Responses to my lurvely reviewers:

Crystyna: LOL! No, no, no.  He was just talking to Mary-sue.  Don't worry, I'm not completely sick-minded like that.  Here are your lovely archery lessons, dahling.

Lolly: Ooooer, you're good.  Haha, you hit the nail right on the head.  Smart one. :)

Novembermorn: I'm glad you're enjoying this.  I am too. :)

OOOOH!! I found my REAL Elvish name!! It's Alatáriël Elanessë.  Isn't that gorgeous!?  Hehehe!  Crappers, I wish I  had found that BEFORE I started this story... oh well, we'll just stick with Lothuviel, because it's easier to spell and pronounce.

My Hobbit name is Ruby Hardbottle.  Isn't that cute? Oh, and Lauren's REAL Hobbit name would be Myrtle Burrows.  Oh man... hahahaa!  That is just too funny...

~*~*~*~*~

I found that one maid person again and she led me up to my room.  There we found me some leggings (deep forest green) and a tunic thingo (a lighter green).  Then she gave me these awesome lace-up boots made of really soft brown leather, and put my hair in a braid down my back.  Ooooer, I looked purdyful.  Then I strapped my quiver on my back and grabbed my bow, both of which were intricately carved and had silver ornamentation on them.

"Thank you, um... person," I said to the maid.

"Larien is my name, Lothuviel," she replied with a bow.

"That is a gorgeous name," I complimented.  It really was. 

She smiled.  "Thank you, my lady.  But come, Prince Legolas is waiting."  Of course!  Why am I wasting my time being nice to someone when my Leggy is waiting for me?!

I practically skipped down the hallway behind Larien, then out the front door of the palace into the courtyard where Legolas was waiting.  He, too, had gotten changed.  Oh!  WE WERE MATCHING!!!  He smiled when he saw me come down the steps. 

"Are you ready to learn to shoot?" Legolas asked.

"Indeed I am, Legolas.  Where shall we go for my lessons?"

"There is a shooting range about half a mile from here," he said as he turned to Larien.  "Thank you for assisting her.  You may go now."  Larien bowed and went back inside.

Legolas and I walked out of the palace, and I couldn't help but notice that all the female elves that we passed shot me disapproving glares.  I just grinned cheekily at them.  Haha, losers.  They're REAL elves and can't even get near my princey poo. But here I am, an intruder, and he's falling under my spell.  Mwahahahahaaa.

We walked pretty much in silence all the way to the archery range, except for the sounds of me tripping over a bunch of roots.  I thought elves were light-footed and graceful?  Well, not this elf.  ("Technically, she's not an elf," Lauren says over my shoulder.  Shut up, smartass.)

Eventually we came to a clearing in the woods with several targets lined up a little distance away.  There wasn't anyone else around.  Yesssss!!

Legolas turned to me and said, "You can take off your quiver for right now.  First I shall teach you how to properly hold a bow."  Properly hold a bow?  How hard can it be?  Harder than I thought.  I had to grip it just right or else Legolas would adjust my fingers or something so that they were in just the right spot.

"Good.  Now take an arrow out of your quiver," he said.  Okiedoo, that's not so hard.  I pulled one out of the quiver, and accidentally caused all of the others to come out, too.  Jebus, I'm making even more of an ass of myself than I usually do...

"Oops..." I muttered and started picking them up.  Legolas chuckled and helped me.  Oh god, why do I have to be so retarded?!

"Now then, take the bow and hold it parallel to the ground with your arm on top," he told me.  Will do, Mr. Hottie Archery Teacher.  "Very good.  Now nock the arrow."

"Nock?" I asked.

"Yes.  See the slit in the end of it, behind the fletching?" he asked.  I nodded.  "Place the arrow on the bow so that the bowstring will go through that slit."

"Oh, I see now."  I did as Legolas said, and apparently did it the right way. 

"Very good.  Now place the bow upright and pull back on the arrow using just your index and middle fingers."  I did that.  "Almost, but pull back so that your arm is adjacent to your ear."  My lovely pointed ear, I added mentally, because I am a beautiful elf that you know you want to snog oh-so badly.  "There, that is perfect.  Now..." He talked for a little while about how you want the right amount of force on the string and yada, yada, yada.  I just stood there with a strained smile and a bead of sweat rolling down my neck.  My arm was going to fall off!

Legolas blabbed on some more.  Of course, I didn't mind, so long as he was the one doing the blabbing.  Then he picked up his bow and showed me just how to aim and stuff like that.  My jaw dropped.  He looked SO HOT doing that!!!  For some reason I couldn't concentrate.  I was busy admiring his muscles that were underneath that oh-so handsome (and form-fitting) tunic of his.  Ow, arm, ow, falling off, ow ow ow ow ow ow ow...

