Disclaimer: ...whatever.
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Responses to my lurvely reviewers!
Crystyna: LOL! Calm down, child. Yeah, I guess he did technically ask me out... but it's more of a friendly gesture (damnation). Here's the update you wanted, hope you enjoy!
EatEvilLeprechauns (Bibi, Polly, my Brian, etc. etc.): LOL, yes, he saw me booty dancing, dirty little elf that I am. *blushes* Wouldn't that be embarrassing!?! Another reason why this isn't a Mary-sue: I am obviously not perfect. :-) Oh, and no problem about the dedicating the chapter to you. It sounds like you had a crappy day, and I thought you could use some cheering up.
Mysti: LMAO! I love Ren 'n Stimpy! Wootness! *starts humming the theme. Looks over at Mysti glomping Legolas* DON'T YOU DARE GLOMP MY ELF!! *growls menacingly* :-P
Alina11: Of course Legolas is cute, you silly person! Hehe! Of course we'll be friends. Unfortunately, I don't think it'll turn out that we'll be more than that. *sobs*
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Legolas and I talked for what seemed like only a few minutes, but in reality was more like two hours. By the end of that time I had a funny feeling in my stomach. But I wasn't going to be sick. No, no. I was just falling in love even more. Actually, Legolas did most of the talking. I thought it would be polite to just sit and stare at those gorgeous blue eyes with a cute smile on my face.
"So how long have you and Trelan known each other?" I asked.
He smiled (ahh). "Quite a while, actually. He has been a very good friend of mine for many years."
"Really?" I asked. He nodded and started telling me about all the little adventures the two of them had had over the years. I realized that the two of them must have been really stupid when they were younger, almost like teenage boys. But hey, that's okay. Stupidity can be cool.
"Legolas, I have a question."
"Yes?"
"It is about the festival tomorrow night. This might sound like a completely absurd question, but is it a formal occasion?" I asked, feeling like a complete prat.
"Yes, it is. You are supposed to wear your nicest attire," he explained. My nicest attire? All they have are fancy dresses! How could I choose which one to wear? I asked him this. "Well, if you would like, I will have Larien help you choose your dress." I cringed when he said her name. She must die. She must die.
"I would like that," I said sweetly. Not.
"Very well then. I shall tell her that you are in need of her assistance." Legolas stood up from his chair, and I did the same.
"Thank you for the lovely meal, my friend," I said.
"The pleasure was mine, Lothuviel," he replied. He kissed my hand, then smiled at me. "What were your plans for today?"
"I have not thought about it, actually. I was..." Suddenly we heard the sound of a distant elephant (Lauren), and I sighed. "I think Mary-sue wanted to spend some time with me, though," I finished dully. I scowled at her as she bounded up to us.
"Greetings, Mary-sue," Legolas said. He's so sweet.
"Hiya Legolas," Lauren replied. "Yo Lothuviel, Trelan was with some guy earlier. They were both looking for you."
I groaned. "What did this other person look like?"
"Uh... pointy ears, tall, skinny, male, brown hair."
"That sounds like Lenwe," Legolas commented. I made a noise to show my disgust. "What is it, Lothuviel?"
"One moment." I knelt down and whispered into Lauren's ear, "Go away now."
"Ooooh, I see how it is. Okay. See ya later, Lothy," Lulu said with a wink. She lollopped off in the direction of the kitchen.
"No, what is wrong with Lenwe?" Legolas asked.
"Oh, nothing. He just... seems to have taken a liking to me," I replied.
"Indeed," he said with a raised eyebrow. "Well, I am afraid I must take my leave. Thank you for dining with me."
"And thank you," I said and bowed. "Fare thee well, Legolas."
I spent the rest of the day snooping around with Lauren. We found out some pretty interesting stuff. For instance, did you know that elves have a sort of Karma-sutra book? Neither did we. I think Lauren was scarred for life. On second thought, so was I.
We also think that we found Thranduil's gold stash. We came to a door guarded by an elf with a bow and a quiver of arrows. Lauren forced me to do some serious flirting to get a peek inside. I also had to promise the elf a dance at the festival the next day. Anyway, inside the door there was a huge pile of gold and jewels, which Lauren said looked like candy. We must take into account that Lauren isn't exactly right in the head.
