Hello again everyone!! I feel like it's been FOREVER since I've written. Even though I just updated on Oct. 25. But oh well. I feel like writing. YAAAAY!! ^__^
And now time for mah favorite part of the story... REVIEW RESPONCES!!! YAY!
Flamingo Feathers: *lip trembles and eyes get big* (squeaky voice) You... don't... like... Kenny? *cries on Legolas' shoulder* How can you not love Kenny!? He ish a cute wittle warg!! But besides that, I'm glad ya like it!
Aboo: *cackles* Yesh. It is I, Laura the Genius! *cough* not... Hmmm, Kenny eating Lenwe... not a bad idea... *grins evilly*
Sugaricing: Yesh, wargses are cute!!! We lovesss them, precious... LOL! In real life, if Lenwe was stalking me (since he is hot, and he is an elf), I would be like, Oooh, keep the compliments comin', Elf Boy! I honestly would not mind the fact that I'd be getting attention from a hottie.
Lolly: You... like Lenwe? Are you feeling well? Hehe, its okay. I like Lenwe too, even if he is a stalker (see above). OMG!!! YOU KILLED KENNY!!! AUGGH!!! Teehee. Yes, Kenny's mom might be a bit of a threat...
Nikkifier: Thanks for the review! Glad you like it so much!
TwinkieFreak: *cries* I would love so much to make it a Legomance, but I can't bring myself to do it! Believe me, I would love to, I really would.
SilverLady04: *screams* KENNY KICKS BOO-TAY!! WOOTAGE!! *does a cheerleader kick* Agh my spine!! .!! Anyways, glad you love this story so much.
Lady booyaka: Yay, another update! I am nearly as excited as you. And no, no Legomance. I sowwy. I would make this story one, but... *sigh* there are just so many out there. *cries* They beat me to it!
Ainu Laire: Yesh, Trelan ish cool. I lurve him to death. But what of the hot elvie twinses? We mustn't forget them, precious... they will be popping up soon. Yay!
Crystyna: Nope, no Leggymance. *cries* Damn the anti-feminism elveses! How dare they take advantage of Morha like that! They must pay! You and I shall sentence them to a two-hour snogging extravaganza!! *cackles* Hmm, ya think I should hook up with Trelan? Hmm... I'll hafta think about it.
Ryu no Hino: *stares at the hypnotizing watch* So pretty... so shiny... Legomance... yes... *snaps out of it* AUGHH!! NO!! Must... resist... temptation... .
ChibiConfettiQueen: *waves enthusiastically* Welcome aboard to both of ye! Arr. Okay, I'll stop that now. Anyhap, yesh, the wargsies are cute!! I love them soooo much! I agree with Alicia. Though I can see Kim's point, because, in my opinion, the wargs almost look like dog-cats... or cat-dogs. Cogs. Dats. Hehehe. Oh yes, and I have read the books, Alicia. Hope you enjoy this chapamater!
Lobo Diablo: *blinks*... 'The Adventures Of Lothuviel, The Stupid Legolas-Obsessed Prat'? Perhaps you didn't mean it this way, but that is a tad bit offensive. Not much. Just a tad. *cough*
*sniff* It brings tears to my eyes to see the dedication of my reviewers. *sobs openly and does huge group hug* I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! *blows nose on Crystyna's shirt* Lmao, j/k X-tyna. ;-D
Oh, and the wench costume was a HUGE success! People actually knew what I was! Wahoo! Hehe. And I think I caught some attention from some guys. Ish. ^__^;; Thanks to all you guys who made suggestions!
One more thing... *gets out random Indianapolis Colts paraphernalia* GO COLTS!!! *waves blue and white flag*
~*~*~*~
"Hell no, Mary sue, you did not just steal my favorite necklace," I said threateningly. Lauren turned around, holding her hands behind her back.
"How dare you accuse me of stealing!" she exclaimed as a large amount of jewelry fell out of her dress. She scowled and started putting it away. Morharmaiel started giggling hysterically from her seat on my bed. Kenny continued massacring the rug that was on the floor. I sighed and tried to pull it out of his mouth.
"You can keep doing that all day but the warg will never let go of the rug," Lauren said, attempting to sound like Johnny Depp (and failing miserably).
