'Allo allo, my lil' dumplings! How have y'all been? Awesome. Sorry I haven't updated in a bit. I've been sort of having a bad few weeks recently, and I sort of wasn't in the mood to write. If I had written, I assure you it would have sucked.
Real quick I wanna respond to a few reviews I've gotten!
Akai Kiniro: *lip trembles* YOU HATE ME??? *wails on Legolas' shoulder* AND YOU HATE TRELAN TOO?! *sobs even harder* I wub Trelan! I love Legolas more, but I still love Trelan! I dunno, maybe I will make it a Legomance eventually... hmmm...
Ainu Laire: :\ You think it's cheesy? . Crap...
Undomiel: *gasps* YOU HAVE A PET WARG TOO!?! Yaaay!!! I would tell you mine's name is Kenny but... uh... Kenny is sort of... dead. But my dog (an Airedale Terrier) sorta looks like a warg. His name is Tenor. Yes. Tenor the Warg. Huzzah!
Avalbane: *beams* I'm so glad you like my stories! But they seem so childish compared to yours! *blushes* Yours are so serious and mine are... not. But ah, thanks so much for reading them!
Lobo Diablo No offense taken. I didn't think you meant it in a mean way. But thanks for your input!
Lolly: OMG! No no no no no!!! I am SO not a better author than you! That is B.S. if I've ever heard it! You are awesome at writing!!! *gets down on knees and worships* We are not worthy… we are not worthy…
Pickle of Doom: ACK!!! Not the look!!! Not my copy written PUPPY EYES OF DOOM!!! *covers eyes, kneels on the ground* NOOOOO!!!
Okay, I think that's everyone... But anyway. Lots of people were like "OMG! I was totally expecting a Legomance! I hate you I hate you I hate you!" (LOL, Akai.) And I KNOW this is the umpty-billionth time I have asked this, but... whaddya want? Lego or no? Hehe, I made a rhyme. I get a cookie.
Also, please everyone read Avalbane's stories. They are so good! She has an excellent Legomance story that I love so much. Please read 'em and give her some reviews! She deserves them!
*with a mouth full of cookie* So, wiffout further ado, here is Ch. 22 of "The Non-Perfect Elf and the Hole-Hating Hobbit"!! *spews crumbs everywhere*
Legolas: That was disgusting.
Your mom is disgusting.
Legolas: Ouch Laura. Ouch.
~*~*~*~
Later that evening Lauren and I quietly sat in my tower bedroom looking out at the beautiful winter night sky over the forest of Mirkwood. The light of the moon glittered off the snow, casting a beautiful yet somewhat spooky glow over my room.
"So is Trelan a good kisser, eh?" Lauren asked suddenly, completely shattering the peaceful mood I had felt. I started to nervously play with the hem on my sleeve and didn't answer. She hooted with laughter. "I'll take that as a yes."
"I never said that!" I said quickly.
"You're blushing," Lauren accused. I glared at her and looked out the window.
"Okay, he is. He does this thing, and he like, nibbles on your bottom lip," I explained.
"Sounds kinky," Lauren muttered.
I thought for a minute. "Yeah, it is pretty kinky," I said with a smirk. Lauren looked at me.
"You lil' hoe!" she accused.
"Shut up! At least I don't wear see-through dresses like Arwench," I said with a disgusted voice.
"Fortunately," Lauren added. I scowled at her, and then we looked out the window in silence for a while longer.
After a while I asked quietly, "Why was Legolas being so PMS-y today?"
"Well, maybe he doesn't just look like a woman..."
"If you complete that thought I will kill you," I growled. Lauren laughed and remained silent for a while.
"To tell the truth, Lar... I think he's jealous," she answered after a minute or so.
"What?!" I exclaimed. Lauren said that she thought he might be jealous because now Trelan would get all my attention. I asked why the heck would he be jealous of not being in the spotlight.
"Well, he is a prince, Lar. He probably just wants to show that he can get yet another woman to completely go ga-ga over him." This seemed like a reasonable explanation, so I left it at that.
After another hour of talking and debating whether or not pantyhose were edible, Lauren made her way back to her own room, and I got ready for bed. I laid down and tried to go to sleep, but I couldn't. I stayed awake for several hours thinking about the day's events.
By about midnight I was getting ticked off. The whole kissy-lovey thing with Trelan wasn't that big of a deal, was it? I turned onto my side so that my back was to the door and I was looking out the window. Tomorrow I'll just tell him that I really do like him, just not that way. I mean, c'mon. It was just one little kiss. With a bit of him nibbling my lip, which was kinda hot. And tongues, which was REALLY hot.. But it didn't mean anything. Yarg, this is gonna be harder than I thought.
Suddenly I heard the door open behind me. I almost sat up, but then decided not to, in case someone was planning on attacking me. Now that I think back on it, that really makes no sense, but I was scared. I knew it wasn't Lauren, because I couldn't hear footsteps, and the breathing was too soft to be her. I instantly became afraid of being raped, and my thoughts jumped to one name.
