Every wolf needs a moon
By Talia-Rose
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter so don't sue me. This story is set during the Marauders time at Hogwarts. I'm sorry that the story is skipping through a lot of their final year of school but I wanted to focus on Sonya's change. Almost at the end of this part of the story. So terrible sorry that it's taking a while to update but uni is keeping me busy.
Chapter Eighteen: Saying goodbye.
"I'm actually amazed that I passed anything at all considering what an awful year it has been for me." Sonya took a seat between James and Remus at the long Gryffindor table in the great hall. "However, Lily here passed everything with flying colors. I don't doubt that she's the best of our year."
Lily grinned at her friend and leant over James to murmur. "You got the top NEWTS for transfiguration though. I didn't beat you in that."
It was the last night that they would be together at Hogwarts. Their exams had come, gone and finished completely. And for a short span of time, Sonya's curse seemed to have lifted from her. She hadn't said anything to them but it didn't matter to her anymore. They didn't know it but tomorrow morning, they would wake up and she would be gone.
Professor Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat, drawing the attention of everyone towards him. "This year has been one of the longest years that I have had the pleasure of living through and while many of you wouldn't have realized it, this year has also been one of the hardest. It has been a year of joy and happiness for most but it has also been a year of heartbreak and sorrow. We have had a new group of students settle down into their routine and we have a group of students who have completed their schooling and who will be leaving Hogwarts tomorrow to face the world outside. Many of them will never see each other again while others with firm friendship, will be close for the rest of their lives. But this is not a time to reflect on what will be, it is a time to enjoy ourselves and to laugh at what has been. So, dig in and remember that friendship is the most important thing in the world!"
Clapping his hands, Dumbledore sat down as the food appeared on the tables and all over the hall, the sound of people eating was the loudest thing that could be heard. Peter chuckled, nudging Sirius to look at James and Lily. They were feeding each other small pieces of food in an entirely soppy way.
"He plans to propose to her tonight I think." Sirius whispered in Peter's ear. "I hope she doesn't shout at him too loudly. Some of us want to get some sleep tonight."
Glancing at her friends, Sonya felt tears welling up in her eyes and she shook her head. 'I'll never have what they do. Even if this damn curse wasn't hanging over my head, I'd never be able to have a relationship like that. Now that I know about it, I don't think I'd want to condemn my children to the same fate as the one I'm going to face. Unfortunately, there isn't much I can do about that. Dumbledore said I couldn't stop fate.' She sighed and snuck a look down the table at where Sirius and Peter were having races to see who could eat the fastest. 'I'm a fool. A stupid, blond fool who acted stupidly and condemned herself to something she wasn't ready for.'
"Are you feeling all right Wolfie?" Remus asked her, his tone unusually tender.
She blinked at him in surprise since he hadn't called her Wolfie since before their fight. "I'm feeling a little faint and really tired. The stress and shock from the exams has finally hit me I guess. After all, I was barely holding myself together by a string during the exams."
Kissing her cheek, the young man smiled faintly. "You've been coping rather well for someone who's decided that her doom is just around the corner. What brought about the change and how long is it going to last?"
'By my guesses, it'll last for another year and eight months give or take a few weeks.' "Wouldn't have a clue. Professor Dumbledore said that this strange calm was something that happened to Belinda every now and again towards the end."
"Well we'll just have to make the best of the time we have together before you're lost. Would you like to travel around Europe with me Sonya?" He asked her, turning around on the bench so that he was facing her.
Sonya closed her eyes to think before she replied. "I can't make any decisions yet about anything like that. My mind keeps telling me that it would be best if I returned to my home in Romania: the home that I inherited from my parents and the one which I grew up in. It's my dream to open a safe house for werewolves and other creatures who are being persecuted by the Ministry of Magic… but mainly werewolves."
He grinned at the thought. "I can just imagine you doing something like that Wolfie. Sounds like fun through and it certainly sounds like something that Lily would do."
"Well I've got enough relatives who happen to be werewolves that I thought that a little werewolf welfare would be well in order for someone like me." Her plate of food remained untouched – she simply had no appetite.
After an hour and a half of having to endure such happy company when tomorrow she knew that they would probably hate her. The moment that Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall rose from the staff table, Sonya held a hand to her head and groaned.
"What's the matter Sonya?" James looked concerned, squinting his eyes at her.
She rose from her seat, "I feel a migraine coming on. Might just go back to the dormitories and go to sleep. See you all in the morning."
"I'll come with you!" Remus rose up and followed her out of the great hall like a loyal dog.
