Chapter 95

Really

When Gil woke up late that afternoon after having had very little sleep. He rolled over to find himself alone in bed, and immediately everything came back to him what had happened before he'd fallen asleep. The returning of the ring. Just another rejection to a proposal. He gave a sigh and sat up wearily, looking around the room for any signs that Sara might still be around.

Her clothes were gone from the chair she'd put them on before going to bed, and the t-shirt she'd worn sleeping was hanging on the bedstead.

Left before I even had the chance to wake up, he despaired. Part of him was frustrated with her having gone before he'd awakened, the other part of him was somewhat relieved. He wasn't sure what he was going to say once he saw her at work. He wasn't sure if he had anything to apologise about, and he was particularly sure that he had no reason to be mad at Sara either.

You're not going to say anything else about it, Gil pulled himself out of the bed and crossed the room to stare out of the window. You're going to pretend it never happened and just be the guy you were five minutes before you ever found her with that damn ring.

Somehow, Gil forced himself not to think about it and he went through the next hour and half managing on auto pilot, getting ready for work without needing to think at all. He made himself some food, but found very little appetite to eat it.

Is this that old 'lovesick' thing? Can't eat, can't sleep, can't think straight. My whole life has been turned upside down by this woman, he thought with a sigh as he cleared away his dishes.

By the time he'd arrived to work, the shift was five minutes away from starting. The team were all in the break room and Sara was amongst them, flicking through the pages of a magazine in a bored fashion. When he entered the break room, assignments in hand, he saw Sara glance up to him briefly.

She looks anxious, and upset, Gil thought, he forced a smile at her although he could tell she'd interpret it as such. He handed out assignments, but deliberately held Sara back, grabbing her gently by the arm before she left the room behind the others.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked of her, once the others had gone out of the break room and out of earshot. They moved together away from the open door, and Sara closed it.

"Are you?" Sara asked softly, without answering his question.

"I'm…" Gil didn't truthfully know how to answer, and he faltered, looking left and right whilst searching his brain for a suitable response. I'm not exactly fine. And if I lie now, she'll know. Better not answer at all. Better change the subject before this conversation gets out of hand.

Sara looked at him waiting for the answer he'd never give.

Gil completely changed the subject quickly, "How's your brother?"

She seemed surprised, but answered. "Bruised and swollen, still as pigheaded as usual," Sara looked down to the floor, folding her arms insecurely over her stomach. "We yelled at each other a little more when I went back this afternoon…guess we're not really on talking terms at the moment."

Gil chewed the inside of his cheek, "do…you want to stay with me a few extra days…while you figure it all out? Because…you know you're always welcome in my house…whenever you want."

Sara gave a nod, "okay."

Awkward silence fell between them. These silences felt all too frequent and uncomfortable.

Okay. Changing the subject really didn't help at all. You need to talk this out with her, Gil, he thought at himself. Otherwise you're not going to be able to concentrate on anything else until you deal with it. Otherwise you'll spend the next few days with your back turned to her every time you sleep.

"Sara…I…" he paused, not quite knowing what he'd wanted to say, "I'm not mad," he finally managed.

"I know," Sara nodded, and she met his eyes, "I know you're not mad."

He gave a sigh, "I'm…"

"Upset," she finished.

"Hurt," he corrected.

"Oh," her eyes fell to the floor, her cheeks blanched a little.

"But, y'know…that's my problem. It's not yours," he placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed, more in the way he'd reassure her as a colleague and an employee than comfort her as the woman he loved. "And I guess I'll get over it, in time."

"I, uh…" Sara began but she seemed to fall into the same wordless awkwardness Gil usually found himself in.

Gil knew she couldn't find the words to explain how the whole thing felt, and so he simply decided to let it slide – for now.

"Go work on your case. We'll talk later," Gil sighed, the tension in the room was thick and the conversion was best left until they had some private time.

"You sure?" asked, her eyes remained settled on his. Her eyes seemed so much darker than usual, and he couldn't read them at all, which made him feel uneasy. He wished he knew what was going on behind those eyes. Right now those eyes weren't windows to her soul, they were like closed doors, not letting him in.

"I'm sure," he nodded.

Sara didn't say another word, she just simply left him standing there, and he sighed inwardly feeling slightly rejected even though he'd told her to go. With his coffee cup in hand, he headed towards his office to get some work done, deciding he'd do paperwork for an hour or so then go out in the field.

As he passed by the DNA Lab, he noted Conrad Ecklie in there. He saw the look Ecklie was giving him, and the man was so devious it was hard to understand what might be going on in that domed head of his.