Lenwe.
"Oh my god oh my god oh my god, Lenwe is gonna rape me!" I thought frantically.
"Chill, Laura. Play it cool, and maybe he'll back off," I heard Frank say.
"Yeah, yeah. Play it cool. Coool and smoooooth," I told myself.
I felt someone sit down on the edge of the bed and begin to stroke my hair softly.
"GAAAA!!!! RAPE!!! RAPE!!!! AAAACK!!! RAPIST!!! GET OFF YOU PERVERT!!!!!"
"*sigh* Way to play it cool, Laura," Frank muttered. I screamed and kicked and flung my arms around, and the person I assumed was Lenwe gasped and jumped away from the bed.
"Lothuviel! Hush! It's me," I heard someone say in a soothing voice. I looked up and saw Trelan leaning over me.
"By the Valar, Trelan, you scared me to death!" I gasped.
"Forgive me. I could not sleep." I stared at him.
"Sooo... why did you come into my room?" I asked slowly. He shuffled his feet and looked at the ground in an embarrassed way. I was shocked. "Trelan, if you are expecting me to sleep with you-!"
"No, no, no!" he said urgently. "I just-" Before he could finish, the door flew open, slammed against the wall, and four people ran in: Morharmaiel, Legolas, and two guards. The guards had arrows drawn and aimed at Trelan.
"Do not shoot!" I shouted. Legolas quickly told the guards to lower their bows in Elvish, then turned to me. "What is going on?" he asked angrily.
"It was a misunderstanding," Trelan explained. "Lothuviel thought I was someone else." I nodded eagerly when Legolas asked if this was what happened.
"Very well," Legolas said shortly as the guards left. He gestured for Trelan to come nearer, then spoke to him in Elvish, softly and angrily. Trelan seemed to be trying to defend himself, but Legolas appeared to have the upper hand. Meanwhile, Morharmaiel came over and talked to me.
"What happened? Did he hurt you in some way?" she asked quietly.
"No! Of course not! He just frightened me," I said quickly.
"Good." She started to get up, then turned back around. "Lothuviel," she whispered, "if he ever hurts you, come tell me or Legolas right away, understand?" I nodded, though a bit puzzled. "All right. Sleep well." She followed Legolas out the door, and Trelan came over and sat on the edge of the bed again.
"Who did you think was in your room?" he demanded. I nervously looked at my hands and picked at my fingernails. "Lothuviel, look at me. Who did you think had come in here?"
"Lenwe," I said, still looking at my hands.
"What!? Why? Has he hurt you? Has he ever forced himself upon you?" he asked angrily.
"No! He just... follows me around sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
I bit my lip. "All right, he follows me all the time. And dances with me. All the time. And flirts with me. All the time."
"Indeed," Trelan muttered. "Lenwe and I shall have a little talk tomorrow. But you must get some rest now, and I should get back to my own room. Sleep well." He gently brushed his lips against mine and walked out of the room, closing the big wooden door softly behind him. I smirked as I cuddled down into my blankets.
I sure hope Lenwe has a good lawyer.
~*~
By the next morning, practically every elf in Mirkwood knew about the whole incident last night. I was so embarrassed, because every time I passed someone in the hall, they would lean over to their friend and whisper, "Did you hear about what happened in that maiden's room last night?" It was like high school all over again, except not quite as bad.
However, Elladan and Elrohir thought that the whole deal was absolutely hysterical. Every time they passed me they would start screaming "RAPE!!! AHH!!" in a high pitched, feminine voice, then dissolve into laughter. I came quite close to slapping them a few times.
Two days later, all the hype had pretty much died down. There had been rumors of orcs planning to attack the elves stationed out in the deeper parts of Mirkwood, and a group of five soldiers went out. It was Lenwe, Tinwe (that one elf that had delivered the letter to me in Rivendell), and three other dudes that I had met but weren't important enough for me to remember their names.
So the Fab Five rode out of the palace and into the woods to check on the guards. All of the elves stood in the courtyard and watched them slowly disappear, then went on with their lives. Trelan and I, meanwhile, stood there for a while. He had an absolutely furious look on his face.
"What is wrong?" I asked.
"I did not get a chance to give Lenwe a piece of my mind," he said angrily. I patted his arm.
"It is all right. You can do that when they return."
"I know, but the sooner it is done, the better." I didn't see how when he chewed Lenwe out made a difference, but I was afraid he would eat me if I argued, so I shut up.
Later that evening Lauren and I were fooling around in the courtyard. Lauren was attempting to beat me climbing the biggest tree, but of course she failed every time. No one else was around. After chewing dear little Mary Sue out for kicking the tree, they all went inside.
"You're cheating!" she yelled from ten feet off the ground. I was sitting high in the top of the tree grinning down.
