Every wolf needs a moon
By Talia-Rose
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter so don't sue me. This story is set during the Marauders time at Hogwarts. I'm sorry that the story is skipping through a lot of their final year of school but I wanted to focus on Sonya's change. On another note, I received word on the 13th of this month that I have been accepted into law school!!!!!!! YAY! The university term starts sometime in February with orientation week starting on the 14th. This means that once this story is up and finished, it may be a while before I post the sequel because I have to work really hard for the next four/five years at uni as a full time student in order to do my honors degree and join the Diplomatic Service.
Chapter Sixteen: Pushing him away.
Remus glanced up at the sound of someone standing. He noticed the upset look on Sonya's face as she headed away from the table and towards the library exist. Exchanging looks with Lily and James, he also rose and headed after her.
"Sonya?" He caught up to her and walked along side.
She sniffled, "It's happening again Remus. I need to go out and have a run or a fly or whatever. I just need to get out."
"But Sonya, you've got to fight this. If you give in every time your gift tells you that you need to change, you're going to follow in your predecessors' footsteps."
"Don't you mean claw steps? Great Aunt Belinda was a raven for most of her life." Sonya snapped angrily at him. "I don't know why you're so worried since I have told you what could stop it."
Rolling his eyes, Remus grabbed her arm and forced her to turn to face him. "I told you last time we talked about this, I will not have anything to do with such a foolhardy plan. Werewolf or not, I won't do that to you…. You mean to much to me."
"I mean so much to you that you'd rather stand by and watch me go insane? That's really great Remus, I love you to. If you were in this predicament, I'd be doing everything that I could to save you."
Sirius came into sight not far from them. He was standing at the bend in the corridor, looking stunned to see Sonya facing Remus in such a way that it appeared as if she was about to hit him. Pressing himself back against the wall, he watched them without saying a word because he didn't want to get in the way.
"Sonya, calm yourself! You know that wasn't what I meant. What I meant was that I didn't want to be the one responsible for doing something like that. I think I'm scared that I would hurt you. You've got to understand that I can't control myself when I'm a werewolf." He growled at her.
Pulling her arm out of his grip, Sonya took a step back. "I understand all to well Remus Lupin! Do you realize that it's getting to the point where I can't control myself when I'm in an Animagus form?"
"Sonya…."
"No Remus! The other day I snuck out and went for a run as a wolf. I came across a rabbit and I chased it down. Do you know what was the only thing that stopped me from killing it was? A centaur came across me and knew instantly what was going on. He helped me."
"Sonya…."
"How do you think I feel, knowing that there is a possible cure to this but I can't have it because the one person on this planet I truly care about refuses to help? You could save me from madness Remus, if only you believed in yourself." She shook her head at him. "But you won't. You won't believe in yourself and you won't even consider trying to save me."
He bit his bottom lip and crossed his arms. "I don't believe this Sonya, I really don't. You're acting all crazy when you read exactly what I read in that accursed diary. Your great aunt Belinda wrote that only those werewolves and Vampires in your family who were born with the gift avoided this curse. She wrote that those who tried to become werewolves or Vampires after it had started normally fell to it even faster and in a more dangerous way. Do you want that? Because I certainly don't want to know that I helped the degeneration of your sanity come about quicker."
"We don't know if that will happen Remus! How can we know? Belinda only discovered that by asking portraits and by looking into family records. My father didn't suffer this and he was gifted… though not quite as strongly as I am." She hissed at him angrily.
"You told me yourself that his mother was a werewolf! Wouldn't that mean that he had a slight advantage over you?"
Sirius cringed at the expression that had appeared on Sonya's face. She looked just about ready to kill Remus with her bare hands and render him unrecognizable. Clenching her hands into fight fists, Sonya took a deep breath and let it out again.
"Sonya, you've got to understand that we're playing a game against time. Lily and James are helping me to look up any possible leads as to a potion or a charm or a spell that might help you suppress your gift and it's curse." Remus took a step towards her. "But you've got to help yourself as well. Try to keep your emotions as calm as you can and you mustn't give in to your gift. Changing is a bad thing at the moment because the more you change, the faster it will come on you."
