Responses to my fantabulous reviewers!
Crystyna: Yesh, you are in here! Yay. Haha, I bet you would ditch me for Legolas. But that's okay. Because if I were in your shoes, I would have done the same thing. :D
Aero Shooter: *gulp* Here's your update. Please don't make heads roll. I quite like mine, thanks very much.
Lolly: *cackles like the maniac that she is* YES!! It's the Lolly song! But I won't sing it anymore because I am kind like that. ^__^ LMAO! I was actually thinking of making Lauren eat the caterpillar (no seriously, I was!), but I thought that might be a little too over-the-top. And yes. Lenwe is sick. He affects people's minds in strange ways. You will see that in this chapter.
Sugaricing: *does a weird test to see if flying asparagus goes faster than her updates* Yep, the asparagus won. Oh well. Here's your update!
Aboo: Ah, but you are WRONG, Abberz! I looked up your name on that thing, and it came up with Larien Saralonde (at least on my computer). Teehee. ^__^
SilverLady04: Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's... LEGOLAS!! *pushes Legolas out from behind a curtain. He is wearing a superman outfit and blushing terribly* *cue for mass drooling from the fangirls* Yes, it's Super Legolas! Saving the world one spider at a time!
Undomiel: Yes I know. I am terrible for my cliffhangers. I'm evil. *cackles* And I love it. :D Well, here's your update! (And I react that exact same way when I see a spider!)
Ainu Laire: Glad you liked the chapter! I'll try to read your stories as soon as I can! But it might be a while. I am a very busy teenager. Go figure.
Amadeus16: *cackles* YOU ARE WRONG!!! XDD But that's okay. I didn't expect anyone to get it anyway.
Flamingo Feathers: Thanks for those tips. Actually, I did know that the palace at Mirkwood was mostly caves, but it completely slipped my mind when I first wrote this part of the story (probably because of my complete stupidity). I would go back and change it, but I'm too lazy. :D But I didn't know that elves don't have servants. Then again, there's a ton of stuff I don't know about LOTR. But thanks again for the tips! And yes, the giant spiders will come in at some point in time. Glad you like it. ^__^
Oh, and I have fantasteric news. BRADY BROKE UP WITH HIS BITCHY GIRLFRIEND!!!! *does a happy dance* You have no idea how excited I was. I laughed at her every time she walked by. She truly is a bitch and I hate her. But he dumped her! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! *cough* Sorry. Teenage hormones are on a rampage.
Oh yes, and no one guessed who/what was at the door. But that's okay. Like I told Amadeus16, I didn't expect anyone to get it.
~*~*~*~
I couldn't believe what I saw. This was truly a bloody miracle! It was way too cool. I darted to the other side of the large doorway and peeked around the edge, and grinned again.
I was inside The Hobbit!
In the entryway stood about a dozen little men, all dressed in cloaks, a few carrying walking sticks. A few male elves were surrounding them, bows and arrows drawn threateningly. I almost puked when I saw that one of them was Lenwe. Ergh. In front of them was Thranduil, wearing a crown made from leaves and berries. As gay as it sounds, it was actually kind of cool. Anyways, he seemed to be very pissed off. He was arguing with one of the little men. The guards (and Lenwe, who doesn't count) pulled their arrows back, as if daring the little dude to keep talking.
"Take them to the dungeons," Thranduil growled. "Make sure no one follows you." He spun on his heel and walked away as the guards prodded the little men with their arrows. Crapola, they were coming my way! I searched for somewhere to hide, and found a statue that was back in a little nook. I darted behind it and watched as the group walked past and down the hallway to the right. Oh, I thought. That was interesting. I think I'll just go get that soup now.
NOT.
I must tell you right now that I must be one of the most curious people in the world. Once you get me interested in something, it's EXTREMELY hard to get me un-interested. "Make sure no one follows you" my butt, Thranduil.
I quietly crept along behind the hobbits and dwarves and elves. They continued down the same hall for a ways, then took a left. I peeked around the corner and saw that Lenwe was unlocking an inconspicuous door in the wall. It opened, and everyone except for him and another elf went inside. Then he closed the door again and relocked it.