That night after dinner Lenwe again forced me to dance with him, which made me slightly pissed off. On the bright side, both Legolas and Trelan danced with me also, so I was a happy crouton.
~*~
The next day seemed to take forever. I was looking forward to the festival that night.
"Can I come, too?" Lauren asked. We were sitting in my room doing nothing like we always do.
"I don't know, Lulu. I don't think you'd like it all that much," I told her.
"Pleeeeeeease?!" she pleaded.
"I'll have to ask. But before we do anything we need to find me a dress to wear tonight."
"Oh fine. Let's see what you have." She waddled over to the wardrobe, threw open the doors and started digging through it. "Wear this one," she said, tossing me the first dress she saw.
I wrinkled my nose. "Lauren, look at this thing. It's brown. That is disgusting."
"I like it," she said defensively.
"Whatever. I am not wearing that." I shoved her out of the way and started looking through my options. "Okay, we're sticking with cool colors, like light purple, blue, green, and silver. What color do you think I should wear out of those?"
"Hrm... I think you should do either light blue or silver. But that's just my opinion," she said, playing with her apron.
"How about... a blue AND silver one!?!" I asked excitedly.
"Uh, sure, if you can find one," she said with a shrug. I quickly dug through the wardrobe, desperately looking for the dress of my dreams. "Argh, they don't have any. That sucks. Hrm... maybe I'll go with this one." I held up a light purple dress. It was trimmed intricately with gold ribbons and stuff.
"Oooh, purdyful," Lauren commented.
"Yesh, I know I am. Hold this for me." I shoved the dress into her arms and turned back to the wardrobe. "Hm... oooooooh." I pulled out a light blue dress with silver decoration. It was slightly off the shoulder, and on the upper arm, the sleeves opened to show your skin. The sleeves also flared out nearly three feet. Instead of being a waist skirt, though, it was a princess cut. "Perfect." I laid it out on my bed and admired it. "I'll look lurvely, I do believe."
"Yes, yes, it's gorgeous. Now can we go ask?" she begged.
I sighed. "Fine. Let's go." I walked over to the door and opened it, only to find Larien standing right outside of it.
"Greetings, Lothuviel," she said. I restrained myself from strangling her.
"Hello. I have a question. Is Mary-sue invited to the Faradome festival tonight?"
"Yes, of course. Anyone that is a guest in this palace is invited. Speaking of which, Prince Legolas told me that you were in need of my assistance. Shall I come in?" she said.
"No, I am fine. Thank you, good bye." With that I slammed the door in her face and turned to Lauren. "Okiedoo, Mary-sue, now you get to join her, because I need to get dressed."
"Oh, all right. Bye bye, Sandwich!" Lauren called as she skipped out of my room. I locked the door behind her, then started to get ready. Once again I filled up the bathtub and hopped in, washed my hair, used some yummy-smelling soap (fruity!), and hopped out again. Then I put on the dress. When I looked in the mirror I couldn't believe how totally cool it looked. I picked out some shoes (light blue, like the dress), then went to do my hair. I decided to go with a half-ponytail in a braid, almost like Legolas', except without the eensie teensie little braids by the ears. Just the big one. Get it? Got it? Good.
Anyhap, somehow I managed to do that without anyone's help. Then I needed to find some jewelry. I started digging around the room looking for a jewelry box or something. After searching for ten minutes I found a very, very small one under the wardrobe. I opened it and gasped. Inside was a silvery tiara thingamajig that looked like a vine with little leaves coming out of it. There was also a matching necklace with a leaf-shaped pendant. If that wasn't perfect, I don't know what is. Anywhoosies, I put both pieces of jewelry on, and then decided that I was nearly ready. I just needed some perfumey stuffers. Fortunately it only took a few minutes to find, and it was great smelling, too. Almost like Clinique Happy.
I glided to the door and opened it, only to find Lauren standing there waiting for me. She looked so cute! She was wearing a deep blue flower-printed dress with a white underdress thingy. Her hair was tied back in a deep blue ribbon behind her head.
