Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The characters belong to GH and the song Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas belongs to Leanne Rhimes. Atleast the version I'm using does. I'm sure there are many people who have sang it before her.

A/N: So I couldn't let the holiday season come and go without a Journey Christmas fic. I decided to do the classic HaveYourself a Merry Little Christmas,because it's probably my favorite Christmas carol, ever.

Summary: What if Courtney wasn't as happy as she made everyone believe? Is there anyone that can bring some holiday cheer into this poor girl's life?

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 1/1:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight

Courtney watched as Jax exited the now empty diner. Promises of stopping by his apartment on her way home would be left unfulfilled. She would rather spend the holiday by herself wallowing in spiked eggnog. She had told her father that she would close up so he could go visit with his grandsons on Christmas Eve. She would see Michael and Morgan tomorrow instead of tonight, because he would be there tonight. Jason always spent Christmas Eve at the Corinthos' Penthouse and while she wouldn't mind seeing him, she would rather not see the petite brunette that would undoubtedly be draped on his arm.

They both moved on, but how come it hurt so much to see him with someone else? How come when she woke in the morning she prayed for his arms around her instead of Jax's? All these question with no answers were beginning to frustrate her. She should love Jax. He treated her like a queen, always making sure that every one of her needs were fulfilled. Jason was no slouch, either. Even when they weren't getting along he kept her safe and made her feel content.

Her stomach began to churn; there she goes again comparing the two. Why she felt the overwhelming need to dissect everything her new boyfriend did and place it side by side with what her ex husband would have done was enough to boggle the mind. And somehow, Jason always won out in the end. Courtney had long since realized that no matter how amazing Jax was, he was never going to replace her ex husband. In her mind, Jason would always do things a little better. Hell to be perfectly honest, she would drop Jax in a heart beat if she could get things back to the way they were with Jason.

However, things would never revert back. It's a fact of life that you can't travel back in time, but that didn't stop her from living in the past. It was unhealthy, to say the least, but a hard habit to shake. Her marriage was a disaster, but a beautiful one at that. Sometimes the pain and worry were unbearable, but life without it is almost as bad. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much in effort to force everyone to believe that she was happy. In reality, she had never been more miserable in her life. Her best friend and brother's marriage was in shambles. She was using her boyfriend, because the horror of being alone was too much for her to handle. And finally, the one man who she thought would always be there was to wrapped up in his new girlfriend to notice how badly she needed him.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on, our troubles will be far away

Her eyes lifted up and rested on the large window at the front of Kelly's. Snow had began to fall lightly adding a little more atmosphere tothe holiday decorations that the community of Port Charles had put up long before Thanksgiving had even come. A smile rested on her lips as soft notes being sung by carolers drifted into the diner. Christmas used to be her favorite time of the year. Even growing up when money was sparse and the only Christmas tree in her and Janine's apartment was a tiny fake evergreen that rested on the coffee table. It was never about the presents for her, it was the satisfaction of being around her family and the love that transcended between them. When she moved to Port Charles, Christmases with Sonny, Carly and Jason were not exactly traditional, but they always felt right.

Except of course for last year. December 25th, 2003 just happened to fall right in the middle of her divorce. The holiday seemed a little less magical, but wasn't completely void of love.

Jason: I don't know. But I just -- you know, I wanted to wish you a merry Christmas.

Courtney: Merry Christmas.

Jason: Merry Christmas.

The scene at the docks played through her mind, as she wondered why she didn't stop him right then and there. If she knew then what she knew now, there was no way that she would have let him leave. If only she had realized that ache in her heart would never cease, but only get stronger as the months rolled on. She heard the bell ring above the door signaling someone was entering the diner. She silently cursed herself for forgetting to lock up.

"I'm sorry, but the diner is closed," she informed to patron without bothering to turn around. She waited for the bell to ring again, but was slightly worried when it didn't. She spun around to find herself face to face with the last person she wanted to see.

Here were are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more

"Hi Courtney," Sam's uneasy voice drifted through the air.

"Like I said a moment ago: We're closed." The blonde's tone came out harsh and seemed to catch the other woman off guard.

"I know, but I promise that this won't take long…"

"What do you want, Sam? I saw you with Jason earlier. There's no need to rub it in my face." Courtney explained in annoyance.

"That's not why I'm here." The petite brunette shuffled across the diner until she was within arms reach of the other woman. Courtney tapped her foot impatiently as she watched the other woman rifle through the pocket of her black parka. "This fell out of Jason's pocket today. I thought that maybe you should be the one to give it back to him." The simple gold band rested in the center of Sam's shaky palm as she offered it to the other woman.

"I think deep down I knew that I would always play second best to you in his heart. I thought that I could be okay with that. But I refuse to be the reason why Jason remains unhappy. I love him enough to know that he deserves better and hopefully you will realize that as well." She placed the ring on the counter before leaving.