"Bite me," I growled as I gave the rug one last tug. Kenny let go, and I did a backwards summersault into the fireplace. No, literally, I went into the fireplace. And got covered in soot. Lauren howled with laughter as Morha pulled me out and Kenny tried to eat the ash off of my dress.
"I think you have a spot on your dress," Morharmaiel said with an innocent grin. I gave her my worst look and stalked over to the wardrobe. "Lothuviel, it is all in your hair also. You might want to bathe," she added.
I sighed. "All right, fine. I will take a bath. But after that, Morharmaiel, you and hobbity girl over there are going to help me give Kenny a bath." The maid wrinkled her nose, but nodded in agreement. Lauren was still laughing about the fireplace incident.
"I will draw your bath," Morharmaiel said. Before I could protest she walked into the bathroom and I could hear the water running.
"You know," I said as she came back out, "you do not have to do all these things for me."
She smiled. "I know, but it is my job. Besides," she added in a low voice, "once I was lucky enough to walk in on Legolas changing."
I grinned widely. "Nuh uh!"
She nodded. "Yes! But unfortunately he had only taken off his shirt." We giggled insanely and she went into the bathroom to stop the water. I followed her. "I will pick out a dress for you," she said as she closed the door. I slipped off the sooty dress and lowered myself into the tub. To my disgust, the water soon had turned a sickly shade of gray. But I dealt with it and quickly finished bathing. Just as I was about to drain the water, I topped. Kenny was already filthy: the water was probably cleaner than he. I decided against drawing clean water, and slipped on a silky robe that was hanging on a peg in the wall.
As I opened the door Lauren came bustling into the bathroom, dragging a reluctant Kenny behind her. "I wanna wash the puppy!" she practically screamed. Kenny howled and tried to get away, but I grabbed him before he could. Morharmaiel closed the door and helped me dunk the yowling warg into the bathtub. The water quickly turned from a sooty gray to a disgusting brown color. "Eww," we all mumbled. Lauren took the soap and started scrubbing it all along Kenny's back and legs. Hairs several inches long started appearing on our arms and around the edge of the tub. Kenny finally stopped howling and instead glared at me. I patted his head and grinned. "At least now you won't be disgustingly smelly," I told him. Morharmaiel laughed and walked over to one of the cabinets.
"Oh dear," she said after rummaging around in them for a minute or two. "You are out of towels. I will go get some from my room." Just as she opened the door, Kenny leapt out of the tub and shot between her legs into my room.
"KENNY!!!" I screamed angrily. Lauren and I ran into my room to help Morha catch him. He was currently rubbing against the bed and darting under it whenever she came close to catching him. Finally the three of us got Kenny trapped under the bed, and Morharmaiel slipped quickly out of the room to get the much-needed towels.
"Laura," Lauren said after a minute or so.
"Yeah?"
"I wanna go home." I stared at her from the other side of the bed.
"Why the hell would you want to go home?!" I asked incredulously, waving my arms around. "It's so much fun here!"
"Pffft! Sure it's fun for you! You have your 'Leggy-baby' to play with, and I have no one!" She looked seriously upset, and for the first time since we had gotten to Middle-Earth, I felt guilty.
"Look, I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. It's just that, well, I get a bit distracted sometimes."
"Just a bit," she muttered dryly.
"I promise I'll start spending more time with you." I walked around the bed and plopped down beside her, giving her a huge hug. "You're mah best-good friend in the whole wide world!" I said, imitating Forrest Gump. Lauren grinned and hugged me back.
Suddenly I heard the door open, and before either Lauren, Morharmaiel or I could react, Kenny had darted out into the hallway. Morha's eyes went wide and she stared. "Oops..."
"KENNY!!!!" I screamed, all panicky. The three of us raced out the door after his retreating form. God, he was fast!
"Oh no, he is headed for the kitchen!" Morharmaiel said nervously. She and I picked up the pace, quickly leaving Lauren behind.
"Hey! Get back here!" I heard her yell in the distance. We both ignored her and rounded a corner. And ran smack into Thranduil.
"Shit," I squeaked.