"Lulu, you look so cute!" I gushed. She looked up at me and scowled. "How come you look better than me?" she asked.
"Because, darling, I am an elf. My job is to look better than hobbits. Besides, it looks like I took more time to get ready. But that's okay. I still lurve you in a completely non-lezzie way!" I knelt down and hugged her.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we go down to the dancy thing now?" she asked irritably.
"Yeah!" I squealed, and dragged her along behind me. I sprinted through the castle towards the dining hall, practically running over any elf that got in my way. "Outta my way, goofy ears!" I shrieked. My elfy prince was waiting for me. When we reached the large flight of stairs that led down to the common room, I slowed to an elegant walk, and gently glided down the stairs. At the bottom I could see Legolas waiting for me. He was wearing a midnight-blue outfit, and looked soooo hot. He looked up and watched as I glided towards him. Actually, he didn't look at me. He gaped with an open mouth at me, which pleased me a lot.
"Greetings, Legolas," I said softly, putting on my most flirtatious voice.
"Lothuviel, you look unbelievably beautiful this evening," he said with a smile. It took all my effort to not pounce on him. Instead I blushed and looked at the ground. "Shall we go in now?" he asked, gesturing towards the hall. I looked up and nodded, taking his arm that he had offered to me. I heard Lulu come clomping down the stairs and walk in a bit behind us.
"We will be sitting at the head table with my father," Legolas told me as we walked towards the back of the room. I noticed that I was getting many jealous stares from lots of the women in there. I smirked at them and scooted a bit closer to Legolas, which just made them more pissed off. Take that, you little puffs, I said to them mentally. That's right. He's just met me and already he's asking me out. So neener neener neener!! We reached the head table, and the first thing I noticed was Thranduil. He was dressed in a goldish-colored robe... thing. No surprise there. Legolas pulled out a chair and gestured for me to sit in it. "Thank you," I said. He smiled and sat down next to me. Yesss! Lauren climbed up into the chair across from me and started looking hungrily at the decorative fruit bowls that were on the table.
I looked to see who was sitting next to me. It was Tinwe, the dude who had brought my letter to me in Rivendell. "Tinwe, how nice to see you again," I chirped. He turned and looked at me. "Lothuviel! I have not seen you for a few days. Are you enjoying your stay here in Greenwood?"
"Yes, I am. It is lovely here." We continued talking for a few minutes until Thranduil stood up and made a little speech about Faradome. After what seemed like ages later (okay, maybe five minutes), he said:
"Now, let the festival begin."
(A/N: [in Monty Python voice] And now for something completely different... Lauren will now tell the story in her POV.)
~Lauren POV~
After the big king dude made his little speech, a bunch of servant elf guys came out carrying jugs of wine. They poured each and every elf a glass of it, then went and waited in the corner until someone emptied their cup, which didn't take very long. Apparently, Faradome was the equivalent to a Super Bowl party, because it seemed like all the elves did was get drunk.
Although I must say that the food was really good. There were probably about seven courses, and I took a bit from each one. Laura stared at me the whole time like I was a pig. Yeah, well, if she gets to be the pretty one, then I can be the fat ugly one that eats a lot. I don't care.
After dinner there was... more wine! Yes, they had a special course for the wine alone. Not kidding. They cleared away the plates and then poured more wine. Then Legolas got up and made a little speech (which I'm sure Laura heard none of, because she was too busy staring at the poor guy), and then... guess what? MORE WINE!!!
I was getting sick of this. Laura is already pretty tipsy, but after you give her five glasses of strong Elvish wine, she's going to be as stupid as a potato.
Finally, after everyone's sixth or seventh glass, Thranduil decided it was time to start the dancing and stuff. He brought out the musicians and had them play a fairly fast tune. That one dude that Laura likes... Trelan, yeah. He asked her to dance with him, and of course she did. Well, she tried to. More like stumbled around. But so was everyone else, so it's all good.
After that song was over she came back up and sat down across from me. "Hi Mary-sue!" she said in a chipper voice. "Will you please pour me some more wine?"