This was so unfair! I was in one of the best parts of the book and I don't even get to spy on anyone?! I dun think so, bubba. I ran my fingers through my hair and sauntered around the corner and pretended to be surprised.
"Oh! Lenwe. I was not expecting to see you here," I said softly.
"Greetings, Lothuviel," he said with a bow. He turned to the other guard. "You are dismissed," he said, waving his hand at him.
"But-" the guard protested.
"I said, you are dismissed," Lenwe said threateningly. The guard nodded and walked away, giving me a strange look as he passed. Oh wonderful. There goes my already mediocre reputation.
Lenwe put his bow back behind him and stepped forward. "What are you doing here, milady?" he asked.
"Oh, um..." That is a fantastic question. I only wish I knew the answer. "I was... looking for the um... kitchen! Yes, I was looking for the kitchen." I smiled sweetly as he raised his eyebrow.
"Indeed. Well, I am afraid you have come the wrong way. I will escort you to the kitchen, if you wish."
"Oh, well, Legolas told me that it was behind this door."
"He did?"
"Yes. Yes he did."
"Well, he was mistaken. Bu-"
"I would really like to see what is behind that door, Lenwe," I said in a low voice. I looked up at him through my lashes and smiled. His piercing gaze softened and went from my face downwards. Oh wonderful. Now he thinks I'm going to sleep with him. Fat chance.
I would really come to regret what I did next.
I stepped closer so that my face was within inches of his. He really was quite hot, in a scary stalker sort of way. "Lenwe," I whispered, "open the door." He nodded and quickly turned around and unlocked the door. He opened it and took a torch off the wall, then stood to the side. I walked up to him and touched his face softly. "I thank you." Then I grabbed the torch, sprinted through the door and down into the darkness.
"Lothuviel!" he called. I stopped and turned around. He pulled his cloak off his shoulders and handed it to me. "It gets very cold down there," he said quietly. I put it on and grinned at him cutely, then ran. Remind me to never become curious about book characters again. Unless it's Legolas. Or any other hot elf, for that matter.
The setting was quite scary. Apparently, the "hall" I was running down was a natural cave carved out of the rock. It was leading downwards, so the dungeons must have been underground. After running for about two minutes, I was catching up to the group. I put out my torch and tiptoed along a few meters behind them. The elves were singing some retarded song that I sincerely hoped I never heard Legolas sing. Suddenly I tripped over something and fell with a thunk to the floor. I crawled behind a stalactite really quickly as the guards spun around, arrows pointing at where I had been. What the hell had just happened?
The elves looked at each other and shrugged, then ushered the hobbits and dwarves along. As the torchlight faded away I noticed something that apparently they hadn't. On the ground there had been a shadow of a little man, but there hadn't been anyone there. I mentally slapped myself. Duh! It was Bilbo! I had been following him following the group!
Weird.
I continued to creep along behind everyone, stopping a few times to make sure they hadn't heard me. Eventually the pathway opened up into a larger room, where there were cells built into the cave walls. The elves one little person in each cell, then walked back up towards the surface. I hid in a nook in the wall, and they walked past without noticing me. After they had passed, I put my hood up and walked into the room. All of the men looked up as they noticed me, and a few growled menacingly. I rolled my eyes. "Oh, are the scary little dwarveses gonna get me?" I asked sarcastically. The dwarves glared at me, while the hobbits looked a bit freaked out. Awww. Now I felt bad. Oh well.
I knelt down in front of one of the cells and looked in. The hobbit inside looked at me with a cute scared look. He was really fat, and I almost burst out laughing.
"Hello," I said.
"Hi," he replied.
"What's your name?" I asked.
"Bombur." Hey, I remember this guy! Wasn't he the fat dude that fell into that enchanted stream and fell asleep for about a century?
"Nice to meet ya. Now what are you doing here?" He told me about how he and his friends had seen a light in the forest the night before, and when they approached it, they discovered Thranduil there with a bunch of elves. Apparently they had been celebrating something, and they thought the little hobbitses were going to crash their party. So they captured them and brought them here.
It was just about then that I realized I had been gone for a really long time. Legolas might be worried. "Sorry, but I have to go," I said quickly.
