Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis
Spoiler: Everything up to and including season 2
Pairing: Elizabeth/Teyla, Elizabeth/John
Warning: Rape/Non-consensual sex
Notes: I do not apologise for the Elizabeth/Teyla part of this fic, in fact it's my fav part
Then you'll understand
Elizabeth choked back the bile, which was rising in her throat. She shrugged off her blood-filled jacket and dropped it into the washbasin that was filled with water. The blood turned the water a light red colour almost immediately. She took off her top and slacks and put them into the basin with the jacket. She turned on the shower before removing her underwear and stepping underneath the warm spray.
As the water fell down her back, Elizabeth pressed her hands against the wall and began to cry. Her warm tears mixed with water and fell down her face.
Sighing and shaking Elizabeth ran her hands through her hair detangling it, removing blood and sweat. Her tears began to fall as the water from the shower fell onto her body stinging her wounds.
She slowly picked up the sponge, which lay on a shelf next to her and began to rub it across her skin, trying to rid herself of the blood and the dirt.
She scrubbed her skin harder and harder barely noticing she was causing some of the wounds to reopen and bleed.
"No, please don't."
Elizabeth pushed back her tears as the memories invaded her mind. She continued to scrub her skin trying to get the feeling of him off her. She felt dirty and ashamed, she knew it wasn't her fault but she thought there was something she should have been able to do to stop it.
She looked up at the showerhead and allowed the warm water to fall onto her face, the water stung her eyes but Elizabeth didn't care. She just wanted to remove every last bit of him, clean every part of her body that he touched.
She jumped as she heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Dr Weir?"
Elizabeth turned off the shower and quickly placed a towel around her body.
"Yes?"
A gentle voice, she identified as Teyla's answered.
"Dr Beckett wishes to see you"
Elizabeth began to dry herself before answering.
"I'll be right there."
She heard Teyla step away from the door and sit on the bed. Elizabeth cringed; she couldn't deal with anyone right now. Especially Teyla.
"I'll see you in the infirmary"
Elizabeth heard Teyla leave the bed and walk back over to the bathroom door.
"I shall wait for you."
Elizabeth was about to protest but she stopped herself. Teyla was just trying to help, she was worried.
Elizabeth quickly picked up some fresh clothes off a chair and got changed. When she was finally changed, she looked into the bathroom mirror.
She didn't look bad, but than she didn't look that good either.
Her face was covered with small cuts and bruises; she had a big black eye and a slightly swollen cheek.
Carson had wanted to see her straight away but Elizabeth had asked if she could shower before she saw her and he'd agreed but really the thought of any man touching her sent cold shivers down her spine. It was only Carson, and she was afraid of him.
She sighed one final time before opening the bathroom door and stepping into her bedroom.
As soon as she entered the bedroom, she saw Teyla stand up and approach her. Teyla weakly smiled before wrapping her arms around Elizabeth. On contact, Elizabeth tensed before relaxing into Teyla's arms.
Teyla ran her fingers through Elizabeth's hair as Elizabeth rested her head on Teyla's shoulder.
"I am so glad you are back"
Elizabeth kept her tears from falling onto Teyla shoulder but allowed herself to wrapped her own arms around Teyla and hold her tightly.
They stayed like that for a few moments just relishing in the fact that Elizabeth was safe and well again.
Teyla pulled back and looked at her placing a hand on her cheek.
"I was so worried that you wouldn't be coming back home"
Elizabeth saw the tears forming in her eyes and reassured her by placing her own hand on the hand that was currently holding her cheek.
"I am fine"
It was a lie, Elizabeth knew it and she was sure Teyla knew it as well, but she continued to hold her ground. She smiled at Teyla in a reassuring way and held her other hand.
"I should get to the infirmary. We don't want Carson sending out a search party"
Teyla smile and release her hand. She walked over to the bedroom door and it opened. She looked over at Elizabeth who was still standing over at the bed.
"Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth looked at her, smiled and walked over to where Teyla was standing.
Teyla and Elizabeth walked into the infirmary; Elizabeth's eyes fell onto John who was laying on one of the far beds.
Ignoring Teyla and Carson, she walked over to him. John looked at her and smiled weakly.
"Hey. How are you?"
His voice was low, he knew what had had happened, but he knew she wouldn't want anyone else to know.
"I'm fine, I promise you John"
John grasped her hand and held it tightly. Elizabeth shivered at the touch, but she knew she could trust John. He would never hurt her.
"Tell Carson. Just let him check you over, make sure you didn't catch an infection."
Elizabeth squeezed his hand and released it.
