Magical eyebrows of DOOM!" I yelled, then burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard that I was crying. Through my tears I could see Legolas and Elrond shoot each other slightly bemused looks.
"My lord, she's not feeling well," Legolas said hurriedly. "Please forgive her."
I started laughing harder. Oh god, I had made myself hyper. Elrond sighed disgustedly, then laid a hand on my forehead. Instantly the room swirled around me.
"Oooh, purdy colors," I mumbled. Then I was out cold.
*****
When I woke up, a woman was leaning over me and dressing me in a nightgown. "Hey, hey, hey, watch the hands, Cleopatra," I muttered.
"I'm sorry, my lady," the maid said hurriedly. "You slept through dinner, and I figured that you would not wake up before morning."
My eyes grew wide. "I... missed... dinner!?" I squeaked. "No!" I missed the food! I wanted something to eat!
"It is alright, my lady. I brought you some," she said, and pointed to a platter loaded with food.
"Din-din!" I said happily, and quickly dug in.
*****
I woke up a few hours later to a bright, clear morning. Damnit.
"Ugh, stupid sun," I mumbled into my pillow and rolled over. "Agh!" A conveniently placed mirror reflected the light back onto my face. "Damn, damn, DAMN!!" I bellowed into the pillow.
As I was chewing out the sun, someone came into my room. I looked up and watched as the maid walked up next to the bed.
"My lady, wake up."
"I'M AWAKE!!!" I yelled in her face. She stepped back, completely shocked. I decided the best thing to do was... LIE SOME MORE!! YAY!! "Oh dear! I'm so sorry!" I said in a trembling voice. "I just hate being woken up in the morning! It is not you, I promise!"
"It is well, my lady," the maid said, patting my arm. Jeez, are all elves obsessed with my arms or something? "I just came in to wake you up for breakfast."
"Thank you, erm..." I need to know your name, oh cleaning lady of much intelligence.
"Fiwen," she said with a smile. "If you need anything, just call me. There are gowns in the closet, makeup is on that counter over there, and the bathroom is just through that door." And with that she was gone.
"Arighty then," I said, rubbing my hands together. "Time to get elfisized." I jumped out of the bed, nightgown a-flying, and ran to the closet. Slowly I opened the doors, and my eyes became huge. "So... many... colors..." Row upon row of dresses was laid out before my eyes. Every color imaginable was available, from black (ooh, a GOTH elf! Haha, cool!) to the purest color of white.
"Hrm..." I said thoughtfully. "Let's go with... a nice girly shade of... purple!" I made my way down to the purple "aisle". Now there were about twenty more choices. I could either go with a nice lavender (which was so light it was practically white) or a deep royal purple. I decided to go with the lavender. Now, light, medium, or dark? I went with dark.
So, after spending a quarter of an hour just picking out a dress, I rushed out of the closet and tore off the nightgown. I hurriedly put on the dress, then rushed back to the closet to find some shoes. I grabbed the first pair of sparkly silver-colored ones I found. Then I dashed back out to the vanity thingy and put on a bit of rouge and some mascara. I ran a comb through my hair (which had become even longer, and was now almost white it was so blonde), and put a flower-shaped pin in it.
"All done!" I said, quickly admiring myself in a full-length mirror. Then I skipped to the door, singing the "I feel pretty" song from "Anger Management". I threw it open, causing it to hit someone right in the shnozz. (Nose) Um, oops?
"Ohmygawd!" I exclaimed quickly. "I am so, so, so, so SO sorry. OHMYGAWD!" It was Legolas. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap...
He smiled from behind his hand, which was covering his poor face. "It is well, Lothuviel. You were just in a hurry," he said, rubbing his nose. "I've come to escort you down to breakfast, since you probably do not know the way."
"I am so sorry," I said in a trembling whisper. Way to go, Laura. Nice way to make a first impression on the hottest guy in the whole wide universe. "Are you alright?"
He took his hand away from his face. "I think I will live," he said with a smile. His nose looked perfect... as usual. I sighed in relief, then took his arm, which he had offered out to me.
'Take that, you rabid fangirls,' I thought to myself. 'I'm here fraternizing with a hot elf from Middle-earth and you're stuck back there on real earth with just pictures of him. I win!' It was just then that I realized I had been laughing out loud. Crap.
"Does something amuse you?" Legolas asked. Awwww, he's so polite!
I shook my head quickly. "No, no. I'm just, err, remembering something that happened a few years ago. Yes." I have a habit of saying "Yes" at the end of every statement I make when I'm nervous. In case you didn't notice.