"Wait," Bombur said. I turned and looked at him. "Do you have a name?"
I was about to say Lothuviel, but then thought better of it. Bombur wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box, and he might give my name away. Hm...
I grinned at him. "My name is Larien." With that I ran back up the pathway. Within about five minutes I had made it back to the door. I opened it and looked out. Lenwe was still there (dammit). I smiled sexily at him and handed him his cloak. "Thank you," I cooed.
"Y-your welcome," he stuttered. I walked away without another word. The "thank you" had been unnecessary in my book.
I headed back to my room, and found that Leggy was still there (huzzah!). "Where's my soup?" Lauren asked. I don't even get a "hello" after I practically seduced Lenwe?! What a great friend. Not.
"I could not find the kitchen," I said. Lauren rolled her eyes and Legolas laughed. "It is quite easy to find. But if you will excuse me, I have some business to attend to." He smiled at me (wow) and walked out the door.
"Okay, I know you know where the kitchen is, Lothy," Mary-sue accused. "What were you really doing?" I told her about the little hobbits and dwarves, and her eyes lit up. "We're in The Hobbit?" she squealed. I nodded. "WOOPIE!!!" she screamed.
"You seem to be feeling better, little Mary Sue," I said dryly. She stopped bouncing on the bed and quickly scrambled under the covers.
"Actually *cough*, I feel horrible," she said oh-so-convincingly.
"That's it. Get out of my room, you little drama queen, and move your furry little butt to your own hole," I growled. I picked her up and quite literally threw her out the door onto an approaching Morharmaiel. She cried out as Lauren hit her and knocked her to the ground. Woopsies.
"Morharmaiel! Forgive me!" I said as I helped her up. I chose to ignore the fact that Lauren was lying on the floor glaring at me.
"I am fine," Morharmaiel said. "But why was Mary-sue flying through the air?"
"Because she is a little lying brat," I growled. Lauren gave me her worst look (scary) and stalked away. Morharmaiel blinked and shook her head.
"I am not going to ask," she muttered.
~*~
A week went by without anything exciting happening. I had taken Lauren to the dungeons the next day, and from then on she practically lived down there. I think she had developed a crush on Bombur, and was really sad when they escaped. I think she missed having someone who had the same IQ level as her (i.e., the mentality of a three year old).
By now almost all of the leaves had fallen off the trees, and there had even been a tad bit of snow (even if it was only a light frosting). One day, while Lauren was skulking about the castle, Morharmaiel and I were taking a walk in the woods. We were both dressed in long, warm dresses, fur-lined cloaks, and warm gloves sort of like the ones Arwen (the skank) wore in FOTR. We both had our hoods up, since it was really cold out. For some reason, Morharmaiel had told me to bring my bow.
"Fancy a bit of hunting?" she asked suddenly. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows ironically. She was about the last person I would expect to want to go hunting.
"I suppose. But I have never hunted before," I explained.
"It is quite easy. You simply hide and stay very quiet, and when an animal comes along, shoot it." Way to put it bluntly, Morha.
"All right." She started to walk off the path, and I followed her. She turned around and shook her head. "No, no. We must split up. That way we will have more luck," she told me.
"Oh..." I walked back onto the trail and started to go deeper into the woods. I really didn't want to go hunting, but if Morharmaiel wanted to, then I guess I'd have to play along.
I went off the main path and started to wind between the trees, looking for a good spot to hide. I found a bit of brush that had a clearing in the center, so I crawled into there and knelt down. Bring it on, woodland creatures.
~3 hours later...~
Well this was fun. NOT. I had been here for about six hundred years, and I was completely bored. Why didn't I just get up and walk back to the palace? Well there are several reasons for this.
I was stuck in a goddamned thornbush.2. Not only was my clothing stuck in the bush, but my hair had somehow gotten wrapped around it.
3. It was dark and I was scared to go anywhere 'cause the big spiders might get me. *shudder*
So, I went to my last resort.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!"
I didn't hear anything for fifteen minutes, at the least. I sat in the thorn bush, about to cry. This was so not cool! I didn't do anything to deserve this! Well, except for beating Lauren up all those times. And stalking Legolas. And knocking Lenwe out. And all the other mean things I've done. But besides that, I have been a perfect little angel during my stay in Middle Earth.