He let go of the arrow and it whistled through the air, coming to rest in the dead center of the target.

"Whoa," I said.  He chuckled.

"Now you can go ahead and see if you can do that," he said with a smile.  Oooh, crap.  Crapity crap crap merde.

"Um... sure."  I closed one eye and stuck the tip of my tongue out of the corner of my mouth, the better to concentrate, and let the arrow go.  It flew through the air and landed ten feet away.  Oh wonderful.

"Well... that is a start," Legolas said.  "Are you sure you wish to learn archery?  You are very skilled with a sword."

"You do not think of me as an able fighter?" I asked in a trembling voice.  Ouch, Leggy.  Ouch.

"No, no!" he said anxiously.  "That is not what I meant!  Oh, Lothuviel, I am so sorry."  He patted my back and smiled kindly.  "Come now, you are just a beginner.  Let us try again."  I sniffled and nodded.  "Here, we shall do it together," he said as he picked up his bow.  "Here, now nock another arrow and aim with me, all right?  Make sure you aim a bit above the mark you want to hit."

"Oh, I see.  I had not realized that before," I said, making up an excuse for my retardedness.  I picked up my bow and put an arrow to the string.  "All right.  Now, pull back so that your hand is level with your ear," he said, and demonstrated.  I pulled back.  Ow, arm. Falling off.  Again.  "Yes, now when I tell you, fire, all right?"  I nodded.  "Ready? Fi-"

"HI GUYS!!!" someone yelled.  I screeched and accidentally let go of the arrow. 

"MARY-SUE, YOU LITTLE FRUIT!" I roared as I saw Lauren skipping up to me. 

"Just checking to make sure you two weren't having too much fun!" she said with a grin.  I am going to kill her. 

"You little..." I growled as Legolas tapped me on the shoulder.

"Look," he said, pointing to the target.  I blinked and turned around.

"WOO!" I yelped.  "I hit it!  Well, sort of..." I scrunched up my nose.  The arrow was stuck in the petticoat of the target.  (A/N: The petticoat is the white outer ring on the target.  In archery, it doesn't count for any points.)

Legolas nodded and smiled.  "A very good start," he said, and patted my arm.

"Thank you," I said sweetly.  Lauren made gagging noises. "I might have hit the CENTER if SOMEONE hadn't scared me."  I glared at Lauren, who grinned. 

"But I'm cute!" she protested.

"Yes, yes.  Now please, let us be.  I must get back to my lessons." I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Ooooh.  Gotcha."  She attempted to wink at me, but ended up going cross-eyed.  Idiot.

"Goodbye, Mary-sue," I growled, and turned back to Legolas.

"Toodles!" she chirped and skipped away towards the castle.  I sighed and Legolas smiled.  "Such an interesting little hobbit.  Anyway, shall we continue with your practices?"

"If you have enough patience," I said with a little grin. 

"Of course I do.  Now try to hit inside the target this time."  We both aimed our arrows at the target.  "When I say so, fire.  Ready..." I held my breath. "Fire!" he said, and I let go of my arrow.  It whistled through the air and landed with a thunk into the petticoat again.  "Errgh..." I grumbled.

"That is all right, Lothuviel.  At least you hit it." Cheers.  Thanks.  Good night.  "Try again," he said.

"Oh I guess.  But..."

"Yes?"

"Would you help me aim?" I said, coming up with an idea on the spot.  "Oh brother" is what Lauren would have said.  I have to agree.

"Um... if you will it so," he said a bit uncomfortably.

"I do."  I smirked as he came around behind me and gently reached around me to help me aim. "That is much better," I said.  "Now it shall be easier for me to learn." I sneakily snuggled up against him.

"Indeed.  Perhaps you would like to learn how to fight with knives as well?" he asked, handing me an arrow.

"I would love to," I said, and breathed in a sigh.  Mmm.  Eau de Legolas.  Fruity, yet not girly.   I inconspicuously licked my lips. 

"Wonderful.  As soon as you become more talented with the bow, I shall teach you.  Now then..." We both held up the bow and pulled it back.  "Ready?  Fire!"  I let go and the arrow flew true, right to the center of the target.

"YEEK!" I squealed, bouncing on the balls of my feet.  "I HIT IT!!"  He laughed and nodded.

"Very well done.  You are a quick learner.  Shall we try again?"  Does he even have to ask?

For most of the rest of the day he taught me about shooting.  Well, sort of.  He was talking about shooting, and I was just standing there ogling at him.  Oh well. 

