Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The characters belong to GH and the song Come Home Soon belongs to SHeDAISY

Summary: Set after the August 18th episode. What if the so called "reunion" didn't end at the Penthouse?

Come Home Soon:

I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed

How could I have been so stupid? To think that I could actually medicate my pain with sex. Sex with Jax, of all people. I'm just glad he stopped it before I could truly regret it. Letting out a sigh, I notice a bag of groceries sitting on the corner of the kitchen counter. I know my dad dropped them off. Making a mental note to thank him, I began to place each item in the hard cherry wood cabinets of my tiny kitchen. I'm thankful for the distraction, but know it's a fleeting sense of usefulness.

The day and it's events are on my mind as I slide into the cool empty bed. The sheets are still rumpled from the momentary glitch with Jax, but for some reason it doesn't bother me as much as it should. My thoughts are centered around my daughter. My sweet baby girl that never had a chance. Our sweet baby girl. I refuse to cry, because lord knows that I've done enough of that today. The tears may be kept at bay, but the images scattered throughout my brain are not.

I used to imagine our life filled with family, love and happiness. You would be a great father and I would be a great mother and our children would be well…great. We would have the perfect family with the perfect marriage. It's corny, I know, but that's why it's a dream. Of course, you're still going to be a great father but coupled with a so-so mother. I mean let's face it, I saw how uncomfortable Sam seemed with Morgan.

I jump when a screaming siren whizzes past my building. The blue and red multicolored lights shine briefly through my window, just long enough for me to take in the emptiness of it. I momentarily wonder if the PCPD is coming for you or Sonny, but we both know that you wouldn't jeopardize your freedom today. No not today of all days.

I don't know what you're doin'
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin' on that same
bright star
I wonder. I pray

Carly is probably back from her daytime excursion, which means that you're no longer watching Morgan. I wonder what you're doing instead. Lounging on the couch with Sam? God, the name alone makes me sick. I know that it shouldn't, but it does. She has everything I wanted and doesn't even deserve it. I'm not one to call people out, but it's hard to provide sympathy to a woman who has done nothing but whine and bitch since the day I met her.

The thought of the petite brunette makes my blood boil and I can do nothing but begin to pace the area around my bed. The floor feels cool under my bare feet and it helps calm me. It's funny how little things can have that affect over a person. I remember when you once told that the night sky always kept you steady. The stars and long bike rides were your keys to calmness. As if on cue, my eyes flick outward to the inky black sky that's littered with thousands of tiny yellow lights.

The sky doesn't help me at all. All it does is remind me of how you left. How I left. Because sadly, I am not the same woman you married or even fell in love with. That girl died a long time ago and is slowly being replaced with bitterness and jadedness. I don't want to be the person that I am now. I want to believe in love and everything that comes along with it. I don't want to have to pretend to happy. I just want to be happy. Is that so wrong?

I ball my hands into fist and clench so tight that my knuckles are quickly turning white. It's a knee-jerk reaction for when I'm upset. My mom once told me that it looks like I'm trying to fight away all the emotions and at this point I wish I could. I wish I could kick box all the pain, regret, and self loathing away.

A bright twinkle catches my eye. It feels like the small glimmer of light is mocking me; reminding me of times when wishing on a star was enough. But it's not enough and hasn't been for years now. Still unable to stop myself, I close my eyes and offer up one solitary hope.

And I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard living here on my own
So please, come home soon
(Come home soon)
I know that we're together.
Even though we're far apart
And I'll wear our luck penny around my neck
Pressed to my heart

I open my eyes and let my gaze drift over to the unoccupied bed. Wishes don't come true, I remind myself. Because if they did then you would be here as well as our daughter, but once again it's just me alone.

I let my fingertips wander along the soft white sheet as my mind reverts back. We had some good times in this bed. Your side remains untouched because even in my unconscious state I can never bring myself to take up the left side. As silly as it sounds, I know that once someone else lies in that area (even if it's me) than we are over. Every other reminder of you in the loft is gone but that still haunts me.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, I can never thank Jax enough for stopping our love making. I can only imagine the guilt I would feel waking up next to him instead of you. How sad is that? I would rather stay alone than let someone else take your spot. Do you even feel the same way about me? If you ever sleep with Sam are you going to let her have the right side? Are you going to tell her all the things you told me about love and neediness? Are you going to have long heartfelt conversations with her? You're torturing yourself, my mind screams, but I find myself unable to stop. Are you going to hold her like you held me? Keep her safe from her immature fear of thunder and lightening?