"I will."
They both knew she was lying but it was a lie they could both live with. Carson walked over to Elizabeth.
"Dr Weir. Can you come with me please?"
Elizabeth nodded, smiled at John weakly, and followed the doctor into a private examination area.
She slowly removed her jacket and Carson started to rewrap her wounds.
He slowly lifted Elizabeth's top and saw the deep scars on her stomach.
He stopped as he saw Elizabeth shiver at his touch. He didn't know what had happened to her but the way she was acting, he had drawn his own conclusions. He sighed.
"Elizabeth, would you be more comfortable with a female doctor examining you?"
Elizabeth snapped her head up and looked into his eyes. He knew, Elizabeth looked down, ashamed.
"Please don't say anything Carson"
Carson saw the tears fall from Elizabeth's eyes onto her slacks.
"I'll go get that doctor."
Carson began to walk away but she grabbed his hand.
"Please, I don't want anyone else to know. I want you to examine me."
Carson nodded and walked back to her. Elizabeth knew she could trust him, he couldn't tell anyone else so it was better that only one doctor knew what had happened to her.
"Elizabeth, you know I will have to do a test, to check for…infections"
Elizabeth nodded slowly
"I know. Get it over with as quickly as possible…please"
Carson nodded
"Lay down"
Elizabeth did as she was asked and Carson started the examination.
Teyla walked over to John's bed and sat on the chair next to him. John smiled at her but she did not smile back. She looked over to where Elizabeth had disappeared with Carson before looking back over at John. The look that she gave John told him that she was confused, upset and worried.
"Major. I must know. What happened to Elizabeth?"
John cleared his throat.
"She was beaten pretty badly"
Teyla nodded
"Major, I know something happened to Elizabeth, something bad, something she is ashamed of. I know you are aware of what it is."
John looked down. Elizabeth had sworn him to secrecy. He didn't even know if Teyla had a right to know.
"Teyla, this is none of our business, it's Elizabeth. If she wants you to know she shall tell you."
Tears began to form in Teyla's eyes.
"How can you say this is none of my business? I know we were fighting but we were working through it. John I must know"
John sighed. He did love Teyla like a sister but his feelings for Elizabeth were deeper. He loved Elizabeth; his feelings for her had become stronger everyday since knowing her, when he found out about Elizabeth and Teyla he had become numb, he'd tried to push his feelings for her away but failed spectacularly. He'd settled for being her friend instead and they had become very close, the flirting never ended of course, just like Teyla's flirting with Ford and that was what had caused the problems between Teyla and Elizabeth.
Neither one felt secure in their relationship, both fearing the other would cheat without realising that the other felt the same.
Eventually they began fighting and had been on the verge of breaking up.
"Teyla, something happened to Elizabeth, but she has to tell you herself. I'm sorry"
Teyla sighed and looked at him
"I know how you feel for Elizabeth. I cannot blame you and I know Elizabeth has feelings for you as well. You have promised her that you will not say anything, I know that and I know you will not break a promise especially to Elizabeth but I need to know"
John sighed and looked down before taking Teyla's hand.
"Talk to her, she'll tell you when and if she wants to"
Teyla nodded and looked down.
"I just wish she would trust me like she trusts you."
2 Days later
Elizabeth sat opposite Kate Heightmeyer. She crossed her arms across her chest.
Kate noted how Elizabeth seemed very nervous.
"Elizabeth, what happened while you and Major Sheppard were being held prisoner."
Elizabeth drew her legs up to her chest.
"Major Sheppard was tortured, they didn't beat me as much, they knew I wasn't has useful, but I had things they could exploit. John wouldn't let anything happen to me, and Commander Wixal knew that. He used it to his advantage; he threatened me, while John was there. He threatened to…to…rape me in front of John if he didn't help him. "
Elizabeth looked down, tears began to form in her eyes.
Kate sat forward and placed her hand on Elizabeth's leg, causing Elizabeth to withdraw back.
"Elizabeth, did he…rape you?"
Kate left the question hanging in the air, she didn't need an answer. Elizabeth's eyes said it all.
"Who knows?"
Elizabeth looked up at Kate
"Carson and John."
Kate looked down at her notes and wrote something down.
"You've been given a clean bill of health, right?"
Elizabeth nodded slowly and Kate looked back up at her
"You…haven't told Teyla?"
Kate looked into Elizabeth's eyes. Elizabeth leant across the table and picked up a tissue before continuing.
"I couldn't bare the way she would look at me. We're already having problems; this is a strain we don't need."