"Ah, I see. Well, here we are." We walked through an arched door thingy and into a really, really, REALLY big hall. Several long tables were lined up to make one giant one. Elves were seated all up and down it, apparently waiting for something.
As I took my seat, all of the elves looked up at me. I grinned and wiggled my fingers in greeting. "Hello!" I said happily. They scowled, then turned to look at Elrond, who was seated a few seats to my left.
"Cheerful bunch, aren't they?" I mumbled to myself.
"They were waiting for us. We were late," Legolas whispered in my ear. Damn that elvish hearing. It's too good for its own... good.
"Well, they've all waited a few thousand years. You'd think that they could wait a few minutes," I murmured back. He seemed to take this offensively, because he straightened up and didn't speak to me for the rest of the meal. The poo-head. The hot poo-head. The really hot poo-head. The really, really hot poo-head.
After breakfast I talked to him. Then he gave me a lecture about how "immortality should not be taken lightly. It was a gift from the Valar", and stuff like that. I didn't listen. I just nodded. Kids, that's the best way to pretend that you're paying attention. Just smile and nod and say "Uh-huh" at any possible time. Believe me, I have experience.
So Legolas yakked on for a few more minutes. I didn't care, though, just as long as it was he doing the yakking. He had such a hot voice. I said, "I am sorry," whenever I could.
Finally he forgave me. "Would you like to go out riding this morning?" he asked.
"Sure, why not?" I said cheerfully. We were going to do something I actually knew how to do AND enjoyed.
"Very well. First we need to get you a horse, and-"
"Er, might I go get changed?" I asked politely.
He smiled. Mmm, yummy elfy lips. "Of course. I shall meet you down in the stables."
"Okie dokie artichokie," I said, then realized that most elves *probably* don't say things like that. Legolas blinked, then shook his head and walked in the opposite direction.
Damn, damn, DAMN I'm so stupid. I sprinted back to my room. After 15 minutes and four wrong turns I finally reached it. I slammed the door behind me and dashed to the closet and pulled out the first tunic and leggings I saw. I threw them on then raced down to the stables.
When I got there, Legolas was talking to Trelan. Hrm, I thought. Two hotties, all to myself. Mwahahahahaaaaa...
I was interrupted from my evil moment by Trelan. "So, you are going to find yourself a horse, Lothuviel?" he asked.
"Yes. I am excited, for I love riding horses," I said in that stupid formal way of talking.
"Would you like to join us, Trelan?" Legolas asked.
"Of cour-"
"NO!" I said without thinking. They both stared at me with questioning looks. "Er- I mean, I am sure you have much better things to do, right, my friend?" I asked him sweetly.
Trelan hesitated. "Well, yes, I suppose so..."
"That is too bad," Legolas said in a disappointed voice. "But you have duties to attend to. Farewell, Trelan!" he called as he walked out of the stable.
"Oh that's a shame. Yep. Well then we'll just be on our way. Yeah, I'm going with Legolas. Bye!" I waved and ran out the door after Legolas.
He led me to a clearing in the middle of the woods, about a mile outside of Rivendell. Then he held up his hand to tell me to stop. "Just whistle loudly and wait," he told me.
I looked at him like he was mad. What were we going to ride, dogs? But I did like the smart, hot elf prince said and whistled. Or tried to. It kind of came out as a raspberry. "Erm... let me try that again," I said in an embarrassed voice. I attempted to whistle several more times.
Finally I managed to get it right. A whistle so shrill that it hurt my new ears passed my lips and echoed through the forest. Almost instantly I heard the thundering of hooves far away. Soon a beautiful black horse with a white blaze on its forehead trotted through the trees towards me. He was gorgeous. A white stocking was on each of his feet, and his tail was long and flowing.
"Ah, Erregroth has chosen you," Legolas told me. "I am surprised. Rarely does such a wild horse let a woman ride him."
"He chose *me*?" I asked.
"Of course. The elf does not pick the horse. The horse picks the elf," Legolas explained. Then he, too, whistled, and a tall, gray horse cantered up to him. "My horse's name is Hyarmenas," he told me.
"They're both lovely!" I said happily. I love horses. They're so prettyful!
"Yes they are," he said, leaping up onto Hyarmenas' back. Somehow, I managed to do the same. Then he leaned down and whispered something in elvish in the horse's ear. Hyarmenas took off like a shot, leaving me and Erregroth to stare at his retreating form.
