Told you I wasn't dead. I am quite alive, I'm pretty sure. (checks pulse, looks at flub on her tummy) Oh yes, I am alive. Teehee. This chapter will be very short, since I whipped it up around 9:15 at night. But hey, it's been four months since I last updated, and I figure that a small update is better than none, eh? (I haven't updated in so long, in fact, that I forgot the characters' names! LMAO.) Fabulous. On to the chapter!

The next day, Morha (a.k.a. Nicole) took me to meet the other Mary Sues: Abby, Beth, and Katie. She told me that their identities had to be kept a secret, and that if I were to ever come across them, that I shouldn't run up and start talking.

So off we marched, down the stairs. Then down another set of stairs. And another.

"Uh, Nicole? Where the hell are we going?" I asked, feeling rather confused.

"We can't be caught talking to each other about regular Earth, so we have a secret meeting place." She opened up a heavy wooden door. By now we were deep underground, probably somewhere around the dungeons.

"Well this is cheerful," I muttered.

"Shhh." I followed her in, and found myself in another room. This one was circular, and was full of doors. Nicole walked to one that was on our left, and knocked twice. A squeaking noise replied, and Nicole chirped. I stared. "It's our way of letting each other know who it is," she clarified. I nodded, although I didn't really understand. Nicole opened the door, and gestured for me to go through.

The room was small, about the size of a walk-in closet. The only light came from a lone candle sitting on an upturned crate. And around it, three full-grown elf maidens sat on cushions. Each of them were very pretty, although I couldn't help noticing that their faces all looked the same as mine. And, come to think of it, so did Nicole's. Huh. Generic Mary Sues.

All of them leapt up when they saw me with alarmed looks on their faces. "Nicky, who's this?" the one with red hair shrieked, giving me a hard look. "You know we don't allow real elves here!"

"Chill, Bethy, she's cool. She's an MS too," Nicole assured her.

"Prove it," the one with black hair said darkly.

"Fine. Laura?"

"Yes'm?" I answered.

"Answer this Abby's question." Abby, the one with dark hair, stood up and put her face inches away from my own.

"What is the capital of Timbuktu?" she said quickly. I stared at her.

"Do you even know the answer to that? Besides, I thought Timbuktu was a city," I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"…No. Good point. Okay, who is Antonio Banderas?"

"He's an actor. He was in 'The Mask of Zorro' along with Catherine Zeta-Jones and Anthony Hopkins," I said triumphantly.

"Impressive," said the third girl. She had long, wavy blonde hair that put my own to shame. She stuck out her hand for me to shake, and said with a grin, "My name's Katie. Welcome to S.M.U.S.S."

"Smuss?" I asked.

"Super Mega Uber Slut Society," Abby clarified.

"The elite class of Mary Sues here in Mirkwood," Beth added. I laughed.

"See, I told you they were awesome," Nicole added.

"Indeed."

For the next hour, Katie, Abby, and Beth told about themselves. Each of them lived in a town called Wheaton in Illinois: they had been "zapped" to Middle Earth by doing a spell they found in a Wicca book. They had been best friends in Illinois, and continued to be here in Mirkwood.

"Oh, forgot someone," Abby said. She lifted up the crate, nearly knocking over the candle, and pulled out a whisk with a picture of Dominic Monaghan on it. "This is Tham the Whithk," she said. I furrowed my brow.

"Tham?"

"As in Sam, but with a gay lisp," Katie clarified. I nodded, not really comprehending.

"That's… cool…" I trailed off as Beth pulled out the front of her dress and looked down it. "Um… what are you doing?" I asked.

"Wha- oh, sorry!" She giggled as she reached down her dress. I looked away quickly, but then turned back when I heard a beeping noise. "I keep my digital watch in here. That way no one will find it."

"Except when you had that little… trist with Mordil," Abby muttered.

"Oh Lord, that was bad," Nicole groaned with a smirk. "See, Beth here got a little, ah, 'friendly' with one of the elves here-"

"He was really hot!" Beth argued.

"-and Mordil proceeded to feel her up and find her watch," Nicole finished.

"So what did you do?" I asked, extremely interested.

"I told him that a wizard had given it to me, and that it was a magic charm to keep away orcs," Beth snorted. I laughed along with everyone. Abby grabbed Beth's watch and looked at it.

"Eh, it's almost one o'clock. I'm craving some lunch, how about you all?" Everyone nodded in agreement. Nicole got up and opened the door and ushered us through. I bowed to her, then walked through the door—right into someone.

"Oh pardon-" I began, then stopped. Legolas, Lenwe, and Trelan were all standing outside the door with looks of horror on their faces.

"Oh, fuck."

(insert dramatic music here) CLIFFHANGER!!!

Lurve,

Laura