Kate nodded
"But you told Major Sheppard"
Kate saw Elizabeth pale and she thought Elizabeth was going to be sick. She was about to ask her if she needed to go to the infirmary Elizabeth answered.
"He was forced to watch."
Kate sat in shock for a few moments, she felt sick. Two of her friends had gone through hell. She couldn't imagine how they both felt.
"I'm sorry Elizabeth"
Elizabeth looked up and Kate and smiled.
"You didn't do anything wrong."
John sat twiddling his fingers trying to avoid Kate's gaze.
"They forced you to watch John."
John nodded.
"If I didn't feel bad enough about getting her into that situation in the first place."
The trade negations they had been having with the Genions had broken down after John had mentioned that he woke up the Wraith leaving John and Elizabeth in the crossfire. Ford, Bates, Rodney and Teyla had managed to get away but only barely and they had no choice to leave Elizabeth and John. They were taken to separate cells but were put together after a few days to see how they interacted. Commander had soon discovered John's deep feelings for Elizabeth and knew that she was the way to make him help them in their battle against the Wraith. When John refused and they couldn't torture John anymore they moved their attention to Elizabeth. Threats, beatings and eventually rape.
When Commander Wixal raped her John had done everything possible to stop him but Wixal wasn't interested anymore…there was nothing John could say to stop him. The thoughts of what happened afterwards haunted him.
The guards threw John to the ground and they left the cell. Commander Wixal threw Elizabeth off the wall and onto the ground. John rushed over to her and glared at Wixal.
"See what happens when you don't co-operate?"
John looked away from him disgusted as Wixal left the room and looked Elizabeth.
She looked so broken, so scared.
"Elizabeth?"
He tried to hold her but she backed away from him and when she did, it broke his heart. Elizabeth trusted him without question, until now.
"It's about the power. Not the sex"
John heard her murmur it as if trying to steady herself.
She looked up at him, tears piercing her eyes.
"John, don't leave me"
John nodded and let his own tears fall from his eyes. He closed the distance between them; he hesitated.
"Elizabeth…?"
Elizabeth nodded and John wrapped his arms around her burying his head in her hair.
"I've got you; I won't let anything else happen to you. I promise"
Two weeks later Ford, Teyla, Bates, Stackhouse and several other members of the military, rescued them, John couldn't forget what had happened when they found them.
Elizabeth's head was resting on his shoulder and he had his arm around her.
His eyes began to droop but he had to say awake, he didn't want Wixal or his guards hurting Elizabeth again.
Well, maybe he could sleep, just for a few moments. He'd wake up if they came in.
He placed his head on top of Elizabeth's.
"John…"
He heard Elizabeth whisper quietly. John nodded slowly.
"I wanted to tell you something"
John cut her off
"Save your strength, you can tell me later"
Elizabeth shook her head and laughed slightly
"Stealing my lines now, you have no class. John, let me say this. You have been the most amazing friend to me and I never told you but…"
She was cut off by someone coming into the room, John covered Elizabeth, if they wanted her they'd have to go through him.
"Major Sheppard, Dr Weir"
John knew that voice
"Ford?"
A man and a woman approached them and John identified them as Ford and Teyla.
John stood up and for the first time Teyla saw Elizabeth. Teyla gasped as she saw the cuts and bruises.
She rushed to Elizabeth quickly and held her, kissing her forehead.
"Elizabeth, are you okay?"
Elizabeth looked up at her and nodded slowly.
Teyla smiled relieved and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
"I am so sorry"
Elizabeth nodded
"It's not your fault"
They continued to hold each other and John looked at them. Jealousy filling him, he sighed, he couldn't begrudge them this intimacy and closeness. He turned away from them and looked at Ford who had the same sense of jealousy on his face.
When he realised he was being watched he turned to John,
"Bates, Stackhouse and their teams are securing the area and the guards. It should be clear from here on out to get back to the Jumper."
John nodded and looked back at Teyla and Elizabeth.
"We need to get moving"
Teyla turned to him and nodded. She then helped Elizabeth to her feet and placed her arm around Elizabeth's waist to steady her.
"You're safe know Elizabeth"
John looked at them as they left the cell, Ford and John shared a look before following them out of the cell.
It wasn't that they didn't like the idea of Teyla and Elizabeth but it was because they were the object of John and Ford's affections.
They were jealous, it was common and they'd get over it eventually
"John, you know it wasn't your fault the talks broke down"
John snapped back as he heard Kate speak to him.
"I was there to protect Elizabeth. I ended up getting her tortured and raped. Believe me; I shall always believe it's my fault."
