Disclaimer: All Harry Potter people, places, and things, (all Harry Potter nouns) belong to J. K. Rowlings. (This story takes place during Harry's sixth year.)
Chapter 2: The elephant in the living room.
Over the next three weeks, relations between Albus and Minerva seemed normal and unchanged. They met to discuss issues, regarded each other with the usual politeness, and played chess late into the night. But all of that was only on the surface. Deep down into the carefully chiseled layers of emotion she had built for herself, she knew her resolve could not last indefinitely.
She had to pause while grading essays because the tears had blurred her vision. I despise this. We pretend as if nothing happened, but how can I really go back to the way things were, knowing that he could never feel the same way for me as I do for him? He let me go without hardly listening to me, she lamented.
The realization that Voldemort was breathing down their necks did not help the situation. Remus had been called back to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts and was instructed to train the children in countering he worst curses imaginable. Voldemort had begun seeking out and systematically killing people again, leaving the Headmaster and Headmistress to explain recent developments to some of the children who had lost family members.
Rolanda Hooch, the flying instructor, walked into Minerva's classroom, hoping only to chat, until she noticed that Minerva had been crying. "Min what's wrong?" she inquired.
Minerva glanced up at her and tried hastily to wipe her eyes. Then she stood and faced the other woman. "Nothing is wrong. My allergies are acting up. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to return to my marking."
The flying instructor shook her head. "You do not have allergies! Min, I've known you too long for you to hide things from me. We're going for a walk," she stated, taking Minerva's hand and dragging her along.
Rolanda did not speak again until the two were outside near the Quidditch Pitch. "Now that I've gotten you out of your classroom, you are going to tell me what is going on."
Nodding slowly, Minerva sighed heavily. "The worst thing in the world is to see a child's face when I have to tell them that someone they love is dead. I absolutely hate it. I also hate the fact that I feel left out of all the important information regarding the Order because they don't want to see me hurt again."
"They care about you, Min. Families protect each other," Rolanda reminded.
"I know that. You-Know-Who's shadow has been looming over us and nobody knows when, where, or how they will strike. There is an upcoming battle that we are all preparing for, but we never mention it, as if not saying anything will mean that nothing will happen. And the thing I hate the most is the fact that nobody talks about it," she expressed.
Rolanda nodded. "I think I understand. It's like an expression I heard about an elephant-"
"Ro, I'm not in the mood for jokes," Minerva interrupted cynically.
"No, this isn't a joke. If you mention an elephant in the living room, you are referring to an issue that is very present that people purposely won't talk about," she explained.
Minerva understood more clearly what had just been said than Rolanda would ever know. She thought back to her recent meetings with Albus. We've both avoided talking about that night and resolving the implications of it, pretending. It seems as though I'm collecting elephants these days, she thought to herself.
Rolanda noticed her friend's reverie. "Min, is there something else that's bothering you?" the spiky-haired witch inquired.
The other woman shook her head. "I'm fine Ro. I should go back to marking."
She nodded and hugged her friend before they parted. "I hope you know you can always talk to me, Min. I think Poppy and Albus have said the same."
At the mention of Albus, Rolanda noticed an odd expression pass over Minerva's face, but only for a second. The two went their separate ways and Rolanda hoped that Minerva would be able to face whatever she had not been willing to talk about. Minerva returned to her marking and tried to forget everything for a while as she focused on grading essays.
Minerva continued to keep to herself more than usual, but only three people noticed. Poppy's keen eyes noticed everyone's activities. Rolanda and Albus both noticed because Minerva was a good friend. Toward the end of November, Minerva and Albus were playing a game of chess on Saturday morning.
Albus was thinking about breakfast. "They are serving pecan waffles today. I am looking forward to pouring syrup on them and having a nice cup of cocoa on the side."
As Minerva imagined the meal, she suddenly felt an unfamiliar gag reaction in her throat. "Excuse me," she said quickly as she left the game and dashed off toward the bathroom.
Albus raised a concerned eyebrow as she sat down. "Are you alright, my dear?"
She nodded hastily. "Yes, of course. I just had a touch of indigestion."
"But you haven't eaten anything," he reminded.
"I suppose you're right. I don't really know why I'm not feeling as well as I should be," she admitted.
"Perhaps you should visit the infirmary," he suggested.
She shook her head. "I don't have time for that and I wouldn't want to distract Poppy from someone who actually needs help."
He reached out and took her hand in his. Then he smiled kindly. "You really ought to put more value on yourself than that, my dear. You scared a great many of us when you were at St. Mungo's. I am glad to see you without your cane, but there may be a few residual affects of he stunners that you have not considered, Tabby."
She blushed at his use of her old nickname given when she first became an animagus. "I will be fine," she said, trying to reassure him.
"As you wish, my dear," he stated as they resumed their chess game.
She beat him and stood to leave. "I feel I should be going."
Before she reached the door, her cat senses caused her to turn around, figuring that he was standing behind her. In a gesture of tenderness that surprised her, he pulled her into a warm embrace. "Tabby, you forget how well I know you. If something is bothering you, I will help you if I can. You are my best friend and I can tell when something is upsetting you, even without probing your thoughts, which I would only do with permission."
"Albus, I really need to go," she said, squirming out of his embrace and dashing down the hall.
She did not stop her speedy retreat until she was safely in her own rooms again. Sinking down in her favourite chair, she let herself cry again. How she hated not being able to tell him the one thing that bothered her more than Voldemort. In the midst of crying, she also came to the unfortunate conclusion that she was still sick and had to resume her retching. Finally able to steady herself, she realized that the remainder of the school year looked complicated and lonely.
Transfiguration class was the only place in which she felt she could be herself. Teaching was always something she had thoroughly enjoyed. However, something she could not identify had continued to interrupt her day. In the earlier hours of the morning, she would have to leave notes for them to copy and excuse herself due to a nausea that puzzled her. The only thing she knew for certain was that it was not the flu.
November passed quickly and before she realized it the decorations were being put up for Christmas and the winter holiday would arrive soon. She had managed to avoid speaking to Albus about anything regarding her personal life and things had not been too terribly uncomfortable. Then she would see herself in the mirror and the strain on her face the charade was putting on her.
She volunteered to help decorate and had managed to hang the garland in the Great Hall, deciding to do things the muggle way so she would have some sense of accomplishment. The problem was that she had to stand on a muggle ladder and because she did not feel well, she did not have her usual cat-like balance. Attempting to grasp anything as the ladder began to teeter back and fourth, her foot suddenly slipped off the step.
(my thanks to Lady Jolly, Quill of Minerva, Kidarock, Leta McGotor, esb, TartanLioness, Always Hopeful, Lady Urquentha, and Angeldust-aka-Evilwoman for reviewing :D)