We walked back to the palace, and my arms were practically falling off.  It hurt to even carry my bow.  "Owwwww..." I groaned.

"What is wrong, Lothuviel?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"My arms hurt terribly," I said with a pout.  He stopped and put his hand on my forehead, and slowly the pain went away.  Yay elvish healing powers! 

"Do you feel better now?" he asked.

"Ungh..." I said.  Translation: Yes. Now touch my head again!!!!

He chuckled.  "I am glad.  Now we must go back to the castle and wash up.  Dinner is in less than an hour."  Crapola.  No time to pretty myself up, then.  Dangit.  As we walked up the steps to the front door, I said, "I thank thee, Legolas Greenleaf, for passing your skills onto someone unimportant such as I."

"You are far from unimportant," he said quietly.  "You are a good friend of mine, and I was honored to teach you."  He took my hand and kissed it. 

"Thank you.  I shall see you at dinner," I said boredly. God, why can't he love me already? Waaaah. I walked down the long hallway and found the stairs I had to go up to get to my tower.  I somehow managed to find it without getting too terribly lost.  Woot!

I opened the door and was immediately greeted with a karate shriek.  "HI-YAH!!!"

"YEEK!!!" I squealed and kicked at the person coming at me.  I heard an "Ooof!" and someone fall on the ground. 

"Oweeee..." Lauren groaned.  "You hurt me."

"Why the hell were you about to practice karate moves on me?" I asked, looking down my (cute little) nose at her.

"I was bored," she said, and whimpered.  "You hurt my tummy."

"Aww, did wittle Wauren get a boo-boo?" I asked dryly.

"Uh huh."

"Too bad for her, then."

"Lothuvielllllll," she whined. 

"Fine," I growled.  I leaned down and put my hand on her forehead.

"...now what?" she asked.

"I dunno.  This is my first time.  Um..." I thought really hard about making her feel better, and suddenly my hands felt warm.  Ooh, cool.

"Feel better?" I asked.

"Yup.  Thanks," she said as she hopped onto my bed and started bouncing on it. "Weeee!"

"Ugh, don't do that.  I feel light-headed thanks to you," I groaned and sat in my loverly armchair.  That whole healing thing made me dizzy. 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.  "My lady?"  I went over and opened it and found Larien standing outside the doorway.  "Are you almost ready for dinner?" she asked.

"It is dinner time already?" I said.  Crapola, I hadn't even changed out of my tunic yet!  Craaaap!!

"Yes, and I also have a nice little dress for your friend Mary-sue."

"Yeek!" Lauren squealed and ran to the door.  She yanked the dress out of Larien's hands and looked at it.  "Oooh, it's so purdy!!" she giggled.  The dress was made out of a red patterned cloth with small flowers printed on it, and had a little apron to match.  There also was a piece of ribbon to tie up her hair.  "Thanks!"

"You are quite welcome.  'Tis a gift from me, since I realized that you did not have many dresses."

"Woo!" Lauren ran back into my room and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.  I winced.  Stupid hobbit should realize that my hearing is more sensitive now.

"Well, thank you for the dress, Larien.  I am sure Mary-sue will love it," I said.

"It was not a problem.  I hope she likes it.  But if you will excuse me, Prince Legolas wishes to speak with me." With that she bowed and walked away.  I peered after her, then raced over to the bathroom door.

"Lauren!!" I hissed.  "Hurry up!"

"Why?" came the slightly muffled reply.

"Because its almost dinner time.  Actually, take your time, because I need to change too."  I raced to the closet and pulled out a dress (sparkly green, ooer) and ripped off the tunic.  I hopped into the dress and buttoned up the back, then went back to the bathroom.  "Are you done yet?!"

"Yeppers."  The door came flying open, with my face still right by it. 
"Shit!" I yelped.  "Lauren, you idjitard!  I think you just broke my nose!!!"

"Oh, sorry," she said unenthusiastically.  I hate her sometimes.  "Now what was the hurry again?  Oh yeah, dinner!"

"I was just kidding.  That was to make you hurry up," I replied as I walked over to the dresser.  I grabbed a handkerchief (with green trimming, of course) and put it up to my nose, which was bleeding. 

"Then what are we doing?" Lauren complained as her stomach gave a huge growl.

I turned to face her.  "We have stalking to do."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Next time on "The Adventures of Me, Lothuviel":

Laura and Lauren do some stalking!

Laura meets Thranduil face-to-face!

And more insaneness ensues!

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Okiedoo, that's ch. 8, y'all.  Hope you enjoyed it.  I sure did. :-D

Much lurve, Orlando, Legolas, Will Turner, Jack Sparrow, Johnny, etc.,

~*Laurel*~