2 Days later
Elizabeth sat on her bed, brushing her hair and staring aimlessly into space.
A gentle knock on the door broke Elizabeth from her musing.
Elizabeth stood up slowly and walked over to the door. As it swished open she saw Teyla standing on the other side, nervously, smiling at her.
"Teyla, come in"
Elizabeth allowed Teyla to enter before closing the door. As she turned back to Teyla, she folded her arms across her chest and went to sit on the bed. Teyla sighed and sat next to her, placing her hand on Elizabeth's knee.
Elizabeth shivered lightly at her touch but brushed it off. She could trust Teyla
"Elizabeth…I know something happened to you out there. I know Major Sheppard knows what happened, but neither one of you will tell me."
Teyla moved closer to Elizabeth, keeping one hand on her knee and placing the other on Elizabeth's hip.
"Please tell me Elizabeth. Please let me help you"
Elizabeth considered telling her, might have been easier if she did but…she loved Teyla too much, to let her know what happened. She couldn't put Teyla through that.
Elizabeth smiled and looked up at Teyla
"Teyla I have told you what happened. We were tortured for information, nothing else happened."
Teyla looked down, she wanted to believe nothing happened, tried convincing herself it was true, but Elizabeth and John were sharing a secret, one they didn't want her to know.
Teyla sighed, kissed Elizabeth's forehead and brushed one of her hands through Elizabeth's hair.
"I missed you so much Elizabeth"
"I missed you too"
Teyla stood up to leave when Elizabeth grabbed her hand.
"Teyla, will you just stay with me tonight. I don't want to be alone"
Teyla smiled and nodded. She settled herself next to Elizabeth and wrapped her arms around her, placing a kiss on her cheek.
"You're safe Elizabeth"
Elizabeth needed the closeness and reassuring nature of Teyla with her. Even though her feelings for John were getting stronger, Teyla still meant a lot to her. But John knew everything about her, he knew her deepest secrets and they had always been close, even before they were taken prisoner.
Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried, just for once, that none of it happened. That she and John weren't taken, that they didn't suffer, that she didn't leave Teyla's side but even as she tried to convince herself she could see and hear John, talking to her, taking care of her, making her feel something for him without him even realising it.
Elizabeth stayed like that for hours. Just thinking, listening to the even breathing of Teyla sleeping next to her. Elizabeth sighed and slipped out of her arms and the bed.
She quickly and quietly changed her clothes, slipped out of the room, and walked around the corridors of Atlantis.
Before she knew it, she was on the southeast pier. She walked over to the railing and held onto it, sighing.
She stood there for a few moments looking at the sky until she became aware of someone standing next to her. She looked at her side and saw John standing there.
"Can't sleep?"
Elizabeth nodded and John sighed
"Me too"
John leant on the railing.
"I keep thinking that if I close my eyes, that I'll wake up and discover it was a dream, that we were never rescued. I couldn't deal with that."
Elizabeth nodded, she knew they we're not dreaming, but she couldn't tell John the real reason she was here, she couldn't let him know the truth.
"I know; it's hard to adjust to being back."
John placed his hand over Elizabeth and squeezed it, Elizabeth looked up at him and smiled.
The air was filled with electricity, with possibility and it flowed during that moment they made eye contact.
John could stare deep inside her and she'd never ask him to stop, she'd let him explore who she really was without hesitation.
They stepped closer to each other, never losing eye contact. John brushed his free hand down her cheek and she moved her lips closer to his.
He closed the distance and placed his lips on her gently.
The kiss started getting more heated.
Elizabeth slipped her arms around his neck and John placed his hands on her hips.
Elizabeth was suddenly hit with a thought.
She couldn't do this to Teyla, she was trying to help all she could, but was she doing it out of guilt and sympathy.
They were on the verge of breaking up before Elizabeth was captured; they would have if Elizabeth hadn't been captured.
Elizabeth quickly pulled away from John. John looked confused for a moment before realising
"Teyla?"
Elizabeth looked at him, begging for forgiveness
"I can't do this to her, she deserves better"
John smiled weakly and looked down.
"I guess I already knew that."
Elizabeth placed her hand on his cheek and forced him to look at her. Their eyes met again and it took all of Elizabeth's self-control not to kiss him senseless.
"You understand me John, more than anyone ever has, including Teyla. Give me time"
John nodded slowly, he always knew he had a chance with Elizabeth but this reinforced the notion.
Elizabeth leant forward and placed one last kiss onto his cheek before walking off the balcony.
TBC…?
Do you want me to continue or should I leave it at that and let you draw your own conclusions?