"Why are the two of you in such a hurry?" he asked calmly, although I could tell he was pissed. He looked me over. "And where are your clothes, Lothuviel?" I looked down and noticed for the first time that the robe that I was wearing was somewhat see-through. I blushed up to the tips of my ears and stared at my feet.
"My lord," Morharmaiel said after a short uncomfortable silence, "we were just going to look for someone to... braid Lothuviel's hair."
"I thought you knew how to do so, Morharmaiel," Thranduil said sternly.
"I-I do, but I am not as good as it as some people," she replied. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.
"Indeed. Lothuviel should probably go get some proper clothes on before gallivanting around the palace," Thranduil said. I felt my face turn hot.
"Yes, well, we will just be going then," Morharmaiel said. And with that she grabbed my arm and dragged me away.
We ended up finding Kenny in the pantry in the kitchen. He had already eaten a good portion of dried meat, and the chef (or whatever he was called) was not exactly pleased. We managed to get out of there alive and went back to my room. Lauren was already there looking at a book.
"I do not think I will go to dinner tonight," I said as I flopped down on the bed.
"Why?" the other two asked.
"Because the cook might poison my food." They laughed, but I was somewhat serious. I wouldn't put it past an elf that chases an innocent warg and his owner around with a meat cleaver.
~*~*~*~
I did end up staying in my room during dinner and the "merry-making" afterwards. I wasn't really hungry, and I was somewhat exhausted from all the action that day.
As I lay in bed stroking Kenny's back and staring at the intricate design on the circular ceiling, I though about what Lauren had said earlier. Maybe she was right; maybe I was being selfish. Then again, she was the one stealing all my jewelry. But I can forgive her. She also stole my favorite pencil in first grade. What?! It had my name on it and everything!
I turned my head and watched out the window as the last rays of light disappeared and the sky turned a dark greenish-blue color. I suddenly had the urge to get sing and dance. I leapt out of bed and started to sing "Get Low" by Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys.
"Hold up," said an unfamiliar voice. I shrieked and looked frantically around my room.
"Who is it?" I whispered.
"My name's Frank." The voice sounded uncannily like Samuel L. Jackson's. Scary.
"Where are you?"
"You can't see me, duh." I could tell that if Frank had a face, he would be rolling his eyes.
I smiled and put a hand on my hip. "Are you my conscious?" I asked.
"Yes, Laura. I know we haven't talked in a while."
"Nope, we haven't. How ya been?"
"Pretty good, actually. And you?" Such a polite disembodied voice.
"Not bad, not bad. Anyways, what do you want? I was just about to do some dancing."
"I, er, wouldn't exactly recommend that."
"Why?"
"Remember what happened the last time you 'danced' to music like that?"
I thought hard. "Oh, you mean at that one party where I was dancing with that hot guy and he-"
I heard a sound like someone slapping their palm against their forehead. "NO! Stupid lil' white kid. I mean here."
I chewed on the inside of my cheek (a very bad habit of mine). "Oooh yeeeah! When Legolas was following me and saw me dancing, which I am sure was a major turn-on for him."
"Uh-huh..." Frank said dryly.
"What's your point?"
Frank heaved a big sigh. "Just take my advice and don't dance, a'ite?"
"Why not?"
"Just don't. Trust me."
"Okay. Well wait. If you're my conscious, then how am I gonna be able to talk to you when there's other people around?"
"You can talk to me inside your head if you wanna, or out loud. No one else can hear me, 'cause I'm your conscious."
"Ah, I see. Hey, Frank?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you God?"
There was a slight pause. "I'm not even gonna answer that. Gotta run, though. Tonight's poker night and all the guys are comin' over."
I raised an eyebrow. "Whatever. Will you come back?"
"A'course I will. I've been here the whole time."
"WHAT?! And you didn't even bother to talk to me until now?"
"I've been going through a very messy break-up."
"Awww, that sucks. Well, have fun at poker!"
"Thanks." I heard a little pop and knew that he was gone.
Wow. I wonder if Middle-Earth is always this messed up.
~*~*~*~
A few days later I decided to go out into the woods with Kenny and Lauren. Morharmaiel had to stay in the palace, though, because she had some meeting with a few of the other maids or something.
We came to a small clearing in the woods and we stopped for a while. Lauren sat on a log and looked at me. "I'm tired," she said.