A pang of guilt struck her heart again and she hated herself for having to do what she was going to have to do. When they reached the painting of the Fat Lady, Sonya let Remus tell her the password and went in after him. The common room was totally deserted and Remus pulled her over to a couch. They sat down and he held both of her hands in his, gazing at her intently.
"Sonya, I want you to be perfectly honest with me about what I'm about to ask you. Do you love me?"
"Remus, you know that I do. But this is not the time to be having this conversation." The guilt was becoming unbearable. 'Don't do this to me Remus! I don't want to hurt you more than I must and if you press too much, I'll end up telling you everything. Please just let me do this my way.'
Remus frowned at her. "Why isn't this the time to be having this conversation Sonya? If not now, then when?"
"Tomorrow when my head isn't killing me. I need to sleep right now Remus; I need to get rid of this migraine before it gets too bad. Let me kiss you goodnight and we'll talk tomorrow." She rose from her sitting position and kissed him gently before walking over to the stairs that lead up to the girls' dormitories.
He got up and followed her, stopping her from going up the stairs. They stood on the bottom step, holding each other for a moment before Remus spoke. "I do love you Sonya, even when you're being a bitch to everyone. You mean so much to me and I'd hate it if I ever lost you without a really good reason. Please promise me you'll never leave."
Sonya pressed up against him, kissing his lips with all the love and passion that she could muster. She kissed him like she'd never kissed anyone before and like she would never kiss again. In that one kiss, she took her final farewell though he did not know it. "I love you to Remus and I'll always be there." She tapped his chest. "Even when you think that I'm not. Can you tell all the others that I love them to? I'm feeling kind of soppy at the moment and I want them to know that I love them."
Watching her walk up the stairs, Remus couldn't help but wonder if she knew that something was going to happen. "Goodnight Wolfie! See you in the morning."
She stopped and glanced back down at him sadly before continuing on. 'That was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. I hope that nothing like that is ever asked of me again because I don't think I would have the heart to do it twice.'
Throwing herself down on her bed, Sonya pulled the drapes closed so that no one would be able to see her sleeping. Drifting off, she wasn't aware when the others drifted in. However, she was woken up by Professor McGonagall shaking her gently.
"Shhh. Professor Dumbledore is waiting for you. Are you ready to go?" She asked, helping Sonya to make her bed and gather the last of her things.
"I'm as ready as I will ever be." Sonya pulled out a thick sealed letter and left it on her pillow. It was addressed to 'Remus, Lily, Sirius and James' and contained her farewells and her love. "You know, I hate having to do this. I just wish I could have told them goodbye to their faces. Remus will hate me forever."
Minerva smiled sadly and followed Sonya out of the dorms and down the stairs to the common room where Dumbledore was waiting for them. "He won't hate you forever for leaving Sonya. Remus Lupin is smart enough to know that this is for the best. Hate you he might for a while, he'll forgive you one day."
Snorting back laughter, Sonya shook her head. "Believe me, he'll hate me forever because he loves me. I know that if I were in his position, I'd hate me to. But I love him and I can't let him find out about all this. The betrayal would kill him and he would hate Sirius even more than me."
"It's time to go Sonya. Are you ready?" Dumbledore studied her over. "Try not to think about what you are doing and it will not hurt so much."
Nodding in response, she remained silent because she knew that if she said anything she would burst out in tears. McGonagall also nodded to the Headmaster and he took her response to mean that they could leave.
"Now my dear Fat Lady, you cannot tell anyone what has happened here. It is very, very important because no one must ever find out what happened to Sonya." He gave the woman in the painting a knowing look.
The Fat Lady squeaked and nodded. "Of course Headmaster. I'll say nothing. She just disappeared and I saw nothing. In fact, I might go visit another painting."
They went through the painting hole in the wall and Sonya blinked back tears. This was it. She was leaving her life behind for a fate that she didn't even want.
"I can't." The words had left her mouth before she knew what she was saying.
"You can't what Sonya?"
Professor McGonagall came to a stop beside her and placed a hand on her arm. "Think about what you are doing Sonya. You must go into hiding in a safe place."
"I can't. Remus deserves to know what is happening. The guilt…."
"Sonya, think about this. If you go back in there and find Remus so that you can tell him everything, you'll be destroying his life and yours as well. Everything will go all right if they believe that you have run away with your tail between your legs to face a doom that you ace resigned yourself to. But if Remus finds out that you were silly enough to betray his love with his best friend, he'll kill himself." Dumbledore snapped at her uncharacteristically. He was annoyed that she was suddenly getting cold feet.