Gil made a face at himself. Don't worry about it. There's nothing he can do. It's out of his hands, he thought as he stepped into his office and shut the door behind himself.

One hours worth of paperwork turned into three hours, and Gil tried to distract himself from his problems as much as he could. It seemed every time he glanced up to his open door, Ecklie was passing by. And Ecklie would keep giving him those knowing disapproving looks which Gil detested so much. Gil made himself extra busy whenever Ecklie decided to pass just to make himself look unavailable.

If Ecklie thinks I'm swamped, he won't come in asking questions. He'd rather I get the work down than leave it undone while he plays boss, he figured.

By the start of hour four on the shift, Gil looked up to see Greg Sanders strolling into his office, a concerned expression etched on his bruised face. "Hey, Griss…" Greg said, he sounded tired and unenthusiastic. Uncharacteristically unlike himself.

"Hmm?" Gil asked, he was chewing on the end of a pen absently, slumped over his desk feeling just as drained as Greg looked.

Greg closed the door quietly behind himself, and took a seat without even being asked. "Ecklie has been asking everyone questions…all kinds of really weird questions about you…"

"I expected that," Gil confessed.

"He pulled Catherine into his office first, then Warrick, and he was asking all these questions that aren't good…" Greg continued. "Cath and Warrick came to warn me so I could get my head together about what I can say. Ecklie wants to see me in his office in about twenty minutes…" he checked his watch.

"Oh."

"He's asking if you're a good supervisor, Griss…" Greg answered, "Asking all kinds of stuff about your work, why our evaluations are always late and stuff…" he explained, "I just thought…maybe I should come ask you how I should answer if he asks me the same things."

Gil sat and grimly reflected, "the only thing you can do is answer with the truth."

"Look, Grissom, if you want me to lie…" Greg said in a low tone, looking very uneasy, he leaned forward, "I can do that."

"You shouldn't have to cover for me," Gil replied firmly, "just tell him the truth of whatever he asks. If it makes me look bad, it's my problem. I don't want you lying for me."

"Warrick said he's also asking questions about Sara…"

"Oh?" Gil asked, he swallowed nervously but tried to not let Greg see the concern he was feeling at the subject.

"He asked Catherine and Warrick if you were sleeping with Sara," Greg finally said, a strange serious expression on his face.

"So?"

"Warrick said something along the lines of 'I don't know and it's not my business and it's not yours'. I think Ecklie is pissed at Warrick."

Gil merely smiled at the thought, and he had to admire Warrick for being as straight forward as that.

"Listen, we were all talking – except Sara that is, she's still out on the field – and we decided that if Ecklie fires you, we'd all threaten to quit. We all WOULD quit if he fires you, Griss. With all the graveyard shift gone he'd HAVE to get you back or we wouldn't come back, simple as that."

"Ecklie wouldn't go for that. He probably has a back up plan in case that happens," Gil smirked, "no, don't worry about it. He's not going to fire me. Trust me."

"What if he does?" Greg asked.

"Then…I don't know, I'll find something else to do. This isn't the only job in Las Vegas," Gil pointed out.

"You once told us all that you couldn't do anything else but be a CSI."

"Times change," Gil sighed, "anyway, if I was fired, I could use all that free time to write a book on forensic entomology…or…I don't know, go in to teaching," he shrugged. "World is my Oyster."

"You're taking this a lot easier than I thought you would," Greg confessed.

"Greg, I've lived five decades without really having a life. I've let being a CSI stand in my way for almost two decades, I'm not about to let it stand in the way anymore," he sighed, "the truth is…" he paused, trying to think.

"The truth is…?" Greg asked curiously.

"The truth is…I lost my love of the job a long time ago."

"You did?" Greg asked.

"Come on , Greg. All I do is push paper, I'm barely out in the field anymore. I'm not happy at work like I used to be."

Greg seemed stunned, "Really?"

"Really. I don't love the job anymore," Gil sighed. "And if Ecklie fires me, then I'll find something I do love to do. I'll go somewhere where I can make a difference doing more than just adding signatures to a piece of paper."

"So…if Ecklie asks me if I think you're coping with the job?" Greg asked, something about the way he said it sounded forced, and unlike him.

"Be honest. Be as brutally honest as you can be. Don't cover for me at all. I'm sure whatever Ecklie has planned is inevitable anyway. If you try to cover for me, he'll see through it. So just be yourself."

"Okay…I'll try to be as honest as I can," Greg promised.

Gil forced a smile, "thanks."

Another blah chapter, sorry.(and yeah, the next one is pretty blah too, I'm going to upload them together.