Disclaimer: I own nothing. The song Over and Over belongs to Tim McGraw and Nelly. The characters belong to GH.
A/N: Set a few months ago, right around the beginning of the bet and Sam's whole pregnancy angle. We're going to pretend that Sam's child is Jax, but she's still living with Jason. I know that wouldn't really happen, but oh well.
Summary: I can't go on not loving you.
Over and Over 1/1:
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I cant keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it, I can't shake it no
Jason Morgan entered Kelly's to be greeted with the sweet aroma of fresh brewed coffee. Sure, he could make coffee at his own home, but then Sam would probably claw his eyes out and that really wasn't something he wanted to endure at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning. So, in order to appease his pregnant roommate he walked the short trek to Kelly's, where at least he could enjoy his caffeine fix in peace.
He took a seat at the corner table, which had been deemed his "spot" long ago. A small smile grazed his lips as he remembered when Courtney still worked at Kelly's and would make "reserved" signs and place them on the center of the table to make sure that everyone knew that it was off limits. She once asked him why he like that table so much and he made some lame excuse of wanting to be as far away from the other diners as possible. But the truth was that he knew that the table landed in her section. He knew that without fail when he sat there, she would wait on him. He felt his heart tug slightly when he pictured her greeting him with a huge smile and placing his order in front of him without even asking him what he wanted. She didn't need to ask because she always knew what he needed and put it before anything else.
"Coffee, black two sugars." Courtney placed the steaming mug in front of him right on cue. He was kind of surprised to see her with an apron on over her olive green business suit.
"What are you doing here?" He grinned slightly.
"My dad caught a little cold. I'm covering until Penny gets here." She explained but her statement somewhat tapered off as her sapphire eyes settled on the entrance. Jason followed her gaze and watched as Jasper Jacks entered with a cocky smile. "Let me know if you need anything else, ok?" Jason felt a pang in his heart as he watched his ex wife go to greet her boyfriend or whatever Jax was to her.
It shouldn't hurt. No, he should be happy that she's moved on. What really bothered him was that Jax was giving her things that he only dreamed of. When they first got together, he had all these ideas planned out. He was going to make sure that Courtney had the life she always wanted and deserved. She was going to have her "happily ever after" and he was going to be the one to give it to her. What had happened? How had he managed to completely destroy everything that he was trying to build? How could he have let everything go to hell and not give a second thought as to what it was doing to her both mentally and physically? Somewhere along the line he let his ideals cloud reality and that's when things really started to go down hill.
I can't wait to see you
Wanna see if you still got that look in your eye
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we gotta spend our time being mad about the same things (over and over again) about the same things (over and over again)
"You okay?" He noticed the flustered look upon her face when she stalked over to refill his coffee.
"I'm fine," she replied tightly as she let her eyes wander across the diner to a red-face Jax who was shooting daggers at her.
"Are you sure?" He prodded obviously uncomfortable with the look of animosity in the Australian's eyes. "Do you want me to talk to him or something?"
"Yeah, because I'm sure that he's definitely going to want to hear what you have to say." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Because not only do you hate each other, but your also my ex husband, which may I add is the source of our problem right now. God, do you ever think about the shit you do and the consequences it has on other people?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Jason kept his volume low, but that did not sway Courtney to do the same.
"How could you let Sam move in with you? How could you not tell me first?"
"She had nowhere else to go," he answered logically, which only elicited more rage from his counterpart.
"She could have gone to Jax. You know, the father of that baby she's carrying. To think I actually defended you…" She spat out in disgust.
"Why does this even concern you?" His tone came out more venomous than he intended and watched as she flinched slightly. "I'm just trying to help her out, Courtney. There nothing more there." He placed a comforting hand on hers but she quickly pulled away.
"Yeah, because your so good at that. I forgot that it was your job to save every damsel in distress that this town has to offer. I mean you did it for me." She spat out forcing back tears.
"That was different…" He tried, but watched as she shook her head in response.
"Not that different, Jase."
Oohhh but I think she's leaving
Oohhh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
Can't go on not loving you
He watched as she sauntered away just as the quiet ding of the bell above the door signaled Penny's arrival. It didn't take Courtney long to high tail it out of the over crowded diner, leaving himself as well as Jax behind in the fray. Should I go after her? Explain that I'm just trying to right the wrongs I committed against her. He was just about out of his seat when a large Australian in an expensive suit blocked his path. He looked Jax up and down before trying to move pass. To no avail, as the other man refused to budge.