"Erm... yeeeeah. What he said," I told the horse. It just turned around and shook its head at me. "Well don't just stand there, go!" I said, nudging him with my knees. He wouldn't even budge. "Damnit, what was it that Arwen says in the movie? Oh yeah!" I leaned down. "Erm, noro lim?" I said tentatively.
Erregroth sprang to life and galloped away in the direction that Legolas had gone. Surprisingly, I hadn't fallen off... yet. (Cue foreboding music.)
Soon I was riding next to Legolas. Ah, what fun! I laughed out loud with joy. We began talking about all kinds of things, from horses to our favorite foods.
"So what made you travel all the way from Mirkwood to Rivendell, Prince Legolas?" I asked sweetly.
"I am simply delivering a message from my father to Lord Elrond," he told me. "Relationships between Mirkwood and Rivendell are strained, and Lord Elrond and my father do not get along very well."
"Oh, I see," I said, since I couldn't think of anything else to say. Suddenly-
"Lothuviel!" Legolas cried. I turned around to look at him.
"I'm sorry? What is-"
FWAM!!!
Oh, a branch! How convenient. How dare it grow right where my head was?
All of the air was knocked out of my lungs, and I fell off of Erregroth backwards. Hyarmenas came very close to running over me, but fortunately, Legolas cared enough to make him not do so. What a champ. He swerved to the right and stopped about twenty feet ahead of me.
"Uggghhh," I mumbled, sitting up. "Wha happened?" I looked at Legolas, who was coming towards me. Suddenly he stopped, and quicker than I could follow, he had taken his bow off of his shoulder and nocked an arrow.
"Stay where you are, Lothuviel!" he cried.
"Why? What'd I do?" I asked. "Surely I do not deserve to be shot!" Then I heard a snarling noise behind me. Slowly I turned around.
"Oh shit," I muttered.
More than twenty big orcs were standing behind me, their swords drawn. The biggest one, which was in front, snarled and put its blade to my neck.
"Lower your bow," it growled at Legolas. "We will not harm the she-elf if you let us pass."
My all (Legolas, duh) hesitated, then slowly put his bow and quiver on the ground. Yay! I thought. He loves me! He just doesn't realize it yet. But he will. We shall be married, and make passionate love by moonlight... Oh wait. I'm about to be killed by orcs. Hrm, that could be a problem...
"Do not do this for me!" I cried out dramatically. "To let such fell beasts go free is folly! It is not worth the life of one insignificant maiden!" An insignificant maiden that is beautiful, and smart, and athletic and you know you want her so damn badly, I added mentally.
The lead orc grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. He pushed his blade closer to my neck, causing me to start bleeding. Then he signaled to the others, who then took their own swords and pointed them at my heart.
"Let us pass," they all growled.
Legolas looked from me to the orcs, then slowly backed away from the path.
"Forget about me!" I cried. Well, actually don't, I thought, 'cause you know you love me. "Just kill them! I am not worth it." Yes I am. You know you want me. Then, through the trees, I could make out the forms of a few people with bows. Yay, I'm saved!
The lead orc tugged harshly on my hair. "Shut up!" it growled.
"Let go, you smelly orc!" I spat angrily. "My hair is lovely and it took lots and lots of shampoo to get it as beautiful as it is now. SO LET GO!" I elbowed him between the legs, giving Legolas a chance to pick up his bow and arrows.
Suddenly four more elves burst into the clearing, shooting arrows into all of the orcs' throats. I picked up a sword and did a Xena cry, then killed another one. Within minutes they were all dead, leaving me among a pile of stinky orc carcasses.
"Well, that is enough adventure for one day," I said airily, then fainted.
*****
Well, wasn't that exciting? I'm having fun with this. Heheh. Oh, by the way, this is supposed to be before the LOTR trilogy. Yeah, so Legolas was just kind of running an errand for his father. Que dramatico, no? Heheh.
Anon: Sorry, I have a really bad habit of sticking author's notes in at random places. I did my best not to put any in this chapter.
aquitaineq: Alas, but if I fall in love with someone, it would be...
DUN DUN DUN!!!!
*A MARY SUE!!!*
AHHHH!!!! *runs away screaming*
I'm glad you like it. :)
Carmina Burana (the OTHER Laura): LOL. Yes, 'twas fun, fun, fun for me, too! Yay, hot elves! Hope you liked this chapter, too! :)
P.S. Sorry, I don't know if orcs really live around Rivendell or not. I just wanted to put something adventurous in there. Okay, all done now.