Courtney could feel her head begin to spin as she examined the wedding band. It was definitely the one that she had given to him a few years before, but what did it mean? She grasped it in her hand, hoping that if she held on to it tight enough everything would become clear. The one thing that she wanted finally seemed within reach, but was she brave enough to grab it? Could she really handle the pain of possibly losing him, again?

Through the years we all will be together
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

The city of Port Charles looked beautiful lit up by multicolored lights. She had left the diner in a slight daze trying to decide exactly how to handle the situation that had literally been placed in her hands. The bitter cold bit through the thin material of her sweater. In her haste, she had forgotten her coat at Kelly's. Not that it mattered, because she had long since become numb to everything around her. The snow and wind were just minor annoyances to her.

Courtney strolled right past Harborview Towers; she wasn't ready to go in there, yet. What would she say to him? "So I hear you're still carrying around your wedding ring. What does that mean exactly? Oh yeah by the way, Merry Christmas." That hardly seemed like the right icebreaker. So instead she continued her walk through the streets of Port Charles, stopping every so often to take in the festivities of kids running around happily in the snow.

She made it to the docks just as the storm began to pick up. She should go home, but found herself unable to move. Instead she became mesmerized by the falling flakes that pounded the harbor water with such fury before melting into nothing. It was like they were fighting so hard not to give into what they knew was inevitable.

Funny how you can find metaphors without even looking for them. All the energy she and Jason used to push each other away, but neither could ever really walk away. Maybe deep down, they both knew that somehow someway things would always come full circle. Suddenly everything became lucid in her mind. There were obstacles they had to overcome in order to complete the journey. It was why she could never fully give herself to Jax and why he still kept his wedding ring close. They were never meant to get over one another. It was faith's cruel way of forcing them to realize how badly they need each other.

Courtney spun around on her heel, off to find Jason and inform him of her epiphany. She took one step before crashing hard into the chest of another person. She could feel the cool leather against her cheek and let a smile tug her lips. Only one man would wear a leather jacket in the middle of a blizzard and that man was the love of her life.

Here were are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more

"Thank God. I've been looking everywhere for you," Jason informed her as he reached down to help his ex wife to her feet."You have?"

"Yeah. We took a vote and it was unanimous, you're spending Christmas at Sonny's." He replied with a smile. She returned the grin and tried in vain to stop her teeth from chattering. "Where is your coat?"

"I forgot it," she answered and watched as he slid off his. "No I'm okay." There was no use arguing because he had already placed the jacket around her shoulders, holding it tight for good measure.

"How do you forget a jacket in a snow storm?"

"I had other things on my mind."

"Like what?" He asked as he guided her towards the car. Courtney bit on her bottom lip lightly trying to discern the best way to ease into the conversation. Maybe there was no easy way and Jason's eyes peering at her wasn't exactly conducive to her thinking process. She opened up her hand to reveal the band that she had been holding onto for most of the night.

"Sam asked me to return this to you," she whispered.

"How did Sam get a hold of my wedding ring?"

"She said it fell out of your pocket," the blonde answered and watched as his hand slid across hers, snatching the piece of metal in the process. She did her best ignore the tingle that the slight touch ignited. "Jason?"

"Yeah?" He avoided her gaze. Her petite hand grabbed hold of his arm and forced him around. Her blue eyes begged him for answers that he wasn't quite ready to give.

"Why do you carry around our wedding ring?" A sigh escaped his lips, but there was no verbal response. "Jase, I think I deserve an answer."

"I don't have one to give you." His tone was tight and she flinched. "I wish I knew why I feel safer when I have this with me. I wish I knew why I'm not ready to let go, yet. But I don't."

"It's okay." She assured him.

"What's okay?"

"It's okay to say that you still love me."

"No it's not," his voice rose. "I don't like the way I make you feel, Courtney. I saw the hurt in your eyes when we were together and I don't want to put it back there."

"Alive," she said slowly.

"What?"

"That's how you make me feel, Jason. Alive." He opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to the punch. "I don't care about the past anymore. You can have your career and me at the same time. I just don't want to spend anymore time apart." Tears coated her cherry-red cheeks. She waited for him to say something, anything, but he stayed tight-lipped. "Did you hear a word I just said?" He nodded. "Then could you please offer a response? Possibly let me know if you are even any where near to feeling that way about me?"

His lips crushed on to hers and for a second she was caught off guard. It didn't take long for her to give into his touch and let herself collapse in his arms. When they pulled apart she let her fingers graze along his swollen lips.

"I still love you," his voice was husky and brought tears to her eyes.

"I still love you," she returned as the snow swirled around them.

"Courtney?"

"Yeah?"

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Jason."

Through the years we all will be together
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

A/N: Cheesy? Probably, but it is a christmas story. Let me know what you think