She closed her eyes for a moment in an attempt to push the strange desire that had come upon her. 'Why is it that I want desperately to tear him apart with my hands? Is it the wolf in me? I love him but I can't let it get to the point where I'll hurt him. He's better off living with a broken heart than living with a woman who might turn on him at any point and kill him. I can't do this. I have to push him away.' "Remus, I can't do this. The closer you get to me, the more danger you are in. I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to kill you but if I can't control this…. I'm afraid Remus, I don't want to hurt anyone."
Remus put his hands on her arms and stared into her tear filled blue eyes, "Believe in us Sonya because I won't let you hurt anyone. I'd kill you myself before it got to that point. The last thing I want to see is you losing the plot to such an extent that that would happen. But you've got to understand that I know exactly how you feel."
Her mind snapped again and she tore away from him. "You don't understand Remus! You only have to deal with that side of yourself once a month! This is with me always! Every second of every minute of every hour of every day and it will be with me for the rest of my accursed life! Now I understand why the Family has always tried to keep me locked away under their surveillance. They're scared of this, of what will happen and what I'll become. At least great aunt Belinda was only a raven! I'm a wolf Remus. The wolf rules me."
"Sonya."
"Don't bother Remus because there is nothing that you could say or do to make me feel any differently. We can't ever be together Remus because imagine what would result from such a union! Nathan was right, there is no way that our relationship could ever work out." Sonya spun on her heels and stormed off.
Staring after her, Remus felt a sense of terror descend on him. "Sirius…. You've got to go after her Sirius. You can stop her from hurting anyone because I can't."
"Remus, I'm sorry. You probably didn't want anyone to see that." Sirius stepped out from against the wall.
"At least you know what we're up against. There's only this term left before the end of the school year and I'm scared for her. Sonya's not coping at all well with this doom that Dumbledore was foolish enough to tell her about."
Sirius ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "It was important that he told her but he could have waited until the end of the year. He could have seen what would happen by letting her know so early."
"Just go and find her before anything happens Padfoot. I'm relying on you to make sure she's safe and that she doesn't harm anyone… I know that you love her as much as I do." Remus whispered the last line, not wanting Sirius to hear him admit that.
"Sometimes I bet you wish that werewolves didn't have to depend on the full moon. You could sure do with your change right now." He muttered as he raced off down the corridor, hoping to catch up with Sonya before anything happened.
He followed her outside but lost sight of her near Hagrid's hut. Walking slowly towards the hut, Sirius fully expected to see her in her wolf form leaping out at him. Going around the side of the hut, Sirius came face to face with a distraught Hagrid.
"Did you see that Sirius Black?" He muttered, trembling in fright.
"See what Hagrid? What did you see?"
"Sonya Delcot. She came racing around here a few minutes ago and pushed me out of the way. Ran right into the forest and as she did so, well, she changed into a wolf."
Freezing, he bit his bottom lip and looked Hagrid squarely in the eye. "Hagrid, you must not tell anyone about what you saw. Sonya is going through a tough time at the moment and she's a little temperamental. Before you say anything, yes, she is an Animagus and Dumbledore is aware of it."
Hagrid nodded slowly. "Where's that Remus boy? She's always telling me about him when she comes down to talk to me and I would have thought that he'd be the one running after her. Such a lovely girl Sonya is; knows just as much about animals as I do. If I'm not careful, I'll be out of a job."
"They just had one huge fight and I think that they may have broken up. Remus told me to go after her… I'm a faster runner. Please don't tell anyone that I'm following her into the Forbidden Forest but I'm worried that she might get hurt."
"Nothing in there is going to attack a wolf but you can follow her if you want. Not out by dark and I'll come in there after you because there's plenty that would attack a human."
Heading towards the forest, Sirius smiled faintly. 'Who said I was going after her as a human? I intend to catch her and make sure that she's exhausted when she goes back into the castle so that she won't be able to do any harm. If I didn't know that those dreams she'd been having were related to this, I would gladly welcome them back because they left her so drained that she walked around like a zombie for most of the day.' "I'll make sure I'm extra careful and I do have my wand with me so I'm not totally defenseless."
Once he was sure that he was far enough out of sight, Sirius took a deep breath and changed into his Animagus form. As a dog, he was able to pick up Sonya's rich scent and quickly raced off, following it. He stopped short, some half an hour later when he realized that the scent had disappeared completely. Sniffing around, Sirius looked for any sign of her having gone beyond this point but he couldn't find any. The only clue was the fact that her scents were mingled around the small area… like she had stopped and changed back into her human form for a moment. Remus had told him that she could change into numerous animals but none of them – with the exception of Remus – had ever seen her in any other Animagus form other than the wolf.