"No way, Lothy. You're as sloshed as a seal. If I give you anymore you'll-"
"Lothuviel, would you care to dance?" the elf next to her asked. It was that one guy that had carried her letter... Tinsel or something like that. So she said yes (again) and got up and danced with him. Then she danced with Legolas (and made a complete ass of herself by "accidentally" tripping and falling into him), then with that one dude with dark hair (she looked like she would scream), and then about fifty gazillion other guys.
After a few more glasses of wine, she sat back down and started flirting shamelessly with Legolas. He was pretty drunk, too, and was flirting back. This was disgusting. I decided to ignore them and see what the other elves were doing.
I slipped under the table and crawled to the end. When I peeked out, no one was there. So I crawled out from under the tablecloth, only to trip an elf that was carrying a wine jug. He fell with a crash, and the jug shattered. "Um... sorry 'bout that, dude," I said as I ran away. I noticed that quite a few couples had been going out into the gardens. I walked out the door and followed two elves (fortunately one male and one female) who were giggling like mad and flirting stupidly. They walked out and sat on a bench. I hid in a bush. This was getting interesting. They talked for about two seconds, then proceeded to make out like there was no tomorrow.
"Erlack," I muttered. I climbed out of the bush and started walking back towards the dining hall. That is, until I saw Laura walking out with an elf dude. I couldn't really see his face, though, since it was about 2 o'clock in the morning and nearly pitch black.
"Oy! Lothuviel!" I called. She ignored me and walked by, both of them giggling like loons on loon pills (i.e., A LOT). I was about to say something, but then stopped myself. Why should I? This was a perfect opportunity for black mail! So instead I followed them around the garden until they found an empty bench. I hid behind a nearby tree trunk and watched with interest.
"You look especially radiant tonight, Lothuviel," the elf
said. Laura giggled hysterically as he
started playing with her hair. Good
god, how much wine did she have!? She
tried to say something, but just ended up slurring a bunch of German
words. The elf looked at her like she
was insane (which she is), but then started laughing with her.
This is pathetic, I thought to myself.
I thought she was trying to hit it off with Lego- OH MY GAWD!!! He had just kissed her!! That's wrong!!
"THAT'S IT!! NO MORE!!" I screamed and jumped out from behind the tree. "No snogging my best buddy without me knowing, bucco!" I spat at the elf. The elf jumped, while Laura just sat there looking all girlish. "Come on, Lothuviel. No more partying for you." I pulled on her hand, forcing her to stand up and stagger along behind me. We made it as far as the top of the stairs to the second floor before she collapsed from being either too stupid or too drunk. Or both.
"Jebus..." I muttered. Now I had to go find someone bigger than I was to carry her to her room. I went back down to the dining hall and looked around for Legolas. But there was no sign of him. So I found the first person I knew. "Yo, Trelan!" I shouted up to him as I tapped his leg. He looked down and grinned drunkenly.
"Hello, Mary-sue! And how are you this fine evening?" he asked. Good lord...
"Yeah. Um, Lothuviel sort of kind of, you know, collapsed at the top of the stairs. I was wondering, could you-?"
"I shall get her," he proclaimed importantly and walked quickly out of the hall. I jogged along behind him, attempting to keep up. But when we got to the top of the stairs, Laura was gone. "She must have gone on by herself," he said. "Probably went up to her room. Why don't you go look? I will stay here and wait for you."
"Oh fine," I grumbled. I trudged up to Laura's room in the tower and opened the door, only to find that it was empty. "Oh, it's useless," I mumbled. Trelan can find her himself, I decided. So I climbed into her bed and fell fast asleep, not even bothering to worry about Laura being okay. Oh well. Her problem, not mine.
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Where exactly did I wander off to? Who did I kiss (mwahahaha!)? Why is Lauren such a little butt? These questions will be answered in the next chapter of...
The Adventures of Me, Lothuviel.
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Well, I hope you guys liked that chapter. I think it turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself. Which I do, because I just typed it. :-D Please review! Thankies muchlies!
~*!Laura!*~