This needs to stop, I order myself. I chose to live in solitude, it doesn't mean that you have to do the same. But I wish you would. I like Jax, I really do, but not the way I love you. With Jax there is no meaningful silences or quiet understandings. No, with Jax there's endless chatter and fluff. I deserve that, right? After everything I've been through in the last two years, I deserve a little light-hearted fluff. I know that, but I still can't figure out how to enjoy it. Why do I enjoy wallowing in misery by myself more than being out on the town with a hunky Australian?

Maybe because when I'm in the loft, I know that I'm not alone. I know that you are here because I can feel it. I even trick myself into believing that when I open up the door you're going to be here waiting. Waiting, like you always said you would. The moon catches the glint of gold sitting on my nightstand. I don't even have to wonder what it is. I grab hold of the object and take a good look at it as I try to remember all the good times that came with it. I took out the chain with our ring on it this morning. In my disarrayed state, I must have forgotten to put it back. I let the cold chain dangle on my index finger and watch as the simple ring twirls through the air. It represents so much more than just our marriage. It represented our love to one another. In a fit of frustration, I find myself throwing it across the room. The soft ding signals it's landing and I am tempted to go and pick it up once again, but instead I force myself into to bed.

I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance

I remember when you used to hold me in your arms. Sometimes I would slip through your grasp in my fitful slumber, but they were always around me when I woke up in the morning. I wonder if you even realized you were doing it. Or was it just force of habit? I don't wake up in anyone's embrace anymore and I'm not sure if I even want to. There have been times when Jax would fall asleep and his arms would be around me, but they were always gone in the morning.

I'm not going to fight for you any longer. No, those days are long gone. I can't promise that I won't wait, though. I'll wait because there is nothing more I can do. I can't move on, that's obvious. When I think that I have reached some huge turning point, a day like this comes along. When we were at the docks, it was like you knew how to comfort me without saying a word. I'll forever be grateful for that, because I don't know what I would have done if I had to go through this day alone.

I don't know what is worst, missing you or knowing that no matter how long I wait you may never return? Sure, we we'll always be connected in someway or another, but what if you never really become mine again?

I sleep alone
I cry alone
Without you this house is not a home
So please, come home soon

My breath hitches when I hear click through the darkness. It's unmistakably a key turning in the lock. Not knowing what else to do I reach for the first object that is within my grasp. A clock? I'm going to defend myself with an alarm clock? It too late to switch because I hear the squeak of hinges. I slide out of bed as quietly as possible and slither out towards the parlor.

"Get the hell out!" I scream trying desperately to calm the trembling in my voice. I see a long arm reach out and do my best not to running and hide under my bed. The light flicks on and I'm shocked at what I see before me. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just making sure you were alright," Jason answers innocently, but he's avoiding making eye contact. He looks worn out and I know that he's been out most of the night.

"At 3 a.m.?" I try to sound annoyed when in actuality I've never been happier to see him. He shrugs his shoulders in response and I see a smile light up his face when he takes in my defensive demeanor.

"You were going to attack me with an alarm clock?" His tone is amused and I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks as I drop the object onto the nearby couch.

"It's was the first thing I grabbed." I explain trying to hide my embarrassment. "Why are you here?" I watch him shift uncomfortably. He peers up and I find myself caught in his deep blue eyes. All the reasons are suddenly clear without a word. He needs me tonight like I need him. Whether it all works out in the morning is irrelevant.

"I'm sorry…" he whispers and is met with a nod. I grab his hand and lead him into the bedroom.

I walk alone
I try alone
I'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon

I wake up the next morning with a set of strong arms around me and the left side of the bed occupied.

Come home soon
Come home soon

A/N: What did you think? I'm working on a few other stories right now, but after watching the reunion episode I just had to post this.

Nicole: I am working on a short for One of these Days, but I am sort of having a mental block. I'll hopefully have it out within the next week or so. Just didn't want you to think I forgot.