Suddenly I heard leaves crunching on the ground. I was about to scream "help" again, but caught myself. What if it was a giant spider? Or an orc?! Or a whole GROUP of orcs!!? Or bandits? Or evil elves? Or Godzilla? Okay, maybe not Godzilla, but you can understand how freaked out I was. What the hell was I supposed to do?!
I cleared my throat and tried to sound like a man. "Who goes there?" How lame is that? The crunching leaves stopped temporarily, then started again, this time closer. Ohgodohgodohgod. I drew a knife and wielded it threateningly. I saw a shadow on the ground and I shrieked. "Please don't hurt me!" I whimpered as I covered my face with my arms.
I felt something cold and wet touch my arm, and I screamed and tried to back away. When I looked at what the thing was, I nearly fainted.
It was a warg!!!
I must say that in the movie "The Two Towers" I thought the wargs were cute. No really! I did! But now this was real life, and even though it looked the same and was still cute, I was terrified for my life.
"AHHH!!!! GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAAAAAAY!!!" I cried. If there was one warg, there were bound to be more. The thing grabbed my arm in its mouth and pulled. "NO!!! LET GO!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! HEEEELP!!!!!" I screamed. The warg kept pulling, but realized that it couldn't get me out. So it grabbed my cloak (which was still stuck in the bush) and tugged on that. The cloak ripped, and I was pulled most of the way out of the bush. Except for my hair.
"Ow!!" It felt like half of my scalp had been pulled out. The warg chewed on the branch that my hair was wrapped around, and it broke. I scrambled to my feet and pulled out an arrow. Then I noticed something. The warg couldn't be bigger than a Labrador. It was a warg puppy! And he was all alone.
"Awww!" I gushed. I held out my hand for it to sniff. The warg licked my hand and wagged its tail. "You are so ka-ute!" I said happily. I jumped when the warg barked. It sounded like a small lion. I grinned and patted its head. "I wanna give you a name!"
"ROAR!!" the warg said.
"How about... Froo Froo!" The warg growled. "Okay, okay, maybe not. Um... what about Tenor!? That's my dog's name back on Earth!" The warg started to lick himself. "Gross... you don't know where that's been! Oh! I know! How about... Kenny!" He barked and wagged his tail. "Awesome. You shall now and forever more be known as Kenny the Warg! Now, let us go back to the loverly castle and... do something interesting." Kenny barked- er, roared again and started following me back in the direction of the castle.
Kenny started to whine when the palace came into view. "It's okay, Kenny. It's not gonna get you," I told him. He whined some more and tucked his tail between his legs. I picked him up and carried him. "Good god. You must weigh eighty pounds," I huffed.
As I walked through the gates into the courtyard, I saw some elves turn to give me odd looks. A few of the women gasped and hid behind the men. I smiled and said, "Hi everyone!" Yay for bad reputations.
I pushed open one of the huge wooden doors and walked into the entrance hall. The elves in there reacted the same way the others had. I saw someone run forward out of the corner of my eye. I turned and saw that it was Trelan.
"Lothuviel! What in the name of the Valar are you doing with a warg!?" he asked.
"I found him! Is he not the most adorable thing in the world?" Trelan wrinkled his nose in disgust.
"It smells terrible."
"He is not an 'it'. He is a baby. And his name is Kenny." I nodded decisively. "And I shall keep him, because he is an orphan."
"I am not so sure that Legolas and King Thranduil will be as enthusiastic about this as you are," Trelan murmured.
"What is going on in here!?" Speak of the devil. It was the Head Honcho. Mr. Scary Elf. The Big...er, Boot. Thranduil. DundunDUNNN!
"Your highness," Trelan said with a bow. I tried to bow, but toppled over from Kenny's weight. He started to run around chasing his tail (Kenny, not Thranduil. Although that would have been funnier.)
"What is the meaning of this, Lothuviel?" Thranduil said. Hey, I didn't know he knew my name.
"My lord, I found this warg in the woods. He was all alone, and-"
"That is a dangerous animal. I cannot allow you to keep it. It must be disposed of immediately," the king said tersely.