Her head flew up and she narrowed her tear filled blue eyes at him. "Would he really kill himself if he knew about this? Why did all this have to happen? Why couldn't I have just been born a normal girl with out this damned gift?"
"Because everything happens for a reason Sonya. What you must deal with is what you have inside you and I don't want either of you to come to harm. All that I am asking of you, all you have to do is live with this guilt and with this situation until the child is a year old and then you can do whatever you feel is best."
The two women glared at him and Dumbledore held up his hands. "Forgive me if that sounded a little harsh but your child will carry on the Delcot line and I promised Belinda that I would do what I could to ensure that."
"So it would seem." Sonya sighed, resigning herself to what must be.
Lily rolled over and noticed that the drapes around Sonya's bed had been drawn back and tied. Sitting up, she stretched and looked around in thought. It was unusual for her friend to get up before her but she had had an early night and she was probably excited about leaving.
Getting out of bed, she suddenly realized that all of Sonya's things were gone and that there was a letter resting on her pillow. Racing over, Lily snatched it up and recognized Sonya's handwriting on the front. It was addressed to her, Sirius, Remus and James.
"Oh no! This cannot be happening! She can't be gone!" Lily whispered in shock and raced out of the dormitory, taking the stairs two at a time.
"Lily!" Remus was at the bottom and he leapt up off a couch when he saw her slip down the last few steps. "What ever is the matter?"
"Sonya…." She mumbled. "Sonya's gone."
He froze and almost dropped her. "Sonya's gone? How could she be gone? She can't be gone! That's impossible! She can't be gone!"
James and Sirius trudged down the stairs, totally unaware that all hell was about to break loose. The first thing that caught their attention were the tears running down Lily's cheeks and the pale look of shock on Remus' face.
"Lily! Why are you crying? What's wrong?" James woke up all of a sudden and rushed to her side.
Sirius noticed the letter that was grasped in her hand. Snatching it from her, he saw what she saw – Sonya's neat handwriting on the envelope addressing whatever was with-in to himself, Remus, Lily and James. "What's this Lily? That's Sonya's handwriting. Where is Sonya?"
Snatching it from his friend, Remus ripped it open and took out the letter. He scanned what was written there before reading it out. "My dearest friends, I hope that this letter finds you all well on the morning that you leave Hogwarts to face the big wide world. My father once said to me that the worst thing that could happen to one is to face the world unprepared. By Merlin, you four are more than prepared to face the world and all it's evils. Lily, I wish to the stars above that I could be at your wedding and do not deny it, I know that you and James are planning to marry; but fate has put a path in my way that means that I'll never be able to share your happy moments. James, you were a good friend and I hope that you will give Lily all the love that she deserves. As for you Padfoot, please forgive me though I don't deserve it. I never meant for you to fall in love with me. That was Remus' fate. And you Remus believe me when I say that I meant everything I said to you. My heart will never belong to anyone else, Remus, I love you and I will always love you. Even more than anyone else, I know that you will not forgive me for leaving like this with out explaining anything but you will also know that this is the way it had to be. I'd ask you to forgive me Remus my love but I'm beyond forgiveness from you… I can just hope and I can just pray, that you will get over me one day and learn to love again. For a moment in time Remus, you were my star but every wolf needs a moon and I cannot run from mine anymore. I love all of you so very much that writing this has torn my heart apart. Never forget that I love you and that I would not have left like this if there had been any other way. Please believe me, I love you all and especially you Remus. You would have been my whole life and we would have had those children we talked about. Love you all forever, Sonya."
"She's gone…." Sirius whispered.
"There are four more letters. I think that they are individual ones for each of us." The werewolf bit his bottom lip.
"We should tell Professor Dumbledore." Lily said.
The door to the common room opened and the Headmaster walked in, his blue eyes gazing sadly at the group of graduated seventh years. "Tell me what Miss Evans?"
James muttered, "Sonya has gone. She's just disappeared with all of her things."
"Ah yes, I've been expecting that. She admitted to me that she didn't think she would be able to face the world knowing that at any moment, she could turn. I don't think that Sonya wanted to hurt any of you and she saw this as the best way to manage things." He shook his head. "Oh don't worry, I'm sure she'll be somewhere quite safe. Never forget that she is a Delcot and they are a tough breed."
Crumbling the letter in his fist, Remus turned and ran back up to the boys' dormitories with tears in his eyes.
"She said to say sorry Remus Lupin." Dumbledore whispered so that none of them could hear him.