"Oh yes, Lauren. I forgot to mention that elves have little wings, too. They're fairies," I said, rolling my eyes. She gazed up at me in wonder.
"Really?"
I sighed. "Nevermind." I perked up as I heard galloping hooves outside the wall. "Woo, the elvsies are back!" I shouted as I leaped down the tree. Lauren tumbled off of her branch and chased after me. I looked out of the arched entrance and looked into the woods. I was surprised to see only one horse, and the rider was Lenwe. Damn. He was slumped over strangely. I squinted, then gasped when I realized he had a black arrow sticking out of his left shoulder.
"Oh my god!" I said as his horse came trotting up to me. As soon as his mount had stopped, Lenwe tumbled off and, quite literally, landed on top of me. I ended up in a sitting position, with him in my lap and his head on my shoulder. "Lauren, go get help!" I said as he started to groan. I gagged when I saw the blood oozing out around the arrow shaft. Lauren sprinted inside while I just sat there with an elf on top of me. In any other situation I would have been perfectly fine with this, but for one thing, it was Lenwe. For another, he was bleeding all over me.
Lenwe started to moan again, his eyes clenched closed. "C'mon, Lenwe, don't go to sleep," I said, shaking him slightly.
"Nuuung."
…Nung?
"Tell me what happened," I said softly.
"Orcs…attacked…"
"I could have told you that," I said. "How?" But just then a bunch of people came flying out the door, Legolas, Lauren, and Trelan in the lead. Legolas looked shocked, Lauren looked excited, and Trelan looked just plain pissed off. I glanced at the elf in my lap, then at him, grinning innocently. This was going to be hard to explain…
"What happened?!" Legolas asked as he and Elrohir helped pick Lenwe up off of me. Trelan grabbed my hand and pulled me up as well.
"I do not know exactly. All he said was that orcs attacked them," I explained as I followed them back inside. We all went down a long hallway and came to a small room with several beds, which I guessed was the healing place thingy. They laid Lenwe down on the bed, and several healers came rushing in as well. Trelan led me out of the room as everyone left and closed the door behind us. Legolas turned to us, a serious look on his face.
"What do you suggest we do, Trelan? It is your decision," he said.
"We do not know what has happened out in the forest, therefore we must send more troops out. If they could not stop the orcs out there, then as far as we know the orcs are making their way here as we speak." I looked at them both, wondering what would happen.
Legolas nodded once. "Very well. Ready your men. We shall leave as soon as possible." He spun around and started to walk away quickly.
"You are going out there?" I asked quietly.
"Yes."
"Can I come?" I batted my eyelashes at him.
"You know you cannot, Lothuviel," Trelan answered.
"Please?"
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "No. What if you were to get hurt, or if you were to be captured? What would we do then?"
"You would be very, very sad?" He chuckled and kissed the top of my head, much to my annoyance. I had spent forever doing my hair that morning.
"I would indeed. I must go prepare now." He smiled and followed the same path as Legolas. I stood there, my arms crossed in annoyance.
"I still wanna go," I muttered.
"Lothuviel!" I looked over my shoulder and saw Morharmaiel approaching. "There you are! Have you heard?"
"Yes, I have. I was the one who found Lenwe," I told her.
"My goodness! Is he alright?" she exclaimed, putting her hand to her chest.
"I do not know. But Trelan is preparing to leave to go fight, along with Legolas and the other soldiers."
"I see. Well, we must be getting ready as well," she said, grabbing my hand.
"What do you mean?"
"It is customary for all of the women to see the soldiers off."
"Oh." We raced to the hall, grabbed our cloaks, then flew out the doors, just in time to see the elves mounting their horses. All of the female elves were standing around looking worried, and a few were crying. Some were hugging the men. However, most were flocked around Legolas, who looked somewhat overwhelmed. I saw Trelan and walked over to him. He was adjusting his horse's bridle.
"Trelan?" He turned around and smiled.
"Yes?"
"Be... be careful." I gave him a hug and he looked at me expectantly, a smile on his face. Morharmaiel came up and murmured to me out of the corner of her mouth.
"You must give him a favor," she hissed. I had no idea what that meant. "Your handkerchief!" I dug through the pocket of my cloak and handed him the clean white, lacy handkerchief. He bowed, kissed my hand, then mounted his horse. Legolas looked down at Morharmaiel and I without saying a word. Then he yelled to the rest of the soldiers to follow him, and the large group of them galloped out the arched entryway. There was a hollow feeling in my stomach.
I had a really bad feeling about this.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Whew! FINALLY I updated!! I know, the chapter is kinda short and kinda corny, but hey, an update's an update! Be happy with what you have, or you can shove it up your butt. ^___^
Also, I'm planning on starting a new POTC fic. I don't much like the one I've got posted, and I'm planning on taking it down. The new one is going to be much more original, though not as funny as some of my other stories.
Talk to y'all later! Don't forget to review!
Much lurve,
~*!Laura!*~