"No!" I cried, grabbing Kenny in a death grip. Thranduil looked taken aback. I guess no one had ever opposed him before.
"You will obey my orders and get rid of that thing IMMEDIATELY!" he shouted. I started to cry as I heard someone else come into the room.
"Father, what are you yelling- oh!" I looked up Legolas came into the room, with Lauren and Morharmaiel following him.
"Oooh, Lothuviel! What've you done now!?" Lauren asked incredulously.
"Where have you been? I looked for an hour for you!" Morharmaiel scolded. I just sat there sobbing.
"Lothuviel... why do you have a warg?" Legolas asked. I looked up at him. He looked extremely pissed off. Um... oops?
"He's just a baby! Completely harmless!" I said as Kenny attacked one of Lauren's feet. She screamed and started running around.
"Aaaah!!! Get it away from me! It's trying to eat me!" she yelled.
"He just thinks that your foot is an animal, which is an easy mistake to make," I said.
Legolas' expression softened a bit. "I am afraid we cannot let you keep him, Lothuviel," he said. I bit my lip as it started to tremble.
"B-but, but... I love him!" I squeaked. Kenny whined and cowered away from everyone in my arms. Legolas turned to Thranduil.
"Father, I do not think that it will hurt anyone. It is just a baby," he said softly.
"No, Legolas. I will not have that thing running through my halls freely," Thranduil said, looking hard at me. I glared back at him and hugged Kenny closer.
"Father, please. Give it a chance." Legolas looked at his dad pleadingly.
"My lord, if you will allow my opinion?" Trelan said suddenly. Thranduil looked at him.
"What is it?"
"Your highness, perhaps if Lothuviel keeps the warg in her own quarters it would not do any damage," Trelan suggested. Oh my god, I love him.
Thranduil pondered this for a minute. "Very well. But if it sets foot outside of your room, Lothuviel, I will have it killed without question. Is that understood?"
I nodded and stood up, a huge grin on my face. "Thank you so much, my lord. I promise nothing will happen."
"Morharmaiel, please escort Lothuviel to her rooms," Legolas said. She nodded and gestured for me to go with her. Trelan and Lauren followed.
We all walked up to my room. I was still carrying Kenny, who was struggling and grunting, trying to let me let him go. "No, Kenny. You are not allowed to run around anymore. You must be a good boy," I told him.
"Yeah, I bet he understood every word of that, too, Lothy," Lauren muttered. Kenny growled at her, and she hid behind Morharmaiel's skirt.
We got to my door, and Lauren let herself in. Morharmaiel just sort of stood there looking between me and Trelan. "You can leave now, Morha," I told her. She gave me a questioning look, then went "Oooooh!" She winked and walked into my room with a grin on her face.
After she was out of ear shot I turned to him. "Thank you so much for standing up for me, Trelan," I said.
Trelan smiled and put a hand on my shoulder. "I could tell that you really cared about... what did you say his name was again?"
"Kenny," I said with a stupid grin.
"Yes. I could tell you cared deeply for him, and I know that your heart is in the right place." Kenny barked and started chewing on Trelan's sleeve. He laughed and gave him a pat on the head. "He is pretty cute, I suppose. But I must leave now. I have some things to do."
"Thank you again," I said as he walked away. He turned around and smiled. "Your welcome."
I walked into my room and shut the door, then put Kenny on the floor. He ran over and immediately attacked a cushion that was on the floor.
This was going to be an interesting experience.
~*~*~*~
Ta da! The newest chapter of "The Adventures of Me, Lothuviel."
(in Monty Python voice) And now for something completely different. The authoress has a few questions.
1) I think the story needs a new title. You guys got any ideas? Put 'em in your review! Don't worry, I'll give you credit.
2) I'm dressing up as a pirate wench for Halloween (hehehe). I have a skirt, a ruffly white shirt, a bandana, fishnet tights, boots, an eyepatch, and eye liner. Am I forgetting anything?
3) I have made my decision, and I don't think I'll make this a Legomance (sigh). But that doesn't mean there won't be any lovin'. ;) I am a sucker for romance.
Okay, I think that's all. See ya guys later!
Much lurve and Leggy,
~*!Laura!*~