"What do you want?" Jason asked already knowing full well the answer.
"I want you to stay away from the mother of my child."
"Funny, because that's the same thing she wants from you." He laughed in a serious manner. "I was just trying to help. Whatever spat you two are going through right now is none of my business, but you need to decide what you want. And once you figure that out, you and Sam need to learn how to act like adults for the sake of that child."
He didn't wait for a response, instead bolted out of the diner in hopes of catching his ex wife. There seemed to be little hope of that as the street was bare except for occasional wanderer, but not one that even somewhat resembled Courtney. Letting out a sigh, he crossed the street to the Port Charles Park. Another opportunity to fix the rift between them had come and gone. She consumed his thoughts lately. He wasn't quite sure why the feelings all of a sudden arose in such full force, but he kind of appreciated it. He liked wanting her, feigning for her.
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that you would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keeps playing in my head (over and over again) play in my head (over and over again)
He stopped by the edge of the small pond in the middle of the park. Courtney's face was vividly emblazoned on his mind with the same look of sadness that she had sported when their marriage ended. Tears clouding her normally bright eyes as she begged him to reconsider until she finally realized that he wasn't going to budge on the issue. The next time he saw with her head held high looking him directly in the eyes was probably the coldest he had ever felt. It was like she turned off her feelings for him within a few hours. There was no more crying or pleading on her part. No, she was done and he couldn't really blame her.
She had given him opportunities to stop the inevitable. She was willing to turn a blind eye to his career if it met that they could continue on with their marriage. She was willing to give up her morals for him, but somehow that didn't suffice. He didn't want her to leave him, but at the same time didn't want her to stay. It was a double-edged sword. It was either give her up for the greater good or let her give into a person she was never meant to be.
All he had to do was admit that he was wrong. Agree to that fact that she was just trying to help him. But could he? Of course not, because after all Jason Morgan is never wrong. What's even sicker is that he actually convinced himself that it was true. He was always in the right and everyone else was just too stupid to realize it. Look what he gave up on for that false sense of reality. He lost the love of his life and everything he dreamed of. Was it really worth it?
Now that I realize that I'm goin' down from all this pain you've put me through
Every time I close my eyes, I like it down, oohhh, I can't go on not loving you
Courtney wandered along the soft green grass that blanketed Port Charles Park. What had just happened? For some indistinct reason when Jax told her that Sam and Jason were living together, she just snapped. Disgust mixed with hurt ran through her veins as she tried to think of all the reasonable possibilities why. There had to be an excuse. There was no way Jason would let her stay with him. But once again, she was wrong. At one time she knew him. Now everything he did was a mystery to her. What bothered her was how badly she wanted to solve each and every one of them.
She wanted to know everything about him again, even if it would inflict more pain onto her. In some sick way she liked the pain that he instilled in her. It made her feel alive and strong, but at the same time dead and weakened. It was strange how one person can build you up and tear you done within a few moments. What's stranger is that she adored it. The misery he put her through only served to make her fall deeper in love.
Was she mentally deranged? Probably, what other excuse could there be. Why was he constantly in her brain, reminding her how much she loved and needed him. Would it ever get any better? Would there ever come a day when she could curl up in his arms once again and feel safe and fulfilled? Or had she already ruined that? Had she already dashed all the chances they may have had? One thing was for sure, she could never live with herself if she didn't at least try and fix what they had. There couldn't be anymore walking away, it was something they had to deal with face to face.
As if on cue, her eyes fell on the back of his head. He stood a few meters away; she could feel the butterflies begin to rise in her stomach. He had yet to notice her and she recognized it as a blessing in disguise. Not today, she couldn't do it today. Instead, she slunk back in the opposite direction praying that some day she would have the courage to say all the thoughts that were consistently flying around her head.
Over and over again
Over and over again
Cause it's all in my head
A/N: I'm not really sure how I feel about this one. I just really love the song and wanted to right a peice for it. I've done a few too many happy endings and decided that I need to do an angst peice for a change. Also, big thank you to Nicole for the review of my last installment. I really appreciated all the kind words. Reviews are always welcomed.