Suddenly a large bird dropped out of the sky with its beak open and talons held out at the ready. Sirius yelped loudly when it landed on his back and instantly rolled, catching the bird beneath him. Getting up again, he turned to face the eagle and realized that it was Sonya from the fearful expression in its eyes. Circling her, Sirius wondered how he was going to wear out an eagle.
Eyeing the dog wearily, the eagle folded its wings – though Sirius noted that it was favoring the left one as if it was hurt – and snapped her beak. The next thing that Sirius noted was the large talons that the bird possessed and he suddenly wondered at the wisdom of picking a fight with such a creature. He might be a large dog but the bird had more defensive equipment than he had… not including the large, powerful wings.
Just as quickly, Sonya transformed from an eagle to her human form and back into her wolf form. It was as if she wanted to fight him fairly and on his own terms. Snarling, Sirius leapt at her in a quick attempt to gain the upper paw in the fight. He wanted it over and done with quickly and without too much damage done to the either of them. However, Sonya seemed to have the exact opposite idea and she fought with all teeth and claws flying.
But Sirius was thinking as clearly as he could which was more than he could say of Sonya. She seemed to be letting all of her anger and her terror control her – something that allowed the large black dog to gain the upper hand. Pinning her to the ground beneath him, he snarled in her face.
She changed back and lay beneath him, panting from the exertion. Following her example, Sirius also transformed and returned to his human form. He was bleeding from several cuts and there was blood dripping into his left eye from a slash caused by her teeth. However, Sonya was holding her left arm as if it was seriously hurt and when he pulled her hand away, Sirius saw that the bone looked like it was broken.
"Why do you have to be such a stupid girl sometimes Sonya?" He asked, pulling out his wand.
Madam Pomfrey had; under Professor Dumbledore's instructions; taught Sirius, Lily, James and Remus several quick healing spells that would fix broken bones and minor cuts. Peter had asked them repeatedly why he wasn't allowed to learn but they wouldn't tell him why they were learning them. Recently though, Peter had often been called away from school because his mother was ill and Sonya regarded him with suspicion. She'd never liked him and made sure that he was kept out of anything to do with her gift.
While he healed her arm and both of their cuts, Sonya said nothing. Her eyes were closed and her breathing shallow. Straddling her, Sirius studied her face and wondered what it was about her that had made him fall in love. He knew that she was Remus' girl and he would probably always think of her in that way but he was in love with her as well. It was an impossible situation and he didn't like being caught in it. Remus was one of his best friends and he refused to do anything that would destroy that carefully wrought friendship.
"Have you got anything to say about your actions Sonya?" He held her wrists tightly in his hands, hoping that if she decided to try and have another fight he would be able to stop her.
She opened her eyes and Sirius was startled to see the amusement in their blue depths. "You're right Sirius Black, I am a stupid girl and I always will be. The Family was always right to fear me because I'm an animal controlled by animal urges. I'll never be anything but that."
"You're not an animal Sonya and you're being ridiculous if you think that you are. Remus would never fall in love with a stupid animal and neither would I."
"I realized a while ago that you were in love with me Sirius. You should fall out of love with me before it's too late and I turn on you like I just turned on Remus." Sonya murmured quietly.
Sirius decided to do something that he probably would never get the change to attempt again. He kissed her. "I'm not going to give up hope Sonya and neither is Remus. You are to special."
Her eyes went wide and a feeling of sadness descended on her. "Sirius, I'm glad that you're not going to give up hope. I think I need all the help I can get and all the love to."
"Between Remus and me, you'll get all the love you need." He kissed her again. "Remus can be your intellectual love and I'll be your physical lover."
"I can't do that to Remus… he'd never forgive me. Love me from afar Sirius because you could never have me. No one will ever have me at this rate considering how quickly everything is changing." She whispered, turning her head away from him.
He looked at her sadly, "If that is what you think then shouldn't you take the chance when it's offered to you? If there isn't long left for you then shouldn't you at least try it once?"
His words struck home and Sonya turned her face back towards him. "You're right Sirius, I might not have this chance again."
"I'm glad you changed your mind." His lips met hers in a hungry kiss.
"Be gentle with me Sirius."