I raised my eyebrows at her. "We've only been walking for fifteen minutes. How can you be tired?"
"I dunno, but I am." She laid her head down on a knot and closed her eyes. I shook my head and looked at Kenny. "She's lazy," I said to him. He wagged his tail and pawed at my leg. I grinned. "Do you wanna play, big boy?" He barked and tugged on my skirt. "Alright then. Bring it on!" With that he leapt up onto my chest and knocked me to the ground backwards. "Ow... okay you win," I gasped. Just in the last week or so he seemed to have gained twenty pounds.
Kenny cocked his head to the side and gave me a look that seemed to say, "What, that's it? No screaming or yelling for help? Pffft, you bore me."
I looked right back at him. "Oh, so you want me to start screamin' my lungs out, huh?" Kenny growled playfully. "Alright then." I took a deep breath.
"AHHHHHH!!!!!! HELP ME!!! HELP ME!!! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Kenny wagged his tail and started making fake growling and snarling noises. "HELP MEEEEE!!!!!! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A WARG!!!!!"
"Laura, you better stop doin' that," someone said.
"Hey Frank. HEEEEELP!!!!!!"
"Stupid kid, listen! Someone's gonna hear that and think you're really being attacked."
"They must be really dumb then. SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!!!"
"Laura..."
"Dude, Frank, just shut up. AHHHHH!!!!" Kenny howled and snarled at the same time, still wagging his tail insanely. I heard a weird whistling noise, and suddenly he stopped and slumped forward on my chest.
"Aw, shee-it," I heard Frank say.
"What? What hap-" I sat up and looked at Kenny. Then I saw it.
There was an arrow sticking out of Kenny's back.
"I found her!" I heard someone shout. Then I heard running footsteps, and saw someone kneel down next to me. At first I thought it was Lenwe, but no. This guy was WAY hotter. But at that point in time I couldn't have cared less what he looked like.
"Oh my god," I whispered, staring at Kenny's body.
"My lady, are you all right?" the elf asked as he put his hand on my shoulder.
"Oh my god."
"Laura, just breathe," Frank said slowly.
"Oh my god."
"My lady? It is well now, the warg shall not harm you anymore."
"Oh my god." I heard someone else run up behind me.
"Is she all right?" the new voice said..
"I believe she is in shock. Go check on the hobbit laying over there. My lady, you are fine, are you not?"
"Oh my god."
"Laura, chill. Just chill," Frank's voice said.
"Milady, there is no reason to be frightened anymore. The warg is dead, see?" Then he harshly kicked at Kenny's limp form.
And that was the last straw.
I felt the fire burn in my eyes, and I looked at the dark-haired elf with a deadly look. He took his hand off my shoulder and backed off an inch or two.
"Aw shit, she's gonna blow," Frank said, and then the tell-tale pop of his departure.
"OH MY GOD!!!! YOU KILLED KENNY!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!!!" I screamed in his face, then fell down sobbing. I felt someone come up and throw their arms around me, and I knew it was Lauren.
"Oh, Lothuviel! It's okay! It's gonna be okay!" she tried to tell me. I just kept crying
"Perhaps we should get her to the palace quickly, Elrohir," I heard the other elf say. The one that shot Kenny, Elrohir, took my hand and tried to help me up. I snatched my hand away and got up myself. We all walked towards the castle in silence. Well, except for my hysterical wailing.
"Wait! What about Kenny's body?" Lauren asked.
"We shall just leave it there," the elf-that-wasn't Elrohir said.
"No way, man! We can't leave him there! Go back and get him!"
"We cannot do that, little hobbit," Elrohir said. Lauren let go of my hand, spun around, and grabbed his collar.
"Go. Get. The. God. Damned. Body. Right. NOW," she whispered. He gave her a terrified look, nodded, then turned and ran to get Kenny's body.
There was no way in hell that this Elrohir guy was going to live through the night.
~*~*~*~
Yes, it is true. Kenny is gone. And he's not coming back. *wipes away a tear* So sad. But hey, it's nice to add a bit of comic relief to a dramatic situation, right?
*crickets*
Okay, just kidding then... *runs away quickly*
~!Laura!~
P.S. Major thanks are in order to TwinkieFreak! She gave me the idea for the new title! Great idea